DarkCh0c0 Posted July 31 Share Posted July 31 2 hours ago, LovelyRoses said: The comments here have made me feel like he doesn’t like me so I’m going to cancel it. Who takes 5 days to open a message? Huh? Most of us told you to slow down and wait until he gets back to you. He DID warn you that he'll be busy. 2 hours ago, LovelyRoses said: He’s just replied to me now and apologised that he got really overwhelmed with all his gigs and the hot weather here, but he would love to meet me on Saturday he said. Is this a good thing? Or shall I say no Hooray! Say yes, and enjoy it! And next time, be patient. People use apps differently. Take in the date as it goes and try to be in the present moment to treasure it. Keep your eyes open for any alarming flags. How old are you hun'? How old is he? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovelyRoses Posted July 31 Author Share Posted July 31 37 minutes ago, MissCanuck said: Jesus Murphy. I actually think you should cancel, but because you are too insecure and too much in your head to date properly. I’m not insecure, just curious about men’s texting behaviour. Just interested because I’m never too busy to text people back on the apps if I’m keen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovelyRoses Posted July 31 Author Share Posted July 31 Just now, DarkCh0c0 said: Huh? Most of us told you to slow down and wait until he gets back to you. He DID warn you that he'll be busy. Hooray! Say yes, and enjoy it! And next time, be patient. People use apps differently. Take in the date as it goes and try to be in the present moment to treasure it. Keep your eyes open for any alarming flags. How old are you hun'? How old is he? I am 28 and he is 36 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted July 31 Share Posted July 31 4 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said: I’m not insecure, just curious about men’s texting behaviour. Just interested because I’m never too busy to text people back on the apps if I’m keen. That's not how your posts come across, I am afraid to say. Your immediate about-face and plan to cancel indicate deep insecurity. You are going to sabotage yourself before you even get this off the groud, and then probably come back here and complain that nobody ever likes you back. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCh0c0 Posted July 31 Share Posted July 31 32 minutes ago, LovelyRoses said: I am 28 and he is 36 Have you been in a committed relationship before? How long have you been single? I'm just trying to figure out why you were too eager to the point you let your fears overdrive your common sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 31 Share Posted July 31 1 hour ago, LovelyRoses said: I’m not insecure, just curious about men’s texting behaviour. Just interested because I’m never too busy to text people back on the apps if I’m keen. There is no “men’s texting behavior “. Individuals move towards pleasure and away from pain. Including in how they prioritize texting. He was busy. He wants to meet you in person. He texted you when he was able and didn’t make you or it a too priority. Which to me is fine at this stage 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted August 1 Share Posted August 1 The best thing to do is not get attached to someone you haven't even met yet. It's easy to get excited about potential, but he is still a stranger and you don't know much about him. It's okay to feel hopeful, but try to keep your expectations in check. 8 hours ago, LovelyRoses said: I know but I just want to meet him again as I feel attraction so rarely. I feel like the universe teases me with these connections. Or potential connections. I don’t want to be on a dating app. I want to be meeting people and having real conversations and I want to meet him You're talking about not being very attracted to most men so as soon as someone comes along that you find attractive, you hold onto it for dear life. That's a lot of pressure for someone you haven't even met yet. 8 hours ago, LovelyRoses said: So don’t know why he would send ‘life is horrendously busy right now but if you’re looking for a day to meet, next week works for me :)’ I replied back quickly and enthusiastically only to realise he’s not been online since I wouldn't feel warm and fuzzy towards someone asking me out and then if I respond in kind, I don't hear from them for five days. But seriously... Dating apps can be overwhelming, and people may be talking to multiple people at once. It's possible that something else came up that was more appealing to him, or he could have just gotten busy with work or other commitments. Think it's a tad in poor taste to leave you hanging for five days after you replied that you're free, but that's just me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 1 Share Posted August 1 10 hours ago, yogacat said: I wouldn't feel warm and fuzzy towards someone asking me out and then if I respond in kind, I don't hear from them for five days. But seriously... Dating apps can be overwhelming, and people may be talking to multiple people at once. It's possible that something else came up that was more appealing to him, or he could have just gotten busy with work or other commitments. Think it's a tad in poor taste to leave you hanging for five days after you replied that you're free, but that's just me. I would agree if they'd met and were dating. He never asked her out on a date and never made a specific plan but if he hadn't called in time to make a plan that week -as he said that was when he'd be free -that would show flakiness. I would feel the same -and I do -when I try to meet new friends through my facebook groups. There was a woman who wanted my advice about moving to my city soon-I was not available to talk by phone at the time she suggested. So we decided that I would call her three days later around a certain time in the afternoon when I was free. She sent me a cell number. That day I called the number. She'd given me a wrong number. So I messaged her to say that. She messaged a few hours