Help, I'm at a loss with my daughter & her emotions

[adee07]

Our 6 yr old daughter has always been very emotional. We've always supported her emotions and always give techniques such as deep breathing, doing something silly, taking a drink, giving hugs etc.  She has always been one to throw large tantrums too and still does at times. 
It's getting to a point where it's now really impacting things & honestly I'm completely at a loss on how to handle it. 
She started kindergarten and I'm worried we're going to be hearing from her teacher & have no idea what to say. She was already sent to the office her second week because someone "bumped her" in gym class & she was crying-I'm sure full blown meltdown.

She plays soccer and we're honestly so embarrassed anymore at the amount of full blown screaming tears...people just stare at us. No other kids act that way. Like, someone ran faster than her-screaming tears. Someone got her ball away-tears. Her coach said "see you bright and early for our game! " And she literally burst into tears because "the coach said bright and early"....we give her so much praise. We tell her we just want her to have fun. It's not about scoring, winning etc. We've tried a little tough love basically stating you've gotta calm down, you need to stop crying over every single thing. We tell her it's normal to feel frustrated, sad etc but she doesn't need to cry over every little thing. I wish I could put into words how dramatic it is every.single. time. Honestly, I want to pull her from soccer because it's become so stressful/embarrassing/anxiety.
There's so many more examples I could give that happen at home, with grandparents/cousins etc but I'd be writing even more of a novel. 
Recently, my husband had an epiphany that he remembers being like this as a kid, and it wasn't until 4th grade where he had a wrestling coach who basically drilled into him he needed to stop crying/quit being a baby etc...and wasn't nice about it. But it worked...though my husband really feels hurt when he recalls it. 
I don't know.....any suggestions? Similar experiences? 

[Seraphim]

Is it possible that your child is neurodivergent? I wouldn’t recommend the wrestling coach method. 

[MissCanuck]

22 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Is it possible that your child is neurodivergent?

I was going to ask the same thing. 

There might be something more underlying this, OP. Have you shared with your/her doctor what is going on? 

[redswim30]

40 minutes ago, adee07 said:

 

 We've tried a little tough love basically stating you've gotta calm down, you need to stop crying over every single thing. We tell her it's normal to feel frustrated, sad etc but she doesn't need to cry over every little thing. I wish I could put into words how dramatic it is every.single. time. Honestly, I want to pull her from soccer because it's become so stressful/embarrassing/anxiety.

I don't know.....any suggestions? Similar experiences? 

I mean this with absolutely NO offense intended, but sweetly asking her to calm down or trying to logic with her is NOT "tough love".  

She's getting away with these tantrums because you are LETTING her.   

Look, she's 6.  You aren't going to logic or "sweet talk" her out of having temper tantrums.  You need to provide her with real punishments and consequences.  What these are really have to be up to you and your husband.  But here are some of MVHO suggestions: 

When she melts down, if you are at home- put her in a quiet spot.  Some people let their kids stand, my parents made up stand facing the wall.   She's 6, so probably a short time period is good.  When you put her in this quiet spot, explain why you are doing it.  "I'm putting you in time out because you are throwing a temper tantrum."   If she leaves or responds badly, add more time. 

If you are in public, sit on a park bench or something like that.  

With a child this young, you see to show physical action consequences such as time out or no snacks or taking away a favorite toy.   Your child has to sit and experience consequence for this actions, followed by an explanation when the punishment is over of why it happened and a reassurance of love. 

What you cannot do is let her continue to do this and think that by simply being "positive" you can "love away" her issues.  You can't.  

I strongly encourage you to start getting into a routine of punishment, because the longer you let this go on, the worse it will get and this is not healthy for your daughter.  She has to be taught to understand action and consequence.  This isn't being mean, it's being a parent. Sometimes it more important to help your child to develop in a healthy way than it is to be their "friend" every moment.    I know a child of a friend that did similar type behavior and for some reason they never punished her.  They just let her have emotional outbursts, retreat and literally hide and not talk to anyone.   This "girl" is now in her 20's and still can't process not getting her way in any healthy way.  

I know as a parent how hard it is to learn that punishing a child when they misbehave is part of parenting. No one likes to see their child upset.  However, it is an important part of their development and learning that the world is not going to cater to their every whim and mood.  They need to learn appropriate ways to be have.  But you have to do so with REAL actions that they can see, especially at this age. 

