Introvert on a very social day

[Butterbea]

I want to go. But I don't this weekend I went to party I didn't want to go to but had a good time sat night. But was drained Sunday..... did nothing barely folded my laundry. I cooked and just sat. And barely slept lol insomnia and anxiety!

[Batya33]

I'm glad -IMO -that you went tothe party and sorry you felt drained.  I'm  glad you were able to do nothing the next day and reset.

[TeeDee]

You seem to be conflating 2 things:  social anxiety & being introverted.  

Introverts are people who charge their batteries when alone with quiet.  Extroverts refresh themselves & draw energy from other people.  

Not all introverts have social anxiety.  They can be perfectly comfortable in their own skins just prefer more quiet situations from less people. It's a choice not a fear. 

Social anxiety is being afraid of people.  You are constantly on edge that you will say or so the wrong thing.  You expect every situation to turn into humiliation for you.   That has nothing to do with preferring solitude.  Social anxiety can be overcome when you improve your self-confidence to develop genuine self-esteem.  

Be proud of yourself for going to the party.  That must have been a big step for you.  Try to remember the good things.  Congratulate yourself on the accomplishment & try to use the victory as a way to calm your anxiety, not ratchet it up.  

[ShySoul]

Introverts can be very social, just on their own schedule and generally in smaller groups. There is no reason that an introvert can't go to a party or event and have fun. 

An introvert also tends to need more rest and downtime after a big event or socializing. Thus you needing to stay home afterwards and not do anything major is perfectly inline with how an introvert would act.

It's not about being an introvert or extrovert. It's not being socially anxious. Going out or staying in isn't something to push yourself towards or be proud of. It's simple about being you and embracing the kind of person you are. It's doing what you feel like and what will make you happy. If you want to go out, if that will bring you joy, do it. If you are happier staying in, do it.

In the end, just be yourself and embrace every facet of that.

[Butterbea]

58 minutes ago, TeeDee said:

You seem to be conflating 2 things:  social anxiety & being introverted.  

Introverts are people who charge their batteries when alone with quiet.  Extroverts refresh themselves & draw energy from other people.  

Not all introverts have social anxiety.  They can be perfectly comfortable in their own skins just prefer more quiet situations from less people. It's a choice not a fear. 

Social anxiety is being afraid of people.  You are constantly on edge that you will say or so the wrong thing.  You expect every situation to turn into humiliation for you.   That has nothing to do with preferring solitude.  Social anxiety can be overcome when you improve your self-confidence to develop genuine self-esteem.  

Be proud of yourself for going to the party.  That must have been a big step for you.  Try to remember the good things.  Congratulate yourself on the accomplishment & try to use the victory as a way to calm your anxiety, not ratchet it up.  

I am trying my best I've been in bed all day and work tomarrow . Physically hurting 😪 

[ShySoul]

21 minutes ago, Butterbea said:

I am trying my best I've been in bed all day and work tomarrow . Physically hurting 😪 

After a long work week it's not unusal for me to spend an entire Saturday in bed. Some weekends a trip to the grocery store is all I can stand. And if I do have some plans that involve being around crowds or people, I need that next day and probably that next weekend to recover. The exhaustion is real.

Sorry you're hurting. Take it easy and relax. Do something quiet and fun that you enjoy to take your mind off things. Hey, even sleep it off. Nothing wrong with needing a day or two to yourself and blocking out the world.

Hope you feel better.

[Cherylyn]

Glad you had a good time nonetheless.  I hear you regarding how mentally and physically exhausting it is especially after social events.  I'm the same way.  I'm an introvert.  👍 😊

I prefer 1:1 friends in my locale.  We'll meet for meals,  take walks,  shop 'til we drop and make an entire day of it;  sometimes including dinner afterwards.  Other times,  our husbands join along since they're good friends and we make it a foursome on our night on the town.  Or, it could be an all day event. 

However,  I despise parties!  ☹️ I despise smaller gatherings with local in-laws and some local relatives as well.  It's so boring and a few of them monopolize entire conversations so no one can get a word in edgewise.  They don't come up for air.  Making small talk and engaging in shallow,  superficial chit chat is so agonizing to me.  🤨

🥺 I loathe family holiday gatherings and expectations to cook a lot,  bring tons of home cooked food and co-host with my relatives.  My in-laws are invited as well as dozens of the host's friends and some of their neighbors!  It's crazy crowded in their house not to mention insane.  Then there's clean up during and afterwards.  ☹️  It's very expensive to provide good eats for everyone and it's free slave labor on my part. 😒 

Shindigs are way overrated.  😒  Save that for the Norman Rockwell fantasy.

