princess5 Posted August 25 Share Posted August 25 Hi just looking for some advice, I am in a very happy marriage with my husband , married 10 years. We were at a work party for his job at the weekend. one of my husbands closest work colleagues was there , he is a nice guy and I know him quite well. His partner wasn’t with him at the party. we spent a lot of time talking with him at the party, he said in front of my husband and I that “X , you sure have a beautiful wife.” Another time he was standing close to me while I was sitting and he leaned his arm behind me and I could feel his hand gently touching my back. Then apparently he had been asking my husband before the party if I was coming or not , my husband said this in front of him and he got quite flustered saying he just needed to finalise numbers coming - even though he wasn’t organising the party . Not even sure what I’m asking but I felt a little uneasy after it all… and how I’ll act around him in future .. maybe I’m reading too much into it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 No you are not reading too much into this. I would say in future limit your interaction with him and if he does some more touchy feelly stuff on you, use a stern voice and say "Oh no you don't." Then walk away. He will definitely leave you alone after that. I get it..stuff like that makes you freeze, not want to make a scene or question "did that just happen?" or even mention it to your husband. BUT if you don't do anything about it, to him that's an open invitation for more. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 I'd avoid him. If your husband is with you, stay on his side or closer to his side. I've been in similar situations and it's creepy. Learn to protect yourself. Never be alone with that guy. Always be with people and near them as opposed to being in close proximity to the groper. Play it safe. You can't accuse anyone if you don't have video to prove it. It's your word against his. Therefore, learn to avoid him at all costs in order to feel protected and safe. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chess103 Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 he's eyeing you. proceed with caution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shouldhavelearned Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 Stay away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NighttimeNightmare Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 Have you shared these concerns with your husband? What did he say? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princess5 Posted August 26 Author Share Posted August 26 This guy is quite flirty by nature so I didnt feel threatened as such near him and just regarded it as harmless at the time . The hand behind the back was subtle and it didn’t last long at all really. Do men not just behave a little like that when there’s alcohol involved? What makes you think there was more to it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NighttimeNightmare Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 1 hour ago, princess5 said: Do men not just behave a little like that when there’s alcohol involved? Men aren’t a monolith. I don’t put my hands on people having had alcohol 1 hour ago, princess5 said: What makes you think there was more to it Are you interested in the taboo and excitement of this? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 1 hour ago, princess5 said: Do men not just behave a little like that when there’s alcohol involved? What makes you think there was more to it Oh, there is more to it. Usually men are oblivious when it comes to stuff like that but sometimes women can be oblivious too. Especially when it flatters them. Just because he is married doesnt mean he doesnt want extramarital affair. Especially when he handles backhanded compliments and touches. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princess5 Posted August 26 Author Share Posted August 26 I guess I’ve been with my husband so long that I almost am blind to advances 🤪 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 Are you attracted to him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princess5 Posted August 26 Author Share Posted August 26 No I’m not as I said I am in a very happy marriage . I just thought it weird the things he said in front of my husband .. just remembered another thing he said .. I told my husband I wanted to go home and he said “oh are you gagging for some action “ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 1 minute ago, princess5 said: No I’m not as I said I am in a very happy marriage Yes, I got that. That doesn't mean you can't find someone else attractive. So, tell your husband you find this man's behaviour inappropirate and you don't want to be around him anymore. 2 minutes ago, princess5 said: I told my husband I wanted to go home and he said “oh are you gagging for some action “ Ew. This clown is a creep. He probably behaves this way with most women. He's too comfortable being sleezy for this to have been his first rodeo. You were likely not the only target of his ick that night, either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 4 minutes ago, princess5 said: I told my husband I wanted to go home and he said “oh are you gagging for some action “ What in a Gods name? How is that a nice guy according to you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princess5 Posted August 26 Author Share Posted August 26 I always thought he was nice until the other night.he has never been like that before . