How do I [23M] meet women as a person that has solitary hobbies?

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, Ryn4 said:

Problem is I have no pictures of myself. Literally the only most recent picture I have of myself is my profile picture. I don't know how to get pictures of myself other than like videoing myself playing guitar. So basically all I have in mind is a selfie, and me playing guitar. Other than that, I'm stumped. Unless you had ideas about how I could get more pictures?

Go to a professional photographer and make the investment or ask a neighbor, etc.

[Ryn4]

Just now, Batya33 said:

Go to a professional photographer and make the investment or ask a neighbor, etc.

I've heard that professional pictures in dating profiles are off putting because it shows you're trying to hard. I personally believe taking pictures of yourself is narcissistic. I hate doing it. That's why this is the only picture I really have of myself.

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Ryn4 said:

I've heard that professional pictures in dating profiles are off putting because it shows you're trying to hard. I personally believe taking pictures of yourself is narcissistic. I hate doing it. That's why this is the only picture I really have of myself.

You go to a professional photographer and explain what  you want. And yes you can have photos that look professional. Please.

I recommend volunteering backstage at a community or church theater. I have a number of really shy introverted friends who met many people this way and marriages/serious dating resulting.  I got a friend of ours involved who was widowed at a young age in his 40s -no kids - and he's very shy/nerdy and just a lovely person.  He actually did go and now has been volunteering for years and has a nice social life there.  Then he started doing the dating apps from what my husband told me. I hope he meets someone.

I'm extroverted, dated for 24 years on and off, became more introverted after becoming a mom - so I can relate to that side of things - and put myself out there in many many ways again and again with no guarantees ever. I think one of my photos on dating sites (that was part of what I did to meet men in person) was more professional and I had 4 photos.  This was pre-smart phones.

[Tinydance]

23 minutes ago, Ryn4 said:

I've heard that professional pictures in dating profiles are off putting because it shows you're trying to hard. I personally believe taking pictures of yourself is narcissistic. I hate doing it. That's why this is the only picture I really have of myself.

You have something negative to say about everything. Just an observation.

[Ryn4]

4 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

You have something negative to say about everything. Just an observation.

I'm aware. It's like a bad habit I have.

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, Ryn4 said:

I'm aware. It's like a bad habit I have.

Nope sorry you don't get a pass. You have control over how you react to your feelings. I'm a mom and I tend to negative and my husband tends to positive.  I work on my reaction for the good of my child, my marriage, my home life and beyond. My child can get all negative and I show him by example when I don't.  I don't lecture him -I try not to -that's ineffective but I am his role model -he's a sponge who absorbs so much stuff even as a teen.  I have worked on bad "habits" over the years and I am 58 years old.  Many I shifted to more positive ways of living my life.  I see the results physically, mentally, etc.  So no don't give yourself a pass if as you say you would like to be out there and date and potentially meet someone.

[Kampuniform3]

15 hours ago, Ryn4 said:

I'm aware. It's like a bad habit I have.

You’re correct. Having professional pictures taken is overkill, and sets a bad precedent. Kind of like taking a woman to a Michelin starred restaurant on a first date.

I couldn’t sit for professional pictures to save my life. Number one, I’d have a hard time not bursting into laughter at its absurdity, and secondly, I don’t have it in me to “photograph well”  

I despise anything that reeks of inauthenticity, or anything that would link me to being common and vulgar, pandering to a low sensibility for the sake of appearances.

Like you, I’m also taken aback when I’m on the receiving end of vitriol for having the impertinence of being honest.

”It’s best to be slapped with the truth, than kissed with a lie”

Back to your cause, you can truly meet women anywhere, and you don’t have to resort to doing anything stupid or garish. 
 

First and foremost, keep it simple, and keep it honest. If you persist with the latter two, and apply it judiciously, you’ll succeed. 

The only thing you have to do is improve your rejection sensitivity, as dating is a numbers game…and usually a large one to optimize the outcome.

