For those who grieve their parents 💔

[Strongliveshere91]

I lost my mother to lung cancer on August 9th, 2024. She battled this horrible disease for 5 years and was first diagnosed 2 years after my father passed away from a heart attack. To make matters worse, I'm getting married in October and I really wanted her to be there more than anything in the world. She fought so hard, I know if circumstances were different she would have kept going. The cancer spread to her brain. By the time the cancer was caught and treated with radiation, it was already too aggressive. I saw my mother literally deteriorate in front of my eyes an every single day I visited her in the hospital. It ripped my heart out to see her like that, but I had to keep going. I had to spend the time with her. I took off of work that entire week before she passed. I needed her to know how much I loved her and wanted to cheer her up by just watching her favorite shows with her or talk to her about the wedding planning and her opinions or ideas. Somehow I still don't feel like I did enough. I was her main caregiver and took FMLA plenty of times to take her to her immunotherapy appointments or spend the time with her. I really feel guilty and sad that I wasn't there when she passed on in hospice care. I left that afternoon, my cousin visited her that night and by 8:30 am she was gone. I shattered into pieces when I got that phone call from the doctor. 
 

Now I am alone at 32 years old, just getting my life started and my parents will not be able to experience my wedding , my future children, my first home. I feel like an outlier amongst my friends. I am the only one with 2 deceased parents. All of my friends have both parents. Even my fiancee. I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but I've actually never felt more isolated and alone in my life. I have two older sisters but we don't discuss our feelings with each other too much, and we aren't as close as I'd like to be. To sum it up, I feel more comfortable sharing my heart and emotions on the internet with strangers than anyone I know in my life. I just need to be able to feel like I can relate to people. So... 
 

I'm creating this post to engage anyone who knows what it feels like to lose one or both parents and how to navigate this process together. Perhaps we can share in this experience together and find the comfort and peace we need. 
 

 

[Seraphim]

I am so very sorry for your losses. You are the same age my mom was when she had lost both her parents . 
 

I lost my dad 4 years ago this month. 

[Strongliveshere91]

17 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I am so very sorry for your losses. You are the same age my mom was when she had lost both her parents . 
 

I lost my dad 4 years ago this month. 

Thank you for the kind words. I'm so very sorry for your loss as well. I've learned it doesn't necessarily get easier, you just get stronger as time passes. It leaves an unexplainable void in your heart. Sending love 

[ShySoul]

I lost my father nearly six years ago when I was 35. His health had been poor for some time. A few months later my mother found a brain aneurysm, thankfully benign which has not caused problems since. At the same time my brother had a stroke which left him unable to work and speech impaired. Watching so many of the people you care the most for suffer is difficult. There is little you can do and it can make you feel hopeless. You feel alone in your pain and grief.

You are not alone. People have gone through the similar. I hope others can share there stories too, helping to build a community of understanding so we can feel better about our experiences. Thank you for this. There's always hope, and we can find that hope together.

I found it helps to remember that they aren't gone if they can live through you. Take the good memories and hold onto them.  Take what they taught you and live it, continuing their legacy. And take their bad parts and learn from them, striving to be better as I'm sure they would have wanted. 

I'm sorry for your lose. Its okay to feel bad. But know your name is appropriate. I can tell strong really does live there. And your getting stronger all the time. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

I'm really sorry to hear about your parents and understand what you are going through right now.  My father passed away on Columbus Day 2021.  I had just spent the weekend with my folks and left that evening to go home and get ready for work the next day.  Around 11:30 that night, I got a call from my mother that he had passed away while going to bed.  He had been suffering from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) and his body couldn't take it anymore.  My mother was with him, and he passed in her arms.  Even though we live about 15 minutes apart, it was the longest drive ever, going back to their house right after to see him one final time.    

