Am I Wrong To Feel Completely Taken Advantage Of?

[Ladybird77]

I worked at a school for 5 years, as a 1-1 support for children with special needs. This past year, the school had me supporting three kids at once (which is unheard of) and charging families below minimum wage each for my services. Complete exploitation. But my motivation was these kids, I cared about them above all. 

The beginning of this school year was a nightmare to say the least. It is a *very* tricky group of kids, and we had one teacher after another quit. It got to me having to take on multiple (unpaid) roles without a teacher in the room and it was affecting my mental health and well-being. 

I received a job offer elsewhere for a much higher salary. I went and spoke to the school (not saying anything about the offer) but just that I'm struggling in that classroom and need to be paid better otherwise this is unsustainable. They offered me an increase (it was less than the offer) but I accepted it because they basically begged and guilt-tripped me into staying and promised that next year my salary will increase to what I'm looking for if we can just stick this year out. Unfortunately, I was foolish and took them at their word. I had a lot of trust in these people, evidently misplaced.

End of school year was June. When I asked Principal to present me with my options that I'd been promised, he kept telling me next week and then next week and then next week. It started to feel like I was just being blown off. Then came summer break, and he didn't answer my emails and never got back to me with an update. That left me all summer wondering what in the world is going on. 

I finally just showed up at the school, and asked them why they left me with zero communication to know where I stand. Principal's response was that he was working hard all summer to find a suitable position for me/families willing to pay the $ they promised me at the beginning of the year, but were coming up empty. I asked why couldn't he have at least sent me an email and communicated that, just so I know what's going on, but I got no clear answer. 

I also mentioned that at the beginning of the year I'd been offered a better position elsewhere, but I didn't take it because I didn't want to leave my employers in a bad spot. Which is true. So I'm of course going to feel upset at their lack of consideration of what kind of spot they were leaving me in now by offering zero communication all summer. Their response was to tell me that if I had been looking elsewhere for work (at the beginning of this year), I should have told them, so they could have replaced me. And that giving me the pay increase (which was peanuts for them, they make A LOT of money) was a financial burden on them. I'm sorry but are you kidding me?!? I stayed the year (and believe you me, it was an *awful* one) when I could have left them in the dust, and that's the thanks I get?!? 

Might I add, throughout the school year, there were a couple serious issues coming up, that the Principal told me he would follow up on and never did. When I think back on it, when I've gone to him throughout the years needing support with classroom issues, he NEVER followed-through with anything, much to the detriment of the children sadly. 

Suffice to say I'm never going back there. I wish I'd told them off more but I'm glad at least I confronted them and expressed my lack of appreciation at how they treated me in the end. 

I just need support right now and would appreciate any feedback <3

[Coily]

Wow, that's such a scummy thing for them to do. Sadly that seems to be very common in the school world these days. My GF works as a teacher with special needs kids, and has mentioned stories like yours. Aids being under paid, kids just tossed around by the system.

You did the right thing walking away! Not just for you, but for the kids too. This may force changes.

[Cherylyn]

I'm sorry about your situation.  In the future,  whenever you're unhappy,  hang onto your day job while actively searching and attaining your next place of employment. 

I'm glad you're not going back there.  This world is rough to be sure.  ☹️

[ShySoul]

Sorry about how you were treated. Some places - and some people - just don't treat people with respect. To them it's profit over people.

Thank you for all that you do for these children. People like you are truly unsung heroes that help give our youth with special needs the attention and care they need. You've sacrificed a lot for them. And even if the school didn't see or appreciate it, I bet the children and their families sure did.

You will get a better position, one that will give you the help and financial incentive you deserve. Leaving is better for you. They will be the ones sorry in the long run and regretting losing you.

[catfeeder]

My heart goes out to you, and congrats on walking away. I can only speak for myself, and I understand the desire to seek comfort in viewing oneself as having been taken advantage of--but it's a cold comfort at the expense of my own agency.

I've encountered similar situations where I was invested for my own private reasons, as with your investment in the students who benefitted from your efforts, only to have trusted people fail to step up on my behalf as promised. Yet, I refuse to cast myself as victimized, because that would be failing myself in building the confidence that I would gain by learning from my own choices and decisions in the matter. This isn't about 'blame,' which offers me nothing, but rather, a review of my own life skills and a desire to increase those, especially in terms of resilience and responsibility for handling challenges and recognizing the potential fails of others. From there, I can go forward with a confidence I didn't own before, as opposed to viewing myself as being at the mercy of external circumstances and the lousy judgment of others.

You can either choose to benefit from this experience, or you can sink yourself by externalizing all responsibility for the outcome. My guess is, you're smart enough to choose wisely.

Head high, we all learn through living, and I hope you will soon gain from this opportunity to negotiate huge gains in your earnings and job satisfaction because of this outcome.

[Kwothe28]

I worked with kids with special needs once for almost 2 years. We were paid from municipal funds, so we were barely even paid(and pay was laughable) but I did it because it lets you stay in school in case better position opens. But it never did for any of us. Once a teacher from school went on a maternity leave(funny thing is, I still work with her but in different school now lol). But they never hired any of us(it wasnt my position so I was fine but there were 5 or 6 teachers who did the work too) but hired somebody with better connections from municipal itself. We were underappreciated, underpaid, and the work was hard. Student that I was taking care of was in wheelchair and I got along with her and her family fine. She wanted to learn no matter to her condition so we progressed fine. But then they changed the student I work with. He was autistic, refused any work and I had no help from family. Any progress I made in a week, they annulled over the weekend by letting him do whatever he wants at home. So I had enough and quit. Found the job outside of school work. Eventually got back in different school thanks to my own connections. 