 

[TeeDee]

A professional photographer can take pictures that look casual.  This isn't something formal like posing for your school picture or ID.  It's just that someone with a trained eye will be able to coax you into a more flattering expression.  It's particularly helpful for people who hate having their picture taken.  

[Tinydance]

3 hours ago, Kampuniform3 said:

You’re correct. Having professional pictures taken is overkill, and sets a bad precedent. Kind of like taking a woman to a Michelin starred restaurant on a first date.

I couldn’t sit for professional pictures to save my life. Number one, I’d have a hard time not bursting into laughter at its absurdity, and secondly, I don’t have it in me to “photograph well”  

I despise anything that reeks of inauthenticity, or anything that would link me to being common and vulgar, pandering to a low sensibility for the sake of appearances.

Like you, I’m also taken aback when I’m on the receiving end of vitriol for having the impertinence of being honest.

”It’s best to be slapped with the truth, than kissed with a lie”

Back to your cause, you can truly meet women anywhere, and you don’t have to resort to doing anything stupid or garish. 
 

First and foremost, keep it simple, and keep it honest. If you persist with the latter two, and apply it judiciously, you’ll succeed. 

The only thing you have to do is improve your rejection sensitivity, as dating is a numbers game…and usually a large one to optimize the outcome.

 

That's fine if OP and you don't want to take professional photos. No problem with that, your choice of course. However professional photos in themselves are just photos being taken with a professional camera. So they're good quality photos. In my opinion whether they look really overkill or fake depends on how they're actually done.

For example, a woman might have professional photos and she might put on a huge amount of make-up and also have the photos photoshopped. Or she might wear no or minimal make-up and not have photos touched up in any way. So in that sense she'll look how she does in real life. 

Some people are bad at taking photos so that's why they do professional photos. I mean why would you put unflattering photos on online dating?

[Kwothe28]

4 hours ago, Kampuniform3 said:

You’re correct. Having professional pictures taken is overkill, and sets a bad precedent. Kind of like taking a woman to a Michelin starred restaurant on a first date.

 

I have an acquittance that shifted from male hairdresser to photographer. Anyway, now he mostly does professional photography and big celebrations(that pays a ton around here, one of those and you are set for a few months here). But back in a day he did social media photography. For like 15 dollars you would get professional photography for social media. He still does it now but mostly with families. He has those sets where families come to take a picture for postcards and such. 

Anyway, not everybody knows how to take a good picture. So, for example if OP decides for dating sites, he would fair better with professional photo then with "male patented picture with big fish from fishing trip". Less authentic but professional would probably attracted more ladies. Dont think OP should go for online thing, but if he does, this could help. 

[Kampuniform3]

Tinydance, I was merely mirroring the sentiments of Ryn4:

“I've heard that professional pictures in dating profiles are off putting because it shows you're trying to hard. I personally believe taking pictures of yourself is narcissistic. I hate doing it. That's why this is the only picture I really have of myself.”

He’s stating his preferences, and they just happen to also be my own, as we are similarly constituted.

It’s a matter of temperament, and not wanting to be disingenuous. 

I wouldn’t sit for professional photographs for same reasons why I wouldn’t choose to do anything else that’s not aligned with my constitution.

By running counter to this, you are broadcasting a message to the world that is inaccurate.

Additionally, he’s also looking for someone of a similar persuasion, so the individual he is looking for would also be dissuaded by professional photographs.

Personally, if someone told me that they loved my professional photographs that made me look like Michelangelo’s David, I’d never stop puking. 

 

 

[Ryn4]

4 hours ago, Kampuniform3 said:

You’re correct. Having professional pictures taken is overkill, and sets a bad precedent. Kind of like taking a woman to a Michelin starred restaurant on a first date.

I couldn’t sit for professional pictures to save my life. Number one, I’d have a hard time not bursting into laughter at its absurdity, and secondly, I don’t have it in me to “photograph well”  

I despise anything that reeks of inauthenticity, or anything that would link me to being common and vulgar, pandering to a low sensibility for the sake of appearances.

