Am I still important to my wife?

[Andrina]

You have really poor self-worth when you've put up with all the treatment you describe here. If she cared about you as the special person you are, she would not be meeting up with men you don't know and whom she's boinked in the past. If she cared about your happiness, she'd want you to spend some time with friends and hobbies, having a well-rounded life. 

I agree with the lyrics of the song "I Swear." "And though I'll make mistakes, I'll never break your heart." That's how it should be.

I wouldn't even bother with counseling with a woman like this. In your shoes, I'd divorce and then work on my self-worth a good long time before dating again, lest I repeat the same pattern of becoming a doormat to another toxic partner.

[HappyHippie]

9 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Trust is earned. Given her lies, comments and behavior, she hasn't done much to earn your trust. That isn't unreasonable. You have every right to feel hurt. 

It could very well be innocent. But innocent people don't need to lie. She made a poor choice in what she said and did and now needs to accept the consequences.

I don't like to make accusations about people I've never met and have no proof of what they are doing or thinking. But something is going on with her. She's not happy with things as they are, and neither are you. You can't continue like this and eventually you will need to do something.

If you don't want to deal with her directly, look for a relationship counselor or some such in your area. Find a way to speak to someone in private so you can work through everything for yourself first. Figure out what you want and need in the relationship, and if you think she can provide it. Figure out options for any scenario, what you can and can't accept from her. You want to be prepared when you do have it out with her. 

And professionals should keep things confidential.

Sorry you are hurting. I'm hoping things can improve for you.

Thank you.  I appreciate that all very much.  I’m glad that my feelings aren’t wrong.  
 

i mean I let her go out to dinner with him, take him to the airport (he didn’t even ***ing pay for gas - 4 hours worth of driving)

 

but I don’t think I’m ever going to be comfortable with her just going to his house to play “video games.”  Hell, honestly, I wish more than anything she would ask me to play video games.. I am very much a big gamer, and it would probably make my whole week if she would play games with me.

 

thank you again.  I don’t know how to go about getting professional help without her finding out.  I have a feeling she will try to make me feel better and convince me not to do it.

[HappyHippie]

9 hours ago, ShySoul said:

HappyHippie, don't get down on yourself. You have been a caring and loving partner to this woman. You have done all the things a gentleman would do. It's not your fault and you are not responsible for anything she has done. More guys should follow your example. And most women would be far more appreciative of someone like you. Just because this woman has issues and can't see how awesome you are, doesn't mean you need to change a thing about you.

You've trying to save your relationship with the person you love. There is nothing wrong with that.

Find someone to talk with who can help you sort this all out. Hoping you find your way out and onto happiness.

Thank you.. I am trying to do that now.  I appreciate your kind words very much, and it’s reassuring.

i guess that’s why im here.  I definitely need someone to talk this out with.  

[HappyHippie]

4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Ohhhh the pity party she is having.  Especially when my son was younger and I had to bribe him with snacks so I could do my 35 minute workout to a DVD in the living room because my husband was traveling and I couldn't leave the apartment to work out outside or at a gym boy did I wish I was free at that moment to come and go as I please - that I didn't have to twist myself in a pretzel just to take a proper shower or use the bathroom or heaven forbid have an uninterrupted 5 minute phone conversation with a friend.  I signed up for all of that for the massive benefits of winning the lottery -marriage to a man I loved and motherhood at the last darn minute in my early 40s.  So those fleeting pity party thoughts were -fleeting.  And I owned them in the sense of - yes I had to find other ways -maybe I should have hired a sitter.  But give me a break with the woe is me I'm married and can't go hang out alone with a man I want to have sex with and who wants me too at his home.

I trust my husband but including not to play with fire.  He doesn't and I don't either and we share the sense of what that means in the very very rare instances over the last decades where we've checked in with each other about very specific situations. We both have close platonic friends of the opposite gender and over the years some of them are exes.

We have to be aware of stuff because he travels a lot and I've always worked in male dominated fields since the early 90s and you know stuff comes up where it's a gray area - should he ask his female colleague if he can use her hotel room shower when she is not going to be there because he shouldn't pay for a whole other night or might the request come across inappropriate? Should I respond at all to someone I met on jury duty who sent me an email telling me he is getting divorced where part of the email asked for a business type referral connected to the divorce but part was a pretty clear flirtatious come on?