I still can't believe that he's gone, even though it's almost been three years already.  You do get stronger, but you still have those moments where the tears flow for a few minutes or more.  I also keep thinking about how I wish I could have been there with them.  However, I also remind myself that I spent as much time as I could with him and told him everything I needed to with no regrets.  I left him with one final huge hug. 

Just as you are going through, my father won't be there when I get married, buy a house, and will never get to experience being a grandfather.  It is something that I'm still coming to terms with. 

[ShySoul]

Almost forgot (or tried to block from my memory), a few months after all that my best friend ended up in the hospital and needed heart surgery. To say that was a year of hell would be accurate.

With my father he had spent most of the month in a hospital. I flew out to see him and my brother for Christmas. I was told he was doing better and was set to be released in a few days. The morning I was supposed to fly home, we got a call at one am. We drove to the hospital where he was basically already gone, through the nurses tried as hard as they could. 

Even when you know there are problems, it can still happen suddenly.

We left with a lot of things unsaid and issues unresolved. And he will never get to see me in love or settling down and building the life I'm sure he would have wanted for me. Despite all our problems, I know he loved me as best he could. And I am grateful for what he did do. 

Seraphim, Beatlesfan, Strongliveshere - I'm sure your parents loved you as best they could. I'm sure they would be proud of the people you are today. 

And to anyone else grieving a parent, you are strong as well.

 

[Kwothe28]

I lost my mom almost a year ago due to breast cancer. She had an operation a while ago but it came back through water in lungs and metastasis all over her body. It was a pretty big blow for me. Having to watch somebody who was very healthy until her diagnosis, eat healthy and didnt drink and smoke, succumb to disease. By the end she refused to eat, couldnt even go to bathroom or walk properly so I needed to carry her on everywhere.
 

From what I can tell you, you will always have regrets. I have several of them. One was that I wanted to get her to hospital if they can help her in any way. While I knew there was no help. Maybe it was better for her to stay and die in her home where she grew up. But she also wanted to go to hospital as well. Another one was also like yours with time. Last day I had work in the morning. So after work I stayed at home to rest a bit before I go to visit her. By the time I was there, she died. If I got there right after work, I would have probably be by her when she dies. And finally about talking to her. She was unwell for a few months before final rest. So I wanted to talk to her about some stuff and what would she like for me to do after she is gone. But I didnt have a heart because she was a fighter. Admitting defeat wasnt for her. I bought a car month before that. She planned for us to go to other town and visit relatives of her mother there. She even found her passport and noticed it expired and said how she should renew it so we could go to Sweden to visit our relatives there as well. Though by the end she knew she couldnt. She even said “I thought I could, but I really cant go to our relatives in the state like this”. So she knew what was coming. But she was still fighting it so I couldn’t take that away from her by asking some stuff.

Anyway, as I understand, its all part of a grief process. Bargaining is one of the stages of grief. “If only I did X then it would be better” is really that. In truth, there is nothing that would make it that much better. If you were there with her it would only be harder for yourself. Your mother knew you loved her and cared for her. It doesnt really makes that much difference if you were there at specific time or not. 

I also like to think that some things dont stop with death. I like to think my mother still see me and protects me. And that she would be immensely proud at what I accomplished after her death. Same with yours. She is maybe not with you anymore. But she would be proud on you that you got married, had kids and have a new home. We are not omnipotent and cant change certain stuff. Diseases like cancer are one of them. All we can do is deal with them accordingly. You helped her in any way you can as I did to my mother. Even if something was wrong they would probably forgive. Most we can do is to go to acceptance stage and move on. You would have a wife, possibly even kids in the future. Your mother would want that from you. Look at it as honoring your mother wishes and that she would be proud of you. 

