I Need Advice!

[BlueEyes2013]

So I need advice and help. I'm confused.

So I sell on Ebay and I met this guy. He's amazing and wonderful and through there he messaged me his phone number.

We actually been messaging each other on Ebay since March of this year. But he gave me his number in June.

 

We started texting June 17. He would always send me a Good morning Sunshine text and a Goodnight text but we would text each other randomly throughout the day.

About a month ago I revealed I had feelings for him he pretty much rejected me but I'm thinking his Ex wife put him through a lot but I don't know.

Anyways, he still sends me good morning and goodnight texts, we still text a lot, he'll tell me what he's doing at home or at work , and he'll tell me if he's going somewhere and can't text much.

I forgot to mention we live in different states only about 5 hours apart. So we haven't met in person But the distance is not a problem for me. I could easily drive there.

But just the other night at his goodnight text he always sends a red heart emoji but he did a kissy face emoji as well.

Is there any chance he may develop feelings for me or should i just not put much thought in all this.

I been alone for 5 years I wasn't even thinking I'd meet someone that was such an amazing man but I think I did. He knows my feelings for him. I'm just a bit confused.

Thank you for any answers.. I don't want to push him because he has become a best friend to me as well…

 

Also, It's been 5 years since I even thought of being in another relationship so my heart is finally open to trying again.

 

Also he's 45 and I'm turning 40 in a few monthes. I just need good advice. I have feelings for him but I was wondering if anything could possibly happen. I think his Ex did a number on him. 

 

Thank you!

[TeeDee]

Do you have any reason not related to him to be in his area?  Can you invent one?  

If so, text him that you will be there & you would love to meet him for a drink.  Don't mention feelings.  Don't call it a date.  Just meet.  Keep it low key & have no expectations.  

Once you meet in person & interact you should develop a better idea of whether this can be anything 

[MissCanuck]

21 minutes ago, BlueEyes2013 said:

About a month ago I revealed I had feelings for him he pretty much rejected me

What do you mean? What did he say?

I think if within 5 months of messaging he avoids meeting you, then it isn't going to to happen. Have you spoken on the phone to this man?

[reinventmyself]

33 minutes ago, BlueEyes2013 said:

About a month ago I revealed I had feelings for him he pretty much rejected me

 he'll tell me if he's going somewhere and can't text much.

I wasn't even thinking I'd meet someone that was such an amazing man but I think I did. 

Also, It's been 5 years since I even thought of being in another relationship so my heart is finally open to trying again.

 

I'm sorry but from what you've shared, he's just looking for electronic attention. 

You have not 'met' him and he's rejected your declaration. 

I am going to bet good money he's either married or otherwise attached.  He's also set limits for when he's otherwise *busy so you don't reach out.

He's nothing more than a fantasy.  They are all over the internet. Please stop from getting any more invested.

You still need to be certain?  Do what TeeDee suggested.  Arrange a meeting in person.  If he's interested and available he will not miss an opportunity to snatch you up.  If not. . then you have your answer

[Coily]

He rejected you and hasn't pursued anything further. That's all you need to know really.

He probably likes that you are chatty; it fills a void for communication for him. You are almost an interactive AI for him. This is the freindzone exemplified; sorry.

[ShySoul]

What was his "rejection" like? Did he make clear he wasn't interested at all and was not likely to change his mind? Or was it a polite response, saying he liked talking to you but wasn't in a spot to go any further?

Yes, there may be a chance to have feelings develop. People can be quick to label any kind of no as a rejection and assume that nothing could ever happen. People can also be quick to assume anything online or by text isn't real. But it is possible that a person wasn't ready at the time but can be ready later on. Perhaps he had other things going on so wasn't thinking of a relationship. Perhaps he didn't have feelings but the more he talked to you and thought about it, the more he saw he did. Feelings like that can come from nowhere and develop at any time. So yes, there is a chance.

However, it's best to not get your hopes too far up and to take it cautiously. A couple emojis doesn't mean he's in love. It could just be a friendly and playful gesture. Having hope and a crush is fine. But don't allow yourself to be too overwhelmed into a fantasy that you don't know for sure is going to happen.

One thing at a time. He continued chatting with you. He enjoys communicating with you. If you've been doing this for nearly half a year, do you feel comfortable enough to meet up? Would he be up for it? If so, suggest it. Maybe meet somewhere halfway for a few hours. See how that goes. Don't make it a date or think it means something more. Just be two people who are friendly online taking it out into the real world and seeing if they still get along. 