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 Everybody's different, so I wouldn't try to lump his behavior in with 'a man thing.' I mean, haven't you ever seen any women behave in ways that you would not? So theirs is not a 'woman thing,' right? I'm raising this not to finger-wag, but just to suggest that you avoid robbing yourself of valuable information about individuals. None of us can tell you exactly why he made you uncomfortable, but he did, so credit yourself with your radar. He might just be messy when he drinks, or he asked your husband about you to learn whether he'll be the only one who wasn't bringing a partner, and he stuck by the two of you out of insecurity without his spouse... I wouldn't read too much into it, but I'd honor my discomfort by ensuring that my husband and I avoid partying with him without his wife present. I'd also keep enough distance from him to avoid touching. You handled this well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 I say he's pushing his limits and getting away with it. Like I said this would indicate to him that this is OK to do, and will continue. If it makes you uncomfortable, for sure let him know. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princess5 Posted August 26 Author Share Posted August 26 Thanks so much for the advice . I guess I’ve been with my husband so long that I wouldn’t know if this man is just being normal and friendly or if perhaps he might have other intentions towards me . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 2 hours ago, princess5 said: Thanks so much for the advice . I guess I’ve been with my husband so long that I wouldn’t know if this man is just being normal and friendly or if perhaps he might have other intentions towards me . Have safeguards. Only be near your husband or have witnesses abound in close proximity during social settings. Never be 1:1 alone with the creepy groper. Usually people behave whenever there are witnesses close to you. Never let your guard down. Beware. Learn to protect yourself. Tell your husband. However, it is a dicey situation because an accusation without evidence is difficult if not impossible to prove. No sense having a heated confrontation. Instead, do a reset and alter YOUR behavior in order to protect yourself. His intentions? His intentions are to get away with it as long as you allow it. Don't create an opportunity for him to approach you in the first place. If your husband becomes aware, he'll be more protective of you, act as your buffer and shield especially during social settings with the creepy groper. Stay as far away as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princess5 Posted August 26 Author Share Posted August 26 Is there any chance he was just joking guys or do you think he’s interested in me? If so I am shocked as I never got that impression before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NighttimeNightmare Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 54 minutes ago, princess5 said: Is there any chance he was just joking guys or do you think he’s interested in me? If so I am shocked as I never got that impression before. Tbh I feel like your mind is wandering and you’re intrigued by this. Maybe even sexually turned on ive been hit in by women throughout my life, inappropriate ones as well, and I just shrug it off or put up a boundary if it was needed. Not go onto a message board to talk about the 3-minute encounter it’s ok if you’re turned on by this, please just admit it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 1 hour ago, princess5 said: Is there any chance he was just joking guys or do you think he’s interested in me? If so I am shocked as I never got that impression before. I don't think he is interested in you as a person. I think he likes coming on to attractive married woman for the thrill of it. I know you know him and think he is "nice" but perhaps he was nice in a manipulative way so he could get his thrills making a pass at you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted August 26 Share Posted August 26 1 hour ago, princess5 said: Is there any chance he was just joking guys or do you think he’s interested in me? If so I am shocked as I never got that impression before. I think for you it feels good and it's a bit of a stroke to the ego. It's always nice when someone compliments us and makes us feel good about ourselves. Whether there may be "more to it" ties into feeling wanted or desirable. You felt pretty after an evening of maybe some wine and song etc. -it's nice. It doesn't mean that you are going to trash your life or your husband because someone said you looked pretty on a night out, would you? If you are creeped out (which is fine if you are) then totally distance. Doesn't sound like you are though...😉 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 5 hours ago, NighttimeNightmare said: Tbh I feel like your mind is wandering and you’re intrigued by this. That's what I'm thinking too. 6 hours ago, princess5 said: Is there any chance he was just joking guys or do you think he’s interested in me? Serious question - what difference does it make? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted August 27 Share Posted August 27 10 hours ago, princess5 said: Thanks so much for the advice . I guess I’ve been with my husband so long that I wouldn’t know if this man is just being normal and friendly or if perhaps he might have other intentions towards me . None of that matters. If what he did made you uncomfortable, the end! He's your husband's closest work colleague and he mentioned the part of "oh are you gagging for some action“ that would make most people uncomfortable I mean, I felt uncomfortable JUST READING IT! So, really, wondering what his intentions are is irrelevant because it's about how you felt. And if you felt uneasy about it, that should be enough for you to not want to have any more interactions with him or at least be wary and cautious around him in the future. But if you are flattered and/or intrigued, well, then... that's a different story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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