IMO, I don't love jumping to the conclusion of neurodivergence (I say as someone with an autistic daughter) because not only can it be simply untrue , even neuro-divergent kids need boundaries and learn how to behave in public- Again, I say as someone with a child who this is incredibly true about.   It could 100% be beneficial to get an expert opinion, but please be mindful that doctors they can only diagnose.  You will still have navigate how to help instruct them and to be there every day working with them on developing and maintaining good habits and behaviors. 

[adee07]

@Seraphim  @MissCanuck is neurodivergent in the same realm as ADHD/ADD etc?  I'm asking because we've wondered from time to time if she could have either of those things, but to be honest... we didn't want her just thrown on medication right away and we felt it would be best to see how things went starting legit school now and not just daycare settings. 

I had mentioned to her doctor a few times when younger that we felt like her tantrums were very severe & how she gets upset/frustrated very easily...but he said that's pretty normal for young ones. 

[adee07]

@redswim30 honestly, I probably should've included more info but didn't want to have such a long entry that no one read it-haha.

We definitely aren't just sweet to her. She's had her share of consequences...toys taken away etc.  We have put her in corners when outbursts turn to hitting etc. 

We've put her in quiet/calm spaces to think about things. 

I suppose my post made it seem like we're overly gentle and that's not true at all. We try to balance between accepting emotions (as we both had childhoods where we weren't allowed to be emotional and my parents never hugged me or said love you etc) but also knowing when enough is enough. 

She really has a hard time with lots of things in life. Making an art project and something isn't perfectly straight? Meltdown. Trying to dribble her soccer ball, but it wasn't EXACTLY on the field line? Meltdown. 

She's very limited on screen time... we're pretty strict on not much TV. She has a tablet and is only allowed to use it on weekends for no more than 1 hour and that's if she's earned it. 

[redswim30]

2 minutes ago, adee07 said:

@Seraphim  @MissCanuck is neurodivergent in the same realm as ADHD/ADD etc?  I'm asking because we've wondered from time to time if she could have either of those things, but to be honest... we didn't want her just thrown on medication right away and we felt it would be best to see how things went starting legit school now and not just daycare settings. 

I had mentioned to her doctor a few times when younger that we felt like her tantrums were very severe & how she gets upset/frustrated very easily...but he said that's pretty normal for young ones. 

In all honesty, this sounds more like a typical young child acting out and testing boundaries. 

Again, I say as a parent of a disabled neuro-divergent child, you need to be incredibly careful of medicating too young.  Some parents (I've seen it in groups I've been in) think that by medicating their neuro-divergent child that they will be "cured" and never act out again.  That's NOT how it works.  My daughter is medicated and she still sometimes has outbursts, medication does not prevent or stop anything.  It simply helps to curb it and even then, body chemistry changes as they get older and meds that once worked, then don't.  So, its complicated. 

Honestly, by all means schedule a trip to the doctor.  However, your child's biggest helper- especially IF she is neuro-divergent is STILL going to be YOU.  Demonstrating proper behaviors, setting boundaries, and providing consequences (which you STILL must do) no matter what.    A diagnosis or medication will NOT change that.  Our family being consistent in behaviors, expectations and boundaries has honestly helped our daughter more than pills or doctors have.  

[redswim30]

2 minutes ago, adee07 said:

@redswim30 honestly, I probably should've included more info but didn't want to have such a long entry that no one read it-haha.

We definitely aren't just sweet to her. She's had her share of consequences...toys taken away etc.  We have put her in corners when outbursts turn to hitting etc. 

We've put her in quiet/calm spaces to think about things. 

I suppose my post made it seem like we're overly gentle and that's not true at all. We try to balance between accepting emotions (as we both had childhoods where we weren't allowed to be emotional and my parents never hugged me or said love you etc) but also knowing when enough is enough. 

She really has a hard time with lots of things in life. Making an art project and something isn't perfectly straight? Meltdown. Trying to dribble her soccer ball, but it wasn't EXACTLY on the field line? Meltdown. 

She's very limited on screen time... we're pretty strict on not much TV. She has a tablet and is only allowed to use it on weekends for no more than 1 hour and that's if she's earned it. 

How are you on Follow up with her?   