Anything could happen. You could hit it off and grow closer. You could see he is not exactly who you thought he was. Or you could continue as you are now. But you'd be progressing things one way or another and could see for yourself how the two of you feel.

 

[BlueEyes2013]

He said he wanted to focus on being a good Dad to his son. He's been divorced for 3 years.

He said that he wasn't interested right now few weeks ago. 

He and I live 5 hrs apart. But I think his Ex hurt him .

He never sets time aside to stop talking to me

 We text all day. We have talked on the phone several times but he's not a big talker on phone he'd rather text. 

Just today he sent me a winking emoji and a red heart. He calls me sunshine every morning and he always wants to know how I'm doing

 He says beautiful and my dear to me

 Maybe it's nothing but I guess I'm hoping maybe in the future. I don't know

 

But he's the one who sent his number to me

 He always says I have beautiful eyes

 I thank everyone for the advice. I been single for 5 years because I got badly hurt. But this guy he seems genuine.  But anyways I thank you all for your thoughts. He just texted me telling me where he's going with his son.  I

 

[yogacat]

His ex doing a number on him is irrelevant.

At some point he would have said he wanted to meet you if he is interested. He also said that he wasn't interested after you spoke of your feelings for him. I'm sorry that you've gotten this caught up in his actions and the texts. I get that you had feelings.

People often confuse interest and getting feedback for reciprocal feelings but really nothing in his actions says I am interested in more then chatting. Sorry I know it sucks 😞

Listen to his words and actions, rather than trying to interpret them in a way that fits your hopes and expectations. 

You've both been "badly hurt" so this online interaction is safe for you both and within those confines, sure texting with someone delightful can seem like pleasant diversion. 

People who live far apart meet all of the time on the internet. They move, they fly to visit, the get picked up from airports... it's not that you live 5 hours apart it's his response when you opened up about your feelings.

Not because he's divorced. 

[ShySoul]

Honest answer is there is no way any of us can tell. 

I've spent time chatting online or on the phone with people I did develop feelings for. I've also done it with people who were strickly friends. I've sent cutesy things to people I've liked and called them pet names. I've also done that for people I was just having fun with.

There's no way to know for sure.

If he said he wasn't ready and was focused on being a father, believe him. Keep talking if you enjoy it. See if you can meet in person. I flew out to see someone 8 hours away from me and we became best friends to this day. You never know. So just enjoy the friendship you have. If things are meant to be, it will happen when the time is right. Keep doing what you are doing and see what happens.

 

[NighttimeNightmare]

I used to do this stuff when I was a teenager into my early 20s. I’d chat online to multiple women and it felt nice, but I had no intention of meeting them in person, let alone actually being in a relationship with them.  
 

a few of them would push for something more, they’d tell me they had feelings and I’d flat out ignore them or dodge the convo, one even showed up to my house.  

 

i didn’t realize my part in any of it, I was just having fun online, but for them it was a deep connection. And I admit, one in particular I did feel deeply for, but I was so emotionally out of touch with myself.. and other people… it never could have worked 

 

but it felt nice. So we’d text online for days and days. Months and months.  Even voicecalled or sometimes webcammed. 
 

my point is, it sounds like this guy you’re talking to is doing the same. If someone wants to be with you in person, they will make it happen. And they certainly won’t reject you when you reveal feelings for them. 

[BlueEyes2013]

Well we may meet in October around my birthday so we'll see

Thank you all again for the advice. I appreciate it 🙏 

[BlueEyes2013]

Well we may meet in October around my birthday so we'll see

 

He also told me he values me 

Thank you all again for the advice. I appreciate it 🙏 

 

 

 

..

[rainbowsandroses]

4 hours ago, BlueEyes2013 said:

He said he wanted to focus on being a good Dad to his son. He's been divorced for 3 years.

He said that he wasn't interested right now few weeks ago. 

He and I live 5 hrs apart. But I think his Ex hurt him .

He never sets time aside to stop talking to me

 We text all day. We have talked on the phone several times but he's not a big talker on phone he'd rather text. 

Just today he sent me a winking emoji and a red heart. He calls me sunshine every morning and he always wants to know how I'm doing

 He says beautiful and my dear to me

 Maybe it's nothing but I guess I'm hoping maybe in the future. I don't know

 

But he's the one who sent his number to me

 He always says I have beautiful eyes

 I thank everyone for the advice. I been single for 5 years because I got badly hurt. But this guy he seems genuine.  But anyways I thank you all for your thoughts. He just texted me telling me where he's going with his son.  

