Woman I met on tinder has some absolutely bizarre sexual behavior.

[Jimmy ape]

So I matched with this girl about 10 days ago and everything was ok. Shes slightly thicker than what I normally like but still good. She seems normal, intelligent, and conservative, except in the bed.

The first time I took my pants down, she got this huge smile on her face and screamed at me to "SHOVE IT IN DEEP" and then a few days later told me she wants me to "PUT IT IN", 'NO LUBE, NOT EVEN A COURTESY SPIT". 

Its just immature and she talks like a porn star, but otherwise comes off as completely normal and respectable.

I honestly don't know what to make of it all, it would be almost funny if it wasn't just out of this world level weirdness.

I don't know if I should say anything, I don;t want to spoil our sex life as I do enjoy having sex with her.

[yogacat]

Maybe she thinks she has to act like a porn star to be sexy?

Ugh, how do you even tell someone something like this without hurting their feelings? And, is it even your place to do so (unless of course we're talking about consent or boundaries)?

It sounds like the sex is already spoiled if you find it immature and strange.

If you're going to say something, you might start by talking about what turns you on and why.

It's fine not to find something a turn-on. You're still plenty thrown off by her sex talk. In all likelihood, suggest that you both broaden your palates when it comes to conversation.

If she is comfortable telling you to take your clothes off and shove your manliness inside her, perhaps she won't mind your saying that while you understand she's into dirty talk, you find some of what's being asked for . . .a bit strong. (Maybe don't even use the phrase 'porn star.' It sounds judgmental. This way, any 'I statements' you share are more about your preferences than trying to change her).

[Batya33]

You don't have a "sex life" with someone you just met but you might be tied for life if you impregnate her or have a lifelong STD as a memory.  She gets turned on by talking dirty I guess. If you don't then you can tell her that but if she's comfortable doing that with someone she just met it's probably her MO, her thing so take it or leave it.  

[Morello]

I think you're both just sexually incompatible.

[Floatingaround]

She sounds like she just likes dirty talk, im all for it , personally I don't have an issue with it.

 

Some girls are just complete opposite in bed to how they are normally are when not in the heat of the moment.

 

Different strokes , you could potentially address it with her.

[Tinydance]

Well I wouldn't necessarily call it weird but I'd call it dirty talk. I'm not really finding the content of what she actually said weird, it's just sex stuff. Like, "shove it in me" isn't actually weird. Just dirty and crude in my opinion. If you don't like the dirty talk, you could just tell her. Not everyone likes it but maybe she likes it or thinks you're going to like it. Sounds like she's trying a bit too hard to sound sexy and turn you on. 

Also that's fine you're sleeping with her, no problem if you both want that. But if you only met on the app ten days ago and you're now sleeping together, sounds more like a hookup to be honest. And she seems to be acting consistent with that and acting like she just wants sex. I could be wrong of course.

[SophiaG]

What's wrong with putting/shoving it in? I'm confused.

Also if you are doing it right she probably doesn't need lube. Spit is gross and doesn't work as lube.

If you enjoy having sex with her you wouldn't be posting here calling her bizarre and immature. If her dirty talk turns you off, at this stage (10 days?) just find someone else to hook up with.

[shouldhavelearned]

Sounds made up

[yogacat]

It honestly just sounds like an x-rated version of saying "I want you inside me" or "I want you to penetrate me."

Some people like using more explicit language during sexual encounters. The lady likes it rough and wants you to take control. And she likes friction, apparently...

[MissCanuck]

She sounds like she doesn't really know how to be sexy, so she's parroting whatever she has heard in porn or read online. 

To me it reads less like dirty talk, and more like someone who is actually not that experienced and is play-acting at what she thinks "sexy" is. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

I guess Tinder worked really well for you.  😆

[Kwothe28]

Thats it? When you said “bizarre” I at least expected she put on a strap on or some other kinky stuff. This is just standard “dirty talk”. Not everyone cup of tea but some do it because they think it “fulfills experience”. Clearly not for you though.

[BeatPoet]

What's the question? 

[The Shark101]

9 hours ago, Jiweirde said:
So I matched with this girl about 10 days ago and everything was ok. Shes slightly thicker than what I normally like but still good. She seems normal, intelligent, and conservative, except in the bed.
The first time I took my pants down, she got this huge smile on her face and screamed at me to "SHOVE IT IN DEEP" and then a few days later told me she wants me to "PUT IT IN", 'NO LUBE, NOT EVEN A COURTESY SPIT". 
Its just immature and she talks like a porn star, but otherwise comes off as completely normal and respectable.
I honestly don't know what to make of it all, it would be almost funny if it wasn't just out of this world level weirdness.
I don't know if I should say anything, I don;t want to spoil our sex life as I do enjoy having sex with her.

