What was the point in my ex asking why I blocked him ?

[Taylor]

So I can admit that I have been playing a little *** for tat with my ex. We broke up 6 months ago but have been in off and on contact since then, and hooked up some months ago. Anyways about a month and half ago he confess that he still liked me and wanted to take me out for food. So I agree he ends up basically ghosting me after I said I agreed. So I decided to block him on all platforms.

He plays the *** for tat game and decided to do the same. He ends up unblocking me a month later and starts viewing my social media posts. He then sends me a text asking me “why did you block me weirdo”? I told him why. He then proceeded to send a long paragraph explaining how he had to work and he was going out of town etc, then he apologized for the communication.

He then tells me that he was going to apologize but when he tried, he found out he was blocked so he decided to block me back because he said “I had him f*** up”.

I then proceeded to tell him I’ve moved on and have healed from the situation and us in general. I did kinda let him have it basically explaining to him how I felt like he was and has been playing with my feelings etc. he starts sending me paragraphs asking me why I felt like that, especially since he confessed that he still had feelings for me as well. He then said “I always still had feelings for you but didn’t think we needed to be in a relationship again, and I’ve told you that”. Which by the way he never said that to me.

I finally say “so what I’m getting from you is you wanted to be sexual with me, sometimes hangout but not commit to me again”?

He replied saying “yup that’s what you’re getting from me, at most I only wanted to be friends, and I’ve been told you that”.

I was in shock it was kinda a heartless statement. Not only shocked but confused cause why are you even texting me asking me why I blocked you and having a full on conversation with paragraphs with someone who you don’t care about like that anymore?

I’m 23 this too shall pass but it kinda pushed me back a notch in my healing process. It was my fault for even giving him the time or day and even responding to him.
Any advice ?

[yogacat]

Oooh yeah, that ***-for-tat feels so exasperating. You guys must love push and pull. Pushy, pull-back. 

Yeah, this cycle needs to stop. He wants your attention but not your company. He likes you but doesn't want a relationship. He wants to hook up but doesn't want the emotional attachment. That makes him dangerous but also amusing.

C'mon. He makes plans and ghost you later. Then, after you try to move on, he reaches out again and blames you for blocking him. It's a passive-aggressive way of him getting under your skin and making you feel like you're the crazy one. I'm not saying he's this evil genius and doing it on purpose, but this is what is happening. There is no middle ground with this guy, and he will continue to mess with your emotions if you give him the chance.

[Cherylyn]

It's time to go your separate ways and make it final.  Text him this:  I wish you all the best.  Please do not contact me and thank you for honoring my wishes.  "Your Name."  If he's relentless,  block and delete him everywhere.  Be done with him.

It's not a good idea to be friends because it's mentally unhealthy for you.  Move on.

[shouldhavelearned]

Don't even text them.

 

Just block everything and change your number if you need to.

[ShySoul]

You said you've been doing it to. What exactly did you do? Did you give him any indication that you would be okay with such an arrangement? In hooking up, could you have given him the impression you wanted that and didn't expect a relationship?

That doesn't excuse his behavior. Though it's good to both sides to own up to their individual roles in this.

At this point, you know who he is and what he wants. Believe it. If that is not what you want, just stop contact. No games. No second guessing. No trying to be something you aren't. Just put an end to it before either of you get hurt again. If you don't you'll just face set back after set back and never heal.

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

It's time to go your separate ways and make it final.  Text him this:  I wish you all the best.  Please do not contact me and thank you for honoring my wishes.  "Your Name."  If he's relentless,  block and delete him everywhere.  Be done with him.

It's not a good idea to be friends because it's mentally unhealthy for you.  Move on.

Yes and realize all this time playing these silly games are wasting time and emotional energy you could be spending on making new friends and potentially meeting new people to date who you'd have stuff in common with and interact in a reasonably adult and mature fashion. Also after awhile this will eat away at  your stomach acid and be a trigger that men are somehow "jerks" if you keep playing in a dirty sandbox as you are doing with this man.

[HeartGoesOn]

As long as continue to be a willing participant in his game, your results will stay the same.

I could be off base, but it appears he enjoys playing this game, while knowing your goal is to win him back. As they say "be careful what you wish for."

[Taylor]

12 minutes ago, HeartGoesOn said:

As long as continue to be a willing participant in his game, your results will stay the same.

I could be off base, but it appears he enjoys playing this game, while knowing your goal is to win him back. As they say "be careful what you wish for."

I blocked him everywhere.

[Taylor]

These are the paragraphs he sent me word for word. 
 

1- Don’t act like you didn’t want to.. and wym feeling myself? You buggin lol  that was close to the time when I was going out of town and they scheduled me 6 days and I ended up working 7 in a row that Thursday happened to be my 7th day they asked can I come in I was pissed af I wasn’t on my phone the entire day. I went to text you I believe Saturday to apologize and explain the situation but you had blocked me so chill. 

