Men that look like your exes. Yay or nay?

[DarkCh0c0]

A more lighthearted post for this week 😊

What do we think of men or women who look way too similar to an ex? Specially long-term ex?

Have you been turned off by them because you couldn't get past the similarities? Or does it not bother you at all? Feel free to share your stories!

Story time:

This is the second time something like this happens to me, albeit years apart. I met a guy this week whose hair cut, hair colour, eye colour, glasses, face shape, clothes style AND mannerisms look like my ex from years ago (he was toxic/manipulative. Some of you are familiar with our story). We were chatting and had a good time, but the more we talked, the more I internally went like 😬 yikes! He randomly happened to be seated next to my table before I was there and he started the convo with me. He eventually asked me out and I declined. I could not get past it AT ALL. I thought to myself that I had enough of that ice cream flavour, and I need something else in my life 🍦🍭

[Batya33]

LOL I love the topic.  No it's fine with me.  I believe I look somewhat like my husband's ex girlfriend from just before me.  I tended to date men who looked somewhat similar to each other. Also my husband and I look somewhat alike.  At least -related.  

[Massari]

4 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

A more lighthearted post for this week 😊

What do we think of men or women who look way too similar to an ex? Specially long-term ex?

Have you been turned off by them because you couldn't get past the similarities? Or does it not bother you at all? Feel free to share your stories!

Story time:

This is the second time something like this happens to me, albeit years apart. I met a guy this week whose hair cut, hair colour, eye colour, glasses, face shape, clothes style AND mannerisms look like my ex from years ago (he was toxic/manipulative. Some of you are familiar with our story). We were chatting and had a good time, but the more we talked, the more I internally went like 😬 yikes! He randomly happened to be seated next to my table before I was there and he started the convo with me. He eventually asked me out and I declined. I could not get past it AT ALL. I thought to myself that I had enough of that ice cream flavour, and I need something else in my life 🍦🍭

Fantastic topic ! This is a Ross and Russ (Friends reference) Situation! I personally never experienced this so I couldn't say what happen to me. But I know if I do go out with someone who looks like my ex I would be totally fine. There are certain looks that I am attracted to so, chances that my future SO will look to my ex look wise is quite high.

What's important here is if  this: If you think about it, the reasons that it didn't work out with your ex was not because of his looks it's his personality and traits. If your new SO looks like your ex (whom you did find attractive) but has better personality and traits will be a win - win in my books! 

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

LOL I love the topic.  No it's fine with me.  I believe I look somewhat like my husband's ex girlfriend from just before me.  I tended to date men who looked somewhat similar to each other. Also my husband and I look somewhat alike.  At least -related.  

No way!! Hmm what kind of features did you gravitate towards?

They weren't same same were they? Like the dress style, hair colour, and so forth?

It makes me wonder, are we all dating different versions of the same man? John V. 1. , John V. 1.2., John V. 2.3?!

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, Massari said:

Fantastic topic ! This is a Ross and Russ (Friends reference) Situation!

No way!

I forgot about that episode. I must look it up. Now that you say this, you reminded me of that deleted scene from the break up movie whereby the broken up couple date V. 2.0 of their exes!

It's short and starts at 8:35! Really awkward 😆

1 hour ago, Massari said:

But I know if I do go out with someone who looks like my ex I would be totally fine. There are certain looks that I am attracted to so, chances that my future SO will look to my ex look wise is quite high.

What's important here is if  this: If you think about it, the reasons that it didn't work out with your ex was not because of his looks it's his personality and traits. If your new SO looks like your ex (whom you did find attractive) but has better personality and traits will be a win - win in my books! 

That's an interesting take. I'm actually very turned off by it because of the negative connotation/meanings that my abusive ex left in my life. So I associate men who look like him with man-child, manipulation, lazy, dirty, stingy, haha It's not fair, but I can't help it!

1 hour ago, Massari said:

chances that my future SO will look to my ex look wise is quite high

Is it already the case for you? Do your exes look alike?

[Seraphim]

Sometimes I wish I had an ex to compare something to . 

[yogacat]

No guy I've dated have looked similar in any way. I never quite had a "type" physically that I dated. 😋 So, no, none of my ex-partners bore any resemblance to one another.

Albeit, I dig certain features for sure..

Fun thread!

[DarkCh0c0]

5 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Sometimes I wish I had an ex to compare something to . 

Sweetie, many envy you don't have an ex! 🫠 No sand to sift through over and over.

[DarkCh0c0]

7 minutes ago, yogacat said:

No guy I've dated have looked similar in any way. I never quite had a "type" physically. 😋

Fun thread!

Aw!! So you were never attracted to certain features? Or turned off by any?

