Having a hard time with some people.

[Enya77]

I live near some people who are always outside watching my every move and commentating on everything I do. It's more like judging. Very harsh and cruel things are being said about me, every choice I make. I think they're listening in on what I'm saying to my dr.s and counselors in my room via videocall. I live in my own tiny house, their property is a distance away. I can't see them because groves of trees are separating us, though I think that they can see me. 

 

All of these people know my name, most likely because my parents have said it or the neighbor knows one of my family members. I don't like the neighbor at all. When he first moved in, He would always come outside when I was visible at the front of the property and watch me. I stopped going up there at least for long periods of time. It seems this neighbor sees the need to control me.

The neighbors have that tendency. They constantly need to know what I'm up to. I've heard them mention my name multiple times, either mocking me or out of irritation, but I don't know these people! I've only seen less than a 16th of them. I only saw what they looked like in passing, but have never spoken to them. It pisses me off because it seems they have an obsession with me. I just want privacy. Every ounce of drama between me and my family was witnessed by them. 

 

I am different from other people, but I never bother anybody. I'm just living my life. I once heard one younger girl daying that I was "weird ". I get that a lot, but who has that much of the audacity to think that they can judge someone they've never even met? I don't know what any of these people look like. Actually only a few, but I genuinely have no ifea who they are or what any of THEIR first names are? Why do some people take sonmuch time out of their day to just watch someone or even find out their first name or anything about them? 

 

I know they hate me from the way that they talk about me, but I should just be irrelevant to them. They're irrelevant in my world. lol! Though, It is angering me, so....

 

Why do people feel the need to be so nosey? Has anyone else experienced something similar?

Also, I live on a property in the woods. My parents own it, as do the other people on their properties around us. There's a road that I walk on than goes through the subdivision, it's how everyone goes to and from their land to the main road. I like to walk on this road to get excersise as do other people who live here and I can tell they don't like me walking on it, but I'm not bothering anybody and I'm sure as h *ll not going to stop! 

 

I feel like I let the comments of the insignificant people get to me. I don't even know them! How do I stop? I take it all personal and get riled up.

 

[Batya33]

Wear earplugs and listen to radio and podcasts or audiobooks with the volume safe enough to be aware of your surroundings but so you can avoid much of this nonsense. Can you save to move away or at least away from such close proximity to all these people who know of you ?

Reminds me of a friend heading today to her son’s high school orientation for parents. She’s so so upset that her hair appointment isn’t till this afternoon because her gray roots are showing and she says people stare at her roots. I cannot imagine caring about such a thing but she does. How sad that this milestone day will be marred by her negative perspective and reaction. Just something to consider perhaps relatable to your situation. 

[Enya77]

15 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Wear earplugs and listen to radio and podcasts or audiobooks with the volume safe enough to be aware of your surroundings but so you can avoid much of this nonsense. Can you save to move away or at least away from such close proximity to all these people who know of you ?

Reminds me of a friend heading today to her son’s high school orientation for parents. She’s so so upset that her hair appointment isn’t till this afternoon because her gray roots are showing and she says people stare at her roots. I cannot imagine caring about such a thing but she does. How sad that this milestone day will be marred by her negative perspective and reaction. Just something to consider perhaps relatable to your situation. 

I wear my headphones most of the time with music in. I never leave without them unless I absolutely have to. The problem is, I always get the urge to listen in and hear more of what they're saying. I almost become obsessed with it and angry over it. I want to say something to them or tell them to f off, but lol. They're property line is quite a distance away. That wouldn't even make sense or be the wisest thing to do. I have no idea why I care so much! Maybe because I have bipolar disorder.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Enya77 said:

I wear my headphones most of the time with music in. I never leave without them unless I absolutely have to. The problem is, I always get the urge to listen in and hear more of what they're saying. I almost become obsessed with it and angry over it. I want to say something to them or tell them to f off, but lol. They're property line is quite a distance away. That wouldn't even make sense or be the wisest thing to do. I have no idea why I care so much! Maybe because I have bipolar disorder.

I'd talk to your therapist about these urges you have to listen in and self-sabotage.  I'm sorry you're struggling.

[Enya77]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I'd talk to your therapist about these urges you have to listen in and self-sabotage.  I'm sorry you're struggling.

That's definitely something I'll bring up. Thanks.

[catfeeder]

Have you priced the installation of a good tall fence around the areas you want more privacy?

