How important is pictures for average guy?

[SophiaG]

4 minutes ago, jazz_lover said:

I think the modern dating apps (Bumble/Hinge/Tinder) etc are absolutely dreadful for both men and women.

Sadly I agree, although I've met some amazing partners online! It was definitely draining and often demoralizing, you'd have to be willing to go through 100s bad dates to find your prince. As I sometimes tell my bf, I'm so happy we met so I don't have to go back there... at least for a bit 😆

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, jazz_lover said:

think the modern dating apps (Bumble/Hinge/Tinder) etc are absolutely dreadful for both men and women. 

So my friend in her early 60s is slim and pretty and a single mom of a teenager. She started using Bumble a week or so ago and used the Match type sites when I did -you know early 2000s etc.  OMG -she's been giving me a blow by blow of what's going on and she says the middle aged men mostly want hookups and there is some way to select that in a euphemistic way on Bumble so it shows you're looking for that? I don't know -never been on a dating app just know of Bumble and Tinder I think. She met a man yesterday -her first meet so far -and she said he was so lackadaisacal like he put in no effort so she stayed an hour for coffee he didn't offer to pay for then said nice to meet you and left.

Another man she was supposed to meet she now suspects is fake -has a fake cell number (she searched it -it's like a trac phone or something) and is likely married.  She is looking for basically a cute guy to date -she hasn't dated in almost 5 years and she was telling me just today - which is why your post reminded me -that it's very different from when we were on dating sites many years ago.  She would never meet someone without a photo -she is focused on meeting someone younger and handsome but she is much much prettier than many women in her age range so maybe she can - accomplish her goal.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, SophiaG said:

Sadly I agree, although I've met some amazing partners online! It was definitely draining and often demoralizing, you'd have to be willing to go through 100s bad dates to find your prince. As I sometimes tell my bf, I'm so happy we met so I don't have to go back there... at least for a bit 😆

Same and same but I stopped using dating sites in 2005.  When I reconnected with my future husband. 

[SophiaG]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

OMG -she's been giving me a blow by blow of what's going on

Hahaha I think you will get more crazy stories for the days to come! I used Bumble and the concept of women make the first move is nice but oh gosh combining with the number of matches and many men having very little in their profiles to comment on (yes I too often fell for the looks..) it was exhausting and I often have to resort to the little effort "send a gif" option that I'm sure few recipients were thrilled about. So many men have the same cheesy pickup line or dad joke as their bio, and others can be creepy/arrogant/rude af. Some so cringe they are actually hilarious. I used to have so many funny stories to exchange with my friends also on dating apps 😂

 

[shouldhavelearned]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

So my friend in her early 60s is slim and pretty and a single mom of a teenager. She started using Bumble a week or so ago and used the Match type sites when I did -you know early 2000s etc.  OMG -she's been giving me a blow by blow of what's going on and she says the middle aged men mostly want hookups and there is some way to select that in a euphemistic way on Bumble so it shows you're looking for that? I don't know -never been on a dating app just know of Bumble and Tinder I think. She met a man yesterday -her first meet so far -and she said he was so lackadaisacal like he put in no effort so she stayed an hour for coffee he didn't offer to pay for then said nice to meet you and left.

Another man she was supposed to meet she now suspects is fake -has a fake cell number (she searched it -it's like a trac phone or something) and is likely married.  She is looking for basically a cute guy to date -she hasn't dated in almost 5 years and she was telling me just today - which is why your post reminded me -that it's very different from when we were on dating sites many years ago.  She would never meet someone without a photo -she is focused on meeting someone younger and handsome but she is much much prettier than many women in her age range so maybe she can - accomplish her goal.

Be interesting to see how this works out.

 

 

[jazz_lover]

My mum is on Match.com and in her 70s and she has the opposite problem. The men all want instant relationships and commitments and exclusivity and pressure her accordingly. She prefers to keep her options open and take things slowly until she finds someone she wants to commit to. 

