Swimming on a first date?

[Superstickyone]

A guy I have been chatting with is suggesting we meet at the local recreation centre pool.  We have been talking for about one week.  I met him at a community  jazz festival. He asked for my number & then we began texting.

Obviously we would both be in our bathing suits.  However, I don't feel comfortable since I hardly know him.  I told him this and he wrote back "well what do you want to do then"?

I feel a bit put off by his response.  In fact I'm not sure I want to pursue this.

Why would it put all the arrangements back on me?  😕 Confused.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[MissCanuck]

Why not suggest you get a coffee together? 

There are about a million other things to do than go to a pool, surely. 

I wouldn't love the idea of swimming on a first date either, honestly, and not because I don't want to be a in bathing suit. I just don't think it's a great setting to get to know someone and see if there is potential for another date. 

If he doesn't like that idea of anything but the pool, well, I'd give it a pass altogether. 

[ShySoul]

He made a suggestion that you didn't like. So rather then risk another suggestion being rejected, he wants to know what you would prefer instead. That was a poor way to phrase it, but he could simply be wanting input on what you are comfortable with so that you will have a good time.

What would you prefer to do? What would make you comfortable and able to best enjoy getting to know him. What do you think would be fun for both of you? That's what you should do. 

The point is to enjoy the company and get to know each other. You can do anything. So do what will reduce the worry, thinking, and stress.

Does the center have anything else you can do? You can go and do something else, fully clothed. 

[Kwothe28]

4 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

Why would it put all the arrangements back on me?  😕 Confused.

 

Because you turned off his proposal so he wants to know what you would want to do? 

I will admit that maybe a pool isnt such a great idea for a date. But him asking you what would you want is quite normal reaction. if you want this to progress than suggest something that you would be comfortable with. 

[Batya33]

I don't think it was inappropriate just unusual.  I'd suggest meeting for a walk since he seems to have suggested physical activity. Maybe walk to a local ice cream place?

[Coily]

7 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

Why would it put all the arrangements back on me? 

Umm, because YOU said no to his suggestion,  he wants to keep the door open and would rather get your input.

Or would you prefer he makes all the decisions? 

[smackie9]

I would be more concerned about his choice of date....wants to see how your rack rates IMO. 

[Massari]

18 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

I would be more concerned about his choice of date....wants to see how your rack rates IMO. 

This was kind of my thoughts also, Unless I have known my date for a while at least, only then I might plan a swimming date, but even that, it's an usual setting for a date. You can't really talk with each other unless you are just standing next to each other in the water...

[yogacat]

9 hours ago, ShySoul said:

He made a suggestion that you didn't like. So rather then risk another suggestion being rejected, he wants to know what you would prefer instead. That was a poor way to phrase it, but he could simply be wanting input on what you are comfortable with so that you will have a good time.

Agree.

He is simply asking for your input and suggestions on what you may feel comfortable doing. His response may seem a bit dismissive, but he may not have meant it that way. Why don't you respond with saying that you have a few ideas, but you're sure he can handle them 😉.

Show that you are open to suggestions and also that he was the one who initiated the plan. This would make him feel that you have been truly looking forward to meeting him, and also that you're not the one rejecting his idea.

[Enya77]

I hope he didn't take that "Take her swimming on the first date!" Thing seriously because if so, it might mean he's trying to see what you look like when your makeup washes off. In that case, he's a shallow a hole! 

[catfeeder]

I agree that his retort sounds a bit impatient and juvenile, but if you liked him a lot when you met him, I'd try giving benefit of doubt that he didn't mean to sound that way, and suggest a walk in a park ending with a sandwich shop or dessert place. Have a museum of something indoors as a Plan B if it rains.

You'll learn from his response or his demeanor on the date whether he's a bit too curt for you to want to see again.

[TeeDee]

This is why people can't find dates.  

@SuperstickyoneThe guy made a suggestion of an activity he enjoys:  swimming.   Since you were uncomfortable with that activity, rather than try to read your mind he asked what you wanted to do.  The fact that you are taking umbrage at him for that is the problem here.  He didn't put "all the arrangements" on you.  He made an offer.  You rejected it. When you did that, it was on you to come up with something else to do. 

It's 2024 people.  A woman is running for President of the United States.   Women can't sit on their hands, expect men to plan every aspect of a date, guess at what you want to do, get mad when a stranger can't read your mind & then expect him to pay.  Good grief.  Take some responsibility for the activities you expect to mutually share.  

 

If you are reading something sexual into the activity choice wear a conservative suit & a nice wrap or cover up & enjoy the day.  You don't have to show up in a tiny bikini.  

[rainbowsandroses]

16 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

I agree that his retort sounds a bit impatient and juvenile, but if you liked him a lot when you met him, I'd try giving benefit of doubt that he didn't mean to sound that way,

^^I don't believe they have ever met previously.

After one week of chat online, this was to be their first meet. 

[yogacat]

2 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

^^I don't believe they have ever met previously.

After one week of chat online, this was their first meet. 

She met him at a Jazz Festival initially.

[rainbowsandroses]

5 minutes ago, yogacat said:

She met him at a Jazz Festival initially.