For example, do you simply take away the toy or do you say " We are taking away your toy because you are having a meltdown. "  

Do you follow up when the punishment is over?   Talking to her (not just telling her) about why how she's behaving isn't appropriate? 

This may be a silly question- But have you asked her why she gets this upset? It may not be a logical answer, but it may help give you insight. 

[Seraphim]

13 minutes ago, adee07 said:

@Seraphim  @MissCanuck is neurodivergent in the same realm as ADHD/ADD etc?  I'm asking because we've wondered from time to time if she could have either of those things, but to be honest... we didn't want her just thrown on medication right away and we felt it would be best to see how things went starting legit school now and not just daycare settings. 

I had mentioned to her doctor a few times when younger that we felt like her tantrums were very severe & how she gets upset/frustrated very easily...but he said that's pretty normal for young ones. 

Yes, people with ADHD are neurodivergent. My husband is ADHD and my son is Autistic. 

[Seraphim]

Look up , The Explosive Child, by Dr. Ross Greene which gives a lot of insight into how to work with neurodivergent people. 
 

My husband was emotionally pounded into submission by his parents and has extremely severe anxiety which lead to 3 hospitalizations for attempted suicide and suicidal ideation as an adult. He now has about 5 different mental health meds to keep him functional. My son had a far more gentle upbringing and has almost none of his father’s issues. 

[adee07]

3 minutes ago, redswim30 said:

How are you on Follow up with her?   

For example, do you simply take away the toy or do you say " We are taking away your toy because you are having a meltdown. "  

Do you follow up when the punishment is over?   Talking to her (not just telling her) about why how she's behaving isn't appropriate? 

This may be a silly question- But have you asked her why she gets this upset? It may not be a logical answer, but it may help give you insight. 

Yes, we always follow up when she's calm enough to talk... I've definitely learned it's like her brain literally can't listen when she's in the middle of being upset. We have to get her somehow calmed before she can communicate with us. 

I have tried to ask her why she gets so upset....but there's never a great explanation as you said. This is why we're just totally lost. I feel like we've really tried many things over the years and we hoped it would get better as she gets a little older/communicates better, but the meltdowns are still there and the only thing that's maybe improved is she comes around a little quicker than she used to. When she was 2 to 4 yrs.. we would sometimes have hour long tantrums/ screaming/ kicking/hitting. It was awful. 

I just wish we could get inside her little brain and understand what makes her cry constantly...

[adee07]

3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Look up , The Explosive Child, by Dr. Ross Greene which gives a lot of insight into how to work with neurodivergent people. 
 

My husband was emotionally pounded into submission by his parents and has extremely severe anxiety which lead to 3 hospitalizations for attempted suicide and suicidal ideation as an adult. He now has about 5 different mental health meds to keep him functional. My son had a far more gentle upbringing and has almost none of his father’s issues. 

I'm very sorry to hear about your husband's situation! Mental health was just not acknowledged previously and it shows. Thank you for your suggestions!

[Seraphim]

I think you need to see a developmental paediatrician. 

[Seraphim]

I am very passionate about this topic as both my husband and son are diagnosed neurodivergent and I am most likely as well. I know how my husband was treated and it is pretty much almost criminal. My son was locked in rooms at school and treated like garbage by adults at school not just the kids and my son is 26 so this is not even that long ago that neurodivergent people were still being locked up by themselves in rooms. I remember as a child being called “ over sensitive and drama queen by family members mostly my mom and she still does it . These are not great experiences. 
 

Every form of behaviour is communication. Your daughter is trying to tell you that she has some needs not being met. 

[ShySoul]

In addition to possibly being neurodivergent, could she simply be a highly sensitive person? There is a high correlation between the two. She seems to notice things others don't and feels her emotions more strongly. 

I had some of the same tendencies. Starting school was rough for me and I'd cry everyday. I wanted things just right and would be upset if I was off on something. The worse thing was someone taking the wrestling coach approach (and I love wrestling) as it made me feel worse for feeling that way. I would get harder on myself and want to cry more, only felt I had to hide it so as to not upset others. And that couldn't last so that when it finallly came out, the tantrums were even worse. Instead I responded to the gentle approach.

