Confused with my boyfriend

[rainbowsandroses]

5 minutes ago, Jeannette80 said:

See ? I dont feel safe with him.

Yes I DO see.  

I agree with you about taking space and thinking hard if this is the right man for you. 

Imo it shouldn't be that difficult to decide.

I'm really sorry Jeannette80 you sound quite invested and it's always a disappointment when things don't work out as we hoped. 

The comfort comes from knowing there IS another man out there who will be a better fit. 

Go with that and try to remain positive. 💛

[Jeannette80]

11 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Yes I DO see.  

I agree with you about taking space and thinking hard if this is the right man for you. 

Imo it shouldn't be that difficult to decide.

I'm really sorry Jeannette80 you sound quite invested and it's always a disappointment when things don't work out as we hoped. 

The comfort comes from knowing there IS another man out there who will be a better fit. 

Go with that and try to remain positive. 💛

I dont know if i invested."  believed" its the right word. Believed his words and to be honest in the past i had the same feeling . That in his needs i must there, in my needs he wont be there When he plans something with his kids( he is divorsed) he never informs me before to know that he will be busy the coming days so i can make my own plans with friends. I must guess it . When he is with his kids he doesnt text much , which ok is normal at some point. The time  he is at work maybe bored then he wants  the constant text and communication. Its all about him . 

Dont forget i have a past with him. He was like that in the past. 

To be honest i prayed that my cat will be ok . This man is not my priority tonight. I just felt disappointed .I dont think he is right for me, i just need to let it go.  I will take my days to calm down. The cat is at the clinic , i havent slept waiting for the vet to call . High emotions all mixed up 

[MissCanuck]

This is why I said at the beginning of this thread that I wouldn't waste my time on this guy. 

You two are clearly not a match. Your expectations are too different. It's not going to work in the long run. Not sure what more evidence you need of that, OP. 

[yogacat]

I personally wouldn't stay in this relationship based on just how unhappy you seem to be about how he treats you. Do things for your happiness, not his. 

Don't always be there for him. You're over-giving and then getting upset because you're not getting anything back. And then, when you need him and he's not there, you feel like you can't rely on him. 

If this is how you always handle things, then, no, you're not needy. But your actions are...it's a neediness driven by fear, desperation... insecurity. And he's responding with distance and rejections, which is fueling your fear. And instead of seeing his distance as a red flag and slowing down, you lash out. I do agree with others that you're trying to warp speed this relationship. Two weeks is such a short time, and you've already gone through so much drama...

Each person has their own needs and preferences in a relationship but if this relationship is causing you stress and confusion, then why stay in it? It seems like you are not getting your needs met and he is not meeting his promises, so why continue?

[Jeannette80]

2 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I personally wouldn't say in this relationship based on just how unhappy you seem to be about how he treats you. Do things for your happiness, not his. 

Don't always be there for him. You're over-giving and then getting upset because you're not getting anything back. And then, when you need him and he's not there, you feel like you can't rely on him. 

If this is how you always handle things, then, no, you're not needy. But your actions are...it's a neediness driven by fear, desperation... insecurity. And he's responding with distance and rejections, which is fueling your fear. And instead of seeing his distance as a red flag and slowing down, you lash out. I do agree with others that you're trying to warp speed this relationship. Two weeks is such a short time, and you've already gone through so much drama...

Each person has their own needs and preferences in a relationship but if this relationship is causing you stress and confusion, then why stay in it? It seems like you are not getting your needs met and he is not meeting his promises, so why continue?

When we got back together we had many conversations. He showed and said many things and he told me that he needs this eveyday communication etc. I wasnt over-giving and i wasnt the one who tried to speed the relationship.  That was him and i followed.  Of course i made plans with friends during those days. I had my life too. I feel like he showed me a way , how he wants the relationship to work and i followed .  Actually im a person that needs the  space , usually when i date someone i dont see him everyday.  So i suppose i needed to please him somehow. 

Now i feel disapponted because i see that he wants the attention , the communication , me being there anytime that suits him. What about me? 

He showed me tonight that he wasnt there . He changed our plans about meeting on a Saturday night and he wasnt there for me when i needed him.

I mean he was the one speeding the relationship, i followed to please him i guess and now im disappointed because i see that he is not actually there for me. Its a relationship based on his needs. 