Was it ok for me to strike up a friendship with a fellow jogger/walker in the park who was there when I was with my baby in the stroller where we chatted about his kids, parenting, our city, etc and it passed the time nicely? What about meeting a man for lunch who I originally met through an online dating site but never went on a date with? All of these things can come up in a marriage of course but if you have the same sense of values/boundaries/love and commitment it wouldn't occur to you to say to your partner "wow I wish I was single so I could ......" even if you had the fleeting pity party thought. And how dare she question your trust in her -you don't have a so-called "open" marriage.  Right? I agree with Miss Canuck.

No open marriage.  I don’t want that.  I told her at the beginning I only want monogamy.  

She brought him up again today.  While we were at our boys soccer games.  “I can’t go hang out with a boy because it’s in appropriate”. That’s not even what I said at all.  I said to her “I don’t care if you want to go out to eat or hang out with a group of friends or whatever..”.  But that’s as much Lee way as I’m willing to give.  I don’t see anything wrong with it, and I don’t treat her like that.  Although I think she wants me to right now, so she can get what she wants… 

 

this makes me so sad honestly.  Is this fixable?  I don’t want a divorce… 

[Batya33]

31 minutes ago, HappyHippie said:

No open marriage.  I don’t want that.  I told her at the beginning I only want monogamy.  

She brought him up again today.  While we were at our boys soccer games.  “I can’t go hang out with a boy because it’s in appropriate”. That’s not even what I said at all.  I said to her “I don’t care if you want to go out to eat or hang out with a group of friends or whatever..”.  But that’s as much Lee way as I’m willing to give.  I don’t see anything wrong with it, and I don’t treat her like that.  Although I think she wants me to right now, so she can get what she wants… 

 

this makes me so sad honestly.  Is this fixable?  I don’t want a divorce… 

Obviously you didn't agree to a marriage where she plays with fire hanging out with a so-called friend at his house.  As a latch ditch effort grow a stronger backbone, use I statements and tell her simply and directly "I am not comfortable with your hanging out with his home and I feel disrespected by your comments about what I said.  I am willing to go to couples counseling to discuss how we view appropriate boundaries in our marriage or we can talk about it without a counselor in a respectful way where we both listen to each other from a place of wanting to be together and both be happy and comfortable.  What are your thoughts?"

Don't respond to her passive aggressive comments.  She knows that is not what you said or meant.

[smackie9]

16 hours ago, HappyHippie said:

I think I may have found the source of her unhappiness possibly?  
 

After the “boyfriend” discussion the other day, yesterday, she said “I miss the freedoms I had when I was single.  I wish I could go hang out with (FWB) alone sometimes.”  I didn’t even reply, because my feelings should be known.  

she’s already lied to me about hanging out with him.  She said it was with a mutual friend and it wasn’t.  She lied and went alone.  Idk what happened and I don’t trust him, or her together.  I mean I’ll hang out with them, or if there’s something going on a friend gathering or something I mean sure, hang out with him.  But alone?  Your old FWB, that you’ve already lied to me about before?  Am I crazy or should I let my ground go?  Am I being ridiculous?  
 

today she said, “I wish I could go hang out with (FBW) alone and play video games.”  She said “you won’t let me go alone will you?” I said “I would not be very comfortable with that.”  She said but I can go with (close friend) alone anytime?  “Of course.”  I said.. she the. Says “I wish you would say, I trust you, do what you want.”  … I said “I do trust you, to an extent, but with that lie, the trust with him is pretty broke.”

 

can this be the source of her unhappiness?  And am I being unreasonable?  I just don’t want to be cheated on.. 

is it reasonable for me to be untrusting and hurt by all this?

All this talk from her is manipulation, playing the victim, to make you think you are the problem.

[smackie9]

To add...she's acting like a 12 year old not getting her way...she's very immature..more so that in reality she's not capable of having stable adult relationships.

[HappyHippie]

21 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Obviously you didn't agree to a marriage where she plays with fire hanging out with a so-called friend at his house.  As a latch ditch effort grow a stronger backbone, use I statements and tell her simply and directly "I am not comfortable with your hanging out with his home and I feel disrespected by your comments about what I said.  I am willing to go to couples counseling to discuss how we view appropriate boundaries in our marriage or we can talk about it without a counselor in a respectful way where we both listen to each other from a place of wanting to be together and both be happy and comfortable.  What are your thoughts?"

