Do you read the wording in the dating profile?

[AuthenticSelf]

Let's say you are in the online dating. You are in it for about a month now. 

At this time, all the initial boost is gone. 

At first, you see top people with good looking face. Now, it is only people who are fairly average. They are not ugly but not extremely handsome/beautiful. 

Let's say their pictures are just them doing life stuff like watching at the beach, going for a walk a long some hills (these things are so popular). 

 

Assume everyone has similar picture and looks kind of the same, are you going to read their profile description? 

 

[shouldhavelearned]

Hard to be on those with the monthly payments and having to beat the algorithms.

Need to read them imo. 

 

I mean, why not?

[Batya33]

16 minutes ago, AuthenticSelf said:

Let's say you are in the online dating. You are in it for about a month now. 

At this time, all the initial boost is gone. 

At first, you see top people with good looking face. Now, it is only people who are fairly average. They are not ugly but not extremely handsome/beautiful. 

Let's say their pictures are just them doing life stuff like watching at the beach, going for a walk a long some hills (these things are so popular). 

 

Assume everyone has similar picture and looks kind of the same, are you going to read their profile description? 

 

I read it first to make sure they were looking for marriage and family, valued higher education, and came across as thoughtful and compassionate as well as similar religious background and outlook.  I did searches based on what I was looking for.  I don't remember focusing on whether the men who came up with my searches looked like models or not.  Wasn't important to me.

[Kwothe28]

When I did it most of them didnt have it. The emphasis is on photos now so rarely who even reads bios. Plus it rarely says something about the person. For example, some have "OMG married man stop messaging me". While its a bio, it doesnt really says anything about the woman but about the profile of men who message her. Some have better ones, for example "enjoying this and that" but they  are also quite generic. "Enjoying vacation"(with a picture of them in bikini under palm tree ofcourse) doesnt really tells me too much since I think everybody enjoys vacation. And that maybe if I would date them I would have to shell out for another palm tree photo. I usually skipped that ones. Some do have, for example, personality type and what they ask. For example "INTJ-A, non- smoker, must be vaccinated(it was Covid times then) etc. And those were helpful. But again, rarely any of them even had a bio at all. So if I matched I would have to work with variety of first message questions just based on photos or name or maybe occupation if its there. Again, dating sites now are based more on looks and are just an extension of social networks. 

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, AuthenticSelf said:

Assume everyone has similar picture and looks kind of the same, are you going to read their profile description? 

Yep. If someone can't even be bothered with their own profile, how much effort will they put into dating?

[yogacat]

I think you should, what if they like 95% of what you are looking for but you just wouldn't know by looking at their pictures? What if they like nude coffee at midnight and you're really into that? Haha, I'm not sure anyone would put that in their profile but you get this gist.

[rainbowsandroses]

I have a question for the men (and women) who do both online dating and meeting people in real life. 

When you're at an event or a party or club, or just out and about, what needs to happen before you approach a woman or for women, a man?

I am talking about making that initial approach before any conversation has taken place.  

I've spoken to a few men about this and the first thing is finding her physically attractive, to him. 

Obviously he knows nothing about her, there is no profile to view, only that HE finds her attractive.

She doesn't have to be universally attractive with model looks, just attractive to HIM.

So I ask, why should online be different?

What's wrong with finding someone attractive (okay their pic attractive) and reaching out saying hi based on that? 

And if she finds you attractive, she responds and then you start chatting and getting to know each other!

Same as in real life?

I dunno for ME that's how I view it. 

Re profiles, honestly I don't have much.  Never stopped men from reaching out. 

Just like in real, we get to know each other by interacting and engaging each other at first by messaging and if there's a mutual interest, by meeting in person. 

Anyway, just my $.02 what makes sense and works for me. 

 

[ShySoul]

4 hours ago, AuthenticSelf said:

Assume everyone has similar picture and looks kind of the same, are you going to read their profile description? 

If looks are the same, what else do you really have to go off of but their profile? Unless you just want to reply to everyone and see who bites. Which I'm sure is a strategy for a lot of people. 🙄

Seriously, I don't see why you wouldn't look at a profile all the time, regardless of looks. Some picture might catch your eye and take your breath away. But when you see the profile you realize they are into everything you can't stand and vice versa. Clearly not going to be a good match. On the otherhand, you might not be blown away by a photo, but looking at the profile she good be interested in all the same things as you - even that rare hobby no one else around you is. Not reading the profile and you would have missed out on a match made in heaven.