When he feels like it we will be in constant communication.,meetings etc and when he doesn't feel like it we wont. I believe thats what happened. It happened in the past too when we were together

 

[Jeannette80]

And some people posted here that im  needy and its not fair . No guys its the opposite . This man shows that he needs you so much and that he wants you in his life , to see you , to spend time with you etc .BUT whenever he likes it, whenever he wants to.

 Its ok for him to text you whenever he likes often or not often, but when he doesnt hear from you for a couple of hours he becomes needy and he will say that u  forgot about him. I never complained about his texts or anything.

When u want your space he will say "we should meet eveyday. If we were married   wouldnt we see each other everyday? " he actually said that.

But then when he has other plans that suit him he forgets about all these  and takes his space but in the same time he doesnt like it when u want your space . See what i mean?

He expects you to be there when he needs you, or doesnt have anyone else to talk to, go out to,  but he is not there when U need all these things.

[yogacat]

38 minutes ago, Jeannette80 said:

He showed and said many things and he told me that he needs this eveyday communication etc. I wasnt over-giving and i wasnt the one who tried to speed the relationship.  That was him and i followed.

Oh. So he was the one who fast-forwarded the relationship and needed to "talk every day" and so on and so forth.  

Now, it's shifted.

Again, whether it's coming from him or you, you're both fast-forwarding this relationship, at this point.

Two weeks in, you both are still feeling each other out, trying to figure out if you have what it takes to go the distance. And you are perfectly comfortable with dating and devotion on his terms only. That much has been made evident by your own admissions. YOU don't have to text the entire day. And now he seems to have gotten lax too. Maybe he doesn't mind if this all fizzles. Maybe he realizes how ephemeral all of this is. You could zip back and forth for dozens of times or months.

It's all smoke and mirrors.

There's nothing real here whatsoever yet. It's been all this drama yet no real connections. Real connections just work - even if the drama is there, nothing changes, you are communicating and communicating something is going on. Not all this incessant doubt and anguish.

[Jeannette80]

32 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Oh. So he was the one who fast-forwarded the relationship and needed to "talk every day" and so on and so forth.  

Now, it's shifted.

Again, whether it's coming from him or you, you're both fast-forwarding this relationship, at this point.

Two weeks in, you both are still feeling each other out, trying to figure out if you have what it takes to go the distance. And you are perfectly comfortable with dating and devotion on his terms only. That much has been made evident by your own admissions. YOU don't have to text the entire day. And now he seems to have gotten lax too. Maybe he doesn't mind if this all fizzles. Maybe he realizes how ephemeral all of this is. You could zip back and forth for dozens of times or months.

It's all smoke and mirrors.

There's nothing real here whatsoever yet. It's been all this drama yet no real connections. Real connections just work - even if the drama is there, nothing changes, you are communicating and communicating something is going on. Not all this incessant doubt and anguish.

Yeap i can sense that maybe in the beginning it was his excitement us getting back together. Or maybe he wants to be with me but he is relaxed now  to the point that he doesnt care so much. The hot and cold behavior that used to happen in the past . Exactly how it is now. When he is afraid that he will lose u he comes back. That exact thing happened 4 years ago 

 Now i dont see his efforts thats why im disappointed . He made me believe one thing and now i see another thing. 

Last night not wanting to see me and finding excuses was a huge red flag. We are talking about a guy who wanted to spend hours with me. Now i dont see that . Plus the incident with the cat. 

I will not end it today . I will take my time . Plus tomorrow im going back to work after 2 months and im stressed.  New enviroment . And with the stress with the cat i cant handle  a break up, what to say. I will take my time 

[Jeannette80]

And thats  what men usually do. The dont break up. They make you break up with them.

[yogacat]

1 hour ago, Jeannette80 said:

Yeap i can sense that maybe in the beginning it was his excitement us getting back together. Or maybe he wants to be with me but he is relaxed now  to the point that he doesnt care so much. The hot and cold behavior that used to happen in the past . Exactly how it is now. When he is afraid that he will lose u he comes back. That exact thing happened 4 years ago 

 Now i dont see his efforts thats why im disappointed . He made me believe one thing and now i see another thing. 

Last night not wanting to see me and finding excuses was a huge red flag. We are talking about a guy who wanted to spend hours with me. Now i dont see that . Plus the incident with the cat. 

I will not end it today . I will take my time . Plus tomorrow im going back to work after 2 months and im stressed.  New enviroment . And with the stress with the cat i cant handle  a break up, what to say. I will take my time 

He had just lost his friend, Jeannette. Within the two weeks that you've been dating. Maybe he just can't be present for you 100%, this week.