Don't respond to her passive aggressive comments.  She knows that is not what you said or meant.

Thank you.  
 

I will try to say something like that the next time she brings it up.

honestly, yesterday she seemed to be a bit better.  And I felt love towards me even a few times.  

Even though she did bring it up again, she didn’t seem to get really mad and explode like I was expecting.  But- she’s probably not done asking me.. 

ill say something g like your example next time it comes up, and see what kind of response I get.

she likes to tell me she wants a divorce to get me to cave.  She even plays it off really well, and I buy it every time.  I hope she doesn’t try to play that card on this, 

[smackie9]

3 hours ago, HappyHippie said:

Thank you.  
 

I will try to say something like that the next time she brings it up.

honestly, yesterday she seemed to be a bit better.  And I felt love towards me even a few times.  

Even though she did bring it up again, she didn’t seem to get really mad and explode like I was expecting.  But- she’s probably not done asking me.. 

ill say something g like your example next time it comes up, and see what kind of response I get.

she likes to tell me she wants a divorce to get me to cave.  She even plays it off really well, and I buy it every time.  I hope she doesn’t try to play that card on this, 

dude seriously...give her the divorce.

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, HappyHippie said:

she likes to tell me she wants a divorce to get me to cave.  She even plays it off really well, and I buy it every time.

What are you saying when she asks for that? If she says it again, ask her why. Asks her what is so wrong or terrible that she wants a divorce. Be straightforward and honest with her. Accept if you did do something but don't feel like you need to shoulder all the blame or give into anything from her. Relationships are about communication, teamwork and compromise.

I had a woman who would requirely try to pull away from me like that. I didn't take it. Yes, I wanted to be with her and it tore me up to hear her questioning things. But I also saw through the games and into the heart of why she was saying it. I called her on the nonsense that she pulled while still holding firm that I thought we were good together and I wanted to be with her. And it usually got her to admit her issues and let us continue the journey we were on together. Eventually I let it go because she was not in the state to fully commit. But even then, I remained firm on holding each of accountable for our own acts.

Again, it's your relationship and no one elses. It doesn't have to be broken beyond repair. If both of you are willing to work on things, it could improve. But it has to be mutual. 

There may come a point when it is too much. Only you and her can figure out if you've reached that point. If the pain of being together is greater then the joy you share, then it is time to consider that option. 

Go anywhere that has internet and research where to get help. Is there a library nearby? Finding someone to talk to is the first step. And we're here in the meantime.

 

[MissCanuck]

Get the divorce and live a happy life. 

 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, HappyHippie said:

Thank you.  
 

I will try to say something like that the next time she brings it up.

honestly, yesterday she seemed to be a bit better.  And I felt love towards me even a few times.  

Even though she did bring it up again, she didn’t seem to get really mad and explode like I was expecting.  But- she’s probably not done asking me.. 

ill say something g like your example next time it comes up, and see what kind of response I get.

she likes to tell me she wants a divorce to get me to cave.  She even plays it off really well, and I buy it every time.  I hope she doesn’t try to play that card on this, 

There’s no trying. There’s doing and not doing. I’m reminded of an annoying classmate I had in grad school who was dating a really handsome classmate. They got engaged. Apparently she got mad at him and tossed the ring at him. He kept it. Engagement over. She was really surprised as if was one of those games. Call her bluff. 

[HappyHippie]

6 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Get the divorce and live a happy life. 

 

That is not so easy though.. 

I would financially crumble, and my son loves her too..

i don’t want that route yet, but I definitely don’t want the same.  

I definitely have already addressed the spending thing, and multiple times she’s said, we’re ***ed because of me aren’t we?  So maybe this will be the end of that.  I sure hope so..

As far as her boyfriend thing.. I don’t know.  She didn’t bring it up today, but I feel like the last few times we talked about it I was very firm.  I don’t want an open relationship, and I’m not comfortable with her spending time at her old FWBs house, period.  If she brings it up again, I’m going to tell her that, and that if we want to establish healthy boundaries then we can talk about it through counseling.  
 

I doubt it will end well to be honest, but the fact that she hasn’t gotten so angry the last few times is good.