[itsallgrand]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I relate to you quite a bit, and it's something I wish no one had to go through. My mom passed away from lung cancer when I was in my late 30s. It spread in a similar way except it was a much faster illness for my mom. My dad passed away when I was 14. I'm mid 40s now. My SO who I have been with coming on 10 years got to spend some time knowing my mom, but how I wish it was longer. For her to see how strong we are together and for all of us to be spending time together as a family. I know though my mom felt a sense of peace knowing I had found my person. It was very important to her that her children have people that love them there when she could no longer be there. I think that's a common wish moms and dads have, always thinking of their kids being taken care of no matter the age or circumstances. 

I do know that unique strange feeling of being parent less. It changes so much of how it feels to be in the world. I miss them still, that part does not ever really go away. But it softens. The pain softens too. I feel all this gratitude as well. I had two parents who loved me. So many do not have that. So many do not even ever get one parent. It's precious, and I carry it with me always. 

You aren't alone though I do totally understand that feeling of being more alone than ever. Huge hugs. 

 

[Cherylyn]

My condolences for your loss.  I'm sorry.  ❤️

I lost my father long ago.  My cousin and friends lost both parents fairly recently. 

It is a lonely feeling.  Know that your mother wouldn't have wanted you to chronically grieve, mourn and be in a bereft state.  She would've wanted you to live your best life,  surround yourself with moral people,  immerse yourself into your career or endeavors.  She would've wanted you to be industrious and productive.  Also, do what you enjoy such as self care,  taking excellent care of your health,  pamper yourself,  immerse yourself into self interests,  hobbies or do what you enjoy.  Have outlets.

My late father-in-law (FIL) passed away recently and we do what he would've wanted.  Carry on.  Life keeps marching forward and even though it's hard,  you have to learn to be grateful for everything,  enjoy the little things in life and have a sense of purpose in your life.  She wouldn't have wanted you to constantly mope.  It's what your mother would've wanted.  This is how you can honor her legacy.

If you're faith based,  join your local church.  You'll have more in common with your brethren if you're the spiritual type and you'll be comforted to know that it doesn't end here on this Earth. 

[TeeDee]

My deepest condolences.  I lost my parents within 2 years of each other & it's tough.  I'm an only child & I felt so alone.  

My husband's grandmother died 2 weeks before our wedding.   To console ourselves we decided that grandma wanted to dance with grandpa (who had died 20 years earlier) at our wedding.  The only way for that to happen was for her to go to him since he couldn't come back.  Maybe something like that can help you.  

A cousin got married a few years ago about a year after his mother died.  They saved her a seat in the front for mom & had photos on the alter.  

I still "talk" to my parents in my head.  Sometimes I see & feel signs from them.  That gives me joy. 

All of this is still raw.   They will always be a part of you but in time you will be able to remember the good stuff with fondness, not sorrow.  There will always bit a bit of sorrow because they aren't there for your wedding, 1st child etc.  But try to envision them smiling down on you from heaven. 

Do talk to your sisters.  Maybe this will bring you closer.  

[catfeeder]

My heart goes out to you. You may want to consider contacting Dr. Wendy Walsh on her website. She's a radio psychology professor who takes calls on air but also answers DM's and emails. She, herself, lost both of her parents within a year apart when she was 32, and she can likely offer you some helpful advice. If she addresses your message on air, she won't use your name, and her shows are posted to iHeart podcast so you can re-listen any time you wish.

Wishing you peace and comfort, and please feel free to write more here if it helps.

[Strongliveshere91]

8 hours ago, TeeDee said:

My deepest condolences.  I lost my parents within 2 years of each other & it's tough.  I'm an only child & I felt so alone.  

My husband's grandmother died 2 weeks before our wedding.   To console ourselves we decided that grandma wanted to dance with grandpa (who had died 20 years earlier) at our wedding.  The only way for that to happen was for her to go to him since he couldn't come back.  Maybe something like that can help you.  

A cousin got married a few years ago about a year after his mother died.  They saved her a seat in the front for mom & had photos on the alter.  

I still "talk" to my parents in my head.  Sometimes I see & feel signs from them.  That gives me joy. 