That said, he is insecure with the stuff about him telling you he wants "daily communication" very early on.

He said he wants to see if you think about him during the day. That's a lot of pressure too. But you went along with it because you "wanted to please him" for the same reason, insecurities.

You both seem to have similar insecurities and needy tendencies, just at different times and for different reasons. I mean, if he came on as strong as you've indicated, I do wonder if there was a reason on his end: did you get that impression from him that everything intensified because he wanted you to fall in love/move too quickly?

[Jeannette80]

1 minute ago, yogacat said:

He had just lost his friend, Jeannette. Within the two weeks that you've been dating. Maybe he just can't be present for you 100%, this week.

That said, he is insecure with the stuff about him telling you he wants "daily communication" very early on.

He said he wants to see if you think about him during the day. That's a lot of pressure too. But you went along with it because you "wanted to please him" for the same reason, insecurities.

You both seem to have similar insecurities and needy tendencies, just at different times and for different reasons. I mean, if he came on as strong as you've indicated, I do wonder if there was a reason on his end: did you get that impression from him that everything intensified because he wanted you to fall in love/move too quickly?

Again i repeat the guy who died was the son of his friend !!  He wasnt that close to grieve for so long. 

He came on so strong but maybe it has to do with his personality . He gets excited and then stops . Same thing happened 4 years ago . 

I realise we might both have insecurities but at least i dont play the hot and cold game.

 

[Jeannette80]

6 minutes ago, yogacat said:

He had just lost his friend, Jeannette. Within the two weeks that you've been dating. Maybe he just can't be present for you 100%, this week.

That said, he is insecure with the stuff about him telling you he wants "daily communication" very early on.

He said he wants to see if you think about him during the day. That's a lot of pressure too. But you went along with it because you "wanted to please him" for the same reason, insecurities.

You both seem to have similar insecurities and needy tendencies, just at different times and for different reasons. I mean, if he came on as strong as you've indicated, I do wonder if there was a reason on his end: did you get that impression from him that everything intensified because he wanted you to fall in love/move too quickly?

" if he came on as strong as you've indicated, I do wonder if there was a reason on his end: did you get that impression from him that everything intensified because he wanted you to fall in love/move too quickly?"

Sorry i didnt understand what you mean? Can u rephrase please?

[yogacat]

1 hour ago, Jeannette80 said:

" if he came on as strong as you've indicated, I do wonder if there was a reason on his end: did you get that impression from him that everything intensified because he wanted you to fall in love/move too quickly?"

Sorry i didnt understand what you mean? Can u rephrase please?

If he initially showed the level of intensity that you described, I can't help but wonder if there was a motive behind it. Did you feel he was trying to rush your feelings or rush in general?

I'm asking because you seem very confused by this relationship despite it only being two weeks. 

His coming on strong within a short time frame raises red flags. So do some of his comments. Especially him saying he "wants daily communication from you" and to "know if you think about him daily." He seemed to be trying to escalate the relationship quickly and jump right in.

It feels like the two of you came on hard and heavy, and any little divergence from the "normal" has you in a twist.  You seem very invested already. And I worry that you're projecting your early excitement onto something that isn't substantial.

His friend's son may not be his best friend, but he is still the son of a friend of his. How do you know for sure that he isn't feeling overwhelmed by his friend's grief and tries still, to console the mom as she copes with her lost son? The point is, you don't know.

I can't tell if you're misinterpreting his actions or if he's playing hot/cold like you said he did before.

All I'm saying is that this relationship seems to be causing you a lot of anxiety already. 

Remember, it's only been two weeks. It's like a big flashing sign: "Slow down!"

It's a lot of anxiety fueling this "love story" that really isn't there yet. Just a few weeks in, and you're both re-enacting the same issues you had before.

[Jeannette80]

I cant know what  his motives are. Maybe to rush my feelings yes .

But i want to have some space  and see how i feel . Im thinking to end it because it causes me anxiety. Him coming on to strong and then stops makes me feel insecure . I want to feel safe in a relationship. Its confusing with him . 

About the grieving part , no im sure he is not grieving.  We talked about it .

 

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Jeannette80 said:

He made me believe one thing and now i see another thing. 

