Was she (28F) flirting with me(33M)? She says she dreamed about me.

[penpal999]

Hello!

Just came upon this community and thought everyone was so helpful. I came across a situation recently and didn't know what to think of it, so I thought I'd ask everyone here.

A coworker who I'm training (I'm leaving my job, so I'm training her/offboarding for the next month or so) has been really fun to be around. We're both single, and I've only worked with her maybe a handful of times thus far. We laugh a lot, we make dumb jokes, and our conversations always flow really well. The other day we were working together and she tells me "Hey I had a dream about you!" and I ask her what happened and she says " well we were hanging out and then we went bowling haha". We laughed it off and then I thought nothing of it. Then later she comes up to me and says "by the way your tie looks really nice on you, I love that color scheme it looks great", I just respond thanks and just laugh it off. 

Later everyone's talking about going for drinks to celebrate a coworkers engagement, and I walk over and tell her "hey, are you free this day? We're going out and it would be really fun if you came". She immediately responds "Yeah! let me give you my number". I just told her "hey well here's mine, and just shoot me a message if you can't come or change your mind". The rest of the day is fun, we go our separate ways, and I haven't seen or worked with her since. Haven't gotten any messages yet either so my assumption is she's going?

I told my friends about this and half say she's flirting, the other half say it's just being friendly. We're both single, and if I wasn't leaving I wouldn't do anything about this. But I also don't want to turn this into something that it isn't. 

Anyway, if I'm overthinking it please let me know! I'm extremely bad at picking up signals and flirting behavior in general so I just thought I'd ask. Thank you all!

[rainbowsandroses]

11 minutes ago, penpal999 said:

Later everyone's talking about going for drinks to celebrate a coworkers engagement, and I walk over and tell her "hey, are you free this day? We're going out and it would be really fun if you came". She immediately responds "Yeah! let me give you my number". I just told her "hey well here's mine, and just shoot me a message if you can't come or change your mind". The rest of the day is fun, we go our separate ways, and I haven't seen or worked with her since.

Re the bolded just want to be clear.  She offered you her phone number but instead of taking it, you tell her "well, here's mine, shoot me a message"?

Or did you exchange numbers?  

If you exchanged numbers, is there any reason why you can't shoot HER a text?  Why wait for her to text or wait until you work with her again?

 

 

[penpal999]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Re the bolded just want to be clear.  She offered you her phone number but instead of taking it, you tell her "well, here's mine, shoot me a message"?

Or did you exchange numbers?  

If you exchanged numbers, is there any reason why you can't shoot HER a text?  Why wait for her to text or wait until you work with her again?

 

 

Great question! Sorry I should have been clear. I just gave her my number instead. Looking back it was such a bonehead move! I just wanted to stay "professional" and not make it sound so "hey...let me text you some time", but I should have just swapped numbers with her. 

[rainbowsandroses]

11 minutes ago, penpal999 said:

I just gave her my number instead. Looking back it was such a bonehead move!

Well, since you said it, YES it was!  Always take a woman's number especially after she offers it, keep the ball in your court, YOU lead.

I am a woman and I recall meeting a man randomly on the beach and he asked me if I wanted to go out on his boat.  I didn't feel comfortable so politely declined and in a scenario like that, HE would then ask for my number.

Instead of doing that, HE gave me his number and told me to call him.  Ugh.

His number went straight in the trash and I never saw him again.

That said, you could have exchanged numbers. You take hers, she take yours.  At that point, the ball is in both of your courts in which case YOU could shoot her a text.

Without her number, I am not sure what you can do but maybe someone else will have a suggestion....

 

[Batya33]

I think she is flirting and attracted to you but you will know if she wants to date you if you ask her out on a proper date.  I'd do so once you're done training her and once you've left the company -is that soon?

[penpal999]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think she is flirting and attracted to you but you will know if she wants to date you if you ask her out on a proper date.  I'd do so once you're done training her and once you've left the company -is that soon?

I think so too but I've been really wrong about this in the past. I was hoping she would have sent me a single text but I've not heard from her haha. I leave soon, mid September I want to say. 

[rainbowsandroses]

5 minutes ago, penpal999 said:

I think so too but I've been really wrong about this in the past. I was hoping she would have sent me a single text but I've not heard from her haha. I leave soon, mid September I want to say. 

Maybe she's old fashioned and prefers a guy she likes (in this case you) to pursue her?  Just a thought.

But since you didn't take her number.  