My take is he likes you but he may not be who he actually claims to be.  Thus he avoids meeting you in person lest you discover the truth, the fantasy dies and the whole thing blows up in smoke. 

His pics may not even be of him!  Or he could be married or in another relationship.

Just because he told you he was divorced, that doesn't necessarily mean it's true.  

I mean he's not going to admit he married, is he?    No, so he told you he's divorced.

Have you done a video call? If not that would be the first step.

If that goes well and everything checks out suggest an in person meet. 

Gauge his response.  If he hems and haws, makes excuses or puts it off, probably best to wish him well and move on. 

Lastly I'm around your age and your story really hit home for me.

I truly hope it works out the way you hope!  💛 

 

[yogacat]

1 hour ago, BlueEyes2013 said:

Well we may meet in October around my birthday so we'll see

Thank you all again for the advice. I appreciate it 🙏 

Well if you end up meeting him in October great.

If you can keep in focus that you've already developed feelings for him and he's not been receptive/returning the sentiment. Which, I honestly can't say I disagree on account of not having met you in person.  

If when/if you meet you can realize that, attend as though meeting a cyber friend. It is not the same as if you were in a long term relationship and all of a sudden one of you moved it's a very different dynamic. 

So be safe, protect your heart, and good luck. 😘

[rainbowsandroses]

50 minutes ago, BlueEyes2013 said:

Well we may meet in October around my birthday so we'll see

Just read this! 😀

I hope you do get to meet, in the meantime, I would still suggest the video call if you haven't already. 

A lot of frauds online, 100% truth! 

Remember it's your heart, take care of it. 

Good luck! 

[shouldhavelearned]

Some of these stories on here, I mean .....

[BlueEyes2013]

Maybe I'm over my head, but I have not had much luck in the guy department in my 39 years. I turn 40 in October. 

My last relationship I was cheated on constantly and abused in every which way. I was told I was ugly and that I could get anyone else, my ex boyfriend used me for money as well. 

 

So in the last 5 years I wasn't looking.  This just happened unexpectedly.  I mean I sold Disney Blu Ray's on Ebay and he bought from me time after time. They we started messaging on Ebay.  Then this past June he sent Me his phone number. 

 

He has said when we first met , that he didn't know if he wanted to get back out on the dating scene that he was focused on being a good father but he enjoys talking with me.

We have talked on the phone several times and when I had to go be in hospital he answered when I called. 

Maybe I'm wishful thinking but I haven't had much luck in life,  it be great if this would actually turn out.

 

But the way my luck and life goes I'm holding my breath. I appreciate the advice I truly do. And maybe my heart will get broken again but at least I'm trying . Before this guy I had given up. But anyways Thanks again 

[MissCanuck]

Have you had a video call with him? 

[BlueEyes2013]

8 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Have you had a video call with him? 

We actually did our first Video Call this morning

 He was at home before he left for work

 I finally figured out how to reply to someone's post on here lol

[Andrina]

10 hours ago, BlueEyes2013 said:

He has said when we first met , that he didn't know if he wanted to get back out on the dating scene that he was focused on being a good father but he enjoys talking with me.

Take this at face value. You two have different goals. You want a bf and fantasize about moving to his city for that to happen. His only goal is to talk to you long distance for his enjoyment.

When you lack self-esteem and carry around emotional baggage, convincing yourself you will never have what you truly want, you are like wriggling bait rife for scammers, manipulators, predators to reel you in.

Even if he shared the same goal as you, LDRs that start that way have a high risk of failure. Too many cons to list, but a few are the unnatural pace of dating. Too much time apart combined with marathon dates when you do see each other.

I suggest therapy, or at minimum, reading books on boosting your self-worth and getting rid of emotinal baggage. When you get to a better place mentally, try Meetup.com groups for singles in your age group. You could also take dance lessons, volunteer at a zoo or museum, and look into other activities in your local area. 

Meeting someone is time intensive and you can't expect every person you date will end up being your special someone. It takes a lot of sifting through sand to find the treasure. This guy you're talking to doesn't want to date, and you bonding to him through messaging is preventing you from seeking local opportunities and bonding with a local guy. Get out of what you think is a bubble of safety which in reality is a bubble of loneliness with false hope.

[Batya33]

16 hours ago, BlueEyes2013 said:

Well we may meet in October around my birthday so we'll see

 

He also told me he values me 

Thank you all again for the advice. I appreciate it 🙏 

 

 

 

..

