Where did I go wrong? From Facetime to being ignored in a week.

[rainbowsandroses]

2 hours ago, toothless5 said:

But, I think my struggle is......my version of flirting is often ribbing, teasing, dry humor. But, that kind of stuff is so difficult to convey on dating apps or via text message or whatever. Even a previous boyfriend of mine, who knew my sense of humor in person, struggled with it. He would get upset and call me critical, when I was just trying to be playful, but he just didn't take it that way. 

So here I am (in my mind) being playful, and he's interpreting it as brash and harsh. 

I think what you're referring to here^^ is sarcasm and you're right, sarcasm does not play well over text or any type of written exchange. 

I'm like you, I enjoy banter, playful teasing and "ribbing," even on text and email, and typically I can pick up if the man I'm chatting with has the same sense of humor so it ends up being fun and playful. 

However there were times it didn't and this is where some good texting game will help you.

Using emojis or even ending a "snarky" remark with "Teasing!!!!" with a wink and smile emoji will tell the guy you're just being playful..

That said I do not believe in prolonged texting so try and meet ASAP!!

Secondly and I dislike going against @Shy but even when two people are vibing well and right for each, things don't always "just flow."

I used to believe that and dump any man when things did not always just flow, but learned that is idealistic thinking at least imo; you could be totally right for each orher and still experience times when you feel uncertain, ambivalent and when things may feel awkward.

Don't dump, those moments are challