What are the main reasons you are not dating at this stage?

[AuthenticSelf]

Just very curious, I see so many women in my city. They are very talented and amazing and they have plenty of options. They met quite a number of guys too. 

However, they are not consider dating anyone.

I don't get it. 

 

So, just our of curiosity, what are the main objections people not consider dating or going on a relationship at this stage? 

[yogacat]

I didn't date for two years after the end of an engagement. I was pretty much in back-to-back relationships from the age of 16 so I wanted to focus on career and friends and  "me" time for a while. When I did start dating again, I took it casually and didn't have any serious intentions until I met someone that I really liked. A lot of people even with many options choose to focus on other aspects of their life or just simply enjoy being single. I loved being single. Now, I don't necessarily LOVE being single but I also don't really want to actively date either. 😄

[smackie9]

After a LTR, I usually took about a year and a half off from looking for anything serious. 

[ShySoul]

In no particular order:

There is no one I meet that interests me. If I don't feel a connection or spark with anyone, I'm not spending my time trying to create it.

There is no one that displays any interest in me. Hard to see anyone if no one wants to see you.

I don't believe in dating in general. Seeing random people and trying to see what sticks seems a rather half haphazard way of going about things. I've always believed life puts the opportunities in front of us when the time is right, and all we have to do is grab hold of them when they get here. So I go about my life, meeting the people I meet and just interacting with them as usual. I'm not trying to find anything, I'm just going to live. And if something happens with someone I know and am friends with, then we will see where it leads.

What's wrong with being single? Dating is not a necessity in life. You can be just as happy (or even moreso), on your own.

 

[Batya33]

19 hours ago, AuthenticSelf said:

Just very curious, I see so many women in my city. They are very talented and amazing and they have plenty of options. They met quite a number of guys too. 

However, they are not consider dating anyone.

I don't get it. 

 

So, just our of curiosity, what are the main objections people not consider dating or going on a relationship at this stage? 

I'm married.  I only took short breaks from dating in my 24 years of dating -had to do with recent break up and for a month or so in my late 30s I threw up my hands as in "ok fine I'm hopeless when it comes to finding someone for forever." I had a fun fulfilling life in my 30s especially as a single person.  I was always completely honest with myself that I wouldn't feel entirely fulfilled in life without finding the right person to love and marry and having the opportunity to have or adopt children.  Being married to me is much more freeing than being single. Being a parent is much less freeing than being single/childfree.  But it's worth the sacrifices a million times over. I sure won the lottery in marriage and family and I am so grateful.  Having said that I would never ever suggest that someone "should" want marriage, want kids, get married or have kids.  

I will give other examples.  I have a friend who is around 50 who is really successful, brilliant, huge heart and so very very pretty.  She was head over heels for a basically unavailable man for years when she was in her 30s.  She finally stopped contact with him thank goodness. After that I don't believe she dated again.  And ironically marriage is a really big deal in the family and community she grew up in as a child/teenager.  I think that she is happy with her career, loves kids and is a doting Aunt but never pursued having her own (I never pried as to why) and simply didn't choose to be in the dating scene.

I have another friend who also is almost 50.  We met when she was 30 -at club med! And we lived near each other so we became close.  She dated very very little. Lovely person, lovely family, and also a doting Aunt.  Loves her life and is somewhat introverted/reserved.  Attractive.  I've never known her to be in a serious relationship.  I did set her up with a few guys -didn't go anywhere.  I believe she is into men.

A third friend in her late 50s -very pretty, smart, successful huge heart.  At this point rather overweight but in her 30s/early 40s had a lovely figure.  She dated some and had some relationships and in her 30s became totally besotted with someone she knew through a regular volunteer activity they did - they never hooked up, he was very flirtatious with her and arrogant - and after 3-4 years of this -they were good friends - he confessed to her that he'd been dating another volunteer secretly for years and they'd recently broken up.  Did he ever ask her out? No.  Such a waste and it really broke her heart more than once.

I don't think she's dated much at all in the past 10 years.  I think it's sad but she also has a fun and fulfilling life -she has a career, friends, interests that are -interesting!

Dating is hard especially if you're looking for long term or marriage. And that's an understatement.  It takes a lot of physical energy and emotional energy.  Some women (I wasn't one of them) decide they can have or adopt kids without a man.  So that's really what they wanted more than a marriage.  I know I'm old now - 58 - but if hypothetically I was no longer married I really don't know that I'd want to date.  I feel like I'd want a male companion -like a man to go on "dates" with -do activities with, hang out with, be plus one for events.  Just not sure I'd want to be actively dating/looking for a partner.  But who knows- it's all so hypothetical and the thought of being without my husband -well I don't wish to think about it much if at all!

