Simple date question

[rainbowsandroses]

10 minutes ago, The Shark101 said:

 

And that is your problem.^^^

You're the man here so behave like one, Start Flirt and stop being too nice and saying sweet things. That's NOT attractive , and saying sweet things and compliments is not what attract women.( Regardless of what women say) 

 

 

I dunno man, when I'm really into a guy, when our chemistry is in high gear, I've been known to melt when he says sweet things!  Like absolute putty in his hands. 

When I'm not into him, it can be (and is) a turn off. 

But hey what do I know?  I'm just a woman, right?  Lol 🤣

 

[cooldude123]

5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

@cooldude123if you want to improve yourself, I encourage that!

I myself am always learning, growing, improving!  And I've learned a hell of a lot doing so!

I do it for ME, not to attract men.  

Which is what I suggest for you, learn, grow, evolve for YOU!  

Stop stressing about attracting women.  Find your purpose, focus on that.

Lean back, when it's right you'll both feel it.  

Again my opinion.

 

I am taking a break to focus on myself for now. Thank you

[cooldude123]

12 minutes ago, The Shark101 said:

 

And that is your problem.^^^

You're the man here so behave like one, Start Flirt and stop being too nice and saying sweet things. That's NOT attractive , and saying sweet things and compliments is not what attract women.( Regardless of what women say) 

 

 

I do gentlemanly things like holding the door and paying for everything

[The Shark101]

Just now, rainbowsandroses said:

I dunno man, when I'm really into a guy, when our chemistry is in high gear, I've been known to melt when he says sweet things!

When I'm not into him, it can be a turn off. 

But hey what do I know?  I'm just a woman, right?  Lol 🤣

 

Yes, of course, but you didn't attracted to him because he said sweet things to you.

If you attract to him, saying sweet things at that point won't make you lose your attraction.The timing is important here.

 

[rainbowsandroses]

 

50 minutes ago, The Shark101 said:

Yes, of course, but you didn't attracted to him because he said sweet things to you.

If you attract to him, saying sweet things at that point won't make you lose your attraction.The timing is important here.

Fair enough, that's very true and see your point. 

@cooldude123stop trying so hard to impress.  Compliments, saying sweet things, paying for everything.....

It can come off contrived, phony, disingenuous and yes that can be a turn off and thwart chemistry and the flow of positive energy between you. 

You don't have to an a$$hole, just be real.

With perhaps a bit of c0cky, funny thrown in for good measure!  Lol

Teasing. 😅

 

[The Shark101]

5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:
Fair enough, that's very true and see your point. 
@cooldude123stop trying so hard to impress. 
It can come off contrived, disingenuous and yes that can be a turn and thwart chemistry and the flow of positive energy between you. 

I agree with that. 

[cooldude123]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

 

Fair enough, that's very true and see your point. 

@cooldude123stop trying so hard to impress. 

It can come off contrived, disingenuous and yes that can be a turn and thwart chemistry and the flow of positive energy between you. 

Can you give me an example of how I am trying too hard to impress? I've learned not to do this from previous dates but I didn't think I was trying too hard in this date

[The Shark101]

10 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

 

Fair enough, that's very true and see your point. 

@cooldude123stop trying so hard to impress.  Compliments, saying sweet things, paying for everything.....

It can come off contrived, phony, disingenuous and yes that can be a turn and thwart chemistry and the flow of positive energy between you. 

You don't have to an a$$hole, just be real.

With perhaps a bit of c0cky, funny thrown in for good measure!  Lol

Teasing. 😅

 

 

This is an absolutely a gem of advice every man needs to read and internalize. Good on you Rainb'.

[rainbowsandroses]

12 minutes ago, cooldude123 said:

Can you give me an example of how I am trying too hard to impress? I've learned not to do this from previous dates but I didn't think I was trying too hard in this date

I modified my earlier post with a few examples. 

Lay off all the compliments and make her smile!

Laughing can be an aphrodisiac imo, a little c0cky, good banter.

Don't worry about impressing her.  If she's attracted, your presence will be (or should be) enough to impress her. 

Display that confidence.

[cooldude123]

6 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I modified my earlier post with a few examples. 

Lay off all the compliments and make her smile!

Laughing can be an aphrodisiac imo, a little c0cky, good banter.

Don't worry about impressing her.  If she's attracted, your presence will be (or should be) enough to impress her. 

Display that confidence.

So what you and @The Shark101 are saying is to have confidence?

If the girl offers to split the bill, should I say yes or no?

If I feel like she has a nice smile, should I tell her?

[BeatPoet]

3 minutes ago, cooldude123 said:

If the girl offers to split the bill, should I say yes or no?

If you invited her on the date, you pay the whole bill. If she offers to split, tell her she can pay next time. 

4 minutes ago, cooldude123 said:

If I feel like she has a nice smile, should I tell her?

If you want to pay a woman compliments, try to compliment her taste. 

[cooldude123]

1 minute ago, BeatPoet said:

If you invited her on the date, you pay the whole bill. If she offers to split, tell her she can pay next time. 

If you want to pay a woman compliments, try to compliment her taste. 