Sorry to rub it in lol but yeah you really should have taken her number. 😆

[yogacat]

Oye. You rebuffed her when she went to give you her phone number and threw it back to her to take yours instead and reach out to you if she changes her mind or doesn't want to come. Umm…huh? Not quite the epitome of "I'm feeling mutual chemistry and connection with your vibes and camaraderie and I'd love to continue the dialogue beyond working here."

Any-a-who, some of her comments were hyper-suggestive. Talking about a dream where you guys were together and then bowling, as well as saying how good you look in your tie, and giving you her number are easy, breezy ways to indicate that she is interested. 

Now, whether it's in a "let's date sense" or she's just being social at work and wants to become friends with you in a non-intimate way, why am I starting to think that there's a now commonly used dating term called situationfriendshipships? 

Well, she has your phone number. So, once you two leave this company—that you will no longer share common ground—she is not going to be sitting around thinking about you for too long if you do not proactively reach out to her. But I won't go all "strike while the iron is hot" on you as create some next logical step plan, which is—along with how to best turn the soon to be raining situationfriendationship into something a bit more meaningful.

[lostandhurt]

Okay you can dig yourself out the hole you dug by not taking her number.  Make sure you see her again one way or another and when you do tell her this:  "Hey I really wanted to take your number the other day but since I am training you I wanted to keep things professional buuuuuuut I am leaving soon and would love to get to know you better outside of work"  or words to that affect.

Be brave and take a chance.  The worst thing that happens is she declines and you are leaving soon anyways so you won't have to see her again.

Lost

[Kwothe28]

5 hours ago, penpal999 said:

"Hey I had a dream about you!" and I ask her what happened and she says " well we were hanging out and then we went bowling haha".

And you didnt said "Would you like for your dream to come true?"

Yes, she was flirting. No, she hasnt dreamed about you. Yes, she wanted you to take that phone number and call her for a date.

[ShySoul]

It might be flirting or it might not. But does that really matter?

You seem interested. She doesn't have a relationship. You are leaving the job so there would be no awkwardness being coworkers. She didn't act like she wants nothing to do with you. Nothings holding you back from pursuing if that is what you want. 

And you did nothing wrong by keeping it professional. That's what you should do on the clock.

Isn't there some way you can see her again? I'm in constant contact with coworkers - in person, email, calls, Microsoft Teams. Just find an avenue to get in touch, and get the number then. Will you train her more? Talk to her then. You didnt lose any chance, merely delayed it. But good things come to those who wait.

[rainbowsandroses]

47 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

And you didnt said "Would you like for your dream to come true?"

Yes, she was flirting. No, she hasnt dreamed about you. Yes, she wanted you to take that phone number and call her for a date.

^This!!

[DarkCh0c0]

8 hours ago, penpal999 said:

by the way your tie looks really nice on you, I love that color scheme it looks great

Ughh. Of course she likes you. Duuude!!

8 hours ago, penpal999 said:

Hey I had a dream about you!" and I ask her what happened and she says " well we were hanging out and then we went bowling haha"

Another one. Trust me, most us rather NOT dream about colleagues unless it's a crush! 

8 hours ago, penpal999 said:

She immediately responds "Yeah! let me give you my number"

I mean comon. Can she be more obvious? She really likes you!! She is probably wanting to check if you like her back.

Do you like her too? Have you left the job or can you bump into her again? 

[Massari]

8 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

And you didnt said "Would you like for your dream to come true?"

Yes, she was flirting. No, she hasnt dreamed about you. Yes, she wanted you to take that phone number and call her for a date.

^^^^ These are my thoughts exactly. @Kwothe28 I agree to the T. I think your position of training her for a replacement is perfect for you. You have to ask her out on a date, she is into you, and you have nothing to lose. If you like and find her attractive go for it. 

What's the worst thing that can happen? You can still train her regardless of the outcome and then move on to your new job. Good luck man, but for the love of all that's holy ASK HER OUT!!!

[penpal999]

Thanks for all the input, everyone!

I should run into her, sooner or later. We're all supposed to go out for drinks/food this weekend, so hopefully I'll see her there (and I hope she doesn't flake out and decide not to come!). How should I approach this, though? Do I just see her there and joke around about forgetting to give her my number? I'll see her again but probably not for a few weeks so I hope she doesn't lose interest!

[lostandhurt]

9 minutes ago, penpal999 said:

I'll see her again but probably not for a few weeks so I hope she doesn't lose interest!

Then shorten that time.  Make an excuse, be obvious, go by just to see her but go see her.  Don't leave this to chance so stack the deck in your favor.