I wanted to give up many times. On dating, on relationships. Luckily I had a wonderful support system with friends, my mother, my sister other friends in the front lines of dating boot camp and I got up brushed myself off from the latest boo boo and got back out there. No regrets.  But if a woman doesn't want long term I wouldn't bother with apps -too much work - and I'd simply go with the flow, live life etc -why take on all that work just for casual dating or casual sex?

[Seraphim]

If I found myself widowed I would never date again. I have never been alone , ever. I went from home to married. I would want to have life to myself . 

[Cherylyn]

9 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

If I found myself widowed I would never date again. I have never been alone , ever. I went from home to married. I would want to have life to myself . 

Me, too @Seraphim .

There was a time when I didn't date because I went through my "ugly duckling" phase throughout my school life and for a few years thereafter.  No one was attracted to me.  I had never dated throughout my school life,  never had a boyfriend,  felt resigned and accepted it. 

Therefore,  I concentrated on ascending in my career and a strange thing happened.  I started garnering a lot of attention from men.  I didn't even have to try.  Men love financially strong and independent women.  I focused on self care,  my health and blossomed to become my own.  I became a swan.  🦢 

My mother-in-law (MIL) used to say that while everyone else was sloshing in the milk (partying or fooling around),  the cream rises to the top.  It was her country saying and how true it is. 

I married at age 22 and my husband was 23 years old.  I went from home to married.  My husband is the love of my life. 💗 We have 2 sons and reside in the suburbs.  It's an established,  settled,  peaceful,  very comfortable,  stable life.  🏡 

Like @Seraphim ,  I wouldn't date nor marry again though.  To me,  no one surpasses the one I've got.   I just want to live out the remainder of my life quietly and for myself. 

[SooSad33]

Been there & done that enough, lol. ( Married once and 2 LTR)

No real interest now in dating and getting hurt anymore. I ended up mentally & emotionally exhausted getting myself emotionally invested in men who ended up leading me on for too long to liars.  So, I just had enough and have no interest in going there again 😕 .

It's been over 5 yrs now and I am fine as I am.  I do my own thing, I have my family, pets and my own interests. My friend circle is small which is how I prefer it 😉 .

I guess as we get older, we can also become more observant & wiser, lol.  Also, less tolerant. 

 

[Seraphim]

50 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Me, too @Seraphim .

There was a time when I didn't date because I went through my "ugly duckling" phase throughout my school life and for a few years thereafter.  No one was attracted to me.  I had never dated throughout my school life,  never had a boyfriend,  felt resigned and accepted it. 

Therefore,  I concentrated on ascending in my career and a strange thing happened.  I started garnering a lot of attention from men.  I didn't even have to try.  Men love financially strong and independent women.  I focused on self care,  my health and blossomed to become my own.  I became a swan.  🦢 

My mother-in-law (MIL) used to say that while everyone else was sloshing in the milk (partying or fooling around),  the cream rises to the top.  It was her country saying and how true it is. 

I married at age 22 and my husband was 23 years old.  I went from home to married.  My husband is the love of my life. 💗 We have 2 sons and reside in the suburbs.  It's an established,  settled,  peaceful,  very comfortable,  stable life.  🏡 

Like @Seraphim ,  I wouldn't date nor marry again though.  To me,  no one surpasses the one I've got.   I just want to live out the remainder of my life quietly and for myself. 

Pretty much the same for me. I am very happy with who I have and he is my first and only love . We have built a life and relationship over 35 years. 

[shouldhavelearned]

IRL 

Trying to meet and talk to people in public can be tough sometimes. Who's single and who's not?

Trying to just be a gentleman for example opening a door or asking if they need help and you get a death stare of why are you going this....

 

Could go on and on 

[ShySoul]

Not looking to invest time and a fragile, torn heart unless I am certain its going somewhere. Only have one heart, only want to give it to my one true love.

Does it matter why someone chooses not to? They all have their reasons based on their unique circumstances in life. That is the choice that is right for them at this time. Seems to me you'd be better off focused on those who are open to more. 

And the biggest question is, why do you want to date? Seek those whose reasons match yours.