Watch the feet -the actions -not the lips -the words.  This is a total fantasy.  What did your background check on him reveal -surely you're not going to meet this person in person through Ebay based on sweet words and his sharing of information - how do you know he is a he, he is one person, he is single, he is a dad, etc? You don't seem like you've done any checking -are you that caught up in this stranger for all safety purposes that you'd take this risk? Please don't react to desperation.

[rainbowsandroses]

I have come to the conclusion that people (some not all) don't choose who to get involved with because of who the person IS, but rather how they make us feel!

That's why we see women (and men) with the bottom of the barrel in some cases, liars, scammers, etc as long as that person produces good positive 'butterfly" feelings in us, we're in!!

Here, I highly doubt anything we say or how many warnings we give will make a hill of beans difference. 

And @BlueEyes2013I do sort of get it.  You're running on pure emotion (and fantasy), any logic doesn't even compute because if you did apply logic, you'd be forced to acknowledge that this man may not (and most likely IS not) who he claims to be and all those good positive feelings and the "high" you're on would die.

And you'd be back to feeling lonely once again. 

I mean it sounds to me like you won't even ask for a video call for this reason.

If he refuuses or the "connection" isnt there during the call, everything dies and your back to feeling empty again. 

So my advice is just play this out.  If you get hurt which I personally think you WILL, so be, you deal with it then.

All the best.

 

 

 

[ShySoul]

15 hours ago, BlueEyes2013 said:

And maybe my heart will get broken again but at least I'm trying . Before this guy I had given up.

I've had very little luck in my 41 years. Few times have things ever even given a glimmer of hope. And that all ends in heartbreak. I've seen many people go through similar. And even those with better luck, still end up hurt.

Think the thing that defines us is being able to pick ourselves up and still have hope.

So many get hurt and become jaded. They build walls to protect themselves and don't believe in people, or that something might actually develop through unconventional means. And if that's what they need, that's their choice. But if you give up, nothing good can ever happen. Meanwhile if you believe, you can achieve.

You are being cautious. That's good. You aren't diving into a fairy tale fantasy. You have feelings for someone and have hope that it could lead to more. Think we've all been there. Just take your time and let things progress how they will. You started with messages, went to texts. Now you've done video. Just see how that goes for awhile. Meet up in October if you both feel okay with it. Things are progressing fine and you seem to enjoy spending time with each other. So don't worry about romance, just take the time to appreciate the friendship. If a spark happens and there could be more, you'll know it when it happens.

Sorry about what you went through before. I hope you find better, be it this guy or someone else. You deserve it.

[ShySoul]

19 hours ago, BlueEyes2013 said:

Well we may meet in October around my birthday so we'll see

He also told me he values me 

Thank you all again for the advice. I appreciate it 🙏 

FYI, I met my best friend online. We messaged and emailed each other, talked on the phone for several months. There were no video calls back in those days, so I'd only seen a picture. Didn't stop me from flying down to visit her for a week. Even spent the last two nights at her place. 

Not every person online is a scammer who is going to take advantage of you. Sometimes you can just make a neat friend (or more) from random encounters such as a message board or eBay.

Be careful, but trust your instinct. If you don't feel safe, don't do something. If you meet, do so in public. But if your gut is telling you, after all this time talking with him and getting to know him, that he is a decent person with meeting and at least being friends with, then trust it.

[BlueEyes2013]

3 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I have come to the conclusion that people (some not all) don't choose who to get involved with because of who the person IS, but rather how they make us feel!

That's why we see women (and men) with the bottom of the barrel in some cases, liars, scammers, etc as long as that person produces good positive 'butterfly" feelings in us, we're in!!

Here, I highly doubt anything we say or how many warnings we give will make a hill of beans difference. 

And @BlueEyes2013I do sort of get it.  You're running on pure emotion (and fantasy), any logic doesn't even compute because if you did apply logic, you'd be forced to acknowledge that this man may not (and most likely IS not) who he claims to be and all those good positive feelings and the "high" you're on would die.

And you'd be back to feeling lonely once again. 

I mean it sounds to me like you won't even ask for a video call for this reason.

If he refuuses or the "connection" isnt there during the call, everything dies and your back to feeling empty again. 

So my advice is just play this out.  If you get hurt which I personally think you WILL, so be, you deal with it then.

All the best.

 

 

 

I did a video call this morning.  I guess no one saw that post. BTW to that other person thinking I'm in fantasy land I have moved before for a man. 

 

I am not a teenager I am almost 40. I have researched him . But anyways thanks for the advice