You shouldn't have believed anything based on words alone (and two weeks of dating again) With people like this, sure, they can tell you they have changed and whatnot. Take it a with a grain of salt at first, and see if their subsequent actions support those words and promises of having changed. 

2 hours ago, Jeannette80 said:

He gets excited and then stops . Same thing happened 4 years ago .

So, as I said earlier, really nothing has actually changed here. I get why you wanted to believe that it had, but you're seeing now that it hasn't. 

4 hours ago, Jeannette80 said:

I mean he was the one speeding the relationship, i followed to please him i guess

Yeah, don't do this again. Don't let someone rush you like that. It's okay and natural to be excited about a new connection, but it's a red flag when you feel someone is speeding things along too much. It's up to us to pump the brakes in those cases. 

I actually think in some ways that this incident regarding your cat was a blessing in disguise (in terms of dating him) He showed you quite early on here that he isn't the partner you are seeking. It stings but it's better to know that now than realize this a couple months down the line when you're more invested. 

How is your fur baby, anyway? I hope doing better. 

[Batya33]

11 hours ago, Jeannette80 said:

And he was the one telling me  a few days ago that if im not ok at sometime  he would come at anytime .

I find in life in general -I'm 58 that most people who will come at anytime don't make broad statements about it in general especially as a way of impressing someone else. 

They don't need to because just the way they interact in daily life shows  that they are a person of character and integrity, loyal to those they care for, like and love. 

I have a friend I made when our kids were around 3-4 years old -over 10 years ago.  One day it was negative 5 degrees and my husband was traveling and I don't drive.  My son had pre-k and obviously could miss a day of school.  But I was desperate for a break from solo parenting.  So exhausted.  I did not ASK my friend to come - I told her I couldn't take him the mile to school as it was too dangerous for him to be exposed to that level of cold walking with him in the stroller.  And the sidewalks were icy. I mean she knew I was burnt out from solo parenting.  But I did not ask or imply -it wouldn't have occurred to me .

She insisted on coming with her son in the car, with a car seat for my son (which is why doing car service wouldn't have worked) and driving us to his prek with me in the car before she took her own son to school.  She did it in a no nonsense way - insisted it was nothing to her (it wasn't on the way or really out of her way) - knew I needed a break.  She has done that a number of times in our friendship.  Shown up, no nonsense, offering without me asking.

This to me is what most people who are well intentioned do to show they will be there for you.  Friends, partners.  It's not bad to make broad romantic pronouncements -it's not presumably a lie - but it's unnecessary because people who have big generous hearts often are also humble and are not going to go around bragging about how awesome they are "call me ANYTIME and I'll be there."

And honestly- as we all know even with a spouse we can't literally do that anytime.  My husband is not going to fly home from a business meeting because I tell him I am not feeling well and am worried about being alone -he's likely to tell me to hire someone to come or call a friend or he'll call his  friend -he likely will prioritize his work unless it's like an ER situation. And he is an amazing person dropping everything for me, for family, for friends on and on and he doesn't go around saying "I will always be there for you just call and I will drop everything -for specific situations yes but he knows he is a good person and doesn't need to do the whole dramatic pronouncement.  JMHO.

[Jeannette80]

3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

You shouldn't have believed anything based on words alone (and two weeks of dating again) With people like this, sure, they can tell you they have changed and whatnot. Take it a with a grain of salt at first, and see if their subsequent actions support those words and promises of having changed. 

So, as I said earlier, really nothing has actually changed here. I get why you wanted to believe that it had, but you're seeing now that it hasn't. 

Yeah, don't do this again. Don't let someone rush you like that. It's okay and natural to be excited about a new connection, but it's a red flag when you feel someone is speeding things along too much. It's up to us to pump the brakes in those cases. 

I actually think in some ways that this incident regarding your cat was a blessing in disguise (in terms of dating him) He showed you quite early on here that he isn't the partner you are seeking. It stings but it's better to know that now than realize this a couple months down the line when you're more invested. 

How is your fur baby, anyway? I hope doing better. 

Yes , its a lesson i must learn. 

My cat is  not well  yet . He had blood transfusion and we need to wait another 24 hours at least to see any results. Hopefully positive . At this point i only care about my cat and hopefully i will save my furry baby.

The relationship was doomed  anyway i think. I wanted things to change.  

And i dont know why i m so affected by him. Usually when i date someone its easy for me to see red flags and end the dating process.  With this guy its like im trying to prove to myself  that he really wants me . Its a kind of rejection ( hot n cold)  and i want validation from him that he cares?