[Batya33]

16 hours ago, SophiaG said:

Hahaha I think you will get more crazy stories for the days to come! I used Bumble and the concept of women make the first move is nice but oh gosh combining with the number of matches and many men having very little in their profiles to comment on (yes I too often fell for the looks..) it was exhausting and I often have to resort to the little effort "send a gif" option that I'm sure few recipients were thrilled about. So many men have the same cheesy pickup line or dad joke as their bio, and others can be creepy/arrogant/rude af. Some so cringe they are actually hilarious. I used to have so many funny stories to exchange with my friends also on dating apps 😂

 

i didn't ask men out on dates with rare exception. I asked for first meets if he didn't suggest one during our phone call -because I didn't want to waste more time being in contact if he wasn't interested in meeting to see if we should date in the future.

[yogacat]

My family and I were talking about this the other day. He said I should join Hinge just to see how many matches I get because men have a harder time getting matches than women.

I'm not sure if that's entirely true. 

I would never join as a dating experiment, as it is not fair to the people on the app who are looking for a genuine connection. 

Also, the number of matches a person gets on a dating app is not indicative of their worth or desirability. There are many factors that play into getting matches, including geographic location, age, and personal preferences. 

I OLD years ago and I did get a lot of messages. It wasn't hard for me to get matches, but it was hard to find quality connections. I received a lot of penis messages and messages not penis-related. 😄

It's not just about getting matches, but finding someone who is compatible and looking for the same things. I'm not really into dating anyway so I don't see the point in joining a dating app just to see how many matches I can get. 

The thing about pictures is that they only show one aspect of a person. I would be interested to see how successful it would be for a man or a woman on a dating website not to have any pictures at all in their profile, and only rely on their personality and their bio to attract matches. That would probably be a better experiment to do rather than just joining a dating app solely to see how many matches one could get. 

[waffle]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

 I would be interested to see how successful it would be for a man or a woman on a dating website not to have any pictures at all in their profile, and only rely on their personality and their bio to attract matches. That would probably be a better experiment to do rather than just joining a dating app solely to see how many matches one could get. 

I did this.  One, there was no way I'd ever post a public picture where you have no idea what kind of predators are on those sites (and they ARE on there) and two, I wasn't trying to appeal to men, I was looking to see if any appealed to me.

I still got lots and lots of "likes" (is this the same as *matches "?) but most of my messages received were "where's your pic?" "Can I see a few pics?" "Why no pics?" and lots of whining about how "men are visual " (as if that's my problem).  Most assumed I was fat and ugly or otherwise had something wrong with me i.e. disfigured or similar. Some thought I was married.  Only a few men were willing to chat with me but the ones that were, were MUCH higher in intelligence than the average pudwacker on there crying about my lack of pictures. Or at least they presented as more intelligent.

I'm the end I got kicked off the site after about 2 or 3 weeks because enough men complained about me having no pictures. 

 

[waffle]

On 9/9/2024 at 2:11 AM, Kwothe28 said:

"Work" as in actually getting matches. Because that is how they are suppose to work. To match with people and talk to them.

By this definition, yes, dating apps "work" for pretty much all women.  However, despite having tons of likes--or matches if that's the same thing--the app experience was a failure for me as the quality of men by and large on those apps was dismal.  Or at least the app I was on.  Nothing I heard made me think it would be better on another app.  A thousand likes doesn't help me if there's no one good to meet.

So no, most apps DON'T work for women unless we're looking for attention or an ego boost when looking at our number of "matches." Most of us I daresay are looking for more than that.

(if I could be so bold as to speak for all women lol)

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, yogacat said:

The thing about pictures is that they only show one aspect of a person. I would be interested to see how successful it would be for a man or a woman on a dating website not to have any pictures at all in their profile, and only rely on their personality and their bio to attract matches. That would probably be a better experiment to do rather than just joining a dating app solely to see how many matches one could get. 

I assumed it meant the man was married but some didn't have photos because of their careers- like professors who didn't want their students to see them on there but those men always offered to send a photo.

