So confused

[rainbowsandroses]

41 minutes ago, JustMizz said:

He said it was no rush, his lease wasn't up until January. That's when I said I wasn't quite ready, thinking he'd be like "I understand, we can come back to it in December". 

^^ Of course. 

But he had another agenda that had nothing to do with having any sort of long term relationship with you.

He attempted to reel you in with the lovebombing, when he realized it didn't work (good for you!), he's done.

He most likely is now looking for another less smart, less savvy woman with assets he will try and scam from her.

Good riddance!

 

 

 

[JustMizz]

49 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

^^ Of course. 

But he had another agenda that had nothing to do with having any sort of long term relationship with you.

He attempted to reel you in with the lovebombing, when he realized it didn't work (good for you!), he's done.

He most likely is now looking for another less smart, less savvy woman with assets he will try and scam from her.

Good riddance!

 

 

 

That's really scary to think there are people out there like that!

[yogacat]

1 hour ago, JustMizz said:

Yea, making me feel completely horrible. He said it was no rush, his lease wasn't up until January. That's when I said I wasn't quite ready, thinking he'd be like "I understand, we can come back to it in December". 

From personal experience, no one is FAST, FAST, from the get go unless they're trying to sell you a new sh*tty health food drink derived from Norway and grown in Fresno.

Sorry this happened.

He definitely sounds like a classic avoider. They want things to go extremely fast because they want the high of a new relationship, but if it doesn't happen according to their timing they check out. Then it is radio silence.  If this is how he deals with things now, it will only get worse. He can't handle a small hiccup like NOT WANTING TO MOVE IN WITH SOMEONE AFTER A FEW MONTHS.

I mean, what did he expect you to do? Hours after you told him you weren't ready to sell your home he dumps you over text? And now he isn't responding to you. At least he showed his true colors so you are able to realize that he is the type who doesn’t own up to his own mistakes and can't negotiate effectively.

You dodged a bullet and I am so, so sorry, my heart hurts from it too. 

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, JustMizz said:

That's really scary to think there are people out there like that!

I don't believe that it's the goal of anyone here to scare you, yet it would likely be in your best interests to learn more about the dangers of love bombing. You have no idea how many irons this guy may have had in the fire, or whether he romances one woman at a time.

He moved very quickly to get you to trust him. You said he gave you a key to his place--did you ever have occasion to use that key? Did you give him a key to your home?

Head high, and I'm happy that you may have avoided a terrible experience. However, if this man has a key to your home, I'd hire a locksmith and invest in a security system immediately.

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, JustMizz said:

That's really scary to think there are people out there like that!

Yes, there are people like that out there. But in my experience it's not as common as people would have you believe. I think people generally are honest and say what they mean. I've also found the opposite to happen. People think there has to be a danger, some kind of manipulation like "love bombing." So they look for it when nothing is there, creating the problems they wanted to avoid.

People go at different paces. Within three months of having a mutual interest with someone we were talking ideal weddings and proposals. Neither one of us was trying to pull anything on the other, somehow the topic just came up. 

Go at the pace that you are comfortable with. If he is right for you, he'll match that and it will come naturally. If he tries to go to fast, then it's just not being compatible. 

Enjoy the squirrels. Watch them pat the ground after burying an almond and you'll be smiling too much to even care about what's his name. 😉

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, ShySoul said:

People go at different paces. Within three months of having a mutual interest with someone we were talking ideal weddings and proposals. Neither one of us was trying to pull anything on the other, somehow the topic just came up. 

Yes my friend now in her 60s got engaged right away like that (divorced 20 years later/lied to herself about being in love but yes it can happen).

The difference is it's very mutual, there is no pressure to take drastic measures like selling one's home, there are common goals, values, etc.  My friend got married secretly after 4-5 months -he needed for immigration -but in that case they were truly in love. Months later they got "engaged" and months after that had a more formal wedding -she told me later about the courthouse marriage. I met him early on in their dating -both in their mid-late 30s, neighbors in a high rise.  He seemed like a lovely person. 

So into her in the right way and vice versa. I haven't seen her in years but years later -same thing -wonderful person, husband, father, hard worker.  Had she told me before she married him and asked me maybe I would have been a little hesitant but they -mutually- wanted to be together -for the right reasons.  I'd known her as a friend and professionally for years and felt she had great judgment and super bad luck with men -had been in the dating trenches with me for years lol.  There was zero pressure from all I could see and to me that is key- this situation is very different. IMO.

[JustMizz]

9 hours ago, catfeeder said:

I don't believe that it's the goal of anyone here to scare you, yet it would likely be in your best interests to learn more about the dangers of love bombing. You have no idea how many irons this guy may have had in the fire, or whether he romances one woman at a time.

He moved very quickly to get you to trust him. You said he gave you a key to his place--did you ever have occasion to use that key? Did you give him a key to your home?

Head high, and I'm happy that you may have avoided a terrible experience. However, if this man has a key to your home, I'd hire a locksmith and invest in a security system immediately.

I used his key every other weekend when I went to his place because he was at work when I got there. 

He doesn't have a key to my home. 

[JustMizz]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Yes my friend now in her 60s got engaged right away like that (divorced 20 years later/lied to herself about being in love but yes it can happen).

The difference is it's very mutual, there is no pressure to take drastic measures like selling one's home, there are common goals, values, etc.  My friend got married secretly after 4-5 months -he needed for immigration -but in that case they were truly in love. Months later they got "engaged" and months after that had a more formal wedding -she told me later about the courthouse marriage. I met him early on in their dating -both in their mid-late 30s, neighbors in a high rise.  He seemed like a lovely person. 

So into her in the right way and vice versa. I haven't seen her in years but years later -same thing -wonderful person, husband, father, hard worker.  Had she told me before she married him and asked me maybe I would have been a little hesitant but they -mutually- wanted to be together -for the right reasons.  I'd known her as a friend and professionally for years and felt she had great judgment and super bad luck with men -had been in the dating trenches with me for years lol.  There was zero pressure from all I could see and to me that is key- this situation is very different. IMO.

Yea, I didn't feel any pressure until that last house conversation. 

It sucks, but I'm okay. It was a short relationship, and I was just in shock how he ended, plus dealing with my son's health issues. But my son is better and I'm feeling better today.

I appreciate you all!