Looking For More From Life

[KindaBoredGuy]

I (M/35) live a pretty quiet and simple life. The only problem is that its too quiet and simple. I'm single, tho don't have much interest in dating at the moment. Ive spent the past 3 - 4 months working towards a work goal, though that's now completed, I'm not really working towards anything. Most of my friends are married with kids and, while I do see them from time to time, they're mostly busy with their lives. Other than video games, I don't really have too many hobbies. And even video games feel...stale at this point. Since it's really all I do. I'm not handy. I'm not poor, but I'm not rich either, so I can't do anything luxurious. I've been drinking way too much not because I can't help myself, but because I'm bored.

Every day feels like the same day on repeat. I find myself going home and just waiting for work to start again. I'm not really doing much of anything....it almost feels like life is flying by and I'm not accomplishing much. Anyone have any suggestions on how to get that spark back in life?

Any thoughts?

[Batya33]

Have you offered to plan an activity their kids can participate in? How about volunteer work like backstage at a community or church theater? It's how our widowed friend (40s, no kids) met people.  Congratulations on your work goal!  Are you friendly with coworkers?

[Cherylyn]

I would do something if I were you.  You're stuck in a rut so change it up.  Enroll in a class,  join a group or organization,  do charitable good works,  start a hobby,  read library books,  do what you enjoy,  explore your intellect and also,  focus on getting healthy.  Eat well,  hydrate, exercise and you will ditch the alcohol. 

Be productive,  tidy,  declutter and clean your house.  Live an organized life. 

If you're lonely,  initiate socializing.  Invite friends over your house,  make a potluck or meet somewhere.  

You won't be bored if you get busy and make your life interesting.   

[Batya33]

About 14 years ago I sat at a table at a local restaurant in NYC known for ethnic food feeding my toddler sweet potatoes I'd brought from home.  A woman quite a bit older than me sat alone a table or so away and commented on how my son was eating so well.  We started a conversation.  Turns out she owned an arts related company in Canada.  We stayed in touch and met for coffee again while we were both in town.  We even did some business together -more of a referral by me -a year or so later.  She became friendly with my mentor.  We stayed in touch over all these years and I even watched an arts related event on zoom she was involved in.  We are facebook friends and we chat every couple of months.  She's such an interesting person.  So you never know.  What I do know is that had I sat in the apartment that day and fed the baby sweet potatoes in his high chair instead of making myself go out and about -we wouldn't have met.  I suggest you get out there more.  Sober -stay safe!

[catfeeder]

The good news is, you have the whole Internet at your fingers to shop for inspiration, classes, events, clubs, activities, meetup.org groups, volunteer opportunities near you. But the problem with drinking is that you might feel good for a little while, and then you crash--and any inspiration you may have mustered during that time crashes too. So I'd start shopping for opportunities to explore while sober, and then I'd remain sober while I went and explored those things. The more of a habit you can make sobriety, the better you'll start to feel overall, and the more simple joys will return to your healthy life.

[Kwothe28]

Well, what do you want to do? 

I dunno if you expect that "more" will just fall into your lap. Because it wont. Especially if you play video games at home all day and enjoy drowning your sorrow in alcohol. Nothing would happen in that way. So you would have to be more "goal- oriented". For example, are you aspiring to maybe buy your own home if you dont have one? Lose weight? Travel? Meet somebody? For all of those you would have to be more "prolific". Because you currently arent that. So that is why you have a feeling that you stay in one place.

