Cheeko Posted August 23 Author Share Posted August 23 Woke up this morning to a message from her stating. "I think we should book a couples councilor asap as at this point I am more not wanting to be in this than I do. This Is a compromise I can offer" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 23 Share Posted August 23 1 minute ago, Cheeko said: Woke up this morning to a message from her stating. "I think we should book a couples councilor asap as at this point I am more not wanting to be in this than I do. This Is a compromise I can offer" If it were me I'd not waste the time. She doesn't sound all in to working with a councilor - it's a last resort. What do you think? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrina Posted August 23 Share Posted August 23 At only 7 months, having such a major problem that counseling is needed, wouldn't going your separate ways be the smarter thing to do, and cheaper? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheeko Posted August 23 Author Share Posted August 23 2 minutes ago, Batya33 said: If it were me I'd not waste the time. She doesn't sound all in to working with a councilor - it's a last resort. What do you think? I have yet to reply, as I don't know what to think of it. If she actually approached it properly and open minded with a professional present and worked worh the situation maybe it could help her, and everything. But I also fear she will still be stubborn or not want to openly talk or stick to her righteous mind set even in that situation.. though she is offering so maybe she would be willing to approach it properly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheeko Posted August 23 Author Share Posted August 23 1 minute ago, Andrina said: At only 7 months, having such a major problem that counseling is needed, wouldn't going your separate ways be the smarter thing to do, and cheaper? Yeah I haven't responded yet and I'm not sure on how I will approach it. Could work or as you said be expensive and not work.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 23 Share Posted August 23 2 minutes ago, Cheeko said: I have yet to reply, as I don't know what to think of it. If she actually approached it properly and open minded with a professional present and worked worh the situation maybe it could help her, and everything. But I also fear she will still be stubborn or not want to openly talk or stick to her righteous mind set even in that situation.. though she is offering so maybe she would be willing to approach it properly? I agree with Andrina -if you're dating 7 months cut your losses. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redswim30 Posted August 23 Share Posted August 23 1 hour ago, Cheeko said: Yeah I haven't responded yet and I'm not sure on how I will approach it. Could work or as you said be expensive and not work.. I would simply break up. To have this many major issues this soon is a huge red flag. Therapy only works if someone can admit they are wrong and she has shown you she is incapable of doing that. IMO, she wants to use therapy to TRY and get you to ADMIT that "you are wrong". Cut your losses and break up. I'm honestly not even sure why you want to "save" a relationship with someone who is so clearly being abusive to you. Abusers don't change. And therapy isn't a magic band-aid that makes people 180 their personality and concrete habits. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheeko Posted August 23 Author Share Posted August 23 6 minutes ago, redswim30 said: I would simply break up. To have this many major issues this soon is a huge red flag. Therapy only works if someone can admit they are wrong and she has shown you she is incapable of doing that. IMO, she wants to use therapy to TRY and get you to ADMIT that "you are wrong". Cut your losses and break up. I'm honestly not even sure why you want to "save" a relationship with someone who is so clearly being abusive to you. Abusers don't change. And therapy isn't a magic band-aid that makes people 180 their personality and concrete habits. As I think stated above I am in process of getting out of her place, my building manager said he can let me in early if we don't say anything to the management company. So going to be gone before she gets back. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted August 23 Share Posted August 23 She sees you are the one with the problem when it's obviously her....she's the common denominator to all this ruckus. Counselling is just going to be a fight. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redswim30 Posted August 23 Share Posted August 23 3 minutes ago, Cheeko said: As I think stated above I am in process of getting out of her place, my building manager said he can let me in early if we don't say anything to the management company. So going to be gone before she gets back. Glad to hear it! For YOUR sake. You deserve so much better than to be in an abusive relationship, OP. And please don't let her or anyone else tell you it isn't abuse, because it IS. Abusers ( I say this as someone whose first husband WAS an abuser and I tried to give him chance after chance) only get WORSE over time, not better. Breaking up is the best option. You shouldn't need therapy for what would be, IMO, to most people an incredibly minor disagreement that was resolved in a couple days at MOST. She needs to work on her own many deep-rooted issues and you don't deserve to be her emotional punching bag until she does. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted August 23 Share Posted August 23 Yes, just get out of this relationship. It's just too much drama and not worth the headache. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poorlittlefish Posted August 24 Share Posted August 24 On 8/22/2024 at 7:42 AM, Cheeko said: But she brought up a little while ago that she catches me checking out women, which has never been brought up to me in past relationships, ever. We got into a pretty nad argument once about it, and semi resolved it and I have been working on not doing it since. Maybe your past girlfriends didn't care that you were checking out other women in their presence or were too dim to notice, but your girlfriend has noticed your head-turning and she doesn't like it. Why would she? It is very disrespectful to her. Even if you don't think it is, she thinks it is and her opinion should matter to you. You can notice an attractive member of the opposite sex without turning your head to get a better look. You could do all the head-turning you like when you are not with her, if that's what floats your boat. If you love your girlfriend, you wouldn't want to make her feel inadequate, intentionally or otherwise. I have never turned my head to look at any man when I've been with a partner because I have eyes only for him. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheeko Posted August 24 Author Share Posted August 24 3 hours ago, poorlittlefish said: Maybe your past girlfriends didn't care that you were checking out other women in their presence or were too dim to notice, but your girlfriend has noticed your head-turning and she doesn't like it. Why would she? It is very disrespectful to her. Even if you don't think it is, she thinks it is and her opinion should matter to you. You can notice an attractive member of the opposite sex without turning your head to get a better look. You could do all the head-turning you like when you are not with her, if that's what floats your boat. If you love your girlfriend, you wouldn't want to make her feel inadequate, intentionally or otherwise. I have never turned my head to look at any man when I've been with a partner because I have eyes only for him. These are things she had said when it was first brought up, which made my shift to throwing my sole focus on being her while out as she explained the disrespect and everything and I felt horrible it hurt her. the situation thst brought this all up doesn't make sense to me as.. there was no woman, if it was someone "worth" turning my head to how she described, I feel there would of been something that stuck out to remember said woman. Unless I'm mistaken but. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted August 24 Share Posted August 24 4 hours ago, Cheeko said: I feel there would of been something that stuck out to remember said woman. Unless I'm mistaken but. I don't think you're mistaken. This sort of person will always find fault, always manufacture drama, always generate conflict to soothe their own insecurities. You will forever be walking on eggshells. Making you sleep on the couch and then requesting counselling over this is bonkers. She isn't ready for a relationship and it's best that you simply close this chapter. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted September 1 Share Posted September 1 On 8/23/2024 at 9:36 AM, Cheeko said: Yeah I haven't responded yet and I'm not sure on how I will approach it. Could work or as you said be expensive and not work.. Try a session. Always an off chance it will work. And if it doesn't, it will most likely confirm from a professional that she is being unreasonable and force her to confront her insecurities and issues. Then you walk away knowing you were in the right, made the right call, and gave it every effort. Plus you can probably get a laugh at what the counselor thinks of her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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