I’m having retroactive jealousy and insecurities around my bf’s dating histor

[MissCanuck]

Is it correct that you have only met this man twice in person? 

[Holssi]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

So then is your expectation that when the counselor is not around he will not be cold and dismissive if you raise any number of concerns? He's just this way -cold and dismissive -when it comes to his bragging about who is checking him out and telling  you who is checking you out in public?

Im sorry i dont understand what you mean….

[Holssi]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Is it correct that you have only met this man twice in person? 

Yes

[yogacat]

8 minutes ago, Holssi said:

Yes

This is a big piece. How come in 1.5 years, you've only met twice? 

[Holssi]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

This is a big piece. How come in 1.5 years, you've only met twice? 

Because of our schedules and money. He has law school and i have work that I can’t just leave to go on vacation easily. On top of that, we both have to save up cause international plane tickets are expensive. Its not like we can fly to each other on a monthly basis. He is planning to come visit me again on Thanksgiving break. 

[Batya33]

I mean let's say at this session you accomplish your goal of telling him how you felt with the counselor there. Is this a virtual session since you are long distance? So when the counselor-as-mediator is not there do you expect he will behave thoughtfully as he did in the session? What do you think the counselor can do after you share your concerns?

If you have only met twice and this is already this huge an issue -I'd cut my losses and move on particularly with all the logistical problems of living in the same place.

[Holssi]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I mean let's say at this session you accomplish your goal of telling him how you felt with the counselor there. Is this a virtual session since you are long distance? So when the counselor-as-mediator is not there do you expect he will behave thoughtfully as he did in the session? What do you think the counselor can do after you share your concerns?

If you have only met twice and this is already this huge an issue -I'd cut my losses and move on particularly with all the logistical problems of living in the same place.

Thank you so much for clarifying. Yes, its a virtual session. If the counselor is not there, I don’t expect a swift change but slowly and surely, there will be. I’m honestly not so sure what the counselor can do for this particular situation as this is unique from all the concerns we brought up before. 

[MissCanuck]

My concern that is that you two already need couple's therapy and you've only met twice.

I would urge you not to over-invest in this. 

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, Holssi said:

Thank you so much for clarifying. Yes, its a virtual session. If the counselor is not there, I don’t expect a swift change but slowly and surely, there will be. I’m honestly not so sure what the counselor can do for this particular situation as this is unique from all the concerns we brought up before. 

I agree with Miss Canuck -as they say throwing good money after bad.  On top of that with your specific situation virtual sessions will not replace being right up close and personal with this man you've met twice and see what he is like in person when you communicate.  In person-regularly meeting -over months.  You're going to have no sense of what that will be like even if you do virtual sessions with a man you met twice.

[Holssi]

On 9/3/2024 at 4:45 PM, MissCanuck said:

My concern that is that you two already need couple's therapy and you've only met twice.

I would urge you not to over-invest in this. 

I guess we both just want to make it work. He was the one that suggested couples therapy from the beginning. Perhaps you’re right that I shouldn’t over-invest

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, Holssi said:

I guess we both just want to make it work. He was the one that suggested couples therapy from the beginning. Perhaps you’re right that I shouldn’t over-invest

Your feelings are valid.  Then it takes head and heart.  Make what work? Seeing each other once in a blue moon and then maybe he will be able to be a lawyer where you live in years from now? And already there's so much stress you need -therapy?

[Holssi]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Your feelings are valid.  Then it takes head and heart.  Make what work? Seeing each other once in a blue moon and then maybe he will be able to be a lawyer where you live in years from now? And already there's so much stress you need -therapy?

Idk what to say anymore….with how all the responses are going, it seems like the direction i should take is to end it

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, Holssi said:

He was the one that suggested couples therapy from the beginning.

Why?