[Capricorn3]

10 hours ago, Enya77 said:

I live near some people who are always outside watching my every move and commentating on everything I do. It's more like judging. Very harsh and cruel things are being said about me, every choice I make. I think they're listening in on what I'm saying to my dr.s and counselors in my room via videocall. I live in my own tiny house, their property is a distance away. I can't see them because groves of trees are separating us, though I think that they can see me.

I must be missing something but, how on earth would you know that they are saying "very harsh and cruel things about you and the choices you make" when they all live  some distance away from your home?  How on earth can they be "listening in to what you're saying to your doctors or counselors in your room" when they all live some distance away from your home? 😕

How do you know they are watching your every move and commenting on everything you do, when you can't even see them?  😕  It's really all very confusing.  Sounds like full-on paranoia.

(I remember your previous thread where you say that everyone calls you a loser, say you are weird and don't like you etc etc.) Now this thread with something very similar.  Could it be perhaps that you are seeing things which really are not there at all?  All in your mind, but not reality?

I can only advise seeking professional help/therapy to get to the root cause of all of this.

[Enya77]

2 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

I must be missing something but, how on earth would you know that they are saying "very harsh and cruel things about you and the choices you make" when they all live  some distance away from your home?  How on earth can they be "listening in to what you're saying to your doctors or counselors in your room" when they all live some distance away from your home? 😕

How do you know they are watching your every move and commenting on everything you do, when you can't even see them?  😕  It's really all very confusing.  Sounds like full-on paranoia.

(I remember your previous thread where you say that everyone calls you a loser, say you are weird and don't like you etc etc.) Now this thread with something very similar.  Could it be perhaps that you are seeing things which really are not there at all?  All in your mind, but not reality?

I can only advise seeking professional help/therapy to get to the root cause of all of this.

I hate disagreeing with people and I mean no ill intention by doing so, but I've actually heard people say those things about me. They are often very close and think I can't hear them. I go to dr.s appointments and can hear the dr.s discussing me. Reffering to me by name and saying harsh things as well. I wish I could believe it was paranoia even moreso that I was actually paranoid, but I know I'm not. Some ballsy people will try so hard to get me to hear it so that it hurts me. One time I was at the store and a girl directly behind me waiting in line pointed out my nose. My nose is pretty big and started calling me names. She wanted a reaction out of me. To be honest, I regret not turning around and giving her crap back, but I didn't want to give her a reaction. 

I know they are talking about me because I live in a valley like area and their voices echo. I've heard the father of the family next door discussing what my parents were saying about me earlier that day. One time I was talking to me dog and the voives of two girls saying, "OH MY GOD, DID YOU HEAR HER?!" Broke the silence. They then proceeded to laugh at me. This has happened to me since I was 12 years old. I tried to convince myself I was just being paranoid, but it had happened to me so many times, I just couldn't believe that anymore.

 

I really do wish It was paranoia though.

[ShySoul]

Hi Enya. I also remember your last post and understand your feelings. I'm not remembering hearing other people say things about me directly, but I have become aware of people talking bad about me behind my back on several occassions. And I've been harrassed online by numerous people. Likewise, my best friend has had to endure people openly being critical of her judging her harshly. It hurts. Sorry you have experienced this so much.

You probably know what I'm going to say, but it's good to have a reminder. 

Anything these people are saying is a reflection of them and who they are. Some people have no boundaries or respect for others. They need to get involved in everyone else's life because they aren't satisfied with theirs. They are critical of others because it is easier then looking at their own life. They feel hurt and insecure, so lash out at someone else to bring themselves up or at lest bring everyone else down to where they are at. None of this is about you. It's a sign of how low they really are.

You called them insignificant. That's a good start. To help myself I've tried to distinguish how important people are in my life. There are a handful of people who really count and matter to me... Family, a few true friends. What they think matter to me. They are also ones I can usually trust to be fair and respect my feelings and boundaries. They are significant.

Most other people simply aren't significant. They are going to think what they think, and do waht they do. It's not under our control. They also have the right to be their own person, no matter how annoying of a person that is. But in turn we have the right to ignore them. There words aren't going to change who we are. There judgement of us when they don't even know us, is irrelevant. What matters most is our opinion of ourselves. As long as you like who you are, that's what matters.

