how do I contact an estranged relative to ask for some family possessions?

[rabbitrok]

Long story short, when my mother passed away my home and all my family belongings were sold without my permission. I did not have the money to travel to the home, and my Aunt refused to give me any information and cut off contact with me. She hadn't liked me for a while but I never knew why. To this day I'm often upset when I remember I have no objects that belonged to my parents, no family videos, and very few photos. I know my Aunt has some of these things. My mother lived with her for a year before she passed away. My previous attempts to reach out have been met with silence, and she has me blocked on social media. I think I might be able to find her email, or get a cousin to contact her, but I have no idea what to say. Should I offer to talk? Should I say I just want some of the photos and items? I am going to offer to pay for shipping or reimburse her for costs as well. I will sadly never recover some of my most treasured items, but maybe I can get something. 

[shouldhavelearned]

What crap.

Was there a will?

[Cherylyn]

If you can find her email,  write a kind,  heartfelt email about requesting whatever family belongings she might have such as family objects, videos and photos.  If I were you,  I would offer to not only pay for shipping but also copy videos and scan photos for yourself and either let her have copies or the originals or you keep the originals and send copies to her.  I'm sure she would like to have a set of copies or the originals of memories with your parents.  Cover all shipping costs,  reimburse or however way you arrange this,  of course. 

Tell her that if you had offended her in any way that you are sorry.  Be humble. 

Or,  ask your cousin to be the connection between you and your aunt and it might be even better to have a verbal phone conversation instead of anything in written form.  Verbal is best,  email is second best.  You're going to have to be very nice to get what you want and be very sincere as well.  Hopefully,  she'll have a change of heart and grant your request. 

My deepest condolences for the loss of your beloved mother.  I hope you will receive the belongings you so desire. 

[rabbitrok]

17 hours ago, shouldhavelearned said:

What crap.

Was there a will?

Not that I could find. It's weird to me, because my mother was sick for a while and she and my father both were very diligent about making sure their things got taken care of. It's possible my mother left everything to my aunt, thinking my aunt would help me out. I know my father had a will. I'm trying to find either one. Our state says these are public records, so it should be possible to track them down. 

[rabbitrok]

15 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

If you can find her email,  write a kind,  heartfelt email about requesting whatever family belongings she might have such as family objects, videos and photos.  If I were you,  I would offer to not only pay for shipping but also copy videos and scan photos for yourself and either let her have copies or the originals or you keep the originals and send copies to her.  I'm sure she would like to have a set of copies or the originals of memories with your parents.  Cover all shipping costs,  reimburse or however way you arrange this,  of course. 

Tell her that if you had offended her in any way that you are sorry.  Be humble. 

Or,  ask your cousin to be the connection between you and your aunt and it might be even better to have a verbal phone conversation instead of anything in written form.  Verbal is best,  email is second best.  You're going to have to be very nice to get what you want and be very sincere as well.  Hopefully,  she'll have a change of heart and grant your request. 

My deepest condolences for the loss of your beloved mother.  I hope you will receive the belongings you so desire. 

I'll try contacting my cousin. I hate to put her in a mediating situation between me and her mother, but it might be the best choice. I do have my aunt's phone number, but honestly I'm afraid to call her. She's very intimidating, I end up crying, I can't get my words out. My uncle used to be a bit better, but then he started taking her side, and well, they're said some choice words to me. 

[Cherylyn]

3 hours ago, rabbitrok said:

I'll try contacting my cousin. I hate to put her in a mediating situation between me and her mother, but it might be the best choice. I do have my aunt's phone number, but honestly I'm afraid to call her. She's very intimidating, I end up crying, I can't get my words out. My uncle used to be a bit better, but then he started taking her side, and well, they're said some choice words to me. 

Sounds like a good idea @rabbitrok.  Don't cry.  Don't get emotional.  Be kind and calm.  Never interrupt.  Be nice and hopefully things will go your way.  Going through your cousin sounds like an excellent idea.  Do whatever works best for you. 

If there are choice words by your Aunt,  remain calm,  unemotional and don't let anyone's words get the best of you.  Remember to stick with your goal regarding retrieving family belongings,  videos,  photos,  etc.  It will most likely be in your favor if you're on your best behavior no matter what.

[ShySoul]

Good luck with this rabbitrok. If your aunt makes you feel this way, going through your cousin is the best option.

Try to stay calm and not emotional. You don't have to be friends with her or contact her after this if you don't want. Your only goal is to get family items that should rightfully be yours. Once that is done, you can remove yourself from an unhealthy situation. Keep things civil for the short bit of time you will need to. And if she tries to say anything, realize it's not about you, it's a reflection of who she is. Don't be sucked into her drama. Get the items and get out as soon as possible.