For example, I was more like you around 10 years ago. Heck, maybe even worst than you. I was stagnating with college, stayed mostly at home, played computer games or watch TV show and movies, and doing social drinking with my buddies for the weekend. But, like my late mom, I was and is a fighter. My "failures" only motivated me to move forward. I volunteered with kids with special needs, finished my college, when I couldnt find the job with it, found a pretty decent job outside of my field. When that didnt work, I became a freelancer and supported myself in that way. Than there was opportunity to try for my college diploma job. So I did everything in my power to get that. And I actually did. So, managed to at least be there for now. May not seem like much but stand on my own two feet now. Managed to pass my driving license, bought a decent car from my own money, paying my bills, fixing and decorating home, even managed to afford a decent vacation without wondering what costs how much. Still have some areas that I need work(for example dating) but I am getting there. Still even enjoy computer games every now and then. Bought some cheap games on "Steam" sale the other day. Dont know if I would have the time for them since my vacation days are over this week, but maybe will find some. 

Anyway, I am guessing "work goal" means something like promotion. So congrats on that. I recognize that not everybody has my resolve to "better themselves". But you can also "build" from that work thing to something more. You are not rich, but you probably have enough to invest into yourself. Buy new clothes, go out somewhere, find some hobby that would involve not you being at home playing vydya games, maybe book vacation if you have days for that. As Ive said, "betterment" wont come to you. You would have to work toward it. 

[Coily]

I've been where you are more than a few times in my life, where everything revolves around work and you feel at loose ends in your free time.

While there are some nice ideas above, very few of them would have worked for me. I need to have some level of passion and volunteering just never did that for me (even though I've done it). So I started making plans to either learn a new skill or travel. It wouldn't be just a simple get from 0 to100 knowledge base; it would be how to master and teach that new skill.

Or with travel, find the most interesting things, do research on them and contact who ever i could that knew about such a place.

I also challenged myself to just go exploring, on a soggy day i would take time and research some local place, then go visit it. I made everything about what I wanted to do and get out of a situation, on occasion I found ways to help others (saved a few lives in my travels too).

I even restore antique clocks, or learn a language (very poorly) when i get bored.

It's also great to branch out with things you already do. On weekends when i am free, I will play games with friends of mine through discord; or just get into a lively conversation with them.

Nothing is worse than feeling a day slip away, and I have had far too many slip.

[yogacat]

I know precisely how you feel. Things can feel stale and you feel like life is passing you by, no spark and it’s hard to find cuz it feels impossible. I also caregive for a parent that's ill but that's another story...This is my experience sometimes.

Here is what helped me and I am still figuring out how to light the darn spark. SO what helped me find some soul fire:

I make jewelry 💍from metal wire copper that I buy from the hardware store and love to make all sorts of rings for myself and my friends. I want to learn how to solder metal but the supplies are a bit on the pricier side and new metal techniques are quite intimidating.

I like knitting chunky scarves that I gift.

Which leads me to my bigger point....

The reason I do this is because it really helps me get OUT of my head and shifts it. My hands keep moving and it’s creative and mindless. Not mindless in the sense that you're not focused or care about your work but it takes you out of your head for a bit.

Meditate and heal all those little wounds by noticing wounds and forgiving yourself for carrying them. Deep healing bra.

Make deals with yourself to take yourself on 1 date a month. Don’t bail. Take yourself out to dinner, go to free events, go wandering in a city, go hiking.  Maybe get yourself a little cactus or succulent too. 🙂

Give you a little love time... Explore...

[Capricorn3]

Instead of drinking and playing video games and being bored outta your mind, start doing anything physical.  Go hiking, jogging, mountain climbing, biking, join a gym etc - anything physical that gets you out of the house and out of your bored head space - get the endorphins running, which will lead to a sense of well-being and boost your mood.

[KindaBoredGuy]

15 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Well, what do you want to do? 

I dunno if you expect that "more" will just fall into your lap. Because it wont. Especially if you play video games at home all day and enjoy drowning your sorrow in alcohol. Nothing would happen in that way. So you would have to be more "goal- oriented". For example, are you aspiring to maybe buy your own home if you dont have one? Lose weight? Travel? Meet somebody? For all of those you would have to be more "prolific". Because you currently arent that. So that is why you have a feeling that you stay in one place.