 "Hi ___________, I wanted to come by and see how you are doing"  Take it from there...

Lost

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, penpal999 said:

Thanks for all the input, everyone!

I should run into her, sooner or later. We're all supposed to go out for drinks/food this weekend, so hopefully I'll see her there (and I hope she doesn't flake out and decide not to come!). How should I approach this, though? Do I just see her there and joke around about forgetting to give her my number? I'll see her again but probably not for a few weeks so I hope she doesn't lose interest!

Go to her (be both aside), say hi, and mention she'd wanted to give you her number and that you'd love to have it and go on a date if she'd take you up on the offer.

Pretty sure she'll say yes!

[AuthenticSelf]

18 hours ago, penpal999 said:

She immediately responds "Yeah! let me give you my number". I just told her "hey well here's mine, and just shoot me a message if you can't come or change your mind". The rest of the day is fun, we go our separate ways, and I haven't seen or worked with her since. Haven't gotten any messages yet either so my assumption is she's going?

Before you put in too much hype, assume she flirted with you before, why do you think she does not send you any messages?

[penpal999]

26 minutes ago, AuthenticSelf said:

Before you put in too much hype, assume she flirted with you before, why do you think she does not send you any messages?

Hmm I feel like that's a really good point. I have wondered why she never messaged me, and it's been over a week. It's a very confusing situation! 

[lostandhurt]

19 minutes ago, penpal999 said:

Hmm I feel like that's a really good point. I have wondered why she never messaged me, and it's been over a week. It's a very confusing situation! 

Because she was flirting her butt off and you didn't step up.  Time to step up and make the next move or miss out on what could be something great.

Don't be that guy...

Lost

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, lostandhurt said:

Because she was flirting her butt off and you didn't step up.  Time to step up and make the next move or miss out on what could be something great.

Don't be that guy...

Lost

Agreed!

I would have not messaged because I would have thought he didn't want my number and he might not be into me. But if he reaches out soon enough, then good news!

[yogacat]

Ask her if you see her again before the going out for drinks if she had any dreams about you recently. If she says no, say, well maybe someday you will.😃

Seriously, if you see her again before the going out for drinks tell her you enjoyed working with her, you think she’s fun, etc., but you’ll be leaving soon, and want keep in touch. The key word being "want" because you want to make it clear to her 100% you are interested in her as more than just the two of you simply being co-workers. She'll agree happily if she is into you. Then get her number.

Remember to smile and use humor, it can make the whole experience light and pleasant. Don't ever let on that if her answer is no to any of these factors that you would be disappointed, just be cool about it. Have a backup plan. You don't want to come off too strong one way or the other, confidence and chillness! ✌

[rainbowsandroses]

3 hours ago, penpal999 said:

Hmm I feel like that's a really good point. I have wondered why she never messaged me, and it's been over a week. It's a very confusing situation! 

Why is it confusing?  By not accepting her number but instead giving her yours, you set up a scenario wherein SHE would be "chasing" you. 

Not faulting you necessarily, a lot of men do this, however what you and other guys don't understand is that NOT all women are into "chasing" men!

Like I said perhaps they are old fashioned or more traditional and prefer the man do the pursuing/chasing at least in the beginning (first few dates).

What I and other women do (and what SHE did) was FLIRT and give you LOTS of IOIs (indications of interest) to make is easier for YOU to do just that, pursue her which meant taking her number, calling/texting and asking her on a date.

I dunno man, if that had been me, when you refused my number and handed me yours, I would have felt so deflated, I wouldn't have reached out to you either.  Ugh.

EDIT:  Okay, you've been "beaten up" enough, lol 🤣 @yogacatjust gave great advice!!!

I hope it works out!!

 

 

[Andrina]

Go find her at work and say, "Hey, I'm going bowling Friday night. Wanna go?"

If she agrees, get her number and ask if she'd rather meet you there or if she wants you to pick her up.

If she's busy but interested, she'll suggest an alternate date for that.

[catfeeder]

No worries, your'e still there. Whatever training you've done with her deserves a followup. Stop by for a check-in to learn whether everything you've covered with her has been tested and works well for her. If there are pieces she hasn't had a chance to test yet, set up a time to revisit, or schedule a time to cover new ground she'll need to learn. Regardless, even if all is well and there's no need to meet again, use this opportunity to tell her that you've enjoyed working with her, and you'd like to reach out to her again before you leave. Ask for her number.

Do this before expecting her to just show up on her own for any team drinks. If it's tomorrow night, confirm that she's going, and ask for her number to check in before you leave so that she can go with you.