Okay thanks, my bad for missing that!!! 😀

[yogacat]

4 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Okay thanks, my bad!!! 😀

I do it all the time...lol

12 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

Obviously we would both be in our bathing suits.  However, I don't feel comfortable since I hardly know him.  I told him this

OP, are you more put off that he suggested swimming for a official first date, or that he wanted your input on what you'd rather do and left the planning up to you?

If you're put off by either, that is perfectly understandable.

If you're more the reserved type when it comes to getting to know someone new, swimming is probably not the ideal first date for you. Naive or arrogant on his part. Some people may see it as innocent and casual, while others may see it as a lack of consideration for your comfort level. 

[rainbowsandroses]

3 minutes ago, yogacat said:

i do it all the time...lol

Yeah but I just re-read and it's pretty much clear as a bright sunny day in the first paragraph, so it's definitely my bad.

Kinda changes my opinion too.

[HeartGoesOn]

 I would simply tell him you're not comfortable with meeting in a bathing suit for a first date. His reaction lies in your answer, imo).

In any event, trust your intuition as it rarely lets you down.

 

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, HeartGoesOn said:

 I would simply tell him you're not comfortable with meeting in a bathing suit for a first date. His reaction lies in your answer, imo).

In any event, trust your intuition as it rarely lets you down.

 

She already did:

13 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

I told him this and he wrote back "well what do you want to do then"?

 

[Cherylyn]

Suggest something else such as meeting for coffee or lunch with both of you "going dutch" meaning pay your own way.  No swimming.  That doesn't sound like my idea of fun with getting all drenched,  soaking wet,  stringy,  dripping wet hair,  perhaps smeared makeup and not looking your best.  No way. 

I would question his mentality in my mind because swimming for a first date with someone you don't know well is very odd behavior.  Hopefully, his weird suggestion is not some sort of precedence.

[Batya33]

11 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Suggest something else such as meeting for coffee or lunch with both of you "going dutch" meaning pay your own way.  No swimming.  That doesn't sound like my idea of fun with getting all drenched,  soaking wet,  stringy hair and not looking your best.  No way. 

I would question his mentality in my mind because swimming for a first date with someone you don't know well is very odd behavior.  Hopefully, his weird suggestion is not some sort of precedence.

I was hoping it had to do with the location -maybe a really cool type of pool or a cafe there he loves or he does laps so he figured they'd do laps if she does then go get ice cream.  I was grasping here I get it -because I too found it really odd.  

[rainbowsandroses]

34 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I would question his mentality in my mind because swimming for a first date with someone you don't know well is very odd behavior.  Hopefully, his weird suggestion is not some sort of precedence.

I think so too, although given they have met previously and it's not a first "meet," it's not quite as bad as I originally thought when I mistakenly thought it was a first meet.

To me it reflects a lack of social awareness in that he only considered what HE wanted to do and not the OP (a woman) and how she might be uncomfortable in that type of situation on a first date.

That said, I have taken walks on the beach before on a first date or watched the sunset at the beach with a bottle of wine which I found rather romantic but a first date at a swimming pool?

There is nothing appealing about that whatsoever IMO and yeah after spending time putting yourself together for the date, what woman wants to get all wet, hair wet, makeup running off (or no makeup), with a brand new man she's never been out with before?

I dunno maybe some women would be okay with that, and perhaps he prefers that type of woman which may be why he asked in the first place!  To check compatibility, but who knows.

OP, have you responded to his response asking "what do you want to do"?

I would love to hear the outcome of this if you're inclined to update.  

[ShySoul]

How about a compromise? 

Go to the center and pack a bathing suit in the car. Do something else there that actually gives you time to talk and get comfortable with each other. If you feel okay, hit the pool after. If you still aren't comfortable, then don't change or go near the water.

He may just really enjoy swimming and want to share with you what he's into. He may also not be thinking in terms of a formal, try to impress the lady kind of date. His mind might be going to a casual, spend time together having fun and see what happens kind of date. 

Really Superstickyone, you should do whatever makes you feel best. Do what is inside your comfort zone and ensures you won't be nervous or upset. You'll be at ease and better able to shine. If he's worth your time, he'll respect that.

[waffle]

lol this is funny.  His one idea is swimming and after that was turned down he's completely lost and he's clueless as to anything else they might be able to do. 🙄

[rainbowsandroses]

One of my brothers who is super into swimming and used to swim competitively is visiting me for the weekend and for fun I spoke to him about this and his response was that swimming is an activity he and his GUY friends do all the time at the gym.

They do laps, race, compete with each other, it's a total GUY thing and he literally laughed out loud when I told him that this guy suggested swimming at the pool for a first date!

He thought there was something quite off about that, he even suggested the guy may possibly be playing for the other team because it's just not something any straight normal guy would suggest to a woman for a first date.

In HIS opinion of course. 

Yeah sure it's something HE enjoys but come on this a first DATE!   The goal being to connect romantically and there is nothing "romantic" about swimming in a pool (unless you're in the hot tub hehe) again it's an activity you do with your guy friends OR a woman you've been dating for awhile assuming SHE is into swimming too.

In short he thought the guy was/is an arse and that the OP should next him!!

P.S.  Still curious OP what you have decided to do.