For example, I was more like you around 10 years ago. Heck, maybe even worst than you. I was stagnating with college, stayed mostly at home, played computer games or watch TV show and movies, and doing social drinking with my buddies for the weekend. But, like my late mom, I was and is a fighter. My "failures" only motivated me to move forward. I volunteered with kids with special needs, finished my college, when I couldnt find the job with it, found a pretty decent job outside of my field. When that didnt work, I became a freelancer and supported myself in that way. Than there was opportunity to try for my college diploma job. So I did everything in my power to get that. And I actually did. So, managed to at least be there for now. May not seem like much but stand on my own two feet now. Managed to pass my driving license, bought a decent car from my own money, paying my bills, fixing and decorating home, even managed to afford a decent vacation without wondering what costs how much. Still have some areas that I need work(for example dating) but I am getting there. Still even enjoy computer games every now and then. Bought some cheap games on "Steam" sale the other day. Dont know if I would have the time for them since my vacation days are over this week, but maybe will find some. 

Anyway, I am guessing "work goal" means something like promotion. So congrats on that. I recognize that not everybody has my resolve to "better themselves". But you can also "build" from that work thing to something more. You are not rich, but you probably have enough to invest into yourself. Buy new clothes, go out somewhere, find some hobby that would involve not you being at home playing vydya games, maybe book vacation if you have days for that. As Ive said, "betterment" wont come to you. You would have to work toward it. 

I feel like your response was unnecessarily rude.  And I don't appreciate it.

 

Everyone else, thank you.  I have solid a starting point.

[ShySoul]

If you like video games, ever thought of creating one? Programming, coding... any of the techy stuff that goes into it? Or just creating a concept and trying to connect with someone who could get it done. Think that would be a neat challenge to take up.

There is also a huge world of competitive gaming out there if that is something you would like.

Otherwise, what is something you are passionate about? What were your hobbies when you were a child? Think back on your life and find that things that sparked the most joy within you. And what times were you the happiest? Those are the things you should look into and rediscover. Reignite the spark those things made you feel.

I'm male and 41. I feel the same way (minus the drinking). I just focus on the things that make me happy, without worrying about it. It doesn't have to be anything fancy or cost a lot. I color. I write. I create my own fantasy worlds and develop characters for them. I do mini lego like sets. And I volunteer. It's still quiet and simple, but it's what I enjoy.

Figure out what you enjoy and do it. It can be anything, big or small. As long as you have fun doing it, then it's worth it for you.

[Tinydance]

Well to me it sounds like you're not just bored, you're also lonely. I mean, playing video games is technically a hobby and some people even have a lot of online friends they play video games with. But it doesn't sound like that actually makes you happy. At least not anymore. It sounds like you want to try new things and meet new people. 

People aren't usually only into one thing and that's it. Is there anything else you like besides video games? Or something you might like to try? Depending on where you live, there might be Meetup groups or places where you can actually play video games with other people. I live in a big city and we have video games and board games bars. There are also a lot of social Facebook groups. I'd recommend joining some and go from there. 

I know all your friends are married etc. but does that necessarily mean they wouldn't want to spend time with you? You could reach out to them and ask to catch up. But I would recommend to go out somewhere though rather than stay home and play video games.

[AuthenticSelf]

On 8/8/2024 at 2:48 AM, KindaBoredGuy said:

Every day feels like the same day on repeat.

It is going to be like that for most of us. I think it is normal even for some of your friend. 

What I see is you are in a drama triangle. It has the victim, the rescuer and the prosecutor. 

You are currently the victim. 

The prosecutor is the fantasy version of you. 

You go here potentially looking for a rescuer. 

 

It is same as going to therapy for 30 years without getting the problem solved. 

Here is an exercise I want you to try, I believe you have the answer in you. 

I want you to imagine to future version of you.

What is it like? 

What do you feel like? 

What is the habits you are doing? 

 

 

That is the law of commitment. Commit to that version of you and make action from that perspective. 

Then, you will start to see some changes. 

If you only take action based on your current situations, you are forever in your current situation. 

Good luck.