All of this is still raw.   They will always be a part of you but in time you will be able to remember the good stuff with fondness, not sorrow.  There will always bit a bit of sorrow because they aren't there for your wedding, 1st child etc.  But try to envision them smiling down on you from heaven. 

Do talk to your sisters.  Maybe this will bring you closer.  

Yes we are actually going to do a memorial type of table at our wedding as well as reserve seats at our ceremony for our loved ones who passed. My fiancee's brother actually passed away a year ago to addiction so we both have been through quite a lot in the year leading up to our wedding. 

[Strongliveshere91]

10 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

10 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

I'm so sorry for your loss. I relate to you quite a bit, and it's something I wish no one had to go through. My mom passed away from lung cancer when I was in my late 30s. It spread in a similar way except it was a much faster illness for my mom. My dad passed away when I was 14. I'm mid 40s now. My SO who I have been with coming on 10 years got to spend some time knowing my mom, but how I wish it was longer. For her to see how strong we are together and for all of us to be spending time together as a family. I know though my mom felt a sense of peace knowing I had found my person. It was very important to her that her children have people that love them there when she could no longer be there. I think that's a common wish moms and dads have, always thinking of their kids being taken care of no matter the age or circumstances. 

I do know that unique strange feeling of being parent less. It changes so much of how it feels to be in the world. I miss them still, that part does not ever really go away. But it softens. The pain softens too. I feel all this gratitude as well. I had two parents who loved me. So many do not have that. So many do not even ever get one parent. It's precious, and I carry it with me always. 

You aren't alone though I do totally understand that feeling of being more alone than ever. Huge hugs. 

 

Wow. we have somewhat similar experiences it seems. It was super important to my mother to have all her children settled in their lives and taken care of so I know she passed on feeling very happy and proud of all of her children. The tough part about losing parents is that you no longer have that person in your life to look out for you, make sure you are safe out there in the world. The love we receive from our parents or a parental figure is like no other. I miss the feeling of being safe with my father around, and now I miss my. mother's warmth, generous and kind nature. You are so right. we are blessed to have had our parents and the memories of them. it's just sad that we can't build new ones. 

 

 

[Strongliveshere91]

17 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

I lost my mom almost a year ago due to breast cancer. She had an operation a while ago but it came back through water in lungs and metastasis all over her body. It was a pretty big blow for me. Having to watch somebody who was very healthy until her diagnosis, eat healthy and didnt drink and smoke, succumb to disease. By the end she refused to eat, couldnt even go to bathroom or walk properly so I needed to carry her on everywhere.
 

From what I can tell you, you will always have regrets. I have several of them. One was that I wanted to get her to hospital if they can help her in any way. While I knew there was no help. Maybe it was better for her to stay and die in her home where she grew up. But she also wanted to go to hospital as well. Another one was also like yours with time. Last day I had work in the morning. So after work I stayed at home to rest a bit before I go to visit her. By the time I was there, she died. If I got there right after work, I would have probably be by her when she dies. And finally about talking to her. She was unwell for a few months before final rest. So I wanted to talk to her about some stuff and what would she like for me to do after she is gone. But I didnt have a heart because she was a fighter. Admitting defeat wasnt for her. I bought a car month before that. She planned for us to go to other town and visit relatives of her mother there. She even found her passport and noticed it expired and said how she should renew it so we could go to Sweden to visit our relatives there as well. Though by the end she knew she couldnt. She even said “I thought I could, but I really cant go to our relatives in the state like this”. So she knew what was coming. But she was still fighting it so I couldn’t take that away from her by asking some stuff.

Anyway, as I understand, its all part of a grief process. Bargaining is one of the stages of grief. “If only I did X then it would be better” is really that. In truth, there is nothing that would make it that much better. If you were there with her it would only be harder for yourself. Your mother knew you loved her and cared for her. It doesnt really makes that much difference if you were there at specific time or not. 