And yes, never leave home with the headphones. I have survived many a day by losing myself in the music and blocking out the distractions. 😉

[Batya33]

I have a friend who is in her early 50s. Her teenage son just started a brand new high school and she was attending the parent orientation.  She bemoaned the fact that her hair appointment wasn't till later that day because her roots now have some gray hair.  She said - the other moms stare at her roots when they speak to her.  This to me is so sad.  Even if true -even if - this is going to distract her from a lovely milestone for her son, a lovely way to meet new parents at a new school? I've experienced rudeness- people giving me the once over, staring at mt purse or my clothes or whatever - and I know that's on them and if I can and I'll make eye contact with a knowing look -like I know you're being rude and it's bizarre.  Sometimes a knowing smile does the trick throws them off their game.  It's a shame if you let other people's vacuous comments ruin your day IMO.

A number of times a rude person (almost always an adult not a child) would say in front of my young son who has perfect hearing "what??? He's 6???" (because he's short) and I'd smile broadly and say "oh you mean you thought he was SIXTEEN right?"  One time the inane mom didn't get it and she stumbled and said "uh uh no I meant...." so I said -"and how old is your daughter?"  She answered and I said "how nice!"  It didn't bother me at all that this mom thought my son was small for his age (he was!) or that it's seen as a negative (who cares -I get to be his mom!).

Hold your head high -smile like you don't care and let them know like that you heard them and they'r acting like an annoying fly.

[Enya77]

10 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Hi Enya. I also remember your last post and understand your feelings. I'm not remembering hearing other people say things about me directly, but I have become aware of people talking bad about me behind my back on several occassions. And I've been harrassed online by numerous people. Likewise, my best friend has had to endure people openly being critical of her judging her harshly. It hurts. Sorry you have experienced this so much.

You probably know what I'm going to say, but it's good to have a reminder. 

Anything these people are saying is a reflection of them and who they are. Some people have no boundaries or respect for others. They need to get involved in everyone else's life because they aren't satisfied with theirs. They are critical of others because it is easier then looking at their own life. They feel hurt and insecure, so lash out at someone else to bring themselves up or at lest bring everyone else down to where they are at. None of this is about you. It's a sign of how low they really are.

You called them insignificant. That's a good start. To help myself I've tried to distinguish how important people are in my life. There are a handful of people who really count and matter to me... Family, a few true friends. What they think matter to me. They are also ones I can usually trust to be fair and respect my feelings and boundaries. They are significant.

Most other people simply aren't significant. They are going to think what they think, and do waht they do. It's not under our control. They also have the right to be their own person, no matter how annoying of a person that is. But in turn we have the right to ignore them. There words aren't going to change who we are. There judgement of us when they don't even know us, is irrelevant. What matters most is our opinion of ourselves. As long as you like who you are, that's what matters.

And yes, never leave home with the headphones. I have survived many a day by losing myself in the music and blocking out the distractions. 😉

Thank you so much for reminding me! As a person who experiences mental illness the voice of reason in my head tends to leave me in moments of pain or moments when I hear this stuff. You're seriously helping me think clearly again.

Keep up the great work ShySoul! 👍

[Enya77]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I have a friend who is in her early 50s. Her teenage son just started a brand new high school and she was attending the parent orientation.  She bemoaned the fact that her hair appointment wasn't till later that day because her roots now have some gray hair.  She said - the other moms stare at her roots when they speak to her.  This to me is so sad.  Even if true -even if - this is going to distract her from a lovely milestone for her son, a lovely way to meet new parents at a new school? I've experienced rudeness- people giving me the once over, staring at mt purse or my clothes or whatever - and I know that's on them and if I can and I'll make eye contact with a knowing look -like I know you're being rude and it's bizarre.  Sometimes a knowing smile does the trick throws them off their game.  It's a shame if you let other people's vacuous comments ruin your day IMO.

A number of times a rude person (almost always an adult not a child) would say in front of my young son who has perfect hearing "what??? He's 6???" (because he's short) and I'd smile broadly and say "oh you mean you thought he was SIXTEEN right?"  One time the inane mom didn't get it and she stumbled and said "uh uh no I meant...." so I said -"and how old is your daughter?"  She answered and I said "how nice!"  It didn't bother me at all that this mom thought my son was small for his age (he was!) or that it's seen as a negative (who cares -I get to be his mom!).

Hold your head high -smile like you don't care and let them know like that you heard them and they'r acting like an annoying fly.

Thank you for your advice. I will from Now on and I'm owning who I am.