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, Jeannette80 said:

And thats  what men usually do. The dont break up. They make you break up with them.

And your cynicism likely comes across in your energy and your sense that you have to "overcome fears" to bond.  It's not a good look for healthy men and it's unfair to generalize like that. IMO

[Jeannette80]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I find in life in general -I'm 58 that most people who will come at anytime don't make broad statements about it in general especially as a way of impressing someone else. 

They don't need to because just the way they interact in daily life shows  that they are a person of character and integrity, loyal to those they care for, like and love. 

I have a friend I made when our kids were around 3-4 years old -over 10 years ago.  One day it was negative 5 degrees and my husband was traveling and I don't drive.  My son had pre-k and obviously could miss a day of school.  But I was desperate for a break from solo parenting.  So exhausted.  I did not ASK my friend to come - I told her I couldn't take him the mile to school as it was too dangerous for him to be exposed to that level of cold walking with him in the stroller.  And the sidewalks were icy. I mean she knew I was burnt out from solo parenting.  But I did not ask or imply -it wouldn't have occurred to me .

She insisted on coming with her son in the car, with a car seat for my son (which is why doing car service wouldn't have worked) and driving us to his prek with me in the car before she took her own son to school.  She did it in a no nonsense way - insisted it was nothing to her (it wasn't on the way or really out of her way) - knew I needed a break.  She has done that a number of times in our friendship.  Shown up, no nonsense, offering without me asking.

This to me is what most people who are well intentioned do to show they will be there for you.  Friends, partners.  It's not bad to make broad romantic pronouncements -it's not presumably a lie - but it's unnecessary because people who have big generous hearts often are also humble and are not going to go around bragging about how awesome they are "call me ANYTIME and I'll be there."

And honestly- as we all know even with a spouse we can't literally do that anytime.  My husband is not going to fly home from a business meeting because I tell him I am not feeling well and am worried about being alone -he's likely to tell me to hire someone to come or call a friend or he'll call his  friend -he likely will prioritize his work unless it's like an ER situation. And he is an amazing person dropping everything for me, for family, for friends on and on and he doesn't go around saying "I will always be there for you just call and I will drop everything -for specific situations yes but he knows he is a good person and doesn't need to do the whole dramatic pronouncement.  JMHO.

Exactly . You shouldnt fight for someones love , attention, help or whatever. It should come naturally . With this man im trying to see any sign that he cares, that he really wants this to work.  But i dont.

 

[Jeannette80]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

And your cynicism likely comes across in your energy and your sense that you have to "overcome fears" to bond.  It's not a good look for healthy men and it's unfair to generalize like that. IMO

Yes u are right . 

 

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, Jeannette80 said:

When u want your space he will say "we should meet eveyday. If we were married   wouldnt we see each other everyday? " he actually said that.

Why date someone so needy right off the bat? And your past was a brief relationship right? No married people don't necessarily see each other every day.  Many couples travel for business. Like my husband.  My friend takes solo vacations or with their son.  My husband now takes my son on solo vacations.  So no we don't see each other every day.

When I say watch the feet I advise that in a romantic relationship watch the feet over months -close to a year - and see each other once or  twice a week at first.  Let someone in your life while  you maintain your own.  Text less see each other and miss each other and catch up in person or on the phone and save up stuff to tell them -a person who is reasonably secure typically likes that.  Needy people do not.

[Batya33]

10 minutes ago, Jeannette80 said:

Exactly . You shouldnt fight for someones love , attention, help or whatever. It should come naturally . With this man im trying to see any sign that he cares, that he really wants this to work.  But i dont.

 

Wants what to "work" - there's nothing there yet to "work" -there are pretty words, a few weeks of dating some fun sex. There's no core yet no foundation of love, trust - as you said you are not bonded, you have to overcome some nonspecific fears that to you are a normal part of getting to know someone (I mean I can't relate to that at all -sounds kinda icky -but that's your style it seems).  I think both of you were caught up in the excitement of "getting back together" after a brief relationship years ago - you didn't object to him "showeing you" with attention via texting all day - and you could have -nicely, politely with confidence "hey I really love chatting but how about we save it up for when we see each other -looking forward!" And somehow this new man in your life is the person you turn to when you are worried about your cat and cannot be alone -why? If you hadn't recently started seeing him then what -you'd have survived being on your own and/or called someone right? And if there is no one -maybe something to work on - someone you can call at those times.  I have those people and I am married.  