Check with a doctor to see if they can say for sure if there is something going on. In the meantime, do some research. There are plenty of resources to help you decide if your child might fall into one of these categories. 

https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/is-it-adhd-or-is-your-child-just-sensitive/

https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/

https://nurturedfirst.com/understanding-tantrums-in-highly-sensitive-kids/

[adee07]

3 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

In addition to possibly being neurodivergent, could she simply be a highly sensitive person? There is a high correlation between the two. She seems to notice things others don't and feels her emotions more strongly. 

I had some of the same tendencies. Starting school was rough for me and I'd cry everyday. I wanted things just right and would be upset if I was off on something. The worse thing was someone taking the wrestling coach approach (and I love wrestling) as it made me feel worse for feeling that way. I would get harder on myself and want to cry more, only felt I had to hide it so as to not upset others. And that couldn't last so that when it finallly came out, the tantrums were even worse. Instead I responded to the gentle approach.

Check with a doctor to see if they can say for sure if there is something going on. In the meantime, do some research. There are plenty of resources to help you decide if your child might fall into one of these categories. 

https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/is-it-adhd-or-is-your-child-just-sensitive/

https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/

https://nurturedfirst.com/understanding-tantrums-in-highly-sensitive-kids/

I greatly appreciate you sharing your story/experience and attaching these links. I will definitely be looking at them.  If these things are hereditary in a way, it would make a lot of sense. Seeing as how my husband remembered how he was and my parents used to always say I was "too sensitive" ...I also really "feel" the room when around people. Maybe she is a combo of both of us and highly sensitive seems to be a good way to put it.  

Do you know if this is something doctors can help with?  Or a therapist maybe? Hard for them to actually see the problem unless they witness these events in our lives though.

[Seraphim]

4 minutes ago, adee07 said:

I greatly appreciate you sharing your story/experience and attaching these links. I will definitely be looking at them.  If these things are hereditary in a way, it would make a lot of sense. Seeing as how my husband remembered how he was and my parents used to always say I was "too sensitive" ...I also really "feel" the room when around people. Maybe she is a combo of both of us and highly sensitive seems to be a good way to put it.  

Do you know if this is something doctors can help with?  Or a therapist maybe? Hard for them to actually see the problem unless they witness these events in our lives though.

Being neurodivergent is hereditary. As my husband’s psychiatrist said no surprise your son is Autistic if you are ADHD. Neurodivergent people produce other neurodivergent people . 

[Tinydance]

Well I was thinking the same that if you have the means (financial or otherwise) to have an assessment for her to see if she's neurodivergent. For example if she's on the autism spectrum, she might get sensory overload. And the meltdowns could be a response to the sensory overload. But as she's only six years old and also doesn't know what sensory overload is, she can't explain it to you. That's just a theory.

Also let's say if she was neurodivergent, there might be some activities which aren't actually suitable to her. Maybe soccer might be too much of a loud and crowded environment. Because you have all the players but you also have spectators. So I'm assuming there can be a very large amount of people there. Also have you asked your daughter if she enjoys soccer? Maybe she's not actually into it? Small children aren't good at explaining how they feel and can lack vocabulary. Maybe she doesn't like it but rather than saying that, it manifests in the meltdowns.

I could be wrong but I remember reading that punishment isn't the most effective method. I have a bachelor of psychology, though it was from so many years ago. I remember studying that negative reinforcement (punishment) doesn't work as well as positive reinforcement (praise and/or reward). Can you go to the local library or get some e-books on child behaviours and development? Have a read and get some ideas and insight into this kind of stuff. Or even watch something on YouTube.

Also what community services do you have for family and children? We have a lot in my city and they're free because they're government sponsored. Maybe see what's available and what supports you can get. Also do you have financial means do get her some sessions with a child psychologist? 

My other advice would be maybe not to get your daughter involved in competitive activities at this stage. If she's very highly sensitive and has meltdowns if someone takes her ball at soccer, it might be unsuitable to her.

Maybe get her involved in some purely fun groups or classes. If you want her to be outdoors maybe just some kind of nature group where the children play in a park, the forest, etc. We have that here and most of them are free. Or you could put her in a dance or music class but maybe not ones where you have to be in an end of year concert. Just ones where you bang a tambourine and maracas and jump around lol I mean you said it's about having fun and if she's constantly having meltdowns to me it doesn't seem she's having fun. Try some other activities and see how she responds. Maybe there's something else that will help her mellow out.