From the beginning of time society conditioned women to put a "good girl" mask in order to protect her good name, otherwise she'll be called by insulting name and her reputation will be ruined. So , the only place women hoped they could remove the"good girl" mask and be themselves is in bed, hoping at least there they wouldn't be judged. But then came, an immature boy like Op, who called her weird and a porn star when the only thing she wanted was to express herself and be herself.

Looks like women can't win whatever they do.

Op, nothing is weird about her; move on if you can't cope with this woman's sexuality. Obviously, you're too vanilla for her.

[BeatPoet]

13 minutes ago, The Shark101 said:

Op, nothing is weird about her; move on if you can't cope with this woman's sexuality. Obviously, you're too vanilla for her.

Indeed. Dirty talk, pulling hair, fur-covered handcuffs, that's still 'post-fifty-shades-vanilla'. I don't even consider shibari to be BDSM unless you put a power dynamic into that type of bondage. 

[JoyfulCompany]

10 hours ago, Jimmy ape said:

...absolutely bizarre...

...just immature...

...if it wasn't just out of this world level weirdness....

Pretty common dirty talk. If you're not into it but would like to continue hooking up, you'll have to talk about it. If you can have sex, you should be able to talk about sex, too, no matter the nature of commitment.

Also, there's a lot of judgment you're showing in your title and post. Because of it, I would advise to just discontinue seeing her.
From the possible options:
 - get curious, open your mind, try to join in and have fun;
 - decide you're uncomfortable with it and negotiate;
 - be uncomfortable with it, say nothing, judge and ridicule her;
The last one is the least productive, you see.

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Well I wouldn't necessarily call it weird but I'd call it dirty talk. I'm not really finding the content of what she actually said weird, it's just sex stuff. Like, "shove it in me" isn't actually weird. Just dirty and crude in my opinion. If you don't like the dirty talk, you could just tell her. Not everyone likes it but maybe she likes it or thinks you're going to like it. Sounds like she's trying a bit too hard to sound sexy and turn you on. 

Also that's fine you're sleeping with her, no problem if you both want that. But if you only met on the app ten days ago and you're now sleeping together, sounds more like a hookup to be honest. And she seems to be acting consistent with that and acting like she just wants sex. I could be wrong of course.

I think it is weird in this context - to express it in that way to a man she just met.  JMO. The person she barely knows (pun intended) might take it to mean she wants something more violent - because he doesn't know her. Same if she was a "he".  It's different if they knew each other then they would know how far to take it. Or at least know how to ask/communicate.

(I also thought years ago it was incredibly weird when my friend met a woman on a dating site and she came over at 3am to hang out and watch him pack for his business trip).

I agree she is acting consistently with a person who is focused on sex and a potential sex arrangement with someone or many someones on Tinder. And is not focused on her own physical safety or health as in pregnancy/STD risk. Maybe this is what excites her and the OP is not particularly excited about it more taken aback.

I do think people especially if they choose to drink might act quite differently in private when sex is involved. Like in Sex and the City when Charlotte meets a very prim and proper nice guy who then unleashes in the bedroom calling her all sorts of offensive names.

[Tinydance]

1 hour ago, The Shark101 said:

9 hours ago, Jiweirde said:
So I matched with this girl about 10 days ago and everything was ok. Shes slightly thicker than what I normally like but still good. She seems normal, intelligent, and conservative, except in the bed.
The first time I took my pants down, she got this huge smile on her face and screamed at me to "SHOVE IT IN DEEP" and then a few days later told me she wants me to "PUT IT IN", 'NO LUBE, NOT EVEN A COURTESY SPIT". 
Its just immature and she talks like a porn star, but otherwise comes off as completely normal and respectable.
I honestly don't know what to make of it all, it would be almost funny if it wasn't just out of this world level weirdness.
I don't know if I should say anything, I don;t want to spoil our sex life as I do enjoy having sex with her.

From the beginning of time society conditioned women to put a "good girl" mask in order to protect her good name, otherwise she'll be called by insulting name and her reputation will be ruined. So , the only place women hoped they could remove the"good girl" mask and be themselves is in bed, hoping at least there they wouldn't be judged. But then came, an immature boy like Op, who called her weird and a porn star when the only thing she wanted was to express herself and be herself.

Looks like women can't win whatever they do.

Op, nothing is weird about her; move on if you can't cope with this woman's sexuality. Obviously, you're too vanilla for her.

Well I think there's nothing wrong with being vanilla either. I'm not but I'm just saying. However, THANK YOU for your post! Yes that's exactly right. Guys can say whatever dirty stuff they want in bed and it's usually fine. But it's looked down on in a woman. Yes a woman can express herself sexually and be kinky and be whatever she wants in her sexuality. But having said that, it's not going to be for everyone. Thanks again!

[Tinydance]

8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think it is weird in this context - to express it in that way to a man she just met.  JMO. The person she barely knows (pun intended) might take it to mean she wants something more violent - because he doesn't know her. Same if she was a "he".  It's different if they knew each other then they would know how far to take it. Or at least know how to ask/communicate.