Also would help weed out those who aren't serious. Can't be bothered to write one? Then I can't be bothered to write you. Saying the same generic lines as everyone else? Then you're passed over like everyone else. Give me something unique that showcases your personal style? You've intrigued me enough to reply.

Actually would be similar to real life for me. A pretty face and I'm barely moved. A unique thought from your mind or a shared hobby, and I'm at least talking. 

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I am talking about making that initial approach before any conversation has taken place.  

I dunno, IRL, conversation is usually the first thing that happens with me, often before I've even gotten a look at the person speaking to me. Somebody will just make an offhand comment about something they find funny, and I might build on that, and along the way we'll have gotten a better glance at one another. I'm not generally looking around for someone to go saddle up to in order to squeeze the cucumbers near them and make such comments. Whether he's cased the place to choose me to speak with wouldn't be something I'm aware of.

So that's the difference between real life and OLD for me. Online I'm deliberately selecting a person to converse with, while IRL it's just opportunity colliding with a sense of humor.

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

Somebody will just make an offhand comment about something they find funny, and I might build on that, and along the way we'll have gotten a better glance at one another.

^^Okay, but that's when you're all interacting within a group and sure it happens that way for me too as I would assume for many others. 

I am sure you've also had men approach to converse with you, or to insert himself into your group in order to talk with you, no?

Maybe it was done in such a subtle (or smooth) way you didn't notice, but anyway why do you think he did that?

Because he found you attractive and wanted to talk to you!  Imo. 😀

I dunno maybe it never happened that way for you but for many others, I would say men mostly since they tend to do most of the approaching, they see a woman at an event or wherever, he finds her attractive and wants to talk to her, so approaches to do just that. Asks if he can buy/get her a drink or something.

Perhaps not so boldly, maybe he just walks over to where she is and makes eye contact or something.

Knowing nothing about her, no profile to view with her likes, dislikes, etc.

I guess I'm weird but I find profiles unnatural. I mean how did people meet and connect before OLDing and viewing profiles? Lol

Frankly, I don't even want to know about a man before we begin talking and interacting!  Naturally and organically.

Takes all the fun and mystery out of the entire process IMO! 

Whenever I've done the apps, I view it the same way as I do in real life. 

He sends me a message, if I find him/his pic attractive to ME, I respond back and we begin chatting!  

Course in real life, there no picture (or profile), but the process is the same. 

If I find him attractive, I will talk with him and want to get to know him!

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

33 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

^^Okay, but that's when you're all interacting within a group and sure it happens that way for me too as I would assume for many others. 

I am sure you've also had men approach to converse with you, or to insert himself into your group in order to talk with you, no?

Maybe it was done in such a subtle (or smooth) way you didn't notice, but anyway why do you think he did that?

Because he found you attractive and wanted to talk to you!  Imo. 😀

I dunno maybe it never happened that way for you but for many others, I would say men mostly since they tend to do most of the approaching, they see a woman at an event or wherever, he finds her attractive and wants to talk to her, so approaches to do just that. Asks if he can buy/get her a drink or something.

Perhaps not so boldly, maybe he just walks over to where she is and makes eye contact or something.

Knowing nothing about her, no profile to view with her likes, dislikes, etc.

I guess I'm weird but I find profiles  unnatural. I mean how did people meet and connect before OLDing and viewing profiles? Lol

Frankly, I don't even want to know about a man before we begin talking and interacting!  Naturally and organically.

Takes all the fun and mystery out of the entire process IMO! 

Whenever I've done the apps, I view it the same way as I do in real life. 

He sends me a message, if I find him/his pic attractive to ME, I respond back and we begin chatting!  

Course in real life, there no picture (or profile), but the process is the same. 

If I find him attractive, I will talk with him and want to get to know him!

Just to add, recently @yogacatposted about a man who approached her in real life.  Knowing absolutely nothing about her except what she looked like, no profile with her likes, requirements, whatever.