Like you, I’m also taken aback when I’m on the receiving end of vitriol for having the impertinence of being honest.

”It’s best to be slapped with the truth, than kissed with a lie”

Back to your cause, you can truly meet women anywhere, and you don’t have to resort to doing anything stupid or garish. 
 

First and foremost, keep it simple, and keep it honest. If you persist with the latter two, and apply it judiciously, you’ll succeed. 

The only thing you have to do is improve your rejection sensitivity, as dating is a numbers game…and usually a large one to optimize the outcome.

 

Yeah, I'm just saying what I think, feel, and believe and I'm getting bashed for it. Idk man...

[Ryn4]

11 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I have an acquittance that shifted from male hairdresser to photographer. Anyway, now he mostly does professional photography and big celebrations(that pays a ton around here, one of those and you are set for a few months here). But back in a day he did social media photography. For like 15 dollars you would get professional photography for social media. He still does it now but mostly with families. He has those sets where families come to take a picture for postcards and such. 

Anyway, not everybody knows how to take a good picture. So, for example if OP decides for dating sites, he would fair better with professional photo then with "male patented picture with big fish from fishing trip". Less authentic but professional would probably attracted more ladies. Dont think OP should go for online thing, but if he does, this could help. 

Online dating has always been more than extremely frustrating for me, but in this day and age, I feel like I don't have much of a choice.

[Tinydance]

2 minutes ago, Ryn4 said:

Yeah, I'm just saying what I think, feel, and believe and I'm getting bashed for it. Idk man...

I think that's fine if you don't want to take professional photos. But you have actually rejected every suggestion people have given you here. I think all the suggestions were actually really good. And they were quite reasonable like getting involved in clubs that are related to your interests. But it didn't sound like you actually wanted to do anything about your situation.

I mean it's fine to feel that you're not good at guitar. We all have feelings and you're sharing yours. But the thing is when you want something, you won't get it if you don't make an effort. Everything requires effort. Like, if someone wants a job, they have to look at job ads, apply for jobs, go to the job interview. A job won't just fall from the sky. It's the same thing with dating. You will need to do things to make it happen. You can't keep making excuses.

You said you're worried you'll die alone. You don't have to die alone but if you do nothing, maybe you will. 

[Tinydance]

8 minutes ago, Ryn4 said:

Online dating has always been more than extremely frustrating for me, but in this day and age, I feel like I don't have much of a choice.

I actually don't like online dating either so I can relate to that. But one good thing about online dating is often they'll have filters or you can search keywords. Also you can search by particular age and so on. So you can actually search for women your age who have some similar interests. Also it's probably a faster way to meet women because when you meet them, it's with dating in mind. It's not like going to events and you have no idea if those women are single or maybe they already have a boyfriend. And some women e.g. in a cooking class might be too old for you. But even older women might have a daughter you could meet or something.

[Ryn4]

4 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I actually don't like online dating either so I can relate to that. But one good thing about online dating is often they'll have filters or you can search keywords. Also you can search by particular age and so on. So you can actually search for women your age who have some similar interests. Also it's probably a faster way to meet women because when you meet them, it's with dating in mind. It's not like going to events and you have no idea if those women are single or maybe they already have a boyfriend. And some women e.g. in a cooking class might be too old for you. But even older women might have a daughter you could meet or something.

What dating apps or websites have you used? The ones that I have used don't work anything like that. On the ones I've used, you're given a feed of random individuals with random interests. There's no searching.

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, Ryn4 said:

What dating apps or websites have you used? The ones that I have used don't work anything like that. On the ones I've used, you're given a feed of random individuals with random interests. There's no searching.