later -she was so sorry and she also wasn't feeling well that day. So I told her to send me her number when she was feeling better. A day or so later we messaged one more time. Short chat. That was over a month ago. Never sent me the correct number, never tried to reschedule. That is a person I would refuse to put any more time into to plan a phone call or to meet in person because she is flaky and unreliable in my standards. But if she'd sent me her number when she felt better I'd have given it another chance. It's individual. In this situation I would meet the person. The OP asked in her first post can he be interested and just really busy. I think he is interested in meeting her in person. Because he's now suggested a time and day. If I were the OP I would not assume he is interested in anything beyond that and if they meet I'd assume he wasn't interested at that time in another date -unless he asks her out during the meet or accepts her invitation -time and place -with enthusiasm. If he calls after the first meet to ask her out on a real date then at that time she can assume he is interested in seeing her again. But "interest" as in "he's attracted/he likes me" -first of all -she's a stranger for now and second of all he might be attracted to her photo and/or like chatting online and NOT ultimately be interested in dating her or see her as someone with potential to be a good match for him for the long term -with nothing personal. Interest is such a broad term and I think she's in some unrealistic world where interest means interest in dating her -when they are strangers who haven't even met yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted August 1 Share Posted August 1 21 hours ago, LovelyRoses said: The comments here have made me feel like he doesn’t like me so I’m going to cancel it. Who takes 5 days to open a message? Right...this wasn't predictable. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted August 1 Share Posted August 1 4 hours ago, Batya33 said: I would agree if they'd met and were dating. He never asked her out on a date and never made a specific plan but if he hadn't called in time to make a plan that week -as he said that was when he'd be free -that would show flakiness. I would feel the same -and I do -when I try to meet new friends through my facebook groups. Agree to disagree. He said he is free on a day, she replied in kind, and he didn't reply for 5+ days. This is flakiness. He is also leaving things too open for her to feel like he actually wants to meet up. She's so desperately clinging to his words of approval that she on here asking 50 different people what his intentions are. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 1 Share Posted August 1 1 hour ago, yogacat said: Agree to disagree. He said he is free on a day, she replied in kind, and he didn't reply for 5+ days. This is flakiness. He is also leaving things too open for her to feel like he actually wants to meet up. She's so desperately clinging to his words of approval that she on here asking 50 different people what his intentions are. He said he was free the following week I thought. She's comparing this to dating. They are not dating. They are strangers who plan to meet to see if they should date in the future. He hasn't asked her out on a date. Many years ago a man who was full of himself as it turns out spoke to me on the phone through a dating site. He said he would call the following Monday to firm up plans to meet in person -he needed to confirm schedules etc. Instead he messaged me two days later on Wednesday. So I told him I no longer wanted to meet and I did tell him why -(had he apologized for not being reliable then sure that would have mattered to me but he didn't). He was quite surprised I found this a deal breaker. I was surprised he felt that way. I think he figured since he was a doctor women would be drooling all over him to meet LOL. If this person had promised to be in touch on a specific day to make a plan for that week and didn't I'd feel differently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poorlittlefish Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 He would have seen your message as a notification and just didn't bother to open the app to reply. If someone is really interested, they're not going to wait 5 days to answer. Nobody is that forgetful. He was likely meeting others and kept you on the back burner in case those dates weren't up to much. Don't put all your eggs in one basket - keep looking until you know it's going somewhere with this guy. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 5 hours ago, poorlittlefish said: He would have seen your message as a notification and just didn't bother to open the app to reply. If someone is really interested, they're not going to wait 5 days to answer. Nobody is that forgetful. He was likely meeting others and kept you on the back burner in case those dates weren't up to much. Don't put all your eggs in one basket - keep looking until you know it's going somewhere with this guy. I agree with this too- his interest in meeting is mediocre. And I don't think he is unreliable since he didn't have a plan yet and did get back to her within the time range he mentioned. I'd still meet since it's just a first meet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambert Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 I would focus on what is acceptable to you, not what his actions mean to him. Having your own standards helps you know what's right for you and weeds out the guys that don't meet those standards. Early on in knowing someone it can mean nothing that they aren't responding. However, it can show you a pattern of how they are and the level of interest you can expect from them. How they are right now is how they are. It's not on you to make them act any particular way. I would not try to change a person that takes a while to respond. Rather I'd decide if I am I interested in waiting around. Don't invest in people that aren't investing in you. You don't have to dump the guy, but match the effort. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 No one is THAT busy to shoot out a text...men don't text back because they don't want to. Don't get yourself tied in knots over this. If his actions are not acceptable to you, then you next him. That's it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 23 hours ago, Batya33 said: He said he was free the following week I thought. She's comparing this to dating. They are not dating. They are strangers who plan to meet to see if they should date in the future. He hasn't asked her out on a date. Many years ago a man who was full of himself as it turns out spoke to me on the phone through a dating site. He said he would call the following Monday to firm up plans to meet in person -he needed to confirm schedules etc. Instead he messaged me two days later on Wednesday. So I told him I no longer wanted to meet and I did tell him why -(had he apologized for not being reliable then sure that would have mattered to me but he didn't). He was quite surprised I found this a deal breaker. I was surprised he felt that way. I think he figured since he was a doctor women would be drooling all over him to meet LOL. If this person had promised to be in touch on a specific day to make a plan for that week and didn't I'd feel differently. It isn't the amount of time of not hearing from someone, things happen and no one owes me their time. When you are in the midst of making plans, after someone initiated and stated their availability and the other person (i.e. him) dropped off for 5 days without a word after OP responded in kind, tells me if he really wanted to go/meet he would be in touch. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 5 hours ago, yogacat said: When you are in the midst of making plans, after someone initiated and stated their availability and the other person (i.e. him) dropped off for 5 days without a word after OP responded in kind, tells me if he really wanted to go/meet he would be in touch. I agree with this^ and I would feel the same way if they were just a friend, casual acquaintance, family. It's plain rude and interested people (friend, potential dating partner, casual acquaintance, workmate whatever) do not treat people that way. I am actually envisioning this scenario with even just a friend, she/he suggests getting together next week, I promptly respond sure with a proposed date and they ignore it for 5 days? So what if they suggested next week? What difference does that make? They should still promptly respond and schedule the date/meet for next week! Not wait 5 days. I am kinda shocked that anyone would believe this is acceptable behavior because they're not "dating" yet. And the fact that this IS a potential dating scenario, where both people should be, at the very least, making effort to schedule a meet, it's flat out rude and unacceptable imo. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 2 Share Posted August 2 53 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: I agree with this^ and I would feel the same way if they were just a friend, casual acquaintance, family. It's plain rude and interested people (friend, potential dating partner, casual acquaintance, workmate whatever) do not treat people that way. I am actually envisioning this scenario with even just a friend, she/he suggests getting together next week, I promptly respond sure with a proposed date and they ignore it for 5 days? So what if they suggested next week? What difference does that make? They should still promptly respond and schedule the date/meet for next week! Not wait 5 days. I am kinda shocked that anyone would believe this is acceptable behavior because they're not "dating" yet. And the fact that this IS a potential dating scenario, where both people should be, at the very least, making effort to schedule a meet, it's flat out rude and unacceptable imo. I agree and because the OP was so intense about wanting to meet him I figured she should err on the side of meeting -especially since it's a stranger setting up a first meet- so if he pulls this again with the first real date that's different-one chance since she is so interested in meeting him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted August 5 Share Posted August 5 On 7/31/2024 at 4:29 AM, LovelyRoses said: Tells me he has a busy weekend full of gigs round the country. And that he’s having a horrendously busy week. He says ‘if you’re not a big texter, next week works for me to meet.’ I reply back and confirm I’d like to meet him and sent a nice message back. But I sent it around the time his gig was starting To be fair to him, he said from the start that he was super busy. He also messaged her and apologized for not getting back to her sooner. Think he always intended to meet with her, but it was a really bad time. And he seems to be trying to make up for it. We have no idea what his schedule was like, or if he is even big on texting himself. LovelyRoses, he responded. He wants to meet. You want to meet. Don't get caught up in all the drama. Don't stress about intentions, texting patterns, or anything else. Just meet, spend time together, and see what happens. Hope it goes well. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuthenticSelf Posted August 6 Share Posted August 6 To be honest, I think you would be the one to find out what to do. I was on the men side and I can tell you he jump the gun too quick. I am not sure how many messages it is there but it seems like you guy only had about 10 messages exchanged. I think you guy may only talk some very basic information like where you from, what you do and all that. I feel like the guy is a very attractive person, which is why you feel the connection fairly quickly even if he jumps the gun. I used to be like that. Until I realized there is one question you need to answer. I will ask you the same one. What do you have to feel or know before you want to go out with a person? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovelyRoses Posted August 16 Author Share Posted August 16 I have an update on how the date went. A little bit disappointed actually well we decided to meet about a week ago. The week beofre that I was on holiday and I sensed that he wasn’t that interested. He didn’t ask me a single question about myself, but I thought maybe that’s just how he is over text. He was coming to my town to meet me and essentially said ‘I’ll let you plan it, catch up with you soon.’ He did admit it was a bit of a funny time to go on a date as it’s his busy time of year. The day wasn’t confirmed but we knew it was going to be Thursday or Friday. but then Thursday came around and he didn’t text me. Thursday night I texted him to see if we were still meeting he said absolutely but he was so short in messages. My housemate told me not to read into things and he’s probably just busy but my gut feeling didn’t feel so good. we met in my town in the Friday afternoon. When he arrived, he didn’t seem very excited to meet me. His manner was nothing like his personality which came across in his YouTube channel or live streams (he’s a creative). He usually comes across as so nice and charasmatic and friendly and warm I rode with it, I was engaging and asked questions although I felt a little bit nervous. We did have some good chat. But I was fully aware he wasn’t showing any curiosity in me as a person, not asking about me much at all. He explained how busy he is at the moment being self employed. And at one point in the date he had to make a phone call relating to work. And then when we arrived at a restaurant, the first 5 mins he was head down replying to an email whilst I sat there feeling a bit awkward. Anyway, he dropped me home and I never heard from him again. I hope I did ok on the date. I wish I suggested to postpone it to another time, when he less busy, then he might have actually been engaged. I hope I didn’t do anything wrong . Wish I at least got a text, thought he would be better than that especially as he is 7 years older perhaps he just not prioritising dating right now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 He sounds rude. And self absorbed. Why do you care if you "did well" -how do you do well with someone who behaves that way other than saying "you seem really busy and distracted - I'm going to head out now - I've got a number of errands to run. Nice meeting you." I never assume a person who entertains for a living is going to be in that mindset when meeting one on one or will be engaging as he is when entertaining. if I wasn't prioritizing dating I wouldn't waste someone's time by meeting them. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovelyRoses Posted August 16 Author Share Posted August 16 14 minutes ago, Batya33 said: He sounds rude. And self absorbed. Why do you care if you "did well" -how do you do well with someone who behaves that way other than saying "you seem really busy and distracted - I'm going to head out now - I've got a number of errands to run. Nice meeting you." I never assume a person who entertains for a living is going to be in that mindset when meeting one on one or will be engaging as he is when entertaining. if I wasn't prioritizing dating I wouldn't waste someone's time by meeting them. Like he was nice enough. And we chatted about interesting things. He just seemed really distracted, and walked ahead of me. And once again I started to worry I was embarrassing to be seen with or something. He did compliment my jumpsuit I was wearing. I just felt more awkward as the date went on. Usually it’s the other way around, and I get more relaxed. and then not getting a text after, feel very embarrassed keep regretting that when he said on the dating app it’s a funny time of year to be dating as it’s his busy time, I should have said ‘hey sounds like you’re a bit busy to date atm, maybe we can touch base when it’s your less busy time.’ Maybe that would have been more attractive and I woood have had more success 😕 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 1 minute ago, LovelyRoses said: Like he was nice enough. And we chatted about interesting things. He just seemed really distracted, and walked ahead of me. And once again I started to worry I was embarrassing to be seen with or something. He did compliment my jumpsuit I was wearing. I just felt more awkward as the date went on. Usually it’s the other way around, and I get more relaxed. and then not getting a text after, feel very embarrassed Why are you embarrassed that a rude self-absorbed person remained rude and self-absorbed? what does nice enough mean to you? Why do you care what a stranger -stranger you met once -thinks of you when he actually didn't try to get to know you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 1 hour ago, LovelyRoses said: hope I didn’t do anything wrong With respect, what? Why in the world would you care if you did anything "wrong"? You didn’t click that's all, its not about you doing anything wrong. If anything maintaining that mindset is wrong! It reflects low self esteem and a "pick me" attude which comes off desperate and not attractive, I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. Learn to read the signals men send that reflect disinterest/indifference and respond accordingly. If me, immediately after he said this (below), his number would have been deleted. NOT because he wanted me to plan necessarily but rather his tone imo, was cold and shows clear indifference. 1 hour ago, LovelyRoses said: "I’ll let you plan it, catch up with you soon." Combined with him not following up to confirm the date. And of course it all started with him waiting 5 days to respond to your text with available dates. Nope. Next. Bye. @LovelyRosesI hope you will take the necessary steps to build up your self-esteem and not worry so much if (1) a man likes you and (2) you did anything wrong. Focus instead on his words and actions and whether YOU like him and if he is a good fit for you. He's not, clearly. That said I'm sorry it didn't work out. 😞 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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