I also like to think that some things dont stop with death. I like to think my mother still see me and protects me. And that she would be immensely proud at what I accomplished after her death. Same with yours. She is maybe not with you anymore. But she would be proud on you that you got married, had kids and have a new home. We are not omnipotent and cant change certain stuff. Diseases like cancer are one of them. All we can do is deal with them accordingly. You helped her in any way you can as I did to my mother. Even if something was wrong they would probably forgive. Most we can do is to go to acceptance stage and move on. You would have a wife, possibly even kids in the future. Your mother would want that from you. Look at it as honoring your mother wishes and that she would be proud of you. 

Everything you said really hit home for me. You are describing exactly how I feel, and everything I went through with my mother, especially near the end of her life. My mother also deteriorated in the same way... she could barely speak, she had water in her lungs, couldn't swallow so she was literally starving to death and on IV fluids only. It was so traumatizing to see her in this state, yet I couldn't stop myself from going to that hospital every single day to see her. The same thing that comforted me (spending time with her), was the same thing that was killing me inside. Yet, if I never went to visit her as frequently as I did (like my sisters) I know I would still be eaten up with guilt. Maybe we are so used to seeing our loved ones as strong and resilient when they were alive and well, that we cannot see them any other way. I plan on honoring my mother the same way I grew to honor my father over time. I will make sure if I have children, that they know who she is. I will make sure to keep her memory alive by talking about her and sharing stories. I know this is going to be a long road as I have been here before. This first week without her is just unbearable. I also want to believe she is watching over me and witnessing all of my life accomplishments. I really hope there is an afterlife. I often think about death and where our spirits go (or if we even have one). I want her to send me some type of sign as I haven't really gotten one yet. I just want to know that she is somewhere out there, continuing on in a peaceful and happy state. I need to know that she is okay now. 

[Strongliveshere91]

21 hours ago, BeaTlesFan77 said:

Just as you are going through, my father won't be there when I get married, buy a house, and will never get to experience being a grandfather.  It is something that I'm still coming to terms with. 

This is the hardest part to come to terms with. They will no longer be physically there to share in our life experiences. 

[Strongliveshere91]

Thank you all for the responses. I will respond to each one! I just feel like now I am going to take this opportunity to use this as some sort of healing journal (where we can all share and participate). I will try and report here often and just say whatever is on my mind.. whatever emotions I need to get out there.

I cried on the way to work this morning in the car. I had a feeling of impending doom, thinking to myself "is this really happening to me?". I go through all of the grieving stages in a whirlwind it seems. I am extremely sad, and also feeling guilty (probably when I shouldn't be). I am also extremely angry and hurt. I will never understand why this has to happen to good people in the world. Why my parents? why did both of them have to leave me? How come I am the only person I know dealing with this? All of these questions burning me up inside. Not to mention, I almost feel angry at other people around me who won't understand how this feels and didn't experience this like I have. I find myself isolating from friends who say all of these nice things to me and try to be supportive. I don't see how they can help me or even begin to understand what I am going through... and now it makes everything almost awkward in a way. Their parents are living. Mine are not. Anytime this subject comes up and they speak about their parents or share something about them, I will never be able to contribute to the conversation in the same way. I'm just so mad at the world right now. I tell myself this is all just part of the process, but I noticed I can't shake the anger. I have had this anger inside me since my father passed away 7 years ago. It lessened over time.. and now it is starting back up again with the same velocity. I am too young to feel this way about the world. I want to turn back time. I want to revert back to my childhood when I felt safe and happy. 

[Strongliveshere91]

21 hours ago, ShySoul said:

You are not alone. People have gone through the similar. I hope others can share there stories too, helping to build a community of understanding so we can feel better about our experiences. Thank you for this. There's always hope, and we can find that hope together.