He simply found her attractive and wanted to talk to her.

That's what I'm referring to and it happens to me too and I'm sure many women!  And men.

For me, I don't approach but when I see an attractive man, say on line at the market for example, I might say something casual to strike up a conversation.  

Knowing NOTHING about him!  We learn about each other when we begin chatting and interacting, asking questions etc. 

To ME, this is more natural than viewing profiles and learning what he (or she) is about from an online dating profile and choosing him based on that. 

Again, jmo I know I'm weird!  Lol

 

 

[ShySoul]

12 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I guess I'm weird but I find profiles  unnatural. I mean how did people meet and connect before OLDing and viewing profiles? Lol

Frankly, I don't even want to know about a man before we begin talking and interacting!  Naturally and organically.

Strickly speaking on real life, there's any number of scenarios. All depends on the situation and what the people involved in it are comfortable with. Think those each have a corresponding style in the online world. And all of them can work just fine if it's what the individuals prefer.

What your getting at is probably the standard trope. See the attractive person across the room, your eyes meet. You begin to talk and hit it off. Online it's see the picture, send a message, start chatting. 

People used to take out personal ads. Or there was video dating services on VHS (remember that 😉). Those would come with profiles and a person would respond based on if they liked what the person said. That's the read the profile, don't focus on photo technique.

Being introduce through friends/family probably would come with a bit of a profile talk from the matchmaker. "Hey, this is my friend ShySoul, he's into candlelit dinners and walks on the beach." Ok, probably not that cliche. lol. Could even be a simple introduction of just a name and then the two of you start talking. I'm sure that happens all the time online, people connecting through a mutual friend on social media.

For me, it would probably be the become friends through whatever we are doing in our lives and then develop feelings for each other style. And that's actually what did happen to me online.

Whatever a person's preference, that's what they should do. Go with your natural style.

It all leads (hopefully) to the same endgame.

[rainbowsandroses]

52 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

What your getting at is probably the standard trope. See the attractive person across the room, your eyes meet. You begin to talk and hit it off.

Sort of but not necessarily.  Frankly that sounds like a Disney movie lol 😆, I don't think it actually works that way.

Although sometimes it can!

I was referring more to what I described in my follow up post.   You see someone you find attractive and you'd like to talk to them so you either boldly approach or find a more subtle natural way of striking up a conversation.

 

[Kwothe28]

4 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

When you're at an event or a party or club, or just out and about, what needs to happen before you approach a woman or for women, a man?

I havent done “cold approach” in a while. Usually I met people through other people. But sure, taking at least some kind of liking is a requirement when you dont know anything about the person. But, that is also very subjective category. Model look is probably attractive to 99% of men(that other 1% is probably gay). But if you are not narcissist or equally hot, dont know if you can pull up that or approach. So there needs to be at least some level of self awareness involved.

4 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

So I ask, why should online be different?

Well, it kinda is. When you approach people in the club, you dont know if they want to be approached at all. They could just be there to have fun with friends and dont want to even be approached for that matter. When you are on a dating site, you know that you and them are there to meet somebody. So at least some level of introduction and what do you seek is necessary when your goal is to meet somebody. 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

When you are on a dating site, you know that you and them are there to meet somebody. So at least some level of introduction and what do you seek is necessary when your goal is to meet somebody. 

Ideally yes but as we've all learned, there are plenty of people on dating sites for reasons other than dating. 

Attention, boredom and pen pals come to mind, which accounts for all the flaking and such, among other things. Imo. 

There are also people on dating apps who are in other relationships or even married.  But I suppose that could happen when meeting IRL too.

I dunno, I do realize there are couples who have met this way, I met my ex-husband on line!

But I viewed it as I do when meeting in real.  I don't recall ever even reading his profile except to check if he knew proper grammar and how to construct a sentence lol, which is something I suppose and I wouldn't have known had I met him at the grocery store! Lol Or a singles event or meet-up.

I guess it just boils down to for me, I prefer getting to know a man and what he's about, his likes, dislikes etc by actually talking and interacting with him versus reading about him on a dating profile. 

If he messages me and I find him attractive (to me), I will respond back and we can start messaging and getting to know each other that way, asking questions and such and arrange to meet. 

