Please help

[Thresfe]

My friend A broke up with his ex after a 2 week relationship. There was nothing bad about it but it was just that 2 people who realized that they were not meant for each other. They are still friends and is still one of the cleanest breakup. Now after 6 months, my friend A has started developing very strong feeling for ex's bestfriend. It is not like any regular crush but it is a strong deep connection. He wants advice on how should he proceed as he fear that maybe the bestfriend would not understand his feelings. I told him there are plenty of fish in the sea but he has actually deep and genuine love for her. Can you please advice on how should he pursue her?

[Batya33]

Two weeks is with rare exception not a serious relationship but I bet he had strong feelings for her too at first so he should check himself as to whether this another situation where he'll win her over then get bored.  It's up to the best friend.  If I were the best friend I'd check with my friend first.

Many years ago my friend had an intense 4 month relationship with a guy who ended things- very upsetting - in the following months our friendship faded a lot.  Then I was in contact with a man on a dating site.  I realized it must be him (I'd never met him but the name/unusual details. I asked if he'd dated my friend and he said yes.  Out of an abundance of caution I decided not to meet him and told him why - he said I was a good friend (never mentioned this to his ex of course).  But if she'd just dated him for 2 weeks months earlier I likely would have met him.

Also if it was a clean breakup after such a short time dating maybe she wouldn't care?

[Kwothe28]

Sorry, real life isnt an American TV show. Where people date within their friend group so often that the lines are so blurry. I mean imagine being Rachel Green. Where you married one friend and have a baby with him, dated other friend and kissed the third(albeit drunk). That kind of behavior ruins friendships. In this particular case, possibly your friend ex and her best friend. People say that they broke up and dont care. But in a reality, its hella weird especially too soon after break up. Years down the line maybe. Few months after break up? I doubt that she would not care especially since they are still close and that there is even a possibility she would hope for reconciliation. Simply cant see how, if your friend asks her, she would be like "Oh, all cool, date my best friend, no biggie". And yes, your friend would need to get that checked with her before trying something. That is if he doesnt want to ruin couple of friendships in the process.

[yogacat]

My friends and I don't typically go around dating/marrying each other's exes or best friends but I understand that sometimes feelings cannot be controlled. A woman I worked with eventually married her sister's husband, so I have seen stranger things happen. They are very happy.

I would ask that you at least recognize that dating her best friend may cause some discomfort and awkwardness between her and her best friend. Would you be okay if the roles were reversed? How would you feel if your ex started dating one of your close friends? Would your friend be okay with it? Can you both handle that potential strain on your relationship?

Not that you need your ex's permission but I think the kind thing to do would be to approach him/her and let them know how he/she feels. Let them know that he/she respects their past relationship and doesn't want to cause any issues but can't deny his/her strong feelings for the best friend. Ask for their blessing or at least their understanding. I doubt that they're going to be super cool with it but at least it shows respect and consideration. Better yet, why not date someone else?

That would be the mature thing to do. But as they say, "all's fair in love and war," right?

[Cherylyn]

If he's asking your advice regarding how to pursue her,  I advise you to stay out of it.  It's his life and his choices.  Make sure you don't have anything to do with his choices.  However way his trajectory or life transpires,  is his sole responsibility whether it's awkward,  proper,  not proper or whatever situation occurs. 

You don't want to give him the wrong advice nor be involved especially if his life goes awry.  He's a big boy so let him make his own decisions. 

You can still be a good friend and good listener but as far as his relationship with others go,  have him navigate himself.  Know your borders and boundaries with him or anybody for that matter. 

Play it safe by protecting yourself and let people live their own lives however way they see fit. 

[smackie9]

he can ask her if it would be alright to ask her friend out on a date.

[ShySoul]

An amicable split after only two weeks... not a serious relationship that is likely to cause long term feelings or unresolved issues. 

Don't worry about it. Don't make it into a big deal. Don't try to pursue anything.

Simple be open and honest with everyone involved. If they like someone, then they just need to spend time with the person, get close to them, and be clear about what they are feeling. That's what you should do with anyone you like. 

[SooSad33]

On 8/5/2024 at 4:12 AM, Thresfe said:

He wants advice on how should he proceed as he fear that maybe the bestfriend would not understand his feelings. I told him there are plenty of fish in the sea but he has actually deep and genuine love for her. Can you please advice on how should he pursue her?

I agree with you on there are other fish in the sea.  Hopefully this won't get all awkward within this friendship grp if he does 😕 . Sometimes, this is where some people need to learn on their own. 

As mentioned, maybe YOU should just stay out of it all and carry on with your own life.  Leave his choices to him here 😉 .