moomooland Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 Try to help a friend with this text Also we aren't anything while you're with him, don't do anything rash but that's how it is, not doing anything ***ed up like that, so just do what you think is right, miss you too. Does that mean he doesn't want to be with her ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 13 minutes ago, moomooland said: Try to help a friend with this text Also we aren't anything while you're with him, don't do anything rash but that's how it is, not doing anything ***ed up like that, so just do what you think is right, miss you too. Does that mean he doesn't want to be with her ? Sounds like a girl cheating on her boyfriend and the one she is cheating with has told her that as long as she's still with him, they aren't anything - meaning not a couple or in a relationship (100% correct). If she wants the guy she's cheating with, she needs to make up her mind and leave her current boyfriend. If I was this guy, I would head for the hills - nothing impressive about someone who cheats on their partner. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted August 3 Share Posted August 3 It sounds like he's not willing to consider the two of them as anything while she's with another guy. He's not pressuring her to break up with the guy, it's up to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moomooland Posted August 3 Author Share Posted August 3 10 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said: Sounds like a girl cheating on her boyfriend and the one she is cheating with has told her that as long as she's still with him, they aren't anything - meaning not a couple or in a relationship (100% correct). If she wants the guy she's cheating with, she needs to make up her mind and leave her current boyfriend. If I was this guy, I would head for the hills - nothing impressive about someone who cheats on their partner. Sorry for not giving a bit to back story. She's in the process of divorce and her ex husband her for someone about two years ago. They now just doing paperwork. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moomooland Posted August 3 Author Share Posted August 3 15 minutes ago, catfeeder said: It sounds like he's not willing to consider the two of them as anything while she's with another guy. He's not pressuring her to break up with the guy, it's up to her. That makes sense since her divorce is not finalize yet. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted August 3 Share Posted August 3 5 hours ago, moomooland said: Does that mean he doesn't want to be with her ? Until she finalizes her divorce, yes. Lots of people are wary of the situations like that because, well, cheaters always promise to break up or divorce with their boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives but they rarely do that. I mean, he is right from that side, why would he be with her when she is legally with somebody else? I am assuming they maybe already had sex or something but he cant be with her since she is already with somebody else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 3 Share Posted August 3 6 hours ago, moomooland said: Also we aren't anything while you're with him, don't do anything rash but that's how it is, not doing anything ***ed up like that, so just do what you think is right, miss you too. He is indicting that he is open to something, but that they need to take their time and handle things in the proper order. She needs to resolve her divorce first. That's the best course of action. Rushing into something will be likely to doom it to failure. I've seen that happen and it's not pretty. On the other hand, slow and steady will win the race. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted August 3 Share Posted August 3 6 hours ago, moomooland said: Does that mean he doesn't want to be with her ? Yes, that's what it means. Unless and until she is officially divorced, he doesn't want to be with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted August 3 Share Posted August 3 He's okay with it being just an affair while she's still married, but once her divorce is final, he may not want to continue the relationship. Some people just get caught up in the thrill of forbidden love, but when it becomes a legitimate option, they may back out. Whatever the case, sounds like he doesn't want to be embroiled in any mess, so he's leaving it up to her to decide what she wants to do. Why not focus on getting the divorce finalized and then reassess your feelings once you're emotionally and legally free from the ex-husband? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 3 Share Posted August 3 17 hours ago, moomooland said: Sorry for not giving a bit to back story. She's in the process of divorce and her ex husband her for someone about two years ago. They now just doing paperwork. To clarify, she was the one was left, right? It's the soon to be ex husband that was the one who went to someone else. If they have been separated for two years, and her husband was the one who went to someone else first, then I don't think it's cheating or an affair for her to be interested in someone else. It's a bit of a grey area as both sides already admit the marriage is over, they just need to go through the formal steps to get there. Though most will probably be hesitant to progress too far until the divorce is finalized. But it's no reason things can't go forward once things are cleaner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moomooland Posted August 4 Author Share Posted August 4 On 8/3/2024 at 1:58 PM, ShySoul said: To clarify, she was the one was left, right? It's the soon to be ex husband that was the one who went to someone else. Her ex husband left her for someone else two years ago and they're not just doing paperwork but the person that she's talking to is also friends with her ex husband. Technically they're still legally married but she and her ex husband have been separated for two years or more. She told me she only kissed and cuddled with the guy. No intimacy