[Seraphim]

4 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well I was thinking the same that if you have the means (financial or otherwise) to have an assessment for her to see if she's neurodivergent. For example if she's on the autism spectrum, she might get sensory overload. And the meltdowns could be a response to the sensory overload. But as she's only six years old and also doesn't know what sensory overload is, she can't explain it to you. That's just a theory.

Also let's say if she was neurodivergent, there might be some activities which aren't actually suitable to her. Maybe soccer might be too much of a loud and crowded environment. Because you have all the players but you also have spectators. So I'm assuming there can be a very large amount of people there. Also have you asked your daughter if she enjoys soccer? Maybe she's not actually into it? Small children aren't good at explaining how they feel and can lack vocabulary. Maybe she doesn't like it but rather than saying that, it manifests in the meltdowns.

I could be wrong but I remember reading that punishment isn't the most effective method. I have a bachelor of psychology, though it was from so many years ago. I remember studying that negative reinforcement (punishment) doesn't work as well as positive reinforcement (praise and/or reward). Can you go to the local library or get some e-books on child behaviours and development? Have a read and get some ideas and insight into this kind of stuff. Or even watch something on YouTube.

Also what community services do you have for family and children? We have a lot in my city and they're free because they're government sponsored. Maybe see what's available and what supports you can get. Also do you have financial means do get her some sessions with a child psychologist? 

My other advice would be maybe not to get your daughter involved in competitive activities at this stage. If she's very highly sensitive and has meltdowns if someone takes her ball at soccer, it might be unsuitable to her.

Maybe get her involved in some purely fun groups or classes. If you want her to be outdoors maybe just some kind of nature group where the children play in a park, the forest, etc. We have that here and most of them are free. Or you could put her in a dance or music class but maybe not ones where you have to be in an end of year concert. Just ones where you bang a tambourine and maracas and jump around lol I mean you said it's about having fun and if she's constantly having meltdowns to me it doesn't seem she's having fun. Try some other activities and see how she responds. Maybe there's something else that will help her mellow out.

Yes, sensory overload is very debilitating. My son even as an adult can’t tolerate it . And yes , young children don’t have the vocabulary and experience to explain it . My son found soccer horrendous and really anything that involves noise and loudness and lots of people is entirely out . 

[adee07]

7 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well I was thinking the same that if you have the means (financial or otherwise) to have an assessment for her to see if she's neurodivergent. For example if she's on the autism spectrum, she might get sensory overload. And the meltdowns could be a response to the sensory overload. But as she's only six years old and also doesn't know what sensory overload is, she can't explain it to you. That's just a theory.

Also let's say if she was neurodivergent, there might be some activities which aren't actually suitable to her. Maybe soccer might be too much of a loud and crowded environment. Because you have all the players but you also have spectators. So I'm assuming there can be a very large amount of people there. Also have you asked your daughter if she enjoys soccer? Maybe she's not actually into it? Small children aren't good at explaining how they feel and can lack vocabulary. Maybe she doesn't like it but rather than saying that, it manifests in the meltdowns.

I could be wrong but I remember reading that punishment isn't the most effective method. I have a bachelor of psychology, though it was from so many years ago. I remember studying that negative reinforcement (punishment) doesn't work as well as positive reinforcement (praise and/or reward). Can you go to the local library or get some e-books on child behaviours and development? Have a read and get some ideas and insight into this kind of stuff. Or even watch something on YouTube.

Also what community services do you have for family and children? We have a lot in my city and they're free because they're government sponsored. Maybe see what's available and what supports you can get. Also do you have financial means do get her some sessions with a child psychologist? 

My other advice would be maybe not to get your daughter involved in competitive activities at this stage. If she's very highly sensitive and has meltdowns if someone takes her ball at soccer, it might be unsuitable to her.

Maybe get her involved in some purely fun groups or classes. If you want her to be outdoors maybe just some kind of nature group where the children play in a park, the forest, etc. We have that here and most of them are free. Or you could put her in a dance or music class but maybe not ones where you have to be in an end of year concert. Just ones where you bang a tambourine and maracas and jump around lol I mean you said it's about having fun and if she's constantly having meltdowns to me it doesn't seem she's having fun. Try some other activities and see how she responds. Maybe there's something else that will help her mellow out.

