Repeated Silent Calls from Ex-Girlfriend After Breakup

[ShySoul]

2 hours ago, ajackx said:

What I think is happening is that she’s breadcrumbing me throughout her trip

Or maybe she's really hurting and having a hard time getting over it? Maybe she wants to talk but can't find the words. 

Not everything is a form of manipulation. Not every action needs some label to define it. 

Either way, it doesn't matter. Her trip is almost over. You can meet in person and finally talk it out, getting it settled for good. Contact her however you want, if you want. But actually make a plan to meet when she returns.

[ajackx]

So, I think she's been back for a couple of days now. Our last contact was two weeks ago when she called me at midnight, and I returned the call the next day, but there was no answer. I was hoping she would call me once she returned from her trip, but she hasn't reached out.

I'm not sure whether she's waiting for me to call her or if she's just over the relationship. I thought that since I was the last one to call, she would return the call. Most of the advice that I have gotten from friends is to wait for a call. 

[MissCanuck]

My advice for you is different from your friends:

Don't wait for a call. Start moving on instead and leave this nonsense behind you. 

[rainbowsandroses]

I think she is hurt too however she is also behaving extremely unstable and yes "crazy."

I posted this yesterday but this is what love/limerence/infatuation can do to a person sometimes, drive them crazy!

It's all in how a person responds to their own brand of feeling "crazy" and clearly she is responding in an extremely unhealthy and toxic way. 

I see this as harassment OP.  Emotional harassment. 

Calling but remaining silent. Blocking, unblocking, and now harassing you in a text message calling YOU toxic etc.

What is it you find so appealing about this such that you want to contact her and "talk"?

Serious question I'd really like to know.

I understand you hurt her by keeping pics of your ex on your phone but her extreme reaction is imo equally as egregious if not more so!  Holy cow.

I won't tell you what to do but my opinion is don't respond at all.  Simply block and delete, there is nothing good or positive here.

I'm sorry man. 

 

[ShySoul]

I'll differ (it's what I do lol) and say call her. This has dragged out for weeks. Don't do anything and there is a good chance it will start again. You need to put an end to everything and the best way to do that is in person as soon as possible. Set a time to meet, hash out everything, come to a mutual understanding - even if that means agreeing to never contact each other again. 

Only way I was able to heal from something was talking to the person about it. Thankfully she was able to be reasonable and talk. But the months of not talking just left a cloud hanging over both of us and caused us to not be able to move on. We needed to talk and hear from the other person.

Really, forget about what anyone else says. What is it you want to do? If you want to try and talk, which I believe you've said you wanted in prior posts, then see if you can arrange to meet and talk. If you feel comfortable with how things have been left, don't call. You're choice, so do what you think is best for you.

[redswim30]

Please stay broken up with this woman. 

While I can understand her being hurt in the moment.  To behave the way she has been, is FAR more toxic than someone having old photos of an ex on their phones (which is frankly pretty normal and something we don't always consciously remember to remove)

OP, if she was willing to talk it out with you and move beyond it together, that would be one thing. 

BUT, she has chosen to take the wildly immature path of not talking to you or when she does merely to put you down.  That's not in any way healthy.  Hilarious of her to call YOU "toxic" when she is behaving like a 12 year old. 

If you really want to make ONE MORE TRY at fixing this- I would text her.  "If you have any interest in sorting this out with me as mature adult, I would welcome a phone call with you in which you don't hang up or insult me for making a mistake and something that has already happened that I cannot change. However, if you cannot get over this- then it's best we stop all communication and move on from each other permanently.  " 

Personally, if I were you, I'd just send the second part " You clearly cannot get over this and it's not healthy for me to have any further attachment to you.  It's for the best that we break up and no longer speak in any form." 

Here's the thing- even if she had a right to be angry at the beginning-  Is that what would happen every time you two had an argument or she felt hurt?  IMO, you can't have a healthy relationship with someone who cannot talk through issues, accept that perhaps they are behaving badly in their reaction, or they are someone that wants to punish you over and over for a mistake.  Not only is it immature, it's simply not sustainable.  NO one is perfect (including her) and no one deserves to be treated the way she is treating you.