 

2- I’m not on no high horse I’m just saying. That’s what YOU think I’m thinking but it’s not the case lol but it wasn’t on purpose or anything I just had a long week that week and I could’ve reached out sooner thats on me but when I did go to reach out I was blocked

 

3-Cause you had me fu**d up so I blocked back. And as far as stalking your page is wild I viewed a single story nor am I playing little games but you got it I was just curious to why you blocked me I won’t bother you anymore

 

4-How did I play with your feelings? And how did I get an ego boost when I said I still had feelings for you at the time? Don’t make sense to me

 

5-An ego boost to what exactly!? I didn’t have an ego from none of that to begin with idk but I’m sorry if you felt I played with your feelings wasn’t my intentions and once again I won’t bother you anymore. Take care Taylor. 
 

6-You talkin bout the first time we hung out after all that or the very last time we did? Bc when we went to lunch did I not say I still had feelings for you but don’t think it’s a good idea to be together? I’m confused

 

it doesn’t matter but these were all his paragraphs that he sent me when we were having this conversation. 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

14 hours ago, Taylor said:

We broke up 6 months ago..

Why did you break up?

Anyway reading his message, it sounds like you hurt him as much as he hurt you.

And jmo but no one, man or woman, sends an emotionally-driven multi-paragraph text saying what he said unless they still have BIG feelings. 

He pretty much opened up and made himself vulnerable and what do you do in response"

YOU blocked him everywhere.  SMH

This is what happens when we only hear one side, in this case yours.  You created this thread and presented the situation like your ex was an a-hole and that's what some posters responded to.

With more context and after you posted his message, we discover something entirely different which IMO is that you fueled this fire as much as he did, you may have even started it.

Please provide more context like what transpired that caused you to break up.

Thanks. 

 

 

[Taylor]

10 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Why did you break up?

Anyway reading his message, it sounds like you hurt him as much as he hurt you.

And jmo but no one, man or woman, sends an emotionally-driven multi-paragraph text saying what he said unless they still have BIG feelings. 

He pretty much opened up and made himself vulnerable and what do you do in response"

YOU blocked him everywhere.  SMH

This is what happens when we only hear one side, in this case yours.  You created this thread and presented the situation like your ex was an a-hole and that's what some posters responded to.

With more context and after you posted his message, we discover something entirely different which IMO is that you fueled this fire as much as he did, you may have even started it.

Please provide more context like what transpired that caused you to break up.

Thanks. 

 

 

Are relationship was only for 3 months but it was deep on both ends. Are breakup ended because we argued too much and he ended up ghosting me on Valentine’s Day as a way to hurt me. That was the last straw. It was unhealthy at the time. I have lots of faults in it and so does he. 
 

When we got back in contact after are break up, after weeks of texting I asked him what his intentions were. He told me he would much rather discuss it in person. So we met up talked and of course shared lots of kisses. Then after that I heard nothing from him for a while. We ended up meeting up again a month and half later. We agreed that it was just to have s*x. I was in an emotional vulnerable state at the time, because I just lost someone that was close to me in my private life. So that’s why I decided to meet up with him and do that. 
 

about a month goes by and we started texting again. He responded to a quote of mine on social media, and confessed to me that he still liked me. So I told him to do something about it. He then proceeded to ask me to lunch and picked a day. I agreed on the day. After that it was crickets he never opened the message of me agreeing to the day. Serval days went by and I heard nothing. Him telling me that it was because he was at work etc(the first paragraph I posted from him) was bull. He was still viewing all my socials so he couldn’t have been that busy. 
 

During that conversation that I posted. I asked him a final question. “So what I’m getting is you just wanted to have sex with me, maybe hang out but you don’t/or haven’t wanted to commit to me”? 
 

he responded saying “yeah that’s what your getting, at most I wanted to be friends if anything”. 
 

That’s why he got blocked. 

[Batya33]

Why would you want to continue interacting with someone who would be so mean as to ghost you on Valentines Day after dating a very short period of time?

[yogacat]

Nope. Sorry.

He can say what he wants but he ghosted you after making plans and confessing that he had feelings for you. It doesn't matter if he had to work a lot or went out of town - if he truly cared about you, he would have found a way to reach out and apologize sooner. And now he's playing the victim and acting like you're the one who cut him off when he was the one who ghosted you in the first place.

[rainbowsandroses]

19 minutes ago, Taylor said:

Are breakup ended because we argued too much...

About what?  It's matters. 

In my experience most men literally hate arguing and all that drama.  Hate, hate hate it. 

And even when they really like a girl, he WILL break up with her.

What had transpired before he ghosted you?  Were you attempting to stir up drama again?

Not accusing just asking! 

There are three sides to every story, yours, his and the truth!

Very rarely do we hear the truth because that would entail people own their role in the breakup and events occurring afterwards.

In any event, sounds like this is DONE, good luck. 

 

 

 

[Taylor]

5 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Nope. Sorry.

He can say what he wants but he ghosted you after making plans and confessing that he had feelings for you. It doesn't matter if he had to work a lot or went out of town - if he truly cared about you, he would have found a way to reach out and apologize sooner. And now he's playing the victim and acting like you're the one who cut him off when he was the one who ghosted you in the first place.