yet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moomooland Posted August 4 Author Share Posted August 4 On 8/3/2024 at 1:33 AM, Kwothe28 said: Until she finalizes her divorce, yes. Lots of people are wary of the situations like that because, well, cheaters always promise to break up or divorce with their boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives but they rarely do that. I mean, he is right from that side, why would he be with her when she is legally with somebody else? I am assuming they maybe already had sex or something but he cant be with her since she is already with somebody else. Her ex husband left her for someone else two years ago and they're not just doing paperwork but the person that she's talking to is also friends with her ex husband. She and her ex husband have not seen each since he left. As far I know they kissed and cuddled,no sex yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 4 Share Posted August 4 8 minutes ago, moomooland said: Her ex husband left her for someone else two years ago and they're not just doing paperwork but the person that she's talking to is also friends with her ex husband. Technically they're still legally married but she and her ex husband have been separated for two years or more. She told me she only kissed and cuddled with the guy. No intimacy yet I'm sure others will disagree, but I don't see anything wrong with her and this guy being together if the divorce is in process and all sides are being honest about things. It's been plenty of time, and the husband was the one who starting it all in the first place by leaving her. Though it is a complicated situation with many pieces and people's feelings involved. Probably best they don't go any further until the divorce is final. Slow and steady wins the race. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted August 4 Share Posted August 4 I'd be way more concerned about all of this ending in rebound. Still married, going through divorce but already kissing and cuddling with a new guy etc. To me that's just way too much way too soon. Like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. There has been no time to heal and grieve a broken marriage and get into a mentally and emotionally healthier mind set and already immediately launching into the next "relationship". The vast majority of time rebounds rarely last for the long term. I can only say good luck. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 4 Share Posted August 4 Technically been two years of coming to terms and grieving. Though I'm curious why the delay in making it official. And cuddling isn't all that much. I've seen someone get engaged within a couple months of deciding to get divorced. Then they cheat on the finance with the wife. That's too fast and also really foolish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moomooland Posted August 5 Author Share Posted August 5 2 hours ago, Capricorn3 said: I'd be way more concerned about all of this ending in rebound. Still married, going through divorce but already kissing and cuddling with a new guy etc. To me that's just way too much way too soon. Like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. There has been no time to heal and grieve a broken marriage and get into a mentally and emotionally healthier mind set and already immediately launching into the next "relationship". The vast majority of time rebounds rarely last for the long term. I can only say good luck. Well she stayed single for two years, while her husband we went with another woman. The husband wants to finalize the divorce because he's going married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moomooland Posted August 5 Author Share Posted August 5 2 hours ago, ShySoul said: Technically been two years of coming to terms and grieving. Though I'm curious why the delay in making it official. Not sure what she didn't start the paperwork but the ex husband wants to finalize the divorce because he's getting married soon . I don't believe she's doing this for rebound. Two year is long enough to heal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted August 5 Share Posted August 5 19 hours ago, moomooland said: Her ex husband left her for someone else two years ago and they're not just doing paperwork but the person that she's talking to is also friends with her ex husband. She and her ex husband have not seen each since he left. As far I know they kissed and cuddled,no sex yet. "Friend of husband"(they are still not divorced) is even weirder situation. She wants him to be with his friends (ex) wife? No wonder he is wary about it. On the other hand, it could be that he just doesnt want to be with her at all. And that he just wanted some physical action with no commitment. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted August 5 Share Posted August 5 54 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said: On the other hand, it could be that he just doesnt want to be with her at all. This^ was my initial thought as well. He couldn't give a rat's rear end whether she finalizes the divorce or not. He didn't care for TWO years so why now? He simply wants out and this was the best and easiest way out he could think of. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 6 Share Posted August 6 12 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said: He didn't care for TWO years so why now? He simply wants out and this was the best and easiest way out he could think of. She's been single for two years, so I'm getting this is a recent development. He didn't care before because there wasn't anything going on between them. But now that something might be starting, it's raising a lot of issues for them to navigate. He's drawing the line that they can't go further until the divorce is final. Could be wrong on that. It sounds messy for all involved. Best to handle first things first and take care of the divorce. Then they can figure out what they want to be with each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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