AuthenticSelf Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 Just curious, I tried testing my pictures on Photofeeler. I only use headshot pictures just to test for attractive and eliminate everything else. The score is around 4.5 to 5 So, just to clarify, would it be worth it to try online dating if you are average attractiveness? I thought about using words or video but not sure if that would work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 Do online dating if it is something you want to do. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, or what there experience is. What counts is if this is an experience you believe you would enjoy doing. If you think you would have fun with it, do it. If you feel like it would be frustrating, then don't do it. Personally, if I have to spend the time finding the right photo, testing it out, and evaluating my level of attractivness, it's already to much work for me. I don't want to have worry about things that much, especially something as superficial as my appearance. I want a person to like me for who I am inside, and you aren't going to know that based on a photo. I also think that average attractiveness (whatever that means since physical attractiveness is entirely subjective), should be just fine. I mean, by definition, aren't most people average? Anyone who would ignore you for that isn't worth the time. Though sadly there are a lot of people who are like that. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 3 hours ago, AuthenticSelf said: Just curious, I tried testing my pictures on Photofeeler. I only use headshot pictures just to test for attractive and eliminate everything else. The score is around 4.5 to 5 So, just to clarify, would it be worth it to try online dating if you are average attractiveness? I thought about using words or video but not sure if that would work. I didn't put a lot of stock in photos as far as whether I'd find him attractive in person. I didn't meet men who had long hair/tattoos/piercings/obese or the photo included their vehicle or had something inappropriate. So the photos were helpful for that. If I was not repulsed and all else equal if the profile worked for me I'd message or respond to his and set up a phone call to see if we should meet in person. I dated people not rankings. I think the rankings are silly except for people who want arm candy - which really doesn't have to do with chemistry just ego. I had dates with men who were objectively handsome and felt nothing, dates with men who weren't objectively attractive and felt sparks and all in between. I met over 100 men in person through dating sites and communicated with many more. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 So you got judged by anonymous people on the internet? The place where guys stare are Only fans models all day??? I doubt that score is anywhere near reality so disregard it all together and deal in the real world if you can call online dating real world. Make a profile and put up your best pics. If you don't like many you have ask a friend to help you take some out in a park, at home and anywhere fun. Guys are visual so you need pictures and remember guys come in all shapes and looks just like women. There are more "average" people in the world than 10's anyways so that increases your chances right there. Make a profile, add some pics and put some stuff in your paragraph about yourself so any guy that is interested has something to message you about. Don't talk yourself out of this because you might be disappointed, talk yourself into this so you will not have any regrets. Lost 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 19 minutes ago, lostandhurt said: Guys are visual so you need pictures and remember guys come in all shapes and looks just like women. I believe this is from a male poster. And I think he's interested in females. Though I agree with the sentiment to not care what some random rating says. To one person you'll be a 5, another a 2, and another a 10. Its all meaningless. Just be you someone will like you for it And that internal confidence can reflect on the outside as well. To quote a song: Whose to say I'm a 9.5 or a 4.0 if you don't even know me. Pageant Material Kacey Musgraves 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 4,5/5 out of 10? Simply put, no. Dating apps rarely work for average man. Your matches rates would be abysmal and you would probably not fair better with response rates either. Watched some guy do an experiment with that. The amount of dates you would get is abysmal. We are talking about 100 matches where you would maybe get a few phone numbers and a date. The amount of time you would need to get those 100 matches could be months, maybe even a year or two. For one or couple of dates who have a chance to probably be a dud. Its better than nothing, sure, but its not an efficient way to meet somebody. Dating apps work for women because there is a higher concentration of men there. So even average woman gets likes and matches on daily basis. They dont work for average man because you would have to stand out from the crowd to even get the amount of matches average woman gets. There are little “tricks” to get better response rates like better pictures on profile. But again, dont think going from 1% chance for a date to 2% is that better chance. Instead, why dont you try Meetup or something similar. Where you would meet likeminded people and maybe build some connections in that way. Or you could even just try volunteering or just doing something you like. Think you mentioned dancing, it didnt bring results but it has way better chances to do that than dating apps can. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waffle Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 10 hours ago, Kwothe28 said: Dating apps work for women because there is a higher concentration of men there. So even average woman gets likes and matches on daily basis. Unfortunately the attention is rarely from men we would actually go out with. Quantity does NOT equal Quality. #skippedthepictureevaluationbecauseIamhappilyengagedtosomeoneImetinreallife 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 3 minutes ago, waffle said: Quantity does NOT equal Quality. Precisely. Wish people would stop seeing things in terms of numbers. Just because you match with more people, get, more responses, have more dates, etc. is no sign of success. It's no guarantee any of those will be someone you actually have interest in. And if they all lead nowhere anyway, then aren't you still in the same position as when you started? Aren't you in the same place as the person who only matched with a few people? I'd even say you are worse off as you've had to spend who knows how much time weeding out a bunch of people who were never good options to begin with. And there's the fatigue and hopelessness that can set in after so many misses. I'd rather have less options but they actually be the high quality ones that actually stand a chance of going the distance. As a professor once said to be, "do it once, do it right, never do it again." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 16 minutes ago, waffle said: Unfortunately the attention is rarely from men we would actually go out with. Which again, doesnt invalidate what Ive said. Attention is better than no attention he who rates 4,4,5/10 would get. He would lost huge time and barely get a date. While you complain how none of the men you got attention is suitable for dating. You do realize those two are different? Having a pool of men to choose for dating vs having barely any women to choose from to date. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waffle Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 Actually studies have been done that show that the more choices one has, the more likely they are not to choose anything at all. Presented with a few good choices is optimal. edited to add: I was responding in the post above to the comment that online works great for women because we have so many men after us. That is simply not true. There might be lots of men but again, Quantity and Quality are not related. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Massari Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 23 hours ago, AuthenticSelf said: Just curious, I tried testing my pictures on Photofeeler. I only use headshot pictures just to test for attractive and eliminate everything else. The score is around 4.5 to 5 So, just to clarify, would it be worth it to try online dating if you are average attractiveness? I thought about using words or video but not sure if that would work. Honestly bro, it matters to an extent. Yes if you're good looking and have a great pic you will get more matches, but that doesn't necessarily means they are good matches. I was thinking about the whole realm of these new dating apps and how we just swipe left and right on profiles. We are literally just judging a library of books by their covers without reading the book and knowing and understanding anything about them. It's such a messed up concept and is gaining in popularity. The disgusting part for me is that many folks including me are on it and using them and that automatically makes me a hypocrite by criticizing it . But the fact of the matter is how else can we meet people, like many I work 12 hours a day 7AM-7PM roughly, I don't know how to meet people and these apps are the new convenient outlets to meet people. So I came to a realization that pics are not that important. If you can carry a conversation with your match and you like them, frankly your picture does not matter any more at that stage. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 4 minutes ago, waffle said: edited to add; I was responding to the comment that online works great for women because we have so many men after us. Simply not true if none of those men are what we are looking for. And again, you do realize having more choices is better than having none? Because out of all that duds you can at least chose something. OP cant when he gets 1 match in a span of weeks. He needs to make what he can with that choice no matter how bad it may be. While you at least have multiple choices. In other words, you are complaining because you are doing OK(because that is how dating apps are suppose to work, you get choices and can choose from them even if not any of them are to your liking) and how that is bad. While he is actually doing bad as dating apps wont work for him in the way they did for you. And yes I did read that you are engaged. Congratulations. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waffle Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 4 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said: While he is actually doing bad as dating apps wont work for him in the way they did for you. And yes I did read that you are engaged. Congratulations. They didn't work for me. And for many women. And thanks! 🙂 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 It's not about increasing options. More options don't mean any option will be right. But it does increase the number of failures. Going just by numbers, one date out of 100 matches is 1%. One date out of 10 matches is 10%. Same number of dates, way better success rate with less options. Really all how you look at it. So what if you only get one match in weeks? If that one match is a good match, then it worked out well. All those other matches would have been wasted matches anyway. And you might have spent so much time going through those, that you wouldn't have paid as much attention to the one that really mattered. Think it comes down to you goal. If your purpose is to get as many dates as possible, then sure those things might help. But if the goal is something that lasts, then it won't make a difference. It'll be who you are that counts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 2 hours ago, Massari said: But the fact of the matter is how else can we meet people, like many I work 12 hours a day 7AM-7PM roughly, I don't know how to meet people and these apps are the new convenient outlets to meet people. Take a page from how Gen Z are doing things. They are actually leaving dating apps altogether and focusing on real life meeting - meetup groups, speed dating, niche social events. They see apps as a means to make corporate profit and are fustrated with all the nonsense that blocks the ability to really connect with people. https://www.timeout.com/usa/news/irl-dating-is-back-as-millennials-and-gen-z-ditch-dating-apps-061324 https://www.cnbc.com/2024/07/02/gen-z-is-ditching-the-apps-to-date-in-real-life-here-are-4-top-tips-.html I identify with this generation so much more then my own. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 On 8/14/2024 at 3:27 PM, AuthenticSelf said: So, just to clarify, would it be worth it to try online dating if you are average attractiveness? Yes, but make it only one prong of a multi-prong approach to meeting people in various ways. And yes, your profile also should be filled out and reflect who you are. The goal isn't to appeal to the masses, it's to match with ONE person who will own the vision to see you through the right lens. That's the person you want to meet, even if it means meeting many potential partners for quick meets for coffee until you meet the right one. Combine your efforts with any number of sites. Recognize that just about every man out there send a 'Hi' message to every possible woman, so say something beyond that in order to stand out, but keep it short. Mass marketing is great for selling a product to many buyers. That's not your goal. You're merely out to connect with potential matches who, themselves, may be 'average' in looks but spectacular in everything that makes her looks more beautiful to you. Women 'get' that phenomena, and while we don't limit our reach to only men who look like fashion models, saying nothing but the word 'Hi' isn't likely to inspire anybody. Head high, and combine online dating with meetup.org and other avenues of meeting potential matches in person. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Massari Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 5 hours ago, ShySoul said: Take a page from how Gen Z are doing things. They are actually leaving dating apps altogether and focusing on real life meeting - meetup groups, speed dating, niche social events. They see apps as a means to make corporate profit and are fustrated with all the nonsense that blocks the ability to really connect with people. https://www.timeout.com/usa/news/irl-dating-is-back-as-millennials-and-gen-z-ditch-dating-apps-061324 https://www.cnbc.com/2024/07/02/gen-z-is-ditching-the-apps-to-date-in-real-life-here-are-4-top-tips-.html I identify with this generation so much more then my own. Wow these are wonderful! they are doing it better, us mellenials are just a little behind i guess.. Thank you for posting this. I am going to read about these more to see what's what! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 4 minutes ago, Massari said: Wow these are wonderful! they are doing it better, us mellenials are just a little behind i guess.. Thank you for posting this. I am going to read about these more to see what's what! Everything is cyclical. A new trend pops up and everyday jumps onto it. Then people get bored or disenchanted. There's a backlash. The next group has to rebel and find there own thing that is cool. Tonight I saw something saying GenZ is buying cassette tapes. Not CDs, but cassettes! Find what works for you and how you enjoy doing it. Whatever you decide, have fun with it. As for me, I'm glad I never got into online dating in the first place. I just had to wait it out until it came back around to what I can shine with. 😉 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 Do you think only 4.5 to 5 quality picture on photofeeler is a reliable way to judge attractiveness? You need a lot more than just looks to be successful in online dating. While having attractive pictures can help get you more matches and initial interest, how that translates long-term is another story. Everyone is attracted to different things, and photos alone can't accurately determine if you're going to be attracted to this person for other qualities besides their appearance. I wouldn't want some man just talking to me if I was a 8 or a 10, I'd want someone to genuinely be interested in who I am and attracted to me for a combination of things that bring him excitement and intrigue to the thought of getting to know more about me. Same for what attracts me to a man, it's way more than his appearance or physical photos. I can say with complete honesty that I have been initially attracted to men based on their photos, but once I got to know them, that attraction either waned or grew depending on our chemistry and connection. But I have also been attracted to men when I didn't initially find them physically attractive at first glance. It's all about your energy and how that resonates with the person. That's why online dating can be difficult because you don't get the full experience of a person just through photos. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 6 hours ago, yogacat said: veryone is attracted to different things, and photos alone can't accurately determine if you're going to be attracted to this person for other qualities besides their appearance. I wouldn't want some man just talking to me if I was a 8 or a 10, I'd want someone to genuinely be interested in who I am and attracted to me for a combination of things that bring him excitement and intrigue to the thought of getting to know more about me. Same -I wrote above I put little stock in photos except as a way of screening out or if I was truly repulsed. I did cancel a first date because after he asked me (we'd had a first meet, he didn't call for a date then we ran into each other during the work day outside and he called and asked and I figured why not) he changed his photo of him staring down at his bare chest. Yup. I messaged him and canceled with a made up reason. I was repulsed at his choice. He was a very attractive looking man. I'm grateful that dating websites were around for me as a way to meet people in person. I never "dated online" and after the temporary candy store thrill wore off since I was marriage minded and only met marriage minded people it was a good approach for me. My husband was on dating sites briefly in between the times we dated (an over 7 year time span). In the 80s I did print personal ads. In the 80s-2005 I was set up on blind dates many times and set up people many times. Later on when everyone had photos when I set people up they started asking for photos before meeting which was odd at first but understandable. I still set people up but not as often. My friend who just texted me yesterday is married almost 23 years and has two college age kids. He met his wife on a dating site. Both average looking. My other friend with her partner (they are sort of common law married) since 2005 and they have a teenager. Both average looking met on a dating site after her divorce. My husband's friend met his wife on a dating site and they're married over 10 years, two kids. Both average looking. He is a catch in the most awesome way -he is such a wonderful person and funny and smart and thoughtful and caring. Just a few of many examples. Good luck! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 I agree one needs more than pics to determine long term attraction and compatibility however it's online and pics are pretty much the very first thing we are gonna see when scrolling through profiles. OP looks are subjective, a 4-5 to one woman may be a 7-8 to another. For me, there should be something 'unique' about his look and style, that somethin somethin that stands out to ME. His first message is important to me too, I cannot stand those generic "how's your day going"? type of boilerplate messages that get sent to every woman, yawn. So get some good pics taken, not professional, but natural and reflective of who you are. For example if you're into volleyball, a pic of you playing volleyball. For example. Put your best face forward, have a decent profile and see how it goes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 After actually looking at the site I think you're looking at this wrong. The site is not an indicator of your attractiveness. It's not saying you personally are a 5 just the photo. And really, even that is all subjective. Also, how can you tell based on a headshot how intelligent, trustworthy or attractive someone is? The first two have nothing to do with appearance. You would actually need to interact with a person to know that. The last is using some artificial standard that will vary from person to person. But again, you that can all change once you interact with them. What this site or it's users say is not a rating of how attractive you are. It it a reflection of the raters own tastes, preferences, and individual biases. Please do not take anything you get from there seriously or think it is at all about you. For that matter, don't let anyone's opinion of your photos mean something to you, regardless the site. Ratings like this are more about the people rating then it is the person being rated. And what does it say about people that we even feel the need to rate ourselves in the first place? How you look is how you look. How can we really say one person is more attractive then another? As long as you are comfortable in your own skin, that's all that matters. To me, that mixed with a good heart makes anyone a 10+. I'm also seeing really negative reviews: https://www.trustpilot.com/review/photofeeler.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 On 8/14/2024 at 12:27 PM, AuthenticSelf said: So, just to clarify, would it be worth it to try online dating if you are average attractiveness? I thought about using words or video but not sure if that would work. Food for thought: I met two women through chatting online. In neither case did they see a photo for weeks or even months. But both found me attractive. The personality, intelligence, humor, and heart that showed in my writing got them interested. We talked on the phone as well before photos were exchanged. And they were still interested. Pictures don't have to be a vital element. Appearance isn't the only thing that can make someone attractive. Sometimes words can do the trick. In fact, there are sites that make a point to not have people inclue a photo at all. And in the end, it's who you are as a person that's going to make the difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 12 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said: His first message is important to me too, I cannot stand those generic "how's your day going"? type of boilerplate messages that get sent to every woman, yawn. Not online but once someone made an opening to me by saying "I should smile more." That turned me off immediately. It felt like a backhanded comment disguised as a pickup line. He asked for my number and I politely declined. I don't like when people make assumptions about how I should present myself or behave. LOL! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 1 hour ago, yogacat said: Not online but once someone made an opening to me by saying "I should smile more." That turned me off immediately. It felt like a backhanded comment disguised as a pickup line. Adding that to the list of horrible pickup lines. It doesn't even have the absurdity and cheesiness that you can laugh about later. Come on man, try a little harder. 😉 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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