I don't pay much attention to his profile to answer the OP's question.

Re approaching someone you find attractive, absolutely it's subjective I think I mentioned that.

I didn't use the word subjective, I just said attractive to ME.  And I think that applies to all of us.  

She/he doesn't have to be universally attractive or have model looks, just attractive to each of us.

I also don't rule out being set up by friends, that actually happened once and we did click and dated for a bit until he ended up getting back together with his ex!!  

 

 

 

[Kwothe28]

9 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Attention, boredom and pen pals come to mind, which accounts for all the flaking and such, among other things. Imo. 

Yes, but again, that should be specified. For example, I skipped “I am here to meet friends” bios. Because that wasnt my intention on something called “dating site”. 

I dont argue that both arent based on physical. Just that there is a slight difference between “cold approach” and dating site approach. Better comparison would be between dating sites and dating events such as speed dating. Where, you are absolutely required to say something about yourself at first and for other side to assess if they want you based on that. Just like with bios.

[rainbowsandroses]

47 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Yes, but again, that should be specified. For example, I skipped “I am here to meet friends” bios..

^^ Sure, but plenty of people who are on apps for reasons other than actually dating don't put "here to meet friends" on their profile.

Just read all the posts on this forum complaining about people who want to message ad nausem but seem to always have an excuse not to meet!  

47 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Just that there is a slight difference between “cold approach” and dating site approach.

Oh I agree!  I wasn't disputing that.  I was only giving my opinion about profiles. 

Also to clarify I wasn't referring to "cold approach" necessarily.

How about when you're attending a singles event or meet-up event?  You see an attractive person you'd like to talk to so you approach them, right? 

Knowing absolutely nothing about them other than their appearance.  No profile to view for likes, dislikes, what they're looking for or commonalities. You find that out once you start chatting!   And getting to know each other. Naturally, organically.

I don't view that as a cold approach, everyone is there to meet someone to potentially date, it's a singles event.

Anyway, I don't dislike on line and we all have our own style in how we use it.

Some people place a lot of emphasis on a person's profile and others like me, not so much for reasons I already explained.

Neither is wrong or right, just different.

Hope that clarifies! 

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, yogacat said:

I think you should, what if they like 95% of what you are looking for but you just wouldn't know by looking at their pictures? What if they like nude coffee at midnight and you're really into that? Haha, I'm not sure anyone would put that in their profile but you get this gist.

I remember one guy who came up in my searches and had a lovely profile. Luckily I read the whole thing since he "revealed" he was lying about where he lived - he wanted to come up in my city's searches but lived around 1000 miles away.  And of course the too many liars who "confessed" in the profile about their real age again to manipulate the system.  Saved a lot of time for me with a quick read.

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

When you're at an event or a party or club, or just out and about, what needs to happen before you approach a woman or for women, a man?

I am talking about making that initial approach before any conversation has taken place.  

It was more of a look and a sense and also the purpose in my approaching -if just to dance -then if he looked approachable and cute sure I'd ask him to dance.  If he looked like someone I might be attracted to and I liked his posture, body language I might.  But the difference for me personally in dating sites was a main reason I was on them was because -assuming the profile was accurate- I could know beforehand if he too was looking for marriage and family (and met my short checklist I mentioned above).  I wasn't interested in just potentially dancing with the person or having a fun convo (and maybe that man might know other men to introduce me to -in person) -I was looking for a potential husband.  Sure at many events-same thing.  

I remember meeting a guy at a high school reunion -it wasn't my HS but I knew many from there and my female friend had asked me to go - I don't remember who started talking -he was in a larger group of people I was with but we talked a lot that night and he was very cute.  We then talked more after - this was 20 years ago.  I don't know who suggested meeting for lunch - but we did where I discovered a dealbreaker -religion related. He smiled and said politely when it came up that he knew I'd likely assumed differently.  It happened. The funny thing was it wasn't mean as a "date" nor had we discussed dating at all.  But he "knew" the potential. 

We stayed very friendly for the next 5 years or so and are still FB friends. If I'd seen his profile on a dating site I'd never have messaged with him or maybe one where I'd have asked the religion question.  Totally fine -we weren't meeting in a romantic way and I made a good friend!