[HappyHippie]

4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

There’s no trying. There’s doing and not doing. I’m reminded of an annoying classmate I had in grad school who was dating a really handsome classmate. They got engaged. Apparently she got mad at him and tossed the ring at him. He kept it. Engagement over. She was really surprised as if was one of those games. Call her bluff. 

Fair.  She has told me before that she’s said things just to purposely get at me, and even though I take it very seriously, I have started to see the pattern.  It’s just really hard to not take it hard.  No matter what she’s done, I’ve never threatened to leave her.  I want the same treatment back, but I am seriously doubting it’ll ever get there.  Maybe I do just call her bluff. Let her go, change the locks.. I just dk. 

[HappyHippie]

On 9/7/2024 at 8:49 AM, Andrina said:

You have really poor self-worth when you've put up with all the treatment you describe here. If she cared about you as the special person you are, she would not be meeting up with men you don't know and whom she's boinked in the past. If she cared about your happiness, she'd want you to spend some time with friends and hobbies, having a well-rounded life. 

I agree with the lyrics of the song "I Swear." "And though I'll make mistakes, I'll never break your heart." That's how it should be.

I wouldn't even bother with counseling with a woman like this. In your shoes, I'd divorce and then work on my self-worth a good long time before dating again, lest I repeat the same pattern of becoming a doormat to another toxic partner.

I appreciate it.. if it doesn’t work out I definitely plan on spending a long time alone.  That’s what I did before this one, I thought I got to a good spot tbh.  I spent years single doi g hobbies with my good friends.  Then I started watching gundam, which has love stories in them, and of course it made me mushy-gushy, and want it.

honestly, she’s a completely different person from when I first met her.  I matched her energy towards me, and I never let it go.  Somewhere along the way she definitely let hers go.. around the time I had to trade in the car because she “needed something new”.  Which sucks because it was right after she moved in, and I was just so ecstatic and happy we were living together now, and then bam she’s here in a super depressive mood.  Extremely obsessed about a car, to the point of moping about it. She said “somethings gotta change, or I’m gonna make it change, even if I have to leave”  It was freaking me out, I was putting all this energy and effort in, and she was completely down.. I made a rash decision in a desperate attempt to get things back to the way they were.
 

but yeah, around then she changed.  
 

these past few days she’s been a bit better towards me at least.  Maybe it will keep up and we’ll get back to where we were.. one can hope at least.

[HappyHippie]

8 hours ago, ShySoul said:

What are you saying when she asks for that? If she says it again, ask her why. Asks her what is so wrong or terrible that she wants a divorce. Be straightforward and honest with her. Accept if you did do something but don't feel like you need to shoulder all the blame or give into anything from her. Relationships are about communication, teamwork and compromise.

I had a woman who would requirely try to pull away from me like that. I didn't take it. Yes, I wanted to be with her and it tore me up to hear her questioning things. But I also saw through the games and into the heart of why she was saying it. I called her on the nonsense that she pulled while still holding firm that I thought we were good together and I wanted to be with her. And it usually got her to admit her issues and let us continue the journey we were on together. Eventually I let it go because she was not in the state to fully commit. But even then, I remained firm on holding each of accountable for our own acts.

Again, it's your relationship and no one elses. It doesn't have to be broken beyond repair. If both of you are willing to work on things, it could improve. But it has to be mutual. 

There may come a point when it is too much. Only you and her can figure out if you've reached that point. If the pain of being together is greater then the joy you share, then it is time to consider that option. 

Go anywhere that has internet and research where to get help. Is there a library nearby? Finding someone to talk to is the first step. And we're here in the meantime.

 

So I’m not an angry person, at all.  I have to be pushed very far to get mad, usually.  When she says things like that to me, I usually just get very emotional and cry.  I try to ask why.

last time it happened was because she was in an argument with my mother.  I told her that mom had text me and asked “are we ok” and I responded with “yes” because I am not a person who holds grudges or anger.  I told my wife about this.  She said “you’re not on my side?, *** this I’m going to so-and-so’s, and I want a divorce.”  Walked out- got in our car.  Then came back up to the door and asked for her phone.  I walked it out to her. I said bye be careful.  She flipped me off and said send me my money from the car.  Then a few minutes go by of her sitting there, and she calls me. “Did you fix it yet?” (Insinuating to me- that she wanted me to be ugly to my mother some way) I said “no, I don’t know what to do to fix it, and idk if I can either.”  She asked me to come sit with her in the car, and she seemed to have calmed down, and told me she wanted me to be on her side and basically if she’s not ok with my mom, then neither should I be.  

should I just go to a psychiatrist?  I’ve been wanting to see one for awhile.  My emotions are very very extreme a lot of the time.   I feel like that could be a good option to talk to someone alone?

