My ex told me he's seeing someone else

[Batya33]

12 hours ago, SC38 said:

I appreciate everyone's thoughtful feedback. It really helps to get other's opinions. I am going to block him and move forward. My sadness was at about a 2 by the time he reached out and back to a 10 after he did. So definitely not going to entertain the idea of keeping in touch in any way. 

Back in the day the advice was -make a deck of index cards, on each one write one reason why you two should not be together -whether it's a negative about him or a positive about you since the breakup -like regaining self esteem, the toilet seat is now always down, etc. -when you go there in your head physically flip through the cards.

I would not be married now and have a most of the time lovely teenage son had I stayed in a relationship that wasn't right for me.  I'd likely not have met my ex fiancee to catch up over dinner or if I had I wouldn't have been open to sparks in the same way.  Timing can matter -a lot.

Take care.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Uhhhh

Or maybe normal loving partners would NEVER go out on dates with their exes?! Specially while having a gf already?

He is a selfish manipulative player for doing these things to you. Please don't internalize this and think you're the bad guy. HE is.

Good riddance! Please seek kind and healthy partners with no drama moving forward. Your break up with him sets you free to find better matches.

This and also most likely in this situation the ex -if the motives were innocent - would have inquired if it was ok for them to meet given his new girlfriend etc - because if she's a true friend most true friends will at least comment on the situation so that she is not a reason for conflict. And if the ex is a true friend she'll want to be on the new girlfriend's good side.  

[SC38]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

This and also most likely in this situation the ex -if the motives were innocent - would have inquired if it was ok for them to meet given his new girlfriend etc - because if she's a true friend most true friends will at least comment on the situation so that she is not a reason for conflict. And if the ex is a true friend she'll want to be on the new girlfriend's good side.  

I think she did it intentionally to stir up trouble. The two of them did not get along for years, I constantly heard him complain about her and they hardly spoke other than when completely necessary for their daughter. Then all the sudden he sprung it on me that she bought the two of them comedy show tickets in another town for the following Friday night out. This was after I expressed wanting to go out on more dates just the two of us. So he was doing that, just not with me. His defense was that they have a child together and since I don't have children I don't understand, but the child (who is almost 18) wasn't even going with them. 

[TeeDee]

1 hour ago, SC38 said:

. His defense was that they have a child together and since I don't have children I don't understand, but the child (who is almost 18) wasn't even going with them. 

If they have a child together they do need to talk & interact to co-parent.  That does not involve tickets to a show on date night.   For an 18 year old they can talk on the phone, text or email things like:  are you coming to the HS graduation?  What will you be contributing to the college fund?  do you think we should get the kid a car?   They can do that without going on a date. 

You understood perfectly well that he was gaslighting you.  Seriously, he was peeing on your leg but trying to convince you it was raining.  

You are better off without him & his head games.  

[SC38]

34 minutes ago, TeeDee said:

If they have a child together they do need to talk & interact to co-parent.  That does not involve tickets to a show on date night.   For an 18 year old they can talk on the phone, text or email things like:  are you coming to the HS graduation?  What will you be contributing to the college fund?  do you think we should get the kid a car?   They can do that without going on a date. 

You understood perfectly well that he was gaslighting you.  Seriously, he was peeing on your leg but trying to convince you it was raining.  

You are better off without him & his head games.  

Thank you TeeDee. This forum has really been eye opening for me. I've always suspected he was manipulative and good at gas lighting me anytime I tried to respectfully discuss something he did that hurting my feelings. He would always turn it around on me and then give me the silent treatment for weeks or months. 

[SC38]

I think my sadness is really starting to shift to feeling relief in a weird way. I'm starting to see him in a much less flattering light. He ended things over a conflict that he could have avoided, refused to even speak to me for months, never even had a break up talk with me. Now he reaches out to say all these sentimental things and keeps repeating how sad he is that things didn't work out, even though he literally did nothing to try to make them work out but that he's very happy with his new relationship. If I was "very happy" I don't think I'd feel the need to tell my ex that I'm very sad things didn't work out and that we had something you don't find everyday and we made a damn great couple. His behavior is odd at best and manipulative at worst. At least I took the time to reflect, try to heal and improve myself emotionally before trying to date again while he just rebounded. 

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, SC38 said:

I think my sadness is really starting to shift to feeling relief in a weird way. I'm starting to see him in a much less flattering light. He ended things over a conflict that he could have avoided, refused to even speak to me for months, never even had a break up talk with me. Now he reaches out to say all these sentimental things and keeps repeating how sad he is that things didn't work out, even though he literally did nothing to try to make them work out but that he's very happy with his new relationship. If I was "very happy" I don't think I'd feel the need to tell my ex that I'm very sad things didn't work out and that we had something you don't find everyday and we made a damn great couple. His behavior is odd at best and manipulative at worst. At least I took the time to reflect, try to heal and improve myself emotionally before trying to date again while he just rebounded. 

Well said.

You're on a good track and you are waaay better off without him. Keep it up 💪