[ShySoul]

On 9/9/2024 at 7:47 AM, rainbowsandroses said:

Or perhaps you're suggesting dating apps do away with pics altogether and simply focus on what's written in their profile?

How they articulate themselves, structure sentences, what their interests are and how they feel about life and the world in general?

Do you think people could become initially attracted that way?  No pics?  At least at first?  And just by reading their profile? 

People are a mix of personalities. Different methods work for different people. So provide a mix of methods.

You don't have to remove them all together. Make it optional. Have sights that don't want you to use a picture. People could easily become attracted that way. And if you can't, or you try and don't like it, just put up a picture and try it the other way. 

Guess I'm all about choice. Have the option to focus on the thing that intrigues you most or best suites your style.

I did have a pictureless site I was hoping to recommend, but it changed it's business model earlier this year. But looks like plenty don't require a picture, including some old standbyes. https://www.datingadvice.com/online-dating/dating-sites-that-dont-require-photos

And this one looks interesting, revealing a little of your photo at a time the more you chat first. https://mashable.com/article/taffy-dating-app-blurred-pictures

Also remember reading a story of a woman who didn't want to post her picture in case anyone recognized her. Then she kept it going just for laughs to see what responses she would get. Turns out plenty of people were more intrigued because they liked the mystery. They could only base their opinion on a few lines and wanted to see who this person was and what they were up to. 

Part of me has been tempted to sign up for a site just to do everything the opposite of what's advised. I'd put a picture, just not of myself. It would be of something significant to me (dolphin?). Would be curious how it would play out. Will be see past a non standard photo and actually read the profile? Would the image intrigue them more because it's so difficult? I'm thinking I might get fewer responses, but the ones who did may be more likely to be the ones I would want responses from.

Really, all comes down to doing what's best for you. You're attracted to what you are attracted. So look for it. If you need that smiling face to get you intrigued, fine. If you go for the sense of humor, see which profile makes you laugh the most. Find the one that's right for you.

[ShySoul]

On 9/10/2024 at 1:24 PM, waffle said:

I still got lots and lots of "likes" (is this the same as *matches "?) but most of my messages received were "where's your pic?" "Can I see a few pics?" "Why no pics?" and lots of whining about how "men are visual " (as if that's my problem).  Most assumed I was fat and ugly or otherwise had something wrong with me i.e. disfigured or similar. Some thought I was married.  Only a few men were willing to chat with me but the ones that were, were MUCH higher in intelligence than the average pudwacker on there crying about my lack of pictures. Or at least they presented as more intelligent.

Just looked up discussions on this topic. Sadly, I saw a lot of comments just like the ones you received, mostly from men. So many unfounded, judgemental comments. I don't get people.

I do think the men who would look past the picture would be of higher quality and more intelligent. 

Think apps in general will work for some, but results in far more misses and frustrations. For a lot of people, maybe most, it's going to be more hassle then it's worth. Having to figure out just what to put to get matches based on the random opinions of others, then sorting through matches where most won't be suitable or interest you, then getting to know them or trying to meet them, only for it to lead nowhere. Then you start all over again. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Oh, and I think you should just put that image of a waffle as a picture. Though that might be my love of breakfast foods talking. 😋

[jazz_lover]

I think pictures have become more and more important because the modern dating apps are just so overwhelming that they encourage snap judgements.

As I said, virtually everyone is on the apps and because it takes about 1 second to like a profile most men are relatively undiscerning and therefore even a modestly attractive woman in a big city will get hundreds of likes a day and when overwhelmed with so many choices photos are an efficient filter.

All you can do in that situation is try to make your photos as good as possible (without being completely unrepresentative). 

Other options are to try less popular apps that are a bit more niche and have a far lower user base. With fewer choices people are more likely to look at the bigger "picture" 

[rainbowsandroses]

9 hours ago, ShySoul said:

You don't have to remove them all together. Make it optional. Have sights that don't want you to use a picture. People could easily become attracted that way. And if you can't, or you try and don't like it, just put up a picture and try it the other way. 