[Massari]

14 hours ago, AuthenticSelf said:

Let's say you are in the online dating. You are in it for about a month now. 

At this time, all the initial boost is gone. 

At first, you see top people with good looking face. Now, it is only people who are fairly average. They are not ugly but not extremely handsome/beautiful. 

Let's say their pictures are just them doing life stuff like watching at the beach, going for a walk a long some hills (these things are so popular). 

 

Assume everyone has similar picture and looks kind of the same, are you going to read their profile description? 

 

I read the profile just to ensure they are what I am looking for: 

1. Many are there in open relationships (couples) looking to explore. 

2. Bisexual .. Trans.. (I have nothing against  but I am straight so I don't want to date non straight women)

3. Single parent or not (I am open to both)

I read the profile text literature just to ensure if we match I am not gonna unmatch immediately due to not being compatible. 

The rest of the information I do not read. If we match then we can talk and get to know each other better. 

[DarkCh0c0]

@rainbowsandroses

I think a good difference in seeing someone in real life rather than on old, is that on OLD you see them in 2D pictures. In real life, you see in 7D posture, energy, smile, how they carry themselves and so forth. So they are not really the same. If a woman is hot but has a cynical/*** attitude, a lot of men wouldn't approach her irl. Similarly, a man can look "ok" in his pics, but when you meet him and watch how he talks and carry himself, you might reconsider the whole thing. I also know many people whose pictures don't do them justice. I am one of those people, at least I get told so by men. And vice versa with filtered images and disappointing irl meets.

To answer OP's question: I do think the text is important. It's good to put in an effort to explain what you're looking for and give an intro about yourself. Everyone has good pics, so the text helps give a bit of dimension to them.

[Massari]

4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

 

We stayed very friendly for the next 5 years or so and are still FB friends. If I'd seen his profile on a dating site I'd never have messaged with him or maybe one where I'd have asked the religion question.  Totally fine -we weren't meeting in a romantic way and I made a good friend!

What a great story! Was a pleasure to read! 

[catfeeder]

11 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

^^Okay, but that's when you're all interacting within a group and sure it happens that way for me too as I would assume for many others. 

Not sure where you got that, because it usually happens when I'm by myself. Shopping, or whatnot.

The point is, I guess some people are more visually attracted, while some of us are more about how a person thinks. With OLD, it's the profile that shows me that. I've been pleasantly surprised when I meet a person who looks entirely better than their photo. Even with people I'm not dating--I know perfectly beautiful people who look not-so-much in their SM photos.

I'm not advocating for OLD in place of IRL My point is simply that IF you're going to invest the time to work with OLD, do it well, or it's a waste of your time and you'll end up on here crowing about the evils of OLD.

It's a tool, like anything else--use it wisely.

[rainbowsandroses]

41 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I think a good difference in seeing someone in real life rather than on old, is that on OLD you see them in 2D pictures. In real life, you see in 7D posture, energy, smile, how they carry themselves and so forth. So they are not really the same.

^^Thanks @DarkCh0c0but I never said they were the same. As you said, it's a picture versus their energy, how they carry themselves etc.

So I agree with you.

I think some may be misinterpreting my posts; I was responding to the OP's question asking how much value do we (I) place on an online profile.

For ME, not much. When meeting men in real life, I don't have a profile to view with his likes and dislikes, what he's looking for etc, I find that out when talking and interacting with him.

So imo why should on line be any different? 

It's not,  not for ME.

Again if I find him attractive whether it's an online pic or a look across a room in real life, if he engages me, I will respond and talk to him.

With online there's an extra step in that it involves messaging at first and of course he could look nothing like his photo in real life but I don't care, it's 30 minutes out of my life to meet in person, if it does work out, I don't see him again.

Pretty much the same as in real life too. After talking with him for a while or having a date, if there's no interest, I move on.

Hope that clarifies.

 

 

 

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

25 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

The point is, I guess some people are more visually attracted, while some of us are more about how a person thinks.

^^IMO it can be BOTH, for me it certainly is anyway! 

How a man thinks, what he's about etc is extremely important to me.

As I’ve said, I just prefer to find out about him while interacting with him one-on-one versus reading about him on an online dating profile.