Like you,  the following day,  I'm in zombie mode and completely drained.  🥴  I don't want to talk to anyone.  I just want to be in a vegetative state.  I prefer taking a long nap. 🥱 😴 💤  Later,  I'll eat,  do some minor chores and relax.  I burnout quickly.  I require days to recover.  I need to chill. 

I begged off and bowed out of holidays this year and next year,  thank goodness.  Boundaries are a beautiful thing.  I no longer feel beholden nor obligated to anyone.  I no longer play along to get along.  I enjoy solitude and calmness in my quiet house.  🤫 🤗  I don't want to be bothered.  Let someone else knock themselves out instead.  I don't want to expend any extra energy and labor just for everyone else to enjoy the gathering and I want to save my wallet and time.   We'll celebrate on low key scale on our own.  No fuss,  no muss.  👍 🙂

There is a way to socialize and be comfortable.  Not everyone enjoys being huddled in groups. 

[yogacat]

6 hours ago, Butterbea said:

I want to go. But I don't this weekend I went to party I didn't want to go to but had a good time sat night. But was drained Sunday..... did nothing barely folded my laundry. I cooked and just sat. And barely slept lol insomnia and anxiety!

I am an introvert too.

One thing is to just be careful about going too far in that direction making yourself too isolated. It's fine to stay at home and relax and read or something and don't get too carried away in it. I myself like to stay at home a lot versus going out except for going to movies and out for dining and things with friend/family. Other times I just relax.

As long as you are comfortable and happy with it that is what matters most.

Insomnia and anxiety are a bit trickier.  I have never struggled with insomnia, anxiety yes, so just be mindfully careful and don't let them get the best of you. 

See how you feel about it next weekend. Saturdays are big party nights, and everyone is usually just "out to chill" the following day.

😉

[TeeDee]

1 hour ago, Butterbea said:

I am trying my best I've been in bed all day and work tomarrow . Physically hurting 😪 

Oh honey.  That is a large overwhelming reaction to attending a party.  Have you ever spoken to a mental health professional about this?  It's no way to live. 

I can work myself up into a tizzy with the best of them but you need to learn self soothing techniques to get you through. 

[yogacat]

2 minutes ago, TeeDee said:

Oh honey.  That is a large overwhelming reaction to attending a party.  Have you ever spoken to a mental health professional about this?  It's no way to live. 

I can work myself up into a tizzy with the best of them but you need to learn self soothing techniques to get you through. 

I'm wondering if she drank a bit and maybe just hungover? She did say she went to a party. But the insomnia or anxiety, yes...

[ShySoul]

This feeling is so common it's actually got a name, the "introvert hangover." No alcohol is needed, though I'm sure that would make it worse.

And it can manifest itself physically with headaches, upset stomachs, etc.

https://www.psychologies.co.uk/introvert-hangover-how-to-recover/

https://introvertdear.com/news/introvert-hangover-signs/

[TeeDee]

Thank you for the info @ShySoul  That does sound so painful.  

I hope @Butterbea can find a way to manage her situation. 

[yogacat]

Thanks for that info @ShySoul. Definitely doesn't sound fun. I was just curious if maybe she drank a bit, is all, so if she isn't feeling too great the next day that could be one reason.

[ShySoul]

7 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Thanks for that info @ShySoul. Definitely doesn't sound fun. I was just curious if maybe she drank a bit, is all, so if she isn't feeling too great the next day that could be one reason.

I wonder that too. Seen plenty of stories of people using alcohol to get them through an event or of enjoying themselves a bit to much while out and then paying for it after.

Think people should go easy on themselves and just do as much or as little as you are comfortable with. And when you are in the mood to do something, give yourself the proper time to build up to it and cool down after. 

@Butterbea, hope the recovery goes well.

[Butterbea]

@TeeDee No I had no alcohol. Just danced a bit. And it was very warm in the court yard. I think its just my brain sadly. 

[Morello]

Have you seen a psychiatrist and/or a psychologist for your issue, Butterbea? I'd certainly recommend that. They could help with some coping mechanisms.

[Kwothe28]

I chose not to go out on Saturday because I had repairmen on weekend and even had working Saturday at school. There is nothing wrong in choosing your priorities when it comes to your obligations. You have to have priorities.

I am glad you did go out. Its nice that you can face your fears as an introvert and be around people. In your case its good for you. Even if it did "drained" your energy tomorrow.

[ShySoul]

Hope you got enough rest, were able to recover, and that work wasn't too tiring.