survivor2021 Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 I am a 27 years old man. I occasionally visit my parents twice a year since I don't live with them and. I got my driving license like five years ago but barely drove since then. I don't own a car and I don't plan to buy one anytime soon. My father wants me to drive his car when I'm back, but I just don't want to... for many reasons : Background: I have a brother older than me by 7 years and he grew up loving cars and wanted to drive ours so bad.. in fact he drove it since he was 16.. but he got into endless fights and arguments with my father.. in fact it's our only car and we live in a third world country and we were barely doing ok for ourselves.. so smashing the car or anything won't be funny at all and I understand my father. Anyway, growing up watching these arguments that sometimes got so serious and ruined so many days, I just find myself not wanting to drive my father's car. I dream to buy my own when the time is right ( I have enough money, I'm back to my home country, since now I live in Germany and public transportation is a much better option, and getting driving license there is too pricy... ) My father isn't the best person to drive next to: I literally dislike our rides together in the car. In the last years, he just got out of control and insults almost every car he encounters on the street, raising his arms, spitting, insulting.. you name it. Sometimes when he wants to give me a ride, I lie to him and tell him that my friend is picking me up or something, just for me to get a taxi, because I don't want to get in a car where the ride will be full of insults, spits and stress... well I tried once driving with him next to me and despite the fact that I did good, he was still insulting people around, cars around... very stressful.. Independency: Growing up as a sheltered boy by an overprotective mother and a toxic family business, I wanted to become an independent man.. and I made it, I have a job, I have my own life, I moved abroad... now driving my dad's car is no big deal... but let's just say that I want as less favors and help from my parents as possible. I do love them and I want to help them as much as I can but as they grow old and as they are still dealing with the crap of my brother and sister, who are in fact older than me, but more spoiled, less responsible, I want to make life easier for them... me risking crashing the car isn't funny at all and I REALLY don't want that to happen.. it's our only car and repairs are pricy... I am just a paranoid person and try to take into consideration anything... I simply don't need it: With all of this, I actually find myself extremely comfortable with public transportation.. I love to have my own car, a car bought with my earnings from working hard, a model that I love and all... but for now, I don't need it... Comparisons: This is a minor one, but one hell of an annoying one... my father loves comparing me to my cousins and his friends sons.. When I decline his offers of driving he tells me "You should drive, your cousin is much younger than you and he drives his dad's car"... yes, my millionaire uncle who has like 5 or 6 cars, lives in Dubai... What do you guys think ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 Tell the truth. Tell your father that you don't feel safe driving with him. You can help with errands without passengers or take public transportation. Thankfully, you don't visit your parents often. Also, you don't have much experience driving regularly so it's safer for you to opt for public transportation. Speak up and stand your ground. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 If it is your instinct not to don’t do it . 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 As someone who takes public transportation all the time, there is nothing wrong with it. It can be safer, cheaper, and less stress. If that is what you are comfortable with, do it. This isn't your fathers choice. It's choice. So do what you feel is best for for you. You can still help out and get around. And if your father insists on needing a car, he is capable of driving it himself. After all, he probably thinks he is the best driver there is, so why not just show everyone he is? And sorry you have to go through this with your father. He doesn't sound to pleasant to deal with. I've dealt with father issues like that. It's best to minimize the amount of conflict you could get into. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 9 hours ago, Seraphim said: If it is your instinct not to don’t do it . Yes and also what the others said. I got my license in 2016 when I was 49 and the last time I drove was around 2018 and I've only driven around our very very busy block (takes a long time) twice by myself otherwise it's always been with one of my instructors, my husband or a family friend. I would refuse to drive anyone's car right now. In the future I plan to practice again -my son will be wanting to take lessons so I might try again -but driving is a serious thing. You have to be comfortable with the location, who is in the car, etc. I dislike driving and I am the only woman in my family who has a license. My mom never drove and my sister only drove a couple of years before an accident. Offer alternatives to your father so you can contribute and help. There are so many ways to do that other than driving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 I dunno, maybe I have a different outlook. But your dad trusting you to drive the car is a positive thing, not negative. Him yelling aside, you can have invaluable experience before you buy your own car in Germany and drive that. And trust me, you will be needing driving experience for that. I bought my car last year. It was very scary at start because other than passing my driverse license exam, I didnt have any experience. Also, my brother is in Germany. He simply converted his license to EU/Germany one. So you can just do that too when you buy a car. I dont think its that much money. But by then, you would be needing experience. The way I look at it, if you are going to hit the car somewhere while driving, its better to do it with junk car, than to buy your desirable car and do it with them. You are still learning how to drive even if you passed your license. And experience would greatly help before buying your dream car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
survivor2021 Posted August 13 Author Share Posted August 13 1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said: you will be needing driving experience for that True. Quote He simply converted his license to EU/Germany one. So you can just do that too when you buy a car My home country's driving license can't be converted to Germany's. I can do it in France but not Germany. Quote The way I look at it, if you are going to hit the car somewhere while driving, its better to do it with junk car Well yes but my car's father is no junk.. it's an SUV that he bought from my millionaire uncle for half the price because they have a good relationship. He values the car a lot and I appreciate the feeling but he simply feels that because I don't take it all to the point that it's quite remarkable.. my brother drives it all the time when he gets home and they have their usual arguments every now and then.. and my cousins drive their fathers cars too, same goes for some of my friends and my father maybe is noticing that and wants me to be like them... Well I simply don't want to and don't feel like it. It's not that I am scared.. well I am but I also would love to drive, but I want it to be my own car and I don't mind crashing it even it's new as long as I'm fully responsible for it and I don't have to worry about my father's reaction for ruining his car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 18 hours ago, survivor2021 said: I don't want to get in a car where the ride will be full of insults, spits and stress... well I tried once driving with him next to me and despite the fact that I did good, he was still insulting people around, cars around... very stressful.. Don't put yourself in situations that will cause undue stress. It won't be good for your own health and well being short term or long term. You are seeing your parents because you love them and want to have a good time together, right? So find ways to make it enjoyable, not filled with tension, stress, and insults. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeDee Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 You are a relatively new & unpracticed driver. I think all of your reasons for saying no thanks are valid but if there is a safe place for you to maybe drive around the block to get in some practice that might not be a bad idea. Driving like any skill is something that takes practice. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuthenticSelf Posted September 9 Share Posted September 9 On 8/13/2024 at 12:58 PM, survivor2021 said: Comparisons: This is a minor one, but one hell of an annoying one... my father loves comparing me to my cousins and his friends sons.. When I decline his offers of driving he tells me "You should drive, your cousin is much younger than you and he drives his dad's car"... yes, my millionaire uncle who has like 5 or 6 cars, lives in Dubai... From what I see, this is the main reason why your dad wants you to drive. Most parents like to compare their kids to other people. So, from what I see, your dad feels superior when his kids which is you either better or at the same level at other people's kid. Let's consider 2 scenarios: 1. You take his car and use it 2. You did not use his car Are you able to imagine what happen in both cases? Let's just imagine after 2 years from now, you look back and say that decision is the right decision. How do you know that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now