That is the beautiful thing about this platform - we can all relate to each other and help each other heal through these tribulations. thank you for the kind words ❤️ 

[ShySoul]

Even if they can't understand exactly what you are feeling, your friends can still be there to listen and still care. They can still be supportive and a shoulder to lean on. And they can be a distraction to get you to have fun and not dwell on the negatives.

As a male I'll never understand what my sister felt having a miscarriage. But I still felt her pain and wanted to be there for her. And I celebrated when she adopted a baby girl.

We're all in this together, there for each other. Feel that anger, just don't be consumed by it. 

[Cherylyn]

@Strongliveshere91

I'm sorry for your pain.  The questions you're asking yourself are very normal as life feels terribly unfair. ☹️ It makes you wonder why bad things happen to good people.  It's normal to feel angry and hurt.  I have no answers for you.  I'm sorry. 

Please don't get angry and frustrated at other people who won't or can't understand how this feels and didn't experience this like you have.  They can only understand and have compassion for you if they walked a mile in your shoes.  Until then,  empathy for them is difficult if not impossible to grasp.  Since they hadn't experienced your pain,  they don't know what your type of pain feels like.  They are completely clueless.   However,  they will know when their loved ones pass away at some point during their lifetimes.  All you can do is remain well mannered and gracious.  Their time will come and then they'll understand what grief,  mourning and a bereft state feels like. 

It's normal to feel angry at the world. 😠 I've felt the same way, too.  Yes,  it's part of the process because you feel so helpless and no one enjoys not having control over one's life or loss of control for creating an ideal and optimal world for themselves,  their parents or family. 

You are correct.  Time will take care of old wounds.  Granted the pain,  longing and loss will never go away.  It's just that the tears become less.  😢

Like you,  I wish I could revert to many happy memories from my past.  Most people who reminisce joyous moments from their past,  wish they could go back and relive it. 

Take good care of yourself.  Surround yourself with moral people,  become very selective and also give yourself alone time to gather your thoughts.  Have healthy outlets,  take excellent care of your health and  pamper yourself because there is a strong connection between a sound body and sound mind.  Find healthy,  safe distractions because this helps as opposed to being preoccupied with sadness and negativity.  It's what your beloved parents would've wanted and this is how you can honor their legacy.  Your parents wouldn't have wanted you to be chronically depressed over them 24 / 7.  Your parents wouldn't have wanted you to feel constantly bitter and resentful.  They wouldn't have wanted you to live in the past.  Get a fresh start in their loving memory.  ❤️

 

[Strongliveshere91]

Did anyone else struggle with a little bit of PTSD from seeing your loved one suffer/deteriorate before they passed? I'm having images of what she looked like the day before and the moments leading up to her passing. I stood in front of her very close to her face making sure she knew who I was and she touched my face for a minute or two , without saying anything . This seems to be hitting me in waves. I have voicemails she left me a week before. I keep listening to them when the wave of grief takes over 💔

[Cherylyn]

5 hours ago, Strongliveshere91 said:

Did anyone else struggle with a little bit of PTSD from seeing your loved one suffer/deteriorate before they passed? I'm having images of what she looked like the day before and the moments leading up to her passing. I stood in front of her very close to her face making sure she knew who I was and she touched my face for a minute or two , without saying anything . This seems to be hitting me in waves. I have voicemails she left me a week before. I keep listening to them when the wave of grief takes over 💔

I was close to my father-in-law (FIL) because to me,  he was my real father compared to my biological father.  Yes,  there was PTSD because he suffered and deteriorated quickly before he passed.  I still have images of his struggles.  It was horrible. 

She knew who you were before she departed.  I too listen to my FIL's voicemails as does my husband.  For us,  it isn't always comforting though.  It's jarring. 

Your wounds are still fresh and raw.  Even though you cannot see this now,  as time goes by whether it's weeks,  months or years and even though you'll always feel very sad,  some of your depression will lift.  Life goes on,  you carry on,  you get busy with daily life with whatever you do and this is how grief is usually processed.  You'll no longer be bereft and inconsolable.  It gets 'better' in that sense. 