When my husband and I got back together after almost 8 years apart and after being engaged back then I met up with him 3 times over about 5 weeks platonically.  I saw that he had changed.  I saw that I had changed in ways that complemented each other.  I NEVER wanted him to change as any condition of getting back together -never felt that or expressed that and same on his end. 

He changed because of maturity, more confidence in his career/following his dream career and succeeding immensely - and honestly I suspect more relationship experience helped too.  Never asked him about it -no need because none of our decision in getting back together had to do with those sorts of changes. Other changes -yes -I'd have to relocate - huge change- I'd have to adjust to long distance which I wasn't a fan of.  But not changes in -us.  Guess what -I have changed over the years.  I'm type A and he's type B and his type B ways inspire me.  I have shifted on my own.  He has changed some of his ways too that cause friction in parenting and sometimes in marriage. On his own.  Change in an annoying habit -I mean sure once you're serious - but changing your core personality, values, how you live your life -not fair to expect change - the person will change if they choose to do so.  IMO.

[Jeannette80]

With other men i dated there were visible signs or red flags . 

With this man its not that easy to understand whats wrong. Because one day he is like that another day is different . And u are left wondering. And u say maybe it was just a bad day he had.  But it is his personality and behavior to blame.  

One day he might show care ,  will do anything to find an hour to see u, he will be smiley, talkative all good. Next day he will be totally different. 

Why i stay and not leave? When he shows me a good site of him i love that. When he is cold and distant im confused .  I want the good site of him back so i stay in the relationship. Thats toxic.

[Jeannette80]

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Wants what to "work" - there's nothing there yet to "work" -there are pretty words, a few weeks of dating some fun sex. There's no core yet no foundation of love, trust - as you said you are not bonded, you have to overcome some nonspecific fears that to you are a normal part of getting to know someone (I mean I can't relate to that at all -sounds kinda icky -but that's your style it seems).  I think both of you were caught up in the excitement of "getting back together" after a brief relationship years ago - you didn't object to him "showeing you" with attention via texting all day - and you could have -nicely, politely with confidence "hey I really love chatting but how about we save it up for when we see each other -looking forward!" And somehow this new man in your life is the person you turn to when you are worried about your cat and cannot be alone -why? If you hadn't recently started seeing him then what -you'd have survived being on your own and/or called someone right? And if there is no one -maybe something to work on - someone you can call at those times.  I have those people and I am married.  

Im a person that im alone most of the time. I have learned to be alone and im very independent.  I dont jump to relationships to cover my loneliness.  Thats him. 4 years that we broke up , friends told me that he wanted me back and was upset about the break up, but he also talked to other girls. He cant be alone .

 I wanted him to support me about my cat because yes i was upset. If it wasnt him a friend could come over . But i thought he might misunderstand if i call someone else to be there for me . He got me thinking that i should call him when something happens and i need help, support or anything because we are a couple and thats what couples do. One time i told him  that if something happens i will call the police and he said " no, you should call me, we are a couple, im your man, we are a team" . 

That night we were supposed to meet anyway , so i called him but then he  said its not easy to come and i told you what happened.

[Batya33]

Just now, Jeannette80 said:

but he also talked to other girls. He cant be alone .

 I wanted him to support me about my cat because yes i was upset. If it wasnt him a friend could come over . But i thought he might misunderstand if i call someone else to be there for me . He got me thinking that i should call him when something happens and i need help, support or anything because we are a couple and thats what couples do. One time i told him  that if something happens i will call the police and he said " no, you should call me, we are a couple, im your man, we are a team" . 

That night we were supposed to meet anyway , so i called him but then he  said its not easy to come and i told you what happened.

I'd avoid playing the victim.  It's not going to serve you for the future.  Focus on why you made the choices you did -you said he is needy, you said he "can't be alone" and now you're backpedaling and somehow you called him so he wouldn't be offended if you called someone else? That's new info.  Hmmmm. None of this will help you get over your suspicious and jaded attitude towards "men" and the more you cast aspersions on him the more you are showing yourself you might in other ways be extremely independent and in this case you chose to settle because you loved the excitement of him talking to other "girls" but choosing you, of showering you with attention and being all like "I'm your MAN" ((um except that I need you to be my blankie all day and text all day).  

Be honest with yourself. It will help you in the future.  JMHO.