My point exactly. Then him asking me why I blocked him like he didn’t know. 

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, Taylor said:

My point exactly. Then him asking me why I blocked him like he didn’t know. 

Because it takes two to play immature games.  So if you didn't play he'd not have had the opportunity to continue playing and ask.  There is no "point" other than the point is you're overthinking and wasting time with a person who clearly is not a friend to you let alone someone with potential for a romantic relationship with you.

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, Taylor said:

...we argued too much and he ended up ghosting me on Valentine’s Day as a way to hurt me.

There's a huge difference between loving someone versus wanting to control them. Love is not just an emotion, it's a genuine caring about another and how we can impact their feelings with our loving behaviors. Control is just about one-upmanship, and there's nothing  loving' about it.

The guy wants to manipulate you into no-strings-atached sex, and his ego believes that he can sell you on that. All else is just noise and tactics. I'd block, him all right. Everywhere.

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

And jmo but no one, man or woman, sends an emotionally-driven multi-paragraph text saying what he said unless they still have BIG feelings. 

Or a big ego and an agenda.

[rainbowsandroses]

3 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Or a big ego and an agenda.

Why so negative against him @catfeeder? 

Remember, we are only hearing OP's side and her posts reflect she stirred the pot just as hard and often as he did.

Anyway I won't be so quick to trash him, I'd have to hear his version of things.  Although just like OP is doing imo, he may sway things in his favor just like OP is doing (in her favor) so he appears more like the victim.

Regardless, to me his message sounded emotionally-driven and honest and big ego or not, I don't think a man who didn't give a *** would spend the time or energy writing it.  JMO.

I dunno who they hell knows.  What I think we do all agree on (or the majority of us) is that this situation is toxic and unhealthy for both and it's best it end, permanently.

 

 

 

[catfeeder]

Just now, rainbowsandroses said:

Why so negative against him @catfeeder? 

 

His pattern of standing her up, which alone would be enough, if not for his stated plan to go back to just having sex.

Other than that, he's a real charmer...

[rainbowsandroses]

18 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

His pattern of standing her up, which alone would be enough, if not for his stated plan to go back to just having sex.

Other than that, he's a real charmer...

Cat, don't wish to go back and forth but for every action there is a reaction, and a reaction to that reaction etc, positive or negative.

And again we don't know what prompted him to say the things he said or take the actions he took. 

I'm not blaming OP however her behavior wasn't exactly stellar either and I'm still waiting for her response re what they argued about enough that he broke up with her, assuming he did.

To clarify I am not defending him and he could very well be all the things you said.  Or not.

I never said or even suggested he was a "charmer," truth is I have no idea, HE isn't here to explain his side of things.

I think in this case, from what's been posted, they are both to blame if "blame" is even the the right word and either they talk it out openly and honesty, NO games, or end this permanently.

JMO.

 

 

[catfeeder]

22 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Cat, don't wish to go back and forth...

You don't have to.  A no-show is a no-go for me. Not once, but twice, and he'd have no opportunity for the crude request for NS sex. Speaking only for myself, none of this would be negotiable. Next.

[rainbowsandroses]

Just now, catfeeder said:

Speaking only for myself...

^^Fair enough cat, as do I. 😀

[yogacat]

2 hours ago, Taylor said:

My point exactly. Then him asking me why I blocked him like he didn’t know. 

Well, good, you blocked him, and you wanted to know what was the point in your ex asking why you blocked him.

Now you know.

He doesn't want a relationship with you, but he still wants to have you around for sex and whatever else he wants. He's just playing games and trying to make you feel bad for blocking him. You said you dated for three months. It sounds like he was not really in it back then, too.

You're wasting your time if you're still hoping he will change his mind. I'm not saying you didn't have your faults, but he's telling you how it is. He wants to be friends-as in friends with benefits. By the way, your story sounds oddly familiar. I know you've posted about him before.

He has a habit of ghosting you, yet you seem to think his bad behavior towards you is understandable. If you reply to him, you're the one who's "playing" this sick little game too. Just cut him out of your life. What can he do for you right now? Sex? If he wants it, he can find a one-nighter.

[rainbowsandroses]

3 hours ago, Taylor said:

Are relationship was only for 3 months but it was deep on both ends. Are breakup ended because we argued too much and he ended up ghosting me on Valentine’s Day as a way to hurt me. That was the last straw. It was unhealthy at the time.   I have lots of faults in it and so does he. 

@Taylor thank you for posting this^!  I missed it the first time.

It is precisely what I was referring to -- owning your role. 

As HE should as well, that's how a couple resolves a conflict.  It's the first step anyway. 

Re last two sentences, can you share what some of your faults were that you believed caused you to argue resulting in him ghosting you?  And that made your relationship unhealthy?

Life is not black and white, there are so many shades of gray and nuances, which is why context is so important.

I once ghosted a man I was dating for a short while.  Hearing HIS side one would think I was the wicked witch of the west! 

My side?  He verbally attacked me (called me a b****) while having dinner one night so I left the restaurant and blocked him.