Cause I'm kinda the same. I'm pretty flexible unless someone looks a lot like my ex. I do have a soft spot for silver foxes 🦊 ...

[Seraphim]

My husband has/had features I am attracted to. When he was young his hair was black and he has brilliant blue eyes. I find it a really striking combination. 

[rainbowsandroses]

Never experienced that BUT what about a person having the same first name as an ex?

Not talking about John or David but a really unusual first name say for example "Matteo" or "Lars" or a similarly unusual first name in your country?  

That's happened to me and I ended up having long term relationships with both!

What's funny is the two men were so totally different, I never even thought twice about it. 

But what are the odds? 

 

 

 

[Kwothe28]

Do you think you have “a type”? Meaning to be attracted to certain features.

I often wonder myself. For example I often gravitate to “daddy girl” archetypes. You know, “good girls”, “good grades”(well now more like decent jobs), that kind of stuff. Which sometimes turn out to be “not so good”. And often wonder if I would be more happy with, you know, “Quirky Sharon from retail”. 

So maybe you are attracted to that style and mannerism of men.  Well, now not so much because your ex was like that. 

[yogacat]

22 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Aw!! So you were never attracted to certain features? Or turned off by any?

I always enjoyed tall, dark, and handsome features. 

Oh and with tiny brown freckles near the back of his neck and shoulder. Super sexy. 🫶

But lately, I've found a couple red head males attractive. Something about it seems burly, almost Viking-like...

Turn offs? Hmm...

I went on a few dates with a male that had done modeling work for GQ and had wavy brown hair and piercing green eyes and I was blown away by him. He was different than my usual type, but his creative personality and mannerisms won me over, very well mannered and deceivingly shy. But he had very small hands that I couldn't get past. The woman in me did not feel safe or protected.

None of my exes resembled each other, I think it will feel almost incestuous for me, so there definitively is not one type of man I could like just based on physical appearance. With the exception of one, they were all very into physical fitness. 

One man I had a brief relationship with married a woman that not only had a similar name to me, but kind of also looks like me and there were a lot of other similarities that I found a bit odd. But I guess everyone has their "type" and preferences

So maybe subconsciously I do have a type, but it's not a conscious decision.

Maybe for you, it's a bit too close for comfort bc your ex was not someone that was a good relationship for you. If the same were to happen to me, I think I'd most likely decline as well.

 

[DarkCh0c0]

23 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Never experienced that BUT what about a person having the same first name as an ex?

Not talking about John or David but a really unusual first name say for example "Matteo" or "Lars" or a similarly unusual first name in your country?  

That's happened to me and I ended up having long term relationships with both!

What's funny is the two men were so totally different, I never even thought twice about it. 

But what are the odds? 

 

 

 

😆What?! Same name? I love that. Did it weird you out at first?

Indeed, what are the odds...

[DarkCh0c0]

25 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

And often wonder if I would be more happy with, you know, “Quirky Sharon from retail”. 

I love how you phrased that 😆

The thing is that I don't have a "type".

29 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

So maybe you are attracted to that style and mannerism of men.  Well, now not so much because your ex was like that. 

I'm not. This happened only twice in the last years and everytime the men came towards me and started hitting me up. They are the ones attracted to me.

Idk if it's because I have dark features and they happen to have light features. Opposites attract?!  🤔

And yes, I've had different men approach me who do not meet that type at all thankfully.

31 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

often wonder myself. For example I often gravitate to “daddy girl” archetypes. You know, “good girls”, “good grades”(well now more like decent jobs), that kind of stuff. Which sometimes turn out to be “not so good”. And often wonder if I would be more happy with, you

Have you tried dating different types of women? How did it go?

[DarkCh0c0]

38 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

My husband has/had features I am attracted to. When he was young his hair was black and he has brilliant blue eyes. I find it a really striking combination. 

Very striking and intriguing! 🤩

[DarkCh0c0]

30 minutes ago, yogacat said:

One man I had a brief relationship with married a woman that not only had a similar name to me, but kind of also looks like me and there were a lot of other similarities that I found a bit odd. But I guess everyone has their "type" and preferences

Ouff.... That is odd indeed.

31 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Maybe for you, it's a bit too close for comfort bc your ex was not someone that was a good relationship for you. If the same were to happen to me, I think I'd most likely decline as well

100%

32 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I always enjoyed tall, dark, and handsome features. 

Oh and with tiny brown freckles near the back of his neck and shoulder. Super sexy. 🫶

But lately, I've found a couple red head males attractive. Something about it seems burly, almost Viking-like...

🩷🩷

[smackie9]

Never had that problem. By the time it was over I was ready for something new and fresh. 