These are really good points. We've actually tried to ask her multiple times if she likes soccer and we always ask "did you have fun? " And she's always saying YES she loves it and has fun....my husband and I just look at each other like....how could that be lol 

You made me have a thought....I wonder if she does like the sport itself (she's a very active kid), but like you said, the sensory overload is maybe too much? I've tried to tell her that maybe we need to take a break from soccer and she gets so upset....

We know she sometimes feels overwhelmed with loud things and she's also gone through periods of sensory issues with clothing. 

Unfortunately, we don't have a lot of extra finances at this time,  but I really would be interested in having her seen by a child therapist. There's actually a chiropractor close by that has a nerve reading scanner and has many stories of kids out of whack and having immense improvement after being treated by him...I'd be curious to try that too but I know it's a bit costly.

I like your idea of trying to find activity groups that are maybe more low key fun. I'll have to do some research on what's around us here. 

[Seraphim]

Neurodivergent people don’t really need a therapist they need understanding and accommodations. If they get those things it greatly mitigates the need for mental healthcare. 

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, adee07 said:

Do you know if this is something doctors can help with?  Or a therapist maybe? Hard for them to actually see the problem unless they witness these events in our lives though

As Seraphim said, it's not really about doctors or therapists. It's about understanding and accomodating your child's own individual needs. 

Perhaps look for someone who specializes in child development. But see that there is nothing to fix or make better. It's more a case of figuring out what triggers the child and what they need to create the right environment to help them thrive. 

Tinydance gave some brillant advice that should help you out. The Highly Sensitive Refuge site I linked has many articles on being highly sensitive in general, and particularly on parenting. Educating yourself is probably the best thing you can do right now and seeing if anything you learn might give you a better understanding of what the child is going through. And it might even help you see some things about yourself, since it seems like you and your partner have some tendencies in these areas as well. 

Hope the little one is doing well today.

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, Seraphim said:

Is it possible that your child is neurodivergent? I wouldn’t recommend the wrestling coach method. 

I agree. I would have your child evaluated -talk to her pediatrician as to which sort of professional would be right for evaluating. For example she might need occupational therapy if she has sensory issues, or might need to be evaluated by a psychologist, etc. -hopefully she has a good pediatrician you trust. Does she sleep and eat reasonably well? Our son is 15 -fellow mama here but not a health care provider just know from my friends about these sorts of situations.

There are also great books -a series called the Out of Sync Child.

[Seraphim]

My son will be 27 in two weeks and will always live at home . I have learned over time what his triggers are and what calms him. Also with age he learns things to keep himself regulated. 
 

It is time and knowing what to do. 

[Kwothe28]

11 hours ago, adee07 said:

I have tried to ask her why she gets so upset....but there's never a great explanation as you said. This is why we're just totally lost. I feel like we've really tried many things over the years and we hoped it would get better as she gets a little older/communicates better, but the meltdowns are still there and the only thing that's maybe improved is she comes around a little quicker than she used to. When she was 2 to 4 yrs.. we would sometimes have hour long tantrums/ screaming/ kicking/hitting. It was awful. 

This

11 hours ago, redswim30 said:

She's getting away with these tantrums because you are LETTING her.   

 

I call those "Syndrome of a spoiled child and parents who did that". A kid doesnt know where the line in the sand is. For example, a baby would cry even though nothing is wrong with them, because they know parents are coming. So its even recommended that you dont always tend the baby when it cries if you know they are clean and well fed.  Because sometimes they just cry so you would come. A parent is there to establish that line. Otherwise you would get exactly what you are getting now. Somebody so spoiled that she has tantrums and cries all the time for attention. Because nobody thought her otherwise. If she hasnt received "OMG whats wrong" after every tantrum of hers, she would know her tactics just dont work and wouldnt do them. You thought her she can receive any attention she wants by crying. And she simply does that. So this is on you and your lack of parenting.

Ofcourse, it can be any number of issues. So it would be smart that she goes to good psychologist so they can get assessment of her. But, as somebody who works with kids, my assessment is that its what Ive said. Sadly, lots of parents make that mistake now. So we at school receive not well adjusted children. Who are let everything at home so when they come to school and need to socialize, they crumble. Teacher at preschool even complained to me yesterday about that. And that especially male children are affected by that. School is there to not just educate but also teach them how to behave. So yes, maybe somebody more strict would do the trick like your husbands coach did. But they would need your help in doing so. So if psychologists say how there is nothing wrong with her, its up to you and them to re-educate her.