Okay, usually I invite the girl on a date and pay the whole bill. Which is what I thought I should be doing, but others in this thread said not to lol.

Her taste such as her clothes or music choices?

[BeatPoet]

2 minutes ago, cooldude123 said:

Her taste such as her clothes or music choices?

Anything she had to put some effort in. 

6 minutes ago, cooldude123 said:

Okay, usually I invite the girl on a date and pay the whole bill. Which is what I thought I should be doing, but others in this thread said not to lol.

Most women I date want to make sure I don't feel like they're leeching on me, so they invite me over to a concert or get the drinks or pay for the street food, etc. 

[SophiaG]

2 hours ago, The Shark101 said:

saying sweet things and compliments is not what attract women.

😂 Clearly I'm not a woman in shark's eyes

I think those tricks might help you attract a certain type of women. But I generally think people should just be themselves on a date and not pretend to be someone else.

[cooldude123]

1 hour ago, SophiaG said:

😂 Clearly I'm not a woman in shark's eyes

I think those tricks might help you attract a certain type of women. But I generally think people should just be themselves on a date and not pretend to be someone else.

So are you and others saying I am not being genuine by giving compliments?

[SophiaG]

2 hours ago, cooldude123 said:

So are you and others saying I am not being genuine by giving compliments?

I have no problem with compliments. I love being complimented!

My suggestion is to just keep doing what you are doing and understand that most people you meet will not be a good match. That's fine. Women who are not attracted to you will not be attracted by the way you compliment them (or the lack of) or whether you tell them you got home safely or not. You don't want to do something out of character to attract someone. For example if you are affectionate and like complimenting your girlfriend, go ahead and compliment the women you are dating. If you like their smile, tell them that. No need to play games or presenting a specific persona on a date. Just be yourself.

[The Shark101]

3 hours ago, SophiaG said:
😂
 Clearly I'm not a woman in shark's eyes
I think those tricks might help you attract a certain type of women. But I generally think people should just be themselves on a date and not pretend to be someone else.
The point is to understand why men compliment and say sweet things to a woman on a date.
It's a type of conscious or unconscious manipulation done by men. 
The vast majority of men are very concerned with being liked by the woman they date. Therefore they will say things to appear Nice, Gentlemen, Sweet. 
The vast majority of men won't challenge or say things that come out as offensive because they are so worried about their image as not to intimidate or confront their date.
What men do by complimenting and being sweet is to say: " I'll inflate your Ego, and in return, I hope you would like me ( more) and see me as a potential bf".
You are saying: "just be you", and that is correct, but compliments and being sweet it's the opposite of being you. It's done for the sake of manipulation.
No women find a man attractive just because he complained her.
Women, especially pretty women , hearing compliments since preschool, they heard it a million of times , another time during date will not change anything in her opinion about the man . It'll be like " another one ? " 

[ShySoul]

6 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

@cooldude123if you want to improve yourself, I encourage that!

I myself am always learning, growing, improving!  And I've learned a hell of a lot doing so!

I do it for ME, not to attract men.  

Which is what I suggest for you, learn, grow, evolve for YOU!  

Stop stressing about attracting women.  Find your purpose, focus on that.

Lean back, when it's right you'll both feel it.  

100% agreed.

You don't need to attract women. You need to be happy with you first. As a friend advised me, just focus on being the real, authentic you and being proud of who that person is. That creates natural confidence, which in turn shines through and makes you more attractive. 

When its right and the chemistry is there, you feel it. You don't have to do anything extra, it tends to flow naturally. 

You were fine to want to give it another date to see if anything could happen. First time could have been a bad day. But you can't force it. And reality is most dates in this manner don't work out. Doesn't mean anyone is doing things wrong. It can simply be not meant to be.

 

[ShySoul]

14 minutes ago, The Shark101 said:

😂It's a type of conscious or unconscious manipulation done by men. 
The vast majority of men are very concerned with being liked by the woman they date. Therefore they will say things to appear Nice, Gentlemen, Sweet. 
The vast majority of men won't challenge or say things that come out as offensive because they are so worried about their image as not to intimidate or confront their date.
What men do by complimenting and being sweet is to say: " I'll inflate your Ego, and in return, I hope you would like me ( more) and see me as a potential bf".
You are saying: "just be you", and that is correct, but compliments and being sweet it's the opposite of being you. It's done for the sake of manipulation.
No women find a man attractive just because he complained her.
Women, especially pretty women , hearing compliments since preschool, they heard it a million of times , another time during date will not change anything in her opinion about the man . It'll be like " another one ? " 

I have always been the nice guy and defended nice guys. I compliment women, am always there with a kind word and show of support. I am the shoulder to lean on, there when they are going through something and need help. I've helped them dry tears, made them smile and laugh. I give positive words of encouragement. Not once have I ever done this to manipulate or try to get anything in return.

I am nice simply because being nice is the right thing to do. I want to make her happy for no other reason then because she deserves to be happy. I don't care what I get from it, if anything. The only thing on my mind is if she will feel better.

I have done this for women I wasn't interested in and women I was. Didn't matter. I just wanted them to be happy.