Well one was actually Australian because I'm in Australia. But I'm pretty sure OK Cupid is international and it works very much like what I just described. I found it very good as an app. The only thing is it had a very large number of polyamorous people on it. But that might have been related to the fact that I live in a "hipster" sort of city lol No offence to polyamorous people but I'm just not lol

[Ryn4]

22 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I think that's fine if you don't want to take professional photos. But you have actually rejected every suggestion people have given you here. I think all the suggestions were actually really good. And they were quite reasonable like getting involved in clubs that are related to your interests. But it didn't sound like you actually wanted to do anything about your situation.

I mean it's fine to feel that you're not good at guitar. We all have feelings and you're sharing yours. But the thing is when you want something, you won't get it if you don't make an effort. Everything requires effort. Like, if someone wants a job, they have to look at job ads, apply for jobs, go to the job interview. A job won't just fall from the sky. It's the same thing with dating. You will need to do things to make it happen. You can't keep making excuses.

You said you're worried you'll die alone. You don't have to die alone but if you do nothing, maybe you will. 

Ok, so to recap, I should attend a game night or something as well as a cooking class? I can try them eventually, I just can't right now because I am out of a job and heading into treatment next week.

[Ryn4]

25 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I think that's fine if you don't want to take professional photos. But you have actually rejected every suggestion people have given you here. I think all the suggestions were actually really good. And they were quite reasonable like getting involved in clubs that are related to your interests. But it didn't sound like you actually wanted to do anything about your situation.

I mean it's fine to feel that you're not good at guitar. We all have feelings and you're sharing yours. But the thing is when you want something, you won't get it if you don't make an effort. Everything requires effort. Like, if someone wants a job, they have to look at job ads, apply for jobs, go to the job interview. A job won't just fall from the sky. It's the same thing with dating. You will need to do things to make it happen. You can't keep making excuses.

You said you're worried you'll die alone. You don't have to die alone but if you do nothing, maybe you will. 

My brother actually recommended that I join a basketball league, but like I was talking about before with the guitar, I don't want to join something and then end up being the weak link that's holding everyone back. It's not fair to them. I feel like I have to be legitimately good at something in order to join any kind of group.

[Tinydance]

4 minutes ago, Ryn4 said:

My brother actually recommended that I join a basketball league, but like I was talking about before with the guitar, I don't want to join something and then end up being the weak link that's holding everyone back. It's not fair to them. I feel like I have to be legitimately good at something in order to join any kind of group.

No I honestly don't think you actually have to be good. Aren't there beginner classes? When I was doing swing dancing I had never ever done it before. I joined a beginner class where everyone else had never done it before either. 

Also most people enjoy/don't mind doing things like eating food, going to the movies, going for a walk. Can you join just some kind of social group on Facebook or Meetup? I joined many groups like that where people just go out for a coffee, cinema, restaurant. I mean this is something that most people like. And even if you don't drink coffee, you can order something else lol If you join a Facebook social group it's free. Even if you don't have a job you can still probably afford one soft drink, right? 

[Tinydance]

13 minutes ago, Ryn4 said:

Ok, so to recap, I should attend a game night or something as well as a cooking class? I can try them eventually, I just can't right now because I am out of a job and heading into treatment next week.

Yes my suggestion would be to try as many classes, groups or events as you can.

[Capricorn3]

38 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

You have something negative to say about everything. Just an observation.

 But you have actually rejected every suggestion people have given you here. I think all the suggestions were actually really good. And they were quite reasonable like getting involved in clubs that are related to your interests. But it didn't sound like you actually wanted to do anything about your situation.

You will need to do things to make it happen. You can't keep making excuses.

You said you're worried you'll die alone. You don't have to die alone but if you do nothing, maybe you will. 

^ I have noticed this too.  OP, everyone has given you really good and constructive advice but you find an excuse for every single suggestion.  With that, it's difficult to figure out what you're really after.  It seems you want women to simply somehow fall at your feet but you don't want to do the work.  You need to make the appropriate changes to achieve results.  Finding excuses for every single helpful suggestion is going to keep you stuck back at square one, in a rut, and alone.  Your choice.