[HappyHippie]

I guess what I need to know as well, is how to stand up for myself when it comes to this old FWB.  
 

she hasn’t asked today, but with how much she talks about this dude and how much it comes up, I’m sure she will be asking again soon.  
 

how can I tell her that her going to eat with him and bringing him to the airport or going out with a group of friends, going with me, even Snapchat is all okay, but I will never be comfortable with her going alone to his house to play “video games.”  I think that she thinks she can convince me or talk me into it.

 

i think a lot of this is stemming her unhappiness.  I feel like she has gave herself the false hope that I would be okay with this happening ever since I met him I. Person.  
 

i don’t care what she says either, she can say she would forgive me all she wants, but I would be playing with fire to think I could do half the things I let her do.  At least in the past..

If this is her unhappiness, how can I even remedy it?  Even with all the crap I’ve taken I still continue to treat her the best I can..

also sorry for the multiple posts- I just have a lot of thoughts to get out, and had to respond to a few posts.  I don’t get much alone time to post.

[WendyT]

On 9/3/2024 at 11:43 PM, HappyHippie said:

 

I left it at that.  But I can’t help but choking back tears all day.  I don’t even know how she could say that.. in the past she even ravaged my Facebook friends list, basically deleting every female I didn’t actually know.  

 

I love her so much- despite everything.  I don’t know what to do.. 

 

 

Oh bless you - this all sounds way too much.  It certainly looks as if her feelings have changed towards you.

 

On 9/3/2024 at 11:43 PM, HappyHippie said:

She told me she loved me forever.  Which did make me happy for a second.  She kept talking, she said “seriously, forever, I could even forgive you…”. Stopped for a second.  Then said “I could even forgive you for cheating.  Hell you could have a side girl if you wanted something different, I know you will still love me.  You love me so much.”.. pause.. then “I could have a boyfriend, I am an attention ***”.   I said “no, I don’t want that.”

 

 

This almost sounds as if she is 'planting the seed' so to speak. She would forgive you remember so you should forgive her... *alarm bells*

One other observation as we only have your version of events here, none of this is your fault. Don't be hard on yourself and get lost in your love for her. Be respectful to yourself & don't take any ***. Life is too short to be mistreated however much you love someone.

 

Good luck 

[lostandhurt]

I don't know how you got to this place but you need to get yourself out of it.

 I have read every word you have written and I keep thinking the same thing.  She is cheating on you and now has the balls to ask you for permission to do it.

 You are now nothing more to her than a security blanket and ATM.  You provide money, a car and a place to live between her running around on you. 

I highly suggest you open a separate bank account and start depositing money into it without her knowledge so you can save up as much as possible so when this all blows up you will have some security.

 You will not be able to talk her into loving you once again, you will not be able to beg her to treat you right, you will not be able to talk her into having a decent character and you will not be able to talk her into not being the selfish brat she is.

 I am sorry but no amount of marriage counseling is going to help.  She is a selfish entitled person that needs constant validation from other men, constant "new things" in her life to make her happy and shows you nothing but disdain because you will not let give her permission to basically do what ever she wants.

 She has clearly shown you who she is, when are you going to open your eyes and see it?

I am sorry but she is not marriage material and never has been.

Lost

[MissCanuck]

On 9/9/2024 at 3:28 AM, HappyHippie said:

That is not so easy though.. 

Of course divorce is not so easy. 

But neither is staying in a marriage that destroys your dignity and self-worth. She is already checked out and lining up your replacement. 

You need to be prepared for her to end this marriage. 

[HappyHippie]

On 9/12/2024 at 7:22 AM, WendyT said:

Oh bless you - this all sounds way too much.  It certainly looks as if her feelings have changed towards you.