(I also thought years ago it was incredibly weird when my friend met a woman on a dating site and she came over at 3am to hang out and watch him pack for his business trip).

I agree she is acting consistently with a person who is focused on sex and a potential sex arrangement with someone or many someones on Tinder. And is not focused on her own physical safety or health as in pregnancy/STD risk. Maybe this is what excites her and the OP is not particularly excited about it more taken aback.

I do think people especially if they choose to drink might act quite differently in private when sex is involved. Like in Sex and the City when Charlotte meets a very prim and proper nice guy who then unleashes in the bedroom calling her all sorts of offensive names.

Well Tinder is basically a hookup app and that's why I stopped using it immediately. I wanted a relationship but every person there just wanted sex. To me it seems this woman is "DTF" and she's not afraid to show it lol It's not weird but she's there for one thing and thinks OP is too and he's going to like her dirty talk lol

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well Tinder is basically a hookup app and that's why I stopped using it immediately. I wanted a relationship but every person there just wanted sex. To me it seems this woman is "DTF" and she's not afraid to show it lol It's not weird but she's there for one thing and thinks OP is too and he's going to like her dirty talk lol

I know of people who found relationships and long term on Tinder but I never used it. Who knows what her label is -maybe she felt like doing that this one time -maybe it was a dare from a friend - it's simple garden variety dirty talk so I wouldn't personally think of it as anything beyond that moment especially if she chose to get drunk.  I think it's weird because  the OP seemed to suggest he was meeting to date her and have sex not just hook up. She should be afraid to speak that way to a stranger in private she is about to have intercourse with IMO -far too risky in so many ways.  That is why I think her behavior is weird -to take that level of risk just for the momentary thrill of using language suggesting she likes something very aggressive or beyond to a stranger. Again just my opinion but to me any "wow she is a bad a__ and not afraid to speak her mind" doesn't work in this context at all.  

And no no victim shaming here -if a woman chooses to behave that way obviously she can then tell the person it's too rough/to stop and the person should stop or tone it down.  

[dias]

6 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

She sounds like she doesn't really know how to be sexy, so she's parroting whatever she has heard in porn or read online. 

To me it reads less like dirty talk, and more like someone who is actually not that experienced and is play-acting at what she thinks "sexy" is. 

Simply this. 

[Tinydance]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I know of people who found relationships and long term on Tinder but I never used it. Who knows what her label is -maybe she felt like doing that this one time -maybe it was a dare from a friend - it's simple garden variety dirty talk so I wouldn't personally think of it as anything beyond that moment especially if she chose to get drunk.  I think it's weird because  the OP seemed to suggest he was meeting to date her and have sex not just hook up. She should be afraid to speak that way to a stranger in private she is about to have intercourse with IMO -far too risky in so many ways.  That is why I think her behavior is weird -to take that level of risk just for the momentary thrill of using language suggesting she likes something very aggressive or beyond to a stranger. Again just my opinion but to me any "wow she is a bad a__ and not afraid to speak her mind" doesn't work in this context at all.  

And no no victim shaming here -if a woman chooses to behave that way obviously she can then tell the person it's too rough/to stop and the person should stop or tone it down.  

Well in regards whether it's risky or not. I'm actually not sure how exactly they hooked up and how many times they met before that. But for example if they hooked up the first time they met, if she's already going to a stranger's place or inviting to her place. You might say that's risky in and of itself. And she was doing "garden variety dirty talk" as you said. Like, she wasn't saying anything violent like: "I want you to choke me, hit me, etc." Because seeing as she didn't really know him she didn't know if he'd actually try to hurt her for real. Hooking up with someone you don't know is already risky so personally I don't think using dirty talk makes it more risky. 

[rainbowsandroses]

14 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

She sounds like she doesn't really know how to be sexy, so she's parroting whatever she has heard in porn or read online. 

To me it reads less like dirty talk, and more like someone who is actually not that experienced and is play-acting at what she thinks "sexy" is. 

100% and thanks!  Saved me time posting same. 

Lord. 🤣

[Batya33]

On 9/17/2024 at 9:19 AM, Tinydance said:

Well in regards whether it's risky or not. I'm actually not sure how exactly they hooked up and how many times they met before that. But for example if they hooked up the first time they met, if she's already going to a stranger's place or inviting to her place. You might say that's risky in and of itself. And she was doing "garden variety dirty talk" as you said. Like, she wasn't saying anything violent like: "I want you to choke me, hit me, etc." Because seeing as she didn't really know him she didn't know if he'd actually try to hurt her for real. Hooking up with someone you don't know is already risky so personally I don't think using dirty talk makes it more risky. 

She asked a stranger to be rough. 

[SophiaG]

28 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

She asked a stranger to be rough. 

I agree with @Tinydance. If she asked him to choke or hit her it'd be dangerous. But this level of "dirty talk" isn't even necessarily asking for rough in my books 😂 And quite consistent with the risk acceptance of someone who'd have sex multiple times within 10 days.