Not sure how I should handle this situation.

[Jimmy ape]

Im involved in a relationship with a very ambitous college student. She currently lives in another town, and has stated she wants to maintain a long distance relationship with me. She has said, fine, come here live here, do what you want, etc on a couple occasions, and it makes it difficult to know what she is thinking. She has said that she feels suffocated with me around at times, and I suspect she may be an avoidant type.

I also suspect she may be cheating on me. Should I just tell her I am moving to her city and whatever happens happens? Or should I try communicating with her about it? We dont have very good communication right now, it was better before but she started to complain about me never messaging first etc. I stopped messaging her first because of her strange attitudes towards us living in the same town. Also, she is on my uber account and I pay for her Ubers, but its super cheap it comes out to like 25 dollars a week or so and the money is inconsequential to me but helps her a lot.

In case anyone is wondering, we have had lots of physical intimacy together and its great so its not just a case of take and not give anything in return, I thought I should paint an accurate picture by clarifying that. Yes I have feelings for this younf lady and I have always treated her great. But she is extremely confusing.

 

Thanks for your time.

[Capricorn3]

30 minutes ago, Jimmy ape said:

She has said that she feels suffocated with me around at times, and I suspect she may be an avoidant type.

I get the impression that she probably sees this "relationship" more as a FWB scenario.  If she already feels suffocated by you then I can't see this working out and being a happy and successful relationship.  Maybe time to re-think.

[smackie9]

You ain't gonna get anything but some smashing out of this. Meh in college, keep getting smashed when you can, but keep the feelings out of it.

[shouldhavelearned]

Pretty much what the others said. She's getting what she wants and you're getting some of what you want. Use protection and enjoy it while you can.

[Andrina]

On 9/5/2024 at 6:15 PM, Jimmy ape said:

She has said that she feels suffocated with me around at times, and I suspect she may be an avoidant type.

I also suspect she may be cheating on me. Should I just tell her I am moving to her city and whatever happens happens?

Why would you move there when things are rocky? Is uprooting your life so easy? Would you be leaving a good career and group of friends? Why does she feel suffocated? Is it because you have visited her for lengthy stays? Is it because you don't have much of a life besides her and your life solely revolves around her?

Sounds like you're a lot more into her than she is of you. I think in successful relationships, that there is not this unhealthy balance. Each person in a relationship should feel like their love for each other is pretty much equal. 

[MissCanuck]

On 9/6/2024 at 12:15 AM, Jimmy ape said:

I also suspect she may be cheating on me.

Why are you still seeing her at all, then? 

On 9/6/2024 at 12:15 AM, Jimmy ape said:

Should I just tell her I am moving to her city and whatever happens happens?

Why bother? She has told you she feels suffocated by you sometimes. It is very unlikely she would be happy to hear you are moving to her city. 

How long have you been seeing her? 

[TeeDee]

In another post you said you were a 43 year old man.  Why are you even dating a college student?  Your other posts were about some 19 year old so clearly you like 'em young. 

Do not move to her college town.  You are already suffocating this woman.  She doesn't want you geographically closer.  She has sex with you because you pay for her Uber & other things.  In all likelihood she sees you as a sugar daddy.   There's nothing confusing about her -- you are transactional for her. 

Maybe it's time you date more mature women closer to your own age. 

 

[ShySoul]

None of us know her, so none of us can judge her or tell you what she is thinking. We can only state our opinions.

There is also nothing wrong with the ages. You are both legal adults. As long as you are both consenting, then you are both free to see whomever you want.

If she is sending mixed signals, then pause and take a long at the whole picture. Communicate. Talk. Get on the same page. Figure out what each of you want and what your expectations are. If you can come to a mutual understanding and agreement, then good for you and continue on your way. If you can't, then you are at separate places in your life and should not be together.

Easy as that. No judgements needed. No one need be using or suffocating the other. Either work together and display the unity, effort, and teamwork of a couple, or realize it simply isn't the right timing and circumstances and part ways amicably.