 

This almost sounds as if she is 'planting the seed' so to speak. She would forgive you remember so you should forgive her... *alarm bells*

One other observation as we only have your version of events here, none of this is your fault. Don't be hard on yourself and get lost in your love for her. Be respectful to yourself & don't take any ***. Life is too short to be mistreated however much you love someone.

 

Good luck 

I appreciate it, very much. I’ll do my best.

[HappyHippie]

On 9/12/2024 at 9:08 AM, lostandhurt said:

I don't know how you got to this place but you need to get yourself out of it.

 I have read every word you have written and I keep thinking the same thing.  She is cheating on you and now has the balls to ask you for permission to do it.

 You are now nothing more to her than a security blanket and ATM.  You provide money, a car and a place to live between her running around on you. 

I highly suggest you open a separate bank account and start depositing money into it without her knowledge so you can save up as much as possible so when this all blows up you will have some security.

 You will not be able to talk her into loving you once again, you will not be able to beg her to treat you right, you will not be able to talk her into having a decent character and you will not be able to talk her into not being the selfish brat she is.

 I am sorry but no amount of marriage counseling is going to help.  She is a selfish entitled person that needs constant validation from other men, constant "new things" in her life to make her happy and shows you nothing but disdain because you will not let give her permission to basically do what ever she wants.

 She has clearly shown you who she is, when are you going to open your eyes and see it?

I am sorry but she is not marriage material and never has been.

Lost

Thank you.

She has been married several times before.  Should’ve been a red flag, but she was extremely good to me at the beginning.  I brushed a lot off.  She honestly did an amazing job of getting me to fall for her..  

The more and more we go on the more it feels like she doesn’t care for my feelings.  I went through the divorce threat again today.

 

i don’t know how to put money in a separate bank account without her knowing.  I mean even when I go off alone, the locations are shared.  She’s on my bank account.  My kid even cares for her.. I care for her kids.. it’s a mess.  This really sucks, and I’m starting g to think the same way that you are in the fact that I don’t think she will ever treat me like she used too.  

[HappyHippie]

On 9/12/2024 at 9:38 AM, MissCanuck said:

Of course divorce is not so easy. 

But neither is staying in a marriage that destroys your dignity and self-worth. She is already checked out and lining up your replacement. 

You need to be prepared for her to end this marriage. 

I appreciate the heads up.  I’ll do what I can to prepare although I am royally ***ed no matter what it feels

[ShySoul]

On 9/8/2024 at 7:03 PM, HappyHippie said:

should I just go to a psychiatrist?  I’ve been wanting to see one for awhile.  My emotions are very very extreme a lot of the time.   I feel like that could be a good option to talk to someone alone?

Don't make assumptions and decisions unless you are fully ready to do something. If there are doubts, sort through them. Also don't go off the words of strangers online with no training and who aren't even there to observe what is really happening. We haven't spoken with her, none of us can really know what she is doing or why. At this point, speaking to a professional is your best bet. They should hopefully be able to help you sort through the myriad of emotions going on inside you and help you see what is best for you.

How are you paid? It didn't sound like she reviewed the bank statements. I believe I have the option at my work to deposit into different accounts. Could you do the same? There has to be some time where you can get out and speak to someone from a bank. 

I really feel for you. You seem like a sweet, loving guy. You deserve a relationship that makes you feel happy and loved. I hope you can have that at some point.

[lostandhurt]

4 hours ago, HappyHippie said:

She has been married several times before.  Should’ve been a red flag, but she was extremely good to me at the beginning.  I brushed a lot off.  She honestly did an amazing job of getting me to fall for her..  

and there you have it

  The love you feel for her is blinding you to the truth you just don't want to see or believe.  She sees something she wants and does what it takes to get it whether it is a car, phone or husband.  Then she gets bored and wants the next new thing to distract herself or make herself happy at everyone else's expense.

You don't need a psychiatrist to tell you what is going on, you just need to take a step back and see this through a strangers eyes.  Married several times, poured on the charm to get you and now treats you like crap, threatens divorce if she doesn't get her way, spends a lot of time with guys she had a sex only relationship with.  

This reminds me of another thread some time back, almost exactly. That guy thought he was screwed if he tried to get a divorce too. I don't know about you but I would rather struggle financially and have to rebuild my life than stay with someone that only values me for a paycheck.

Lost