For the long term,  it isn't healthy to be sad forever.  Eventually,  I hope you will have healthy distractions in life whether it's work,  taking care of your health,  surrounding yourself with moral people,  hobbies,  outings,  intellectual pursuits,  being productive,  industrious or being busy in a positive way.  Being preoccupied with grief 24 / 7 is not good for your mental and physical health.  Your mother wouldn't have wanted that.  Not at all.  This is how you can honor her legacy. 

Eventually,  I hope you will find peace from within.  She is no longer suffering. 

 

[ShySoul]

Oddly, I might have been lucky that he had numerous health issues for years prior, that we lived far apart, and that are personal issues kept me from being too close with him. I had the time to come to terms with things and accept that he would probably pass before long. When we got the call in the middle of the night, the moment was scary and shocking. But in my mind he was already gone before I got there. The memory I chose to hold onto was how he looked two days prior, happy and laughing, glad to see his children on Christmas.

If the images of that moment is bothering you, think of better moments. You have a lifetime to chose from. Think of her at her best, in a time where she was laughing and happy. Find that moment you spent with her that meant the world to you and reflects all the love you shared. 

Please take care of yourself and find something to bring joy into your life. Do things to make you happy and keep you busy. Grieve, just don't be consumed by it. All things in moderation. 

Hoping today is a good day for you, one day at a time.

[Strongliveshere91]

9 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

Oddly, I might have been lucky that he had numerous health issues for years prior, that we lived far apart, and that are personal issues kept me from being too close with him. I had the time to come to terms with things and accept that he would probably pass before long. When we got the call in the middle of the night, the moment was scary and shocking. But in my mind he was already gone before I got there. The memory I chose to hold onto was how he looked two days prior, happy and laughing, glad to see his children on Christmas.

If the images of that moment is bothering you, think of better moments. You have a lifetime to chose from. Think of her at her best, in a time where she was laughing and happy. Find that moment you spent with her that meant the world to you and reflects all the love you shared. 

Please take care of yourself and find something to bring joy into your life. Do things to make you happy and keep you busy. Grieve, just don't be consumed by it. All things in moderation. 

Hoping today is a good day for you, one day at a time.

Thank you 🩷 today was actually a good day for the most part aside from the grief wave I had  a little earlier. My boss approached me and asked what I'm doing at work and that I should have taken more time off. I already took 2 weeks off , the first week was to spend time with her before she passed. The second was after she had passed. I think if I take anymore time off it wouldn't be good for my mental health. I would be consumed by it. Work is keeping me distracted plenty. I joined betterhelp therapy and met with a therapist twice, and I'm looking into bereavement groups. I am interested in getting back into shape as well so I have to find something I truly enjoy doing that is fun. 

[Strongliveshere91]

I know its been a while since I have posted on here but I have been so preoccupied with wedding planning. I’m noticing every day it gets a little bit easier but at least once a day I have my moments where I feel the need to text or call her at some point to tell her about my day. We spoke every single day when I would drive home from work , or she would text me asking what I’m up to and if I can come over to help her with something or keep her company. I really miss her. Yesterday I had an extremely long day at work and just wanted to text her to let her know when I would be going home etc. I think going to therapy and coming to this platform will help me through these times. Anyways, Hope everyone had a great Labor Day weekend! I start work again tomorrow.. just have to finish out the week and then onto my vacation! 

[ShySoul]

I've always been a lot closer to my mother (even when she drives me crazy 😉). I've long suspected that loss is going to hit me harder when it happens. Hopefully not for some time.

You're doing well. Those moments will come and it's okay. Keep pushing forward and you'll make it through.

Focus on some good things. Have a blast with your vacation, wherever you are going or whatever you are doing. And contgratulations on the upcoming wedding. Hope the planning isn't too stressful on you.