Having a lot of trouble moving on from this guy. Regret unfollowing him.

[Danielaolivia002]

I met a guy at work this summer . When was  new to the area. We instantly hit it off and had insane chemistry. We could talk about anything and tbh I am well into my 20s and NEVER met a guy so easy to talk too. 
 

I could sense he seemed interested in me. I am older than him. He asked to follow me and when we’d seee one another at work he would mention “oh I saw you did zzz this weekend how was it” which I interpreted as showing interest. We shared a lot and I got very close with him as far as telling him about my family Iife etc. 

beginning of last month he let me know he was moving 5 hours away for studies. I was def upset but I wasn’t super super into him or didn’t think I was . We ended up hanging out outside of work. We had fun and he would put his arms around me , hold me, compliment me .. he didn’t try to kiss me or take things anywhere else but there was definitely something there . He followed up saying he had fun and I sent him a kiss emoji etc. 

Once he left I felt super hollow. I realized how intense I was feeling about him. Going to work felt kind of terrible without him there. I saw he was following a lot of new people and knew he would meet a ton of new people at his university . I decided to remove him from instagram (our main form of contact) and remove myself from his following because I knew we cannot be together due to distance and just life . We never discussed feelings for one another or anything of that nature. 
 

I felt removing him would be better for me to move on with my life but tbh it’s made me more obsessive. I still check his account as it’s not private . I miss him. I think about him. I dream about him. I wonder constantly what he thinks since I unfollowed with no explanation. He probably dislikes me or thinks I am rude. I regret doing that. It hasn’t seemed to help. I know I technically could refollow but I also know there’s probably no point. He’ll think I’m playing mind games . Plus .. refollowing will not help me move on from these intense feelings . 
 

I guess I just want some insight on this situation. I’m feeling very deeply conflicted and over thinking the following thing . 

[smackie9]

You did the right thing. Even if there was something started it would have been a waste of time anyways. This is the deal...when you get so intense about someone like this, it just goes to show you how much you are not doing with your life.  The best thing to do is to get busy with life. 

 

[SophiaG]

How long has it been? Give it some time. Do not refollow or check his insta. Take a break from social media - delete it from your devices if you have to. Did you say you just moved to the area? Expand your social circle and make more friends. Find activities in your area to meet new people. If he wanted anything romantic he would have made a move. There probably wasn't much there anyway and you were just missing his friendliness.

[AuthenticSelf]

OK, just to confirm in case I get it wrong, the situation is you met a guy who is easy to talk to, and he showed interested. However, he moved 5 hours away for study. So, you feel obsessed with that. Is that the right case? 

[yogacat]

What a bummer!

I remember a time while traveling when a mutual attraction arose between me and a man I knew through family. He had always been a bit of a crush since I first met him years ago, but one night when we were talking, he finally realized I liked him "that" way. 

He broke up with his long-term girlfriend a few months beforehand so with the distance and that fact I was a bit hesitant to do anything about it.

He mentioned he was going to visit my state eventually. I ended up meeting someone locally. But man, initially I was crushed when I left. This other fella, I eventually was way more into him than first man.

It worked out for the best...

I know it's hard because you really liked this guy but time will heal this sore wound but ONLY if you let it. Sometimes timing is a 👎🏼 (insert female dog expletive)!

Give yourself a few months to get over him and then maybe you can take him off your post restriction. I know it's difficult especially when you're at your job and reminded of him. I think you did what you had to do.

[rainbowsandroses]

6 hours ago, Danielaolivia002 said:

beginning of last month he let me know he was moving 5 hours away for studies. I was def upset but I wasn’t super super into him..

6 hours ago, Danielaolivia002 said:

Once he left I felt super hollow. I realized how intense I was feeling about him.

^^My question sort of follows @AuthenticSelf's question, but just to be clear, when he was around and available to spend time, you liked him but were not that into him?

But once he left, you suddenly became obsessed with him and he's all you think about?  Dreaming about him etc.?

And you're conflicted about that? 

If I've got that right, I have a theory about why but won't respond until you clarify. 

 

 

[shouldhavelearned]

Bummer, yeah

In time, he will fade

Nothing you could control 

[ShySoul]

Prime example why no contact and removing a person from your life doesn't help you move on or get over your feelings. At best it buries them for a time under other things that happen in life. But if the feelings are still there, they will find a way to come back to the surface. And not only do you have the unresolved feelings, you've now added regret in trying to cut them away from you. The only real way to deal with feelings is to tackle them head on.

Five hours distance is nothing in this day and age. When live in a word where people are glued to their phones and can't go to the restroom without looking at it. Everyone is a quick call, text, FaceTime, Zoom, whatever away. There is no reason that him moving means you can't or shouldn't stay in contact.

If you are thinking about him this much, it means you care about him. If you care about him, why wouldn't you want to have contact? You tried to stay away so it wouldn't hurt you. But it's still hurting you. So why not do the thing that would make you feel better... talking to a person who sounds like he was a good friend to you.

You are also making assumptions about how he would react. Odds are he would be happy to hear from you. If someone I had been friends with contacted me, I would be thrilled. I wouldn't see it as a game or be upset with her. I would just be happy to talk again and catch up. 

Follow your heart. It wants to be friends with him, so be friends with him. Don't expect anything else off the bat. Just be friends and see what happens. If you find you have stronger feelings after a bit, you can talk to him and see what's possible. But cross that bridge if you come to it. For now, just be friends with a person that you want to be friends with.