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

SS, with respect @ajackxcreated this thread asking for our thoughts and opinions.  And advice. 

Which is what we all did and are continuing to do.

Telling him to ignore and "forget about what anyone else says" is well.... nevermind.

I need a break.

Just my experience, but I find people generally know what they want/need to do already. And most tend to go with their first reaction despite what anyone else says. If someone is determined to do something, they are going to do it.

The asking is more to take things under advisement, see things from different angles and most importantly, to just feel heard. It's to know that they "aren't alone."

So yes, he should consider what is being said. But in the end, he has to do what is right for him. Which is what I was aiming for. 

Enjoy the break and hope things are well in your world.

 

[rainbowsandroses]

25 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

Just my experience, but I find people generally know what they want/need to do already. And most tend to go with their first reaction despite what anyone else says. If someone is determined to do something, they are going to do it.

The asking is more to take things under advisement, see things from different angles and most importantly, to just feel heard. It's to know that they "aren't alone."

So yes, he should consider what is being said. But in the end, he has to do what is right for him. Which is what I was aiming for. 

Enjoy the break and hope things are well in your world.

 

I deleted my post awhile ago SS, the one this^ was in response to.  I'm surprised you were able to quote it!

Yes things are okay in my world and thanks but my "break" lasted all of 10 minutes! 🤣

[ShySoul]

2 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I deleted my post awhile ago SS, the one this^ was in response to.  I'm surprised you were able to quote it!

Yes things are okay in my world and thanks but my "break" lasted all of 10 minutes! 🤣

Timing. Probably started my reply by quoting you then got distracted. By the time I finished and posted, you had deleted the post. Still let me quote anyway.

Hey, you lasted ten minutes. Next time aim for 15. Gradual is the preferred method, right? One day we'll kick this habit. 😄

[ajackx]

22 hours ago, ShySoul said:

So yes, he should consider what is being said. But in the end, he has to do what is right for him. Which is what I was aiming for. 

Enjoy the break and hope things are well in your world.

First of all, I would like to say thank you to everyone here for their advice. I have read everything carefully, and I've definitely learned a lot that I'll be taking into my future relationships. I think this situation is pretty much coming to a conclusion for now. I know we're not supposed to check our ex's socials because nothing good comes from that, but I did, and it seems like she's moving on, or at least acting like it. I didn't find anything too concerning, but she has followed a lot of guys since coming back from her trip three days ago. It kind of looks like she's doing a speed run of what she missed out on, lol.

Well, I won't be hurting myself any longer by checking up on her, and I will continue to take care of myself. Nothing good will come from lamenting or waiting around for her to contact me. I'll hold my ground and not reach out to her. If she wants to in the future, she can, but I won't be waiting around for it any longer. But talking it out with you all definitely helped, thank you.

[SooSad33]

On 7/30/2024 at 5:30 PM, ajackx said:

Recently, Sam has started calling me but staying silent on the phone. This has happened multiple times; she calls, I answer, but she doesn’t say anything and eventually hangs up. I’ve tried talking to her during these calls, reminiscing about good times, but she still remains silent. I apologized over text, but she wasn’t receptive to it. I’m genuinely sorry for my mistake, have blocked my ex, and deleted all the photos, but it feels like Sam is testing me or seeking some kind of reassurance that I’m not sure how to provide through these silent calls.

Yah, this chicklet sounds sketchy 😕 .  If I were you I'd block & delete from my life.

Like, why, within only 2 mos is she seeing things on YOUR phone?  My gawd, I never checked out an ex's phone until I was pretty darn sure he was lying/ cheating on me - and this was after 5 years!

If you've got this drama after only 2 months.. run!

If or when one decides to remove their past is really on them and should be some sort of Respect! You two barely knew each other very well at only 2 mos.

Nah, not worth your mentality.  Move on & stop being so 'nice'!