[itsallgrand]

My type has been smart, creative men who are workhorses lol. So sexy to me. It's varied widely as far as physical looks. 

I haven't encountered repeats so I don't know but it's a fun topic lol. 

My SO on the other hand, all his exes I know of are somewhat similar to me as far as petite, sort of European looking with a bigger nose lol and strong minded. He definitely has a type. Doesn't bother me. 

[catfeeder]

It wouldn't bother me. There's no way that I'd allow an ex to deprive me of something potentially good that I could have with someone fabulous. That's giving away too much power to someone who isn't even important to me anymore.

[Kwothe28]

49 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

The thing is that I don't have a "type".

Ok just asked. Because it could be an indicator that you like certain type like for example clothes style. Some women like men who are dressed in a suit. Or even “bad boy” types in leather jacket. Its a thing. 

54 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Idk if it's because I have dark features and they happen to have light features. Opposites attract?!  🤔

Well, if we are talking statistically, white man- black woman couples are lowest in percentages of divorces. Meaning they are least likely to divorce out of all pairings. Take it as you may. Maybe they want a long and prosperous marriage with you. 😂

59 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Have you tried dating different types of women? How did it go?

Not that good as we have a hard time connecting. For example, hairdressers here are very much a woman job even more than a man, and quite beautiful women are in that business. But you often dont need to even go to school and school for hairdressers has some of the worst grades here. Meaning only someone who cant enroll to anything else does that. Its 3 years(most of others are 4) and you cant even go to college if you dont give more exams to finish something else that is 4 years. Most of them dont even go to school and just pay some other hairdresser money to teach them stuff. Anyway, imagine talking to such person? I “wasted” my 20s in college and bust some serious grounds to be where I am now. Some of them didnt even see school after they turned 15. Too much discrepancy there. For example lots of them enjoy reality shows and gossip around them on daily basis with customers. I couldn’t stand somebody like that. Finished school so I wouldnt become somebody like that and be more than that. And I would like to have an intellectual conversation every now and then. Other than who had sex with whom in some reality show. Too much discrepancy. Hence why most of my exes where similar to me in that sense. Generally well educated women who werent “wild types”. Just “good daddy girl” archetypes. 

My late Grandma always told me I should find somebody who is “The pusher”. I tend to procrastinate so she thought I need somebody who would push me through. So in that sense I do believe some opposites can work in both sides favor. Just not in cases I told you. Too much opposites. 

Anyway, sorry for ranting. Would you give a man a chance if he hasnt look like your ex? Meaning if the conversation was alluring with second guy but just looked different? Because it is weird to just write him off if based on similar looks if you two were having a nice conversation. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

ne man I had a brief relationship with married a woman that not only had a similar name to me, but kind of also looks like me and there were a lot of other similarities that I found a bit odd. But I guess everyone has their "type" and preferences

I went to an exes wedding and someone at my table remarked how much I looked like the bride.  Kinda dumb comment to make (she never really liked me lol)

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, itsallgrand said:

My type has been smart, creative men who are workhorses lol. So sexy to me. It's varied widely as far as physical looks. 

I haven't encountered repeats so I don't know but it's a fun topic lol. 

My SO on the other hand, all his exes I know of are somewhat similar to me as far as petite, sort of European looking with a bigger nose lol and strong minded. He definitely has a type. Doesn't bother me. 

Same and I didn't really have a type although I tended to average height or shorter and definitely clean cut - no tattoos/long hair/piercings.  My long term ex was smart, creative in a way I was not so I learned a lot and so intriguing -and for sure a workhorse LOL.  Husband also is the same.

[tattoobunnie]

Sorry, off topic - - As a first generation born here in the US, I am the 1st and sometimes the only Asian person a person dates...and I've dated loads (granted there were less of me in the broader sense over the decades).  Normally it's always been their race (Caucasian of European descent).  What's funny is when they break my heart, several of them go on to marry an Asian woman. Hahahahah. Once you go Asian....🤣

My hubs is the only one that looks absolutely nothing like my exes, down to the build.  But he is one of three geniuses I've been in a relationship with.  So, I guess my thing is super smart dudes.

[catfeeder]

As a child I watched an interesting case of someone breaking away from 'their type'. My parents had a friend who attended lots of our gatherings, and he always brought a different woman with him. Each woman was tall, chesty and beautiful and closely resembled all of the others. One time he brought a petite, flat chested average looking woman, and I overheard my parents agreeing that she's the one who he really likes. He continued to bring her again and again, we attended their wedding the following year, and they're still married today.

Looks only count for so much with some people, even while they can appear to mean everything.