Simple date question

[cooldude123]

14 hours ago, ShySoul said:

I have always been the nice guy and defended nice guys. I compliment women, am always there with a kind word and show of support. I am the shoulder to lean on, there when they are going through something and need help. I've helped them dry tears, made them smile and laugh. I give positive words of encouragement. Not once have I ever done this to manipulate or try to get anything in return.

I am nice simply because being nice is the right thing to do. I want to make her happy for no other reason then because she deserves to be happy. I don't care what I get from it, if anything. The only thing on my mind is if she will feel better.

I have done this for women I wasn't interested in and women I was. Didn't matter. I just wanted them to be happy.

Funny thing, many women were attracted to me because of it. It wasn't the sole reason, as it is always a mixture of things. But being nice and complimenting then was something they told me they found attractive. The could sense the genuine compassion and understanding in my words. They saw the love and heart, the concern for people that was in my every word and action. They knew it wasn't a game or just words to say. The heart displayed let them see the good guy I was, someone they could trust and open themselves to. And they were more attracted to me because of it.

Even if they have heard a million compliments, one more doesn't hurt. And it won't be just another compliment if it genuinely comes from a persons heart and soul

And to assume compliments and sweet words are a manipulation by men is a gross oversimplification and generalization that really speaks negatively about men in general and denies the actual experiences and motivations of countless men and woman.

100% agree that compliments and sweet words are not just manipulation by men

[rainbowsandroses]

21 minutes ago, cooldude123 said:

Okay great, that's typically what I've been doing.

That's fine but keep in mind not all women love being complimented straight out of the gate. 

Personally I do not.  As I said I do find compliments to be somewhat manipulative in many cases, it really depends on how were vibing in general.

Being complimented is NOT going to create or increase my attraction to him. Nor is him being "kind and compassionate."

Yes those qualities are lovely and I prefer a man be kind and compassionate but again, it's not going to create or increase my "attraction to" him if my attraction wasn't there in the first place.

I realize @The Shark101comes off harsh but imo (as a woman) there IS some truth to what he posts. 

[cooldude123]

14 hours ago, yogacat said:

Just because a few women decided you weren't a match, no need to go and dissect your entire personality and change it. Be confident in your own skin.

So, just because you were polite, and she didn't feel a spark, means you're going to what, not be polite? If you do that, you'll die alone, because what sane women wants to get in the car with someone they don't feel safe with?

Again, don't get off track and overthink things. When you feel like saying something, say it. If you want to compliment her, do it. If she doesn't receive it well, oh well. Welcome to the land of dating where most things don't work out.

People think too much about attraction and then come on here and post a bunch of questions overthinking it. A vibe. Either it was there or it wasn't. If it wasn't, then 'I guess it just wasn't right.' If you're halfway decent and don't act like a psycho, someone will come around.

😜

 

Oh yea, I will continue to be polite. I'm the king of overthinking things but I'm starting some new therapy which might help with that.

[cooldude123]

5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

That's fine but keep in mind not all women love being complimented straight out of the gate. 

Personally I do not.  As I said I do find compliments to be somewhat manipulative in many cases, it really depends on how were vibing in general.

But being complimented is NOT going to increase my attraction to him. Nor is him being "kind and compassionate."

Yes those qualities are lovely and I prefer a man be kind and compassionate but again, it's not going to create or increase my "attraction to" him if it wasn't there in the first place.

I realize @The Shark101comes off harsh but imo (as a woman) there is some truth to what he posts. 

Yea I've learned some women don't like compliments at all and find them cringe. So it's a gamble every time I say them. I try not to overdo it with anyone though as I've learned the hard way recently. She gave me a bunch of compliments so I gave a bunch back. So what qualities increase your attraction? Confidence?

[rainbowsandroses]

4 minutes ago, cooldude123 said:

Yea I've learned some women don't like compliments at all and find them cringe. So it's a gamble every time I say them. I try not to overdo it with anyone though. So what qualities increase your attraction? Confidence?

It doesn't matter what attracts me, I'm one woman.

I suggest reading some of Robert Greene's work, Google him for a list.

The Art of Seduction and 48 Laws of Power are both good reads for starters. 

You can listen to some of his podcasts and watch his videos too.

Observe, experience, read, learn is my advice.

 

[cooldude123]

21 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

It doesn't matter what attracts me, I'm one woman.

I suggest reading some of Robert Greene's work, Google him for a list.

The Art of Seduction and 48 Laws of Power are both good reads for starters. 

You can listen to some of his podcasts and watch his videos too.

Observe, experience, read, learn is my advice.

 

I'm listening to a podcast with Robert now. He seems like a pretty inspiring guy so far

[rainbowsandroses]

6 minutes ago, cooldude123 said:

I'm listening to a podcast with Robert now. He seems like a pretty inspiring guy so far

Awesome!!