Funny thing, many women were attracted to me because of it. It wasn't the sole reason, as it is always a mixture of things. But being nice and complimenting then was something they told me they found attractive. The could sense the genuine compassion and understanding in my words. They saw the love and heart, the concern for people that was in my every word and action. They knew it wasn't a game or just words to say. The heart displayed let them see the good guy I was, someone they could trust and open themselves to. And they were more attracted to me because of it.

Even if they have heard a million compliments, one more doesn't hurt. And it won't be just another compliment if it genuinely comes from a persons heart and soul

And to assume compliments and sweet words are a manipulation by men is a gross oversimplification and generalization that really speaks negatively about men in general and denies the actual experiences and motivations of countless men and woman.

[yogacat]

7 hours ago, cooldude123 said:

Thank you friend 🙂

Just because a few women decided you weren't a match, no need to go and dissect your entire personality and change it. Be confident in your own skin.

So, just because you were polite, and she didn't feel a spark, means you're going to what, not be polite? If you do that, you'll die alone, because what sane women wants to get in the car with someone they don't feel safe with?

Again, don't get off track and overthink things. When you feel like saying something, say it. If you want to compliment her, do it. If she doesn't receive it well, oh well. Welcome to the land of dating where most things don't work out.

People think too much about attraction and then come on here and post a bunch of questions overthinking it. A vibe. Either it was there or it wasn't. If it wasn't, then 'I guess it just wasn't right.' If you're halfway decent and don't act like a psycho, someone will come around.

😜

 

[shouldhavelearned]

Be you and do you

At least you're getting the dates

 

More than some people on here 

[ShySoul]

56 minutes ago, SophiaG said:

I have no problem with compliments. I love being complimented!

My suggestion is to just keep doing what you are doing and understand that most people you meet will not be a good match. That's fine. Women who are not attracted to you will not be attracted by the way you compliment them (or the lack of) or whether you tell them you got home safely or not. You don't want to do something out of character to attract someone. For example if you are affectionate and like complimenting your girlfriend, go ahead and compliment the women you are dating. If you like their smile, tell them that. No need to play games or presenting a specific persona on a date. Just be yourself.

Excellent points. And I'm not complimenting as a form of manipulation, I promise. 😉 

People are either attracted or they are not. They will be attracted based on their own individual tastes, not something you can control. So just be you. If you feel like saying something, say it. Be in the moment and be open and free to express who you really are. If they don't like it, it wasn't meant to be. 

And wouldn't you rather a person like you for you, for the natural personality you display and not something you have to put on? Do you really want to have to make it harder then it needs to be? Don't over think and just go with how you feel and let things play out how they are supposed to. Eventually the right one comes along and it will feel effortless.

[The Shark101]

1 hour ago, ShySoul said:
I have always been the nice guy and defended nice guys. I compliment women and am always there with a kind word and show of support. I am the shoulder to lean on, there when they are going through something and need help. I've helped them dry tears and made them smile and laugh. I give positive words of encouragement. Not once have I ever done this to manipulate or try to get anything in return.
I am nice simply because being nice is the right thing to do. I want to make her happy for no other reason then because she deserves to be happy. I don't care what I get from it, if anything. The only thing on my mind is if she will feel better.
I have done this for women I wasn't interested in and women I was. Didn't matter. I just wanted them to be happy.
Funny thing, many women were attracted to me because of it. It wasn't the sole reason, as it is always a mixture of things. But being nice and complimenting then was something they told me they found attractive. The could sense the genuine compassion and understanding in my words. They saw the love and heart, the concern for people that was in my every word and action. They knew it wasn't a game or just words to say. The heart displayed let them see the good guy I was, someone they could trust and open themselves to. And they were more attracted to me because of it.
Even if they have heard a million compliments, one more doesn't hurt. And it won't be just another compliment if it genuinely comes from a persons heart and soul
And to assume compliments and sweet words are a manipulation by men is a gross oversimplification and generalization that really speaks negatively about men in general and denies the actual experiences and motivations of countless men and woman.

I couldn't finished reading your post, it's so cringe. And after they finished crying on your shoulder and using you as an emotional tampon they are going and dating the men they are really desire. You sound like you're their best girlfriend. 

This is a dating forum and nothing you said will help anyone with their dating issues, if at all, it'll make their life harder.

[yogacat]

11 hours ago, The Shark101 said:

I couldn't finished reading your post, it's so cringe.

I don't find his comments cringe at all. Kindness and compassion are valuable traits in any person, and often people are attracted to those qualities. 

[cooldude123]

14 hours ago, SophiaG said:

I have no problem with compliments. I love being complimented!

My suggestion is to just keep doing what you are doing and understand that most people you meet will not be a good match. That's fine. Women who are not attracted to you will not be attracted by the way you compliment them (or the lack of) or whether you tell them you got home safely or not. You don't want to do something out of character to attract someone. For example if you are affectionate and like complimenting your girlfriend, go ahead and compliment the women you are dating. If you like their smile, tell them that. No need to play games or presenting a specific persona on a date. Just be yourself.

Okay great, that's typically what I've been doing.