Anyway, I am sorry you got treated in the same way. Sadly some jobs get underappreciated in school. Yours is one of them. They think you just are "a nanny" to those kids so they would behave. While not even realizing the amount of work you need to do with those kids. For example, I would never accept multiple special needs kids to work with. Unless its a special needs school, that is insanity. No wonder your mental health suffered. I think you made a mistake by not taking the other offer. Since it was clear that it wasnt very good working environment and the pay was much bigger elsewhere. As soon as you see people quit and move on from company, you know something isnt right. But "there is no point in crying over spilled milk". Update your CV and start searching for something way better. Because this one wasnt it. 

 

[DarkCh0c0]

The good side is you finally stood up to yourself.

Now your next task is to hunt for a new job. Take that break to mentally and emotionally untangle from this toxic environment. You worked hard and need to find a place that values you.

You missed an opportunity once, but you won't miss out on it next time. You got this!

[Batya33]

I agree with DarkChoc and Catfeeder and hope as well you can get past this.  I can relate from my past to being treated unfairly in this way.  I'm very sorry for your situation and frustration and I am glad you left. Separately -not to be pollyannish - but the blessing I suppose is you contributed so much to those particular children and I hope that gives you some comfort.  Thank you for that service you did and the caring you had and will continue to have.

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

... you contributed so much to those particular children and I hope that gives you some comfort.  Thank you for that service you did and the caring you had and will continue to have.

Yes! This is a perfect way to frame this for yourself, OP. You made your own decision to stay there, and you did it for those kids. The people who failed you can be irrelevant to this, and you own the pride of your contribution to the children who benefitted from your decision. Use that pride as your confidence to negotiate a better position for yourself, and you will thank yourself later.

[Ladybird77]

Who would have thought that strangers on the internet could make me feel so much better. Thank you guys so much. God bless you ❤️

 

Does anyone think my workplace knows they're in the wrong? I'm just appalled to not have received an apology or acknowledgement at bare minimum. I don't know how anyone could treat such a dedicated employee in this manner and show zero understanding in the end. And this is supposed to be the field of caring and empathy *rolls eyes*

 

Oh, and the cherry on top: I was told to come by in the morning to discuss everything. When I got there, I found out they were in a meeting until the afternoon and I had to wait 3 hours. When I returned, I hadn't received an apology for that either and was simply told that they have a little bit of time to spare me. That alone probably speaks volumes in itself to what kind of people they are. 

[ShySoul]

They know, they just don't care. Places know when they are taking advantage of people or are doing questionable things. But greed is a powerful motivator.

You are better off without them. You actually do care and show empathy. Keep being you and good things will come.

[catfeeder]

Most places won’t admit wrongdoing because it positions them badly in legal matters. It doesn’t mean they don’t know better, but their actions will not reflect this.

[catfeeder]

One of the most important things I have learned in terms of handling job stresses is that the workplace is not a therapeutic environment.

This sets the proper expectations of others at work and has served me well. 

[Batya33]

18 hours ago, Ladybird77 said:

Who would have thought that strangers on the internet could make me feel so much better. Thank you guys so much. God bless you ❤️

 

Does anyone think my workplace knows they're in the wrong? I'm just appalled to not have received an apology or acknowledgement at bare minimum. I don't know how anyone could treat such a dedicated employee in this manner and show zero understanding in the end. And this is supposed to be the field of caring and empathy *rolls eyes*

 

Oh, and the cherry on top: I was told to come by in the morning to discuss everything. When I got there, I found out they were in a meeting until the afternoon and I had to wait 3 hours. When I returned, I hadn't received an apology for that either and was simply told that they have a little bit of time to spare me. That alone probably speaks volumes in itself to what kind of people they are. 

I hope this makes you feel better.  11 years ago this month my son was 4 and delayed in full potty training. Which meant we weren't sure his pre-k he was supposed to start would accept him.

My son attended a day camp mornings and I'd told them all about this and had even sent in some supplies that might motivate him to train.  Well there was a young counselor there- likely paid so little -and I didn't know at the time but her son had special needs so she was especially attune to children who might have delays in certain areas.  She went out of her way to help him.  She didn't have to do that.  I didn't ask I'd just told her about the issues. 

She helped him in his path to being trained (which thank the lord was done a month later).  We then connected on FB which is how I learned about her children.  Anyway this is 11 years later and I promise you if she needed anything that I could help with -I'd do this in a flash.  I've thanked her many times.  So please know you are appreciated if not by your employer than the parents and/or the kids.  Good karma all the way at minimum.

[Ladybird77]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I hope this makes you feel better.  11 years ago this month my son was 4 and delayed in full potty training. Which meant we weren't sure his pre-k he was supposed to start would accept him.

My son attended a day camp mornings and I'd told them all about this and had even sent in some supplies that might motivate him to train.  Well there was a young counselor there- likely paid so little -and I didn't know at the time but her son had special needs so she was especially attune to children who might have delays in certain areas.  She went out of her way to help him.  She didn't have to do that.  I didn't ask I'd just told her about the issues. 

She helped him in his path to being trained (which thank the lord was done a month later).  We then connected on FB which is how I learned about her children.  Anyway this is 11 years later and I promise you if she needed anything that I could help with -I'd do this in a flash.  I've thanked her many times.  So please know you are appreciated if not by your employer than the parents and/or the kids.  Good karma all the way at minimum.

This definitely restores my faith. Thank you so much for sharing 🤗 I hope your son is continuing to make leaps and bounds on his unique path! 

 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Ladybird77 said:

This definitely restores my faith. Thank you so much for sharing 🤗 I hope your son is continuing to make leaps and bounds on his unique path! 

 

He's 15 and fully trained since then thank goodness LOL.  Potty -not trained otherwise, sigh - teenagers.   You are right all kids have a unique path and I am not a fan of too much categorization.  He has to put up with my uniqueness for sure !