Cannot understand why she wants a relationship but not intimacy

[ShySoul]

12 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I'll change this to 

@ShySoul

Sex obviously matters to OP. He opened a thread about it. There's no reason to tell him not to care about it.

Well, even the Beatles sang "I Want to Hold Your Hand." Think I'm in okay company then. 😁

Never said to not care about it. Point was to not lose sight of all the great moments, physical acts, and love that has already existed and been shown because he's eager and wanting to jump to the next thing. You don't have to have sex to be physically intimate. You can appreciate the incredibly rush and sensations of so many little physical acts. 

Its like extended foreplay. All the buildup will eventually peak at the right time when BOTH people are ready for it. And it won't matter how long it's been because it will be something BOTH people are putting their full heart and soul into. If anything, it could actually be better because she'll be able to fully open up and be in the moment. 

And really it comes down to something I hope everyone would agree with:

A person should not do anything physical unless they feel completly comfortable doing it.

If she is not comfortable kissing, making out, or having sex, that is her choice. There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with her. She is not denying anyone. She is sticking to how she feels. It's her choice, no one elses. And I support a woman's right, or anyone's right, to chose what they feel comfortable enough to do. 

The solution is to work with her to see why she isn't comfortable and what will make her comfortable. 

[rainbowsandroses]

4 hours ago, ShySoul said:

The solution is to work with her to see why she isn't comfortable and what will make her comfortable. 

I'm not sure I agree that Zeus should "work with her" .... that's a therapist's job. 

But do agree he should ask her.

@Zeus131313is she in therapy?  

I do think she cares about you a lot obviously, but I also think there is a part of her that may fear being vulnerable with a man and kissing IS a very intimate act, even more so than sex in some instances. IMO.

Which requires a woman (or man if roles are reversed) to be vulnerable.

Dancing, cuddling, spending money, traveling, calling you 5 times a day does NOT require vulnerability.

I think you should ask her about that because the more I think about it, the more I believe this may be what's happening.

I know a few women like this and while they are comfortable having sex and doing the other things you mentioned, they have admitted to feeling uncomfortable kissing as they feel too "exposed," too vulnerable.

They've admitted it!

Anyway, would love an update if you're still reading.  😀

 

 

[lostandhurt]

It is important to view the OP's wants and needs and help him.  Bantering back and forth is not helpful to his situation which he pretty clearly defined for us.

 This is an extremely difficult thing to bring up for a few reasons.

1. You risk hearing an answer you do not want to hear knowing it will ruin and end what has been a wonderful relationship thus far sans the intimacy.  

2. It can be very difficult for some to be vulnerable and it can be just as difficult for some to speak up on what they need from a partner and relationship.  You can almost feel selfish for your own healthy wants, needs and desires.  No one should be made to feel that their feelings are wrong because we are all entitled to them just as the OP's gf is entitled to hers.

 This will be a tough discussion to have but once you get things out in the open it will be for the best for both of you.

 Let us know how it goes.

Best wishes

Lost

[ShySoul]

@Zeus131313

This is your relationship, no one elses. What counts is what you have with her. If you do love each other as much as it seems you do, then talk to each other. Listen to each other. Work together. The only people who know what is right here is the two of you. Anyone else is an outsider who does not know the particulars of what you have each experienced and been through, separately and together. 

Make the choice that is right for you.

I wish both of you the best and hope you can each find your way to happiness.