^^Not a bad idea!  As previously posted, the personal ads in newspapers years back didn't have pics and plenty of people met and had relationships/got married. 

And in the article I posted, it even stated that some social media media platforms like Instagram and Twitter are now incorporating that same format.   I wonder why? 

The issue I have with pics is that in some cases, a person can see your photo(s) and well basically believe they're in love with you (or strong like) or infatuated, NOT on you, as a woman, a man, a person, but rather your photo! 

Some can become literally obsessed, I've had marriage proposals based on seeing my photo! 

Had a man google me, found out where I worked and showed up at my office after seeing my pic (on my profile) and exchanging 1-2 messages.  Caused a big scene, I was utterly embarrassed!

I've heard this from many other people as well, both men and women.  It's not gender specific.

So yeah not a bad idea @Shy, have the option!

I recall joining an app and intentionally did not post a photo and still received tons of messages!

So I dunno as much as I think seeing a pic is necessary, on the other hand it can become a hindrance in some instances.

Exchange a couple of messages, have a voice chat, then meet for coffee, a walk, ice cream, a drink whatever. 

If not your cuppa tea looks wise or anything else wise, then it was nice meeting you, good luck. 15-30 minutes out of your day.

On the other hand, if you click, extend the date and/or schedule another. 

JMO!

[SophiaG]

9 hours ago, jazz_lover said:

I think pictures have become more and more important because the modern dating apps are just so overwhelming that they encourage snap judgements.

To me it's because physical attraction is a must before I'm interested in learning about the person.

I say so shamelessly and don't think there's anything shallow/superficial about it. I agree the inside/personality is more important. There are plenty of people objectively attractive that I have no interest in dating. But without physical attraction you can meet an amazing person and they'd just be a friend. I don't need them to look like Bradley Cooper either - but if I don't find the photos cute or at least have the potential of being cute in person I see no point in wasting each other's time if I'm looking to date.

I am well aware of the limitation of photos (plenty of catfish, trust me 🙃) but when you meet people irl the first thing you get is how they look. Personality, mannerisms, sure, but by the time you form an impression of the "whole package" the looks are already a fundamental part of it. Photos (or videos) are the equivalent of that when you meet people online. I can find people online smart, interesting, thoughtful, for sure (like I find many of the posters here), but I can't get seriously attracted to someone without that part of the picture 😉

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

ot a bad idea!  As previously posted, the personal ads in newspapers years back didn't have pics and plenty of people met and had relationships/got married. 

Most often photos were exchanged before meeting.

[rainbowsandroses]

26 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Most often photos were exchanged before meeting.

I see. 

I never did the personal ads; my response was based on the article I posted earlier about personal ads and something you posted earlier.

On 9/8/2024 at 4:26 PM, Batya33 said:

In my day and age we had print personal ads and often no photos.

My bad if I misunderstood.

In any event, with "no pics" apps, I think it's okay (and good) to exchange photos before actually meeting, at least you've already got a sense of what they're about from exchanging a few messages and talking on phone. 

And not making snap judgments about who they are and how you feel about them based on viewing a profile pic which is what I was referring to. 

I agree physical attracton is extremely important!

Just rethinking the whole apps with pics thing for reasons stated, that's all.

 

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I see. 

I never did the personal ads; my response was based on the article I posted earlier about personal ads and something you posted earlier.

My bad if I misunderstood.

In any event, with "no pics" apps, I think it's okay (and good) to exchange photos before actually meeting, at least you've already got a sense of what they're about from exchanging a few messages and talking on phone. 

And not making snap judgments about who they are and how you feel about them based on viewing a profile pic which is what I was referring to. 

I agree physical attracton is extremely important!

Just rethinking the whole apps with pics thing for reasons stated, that's all.

 

You are right what I wrote was confusing.  I went on many many blind dates with no photos.  Some personal ads I met without a photo.  I guess I meant -again sorry!- that there were no photos initially -so you had to talk and then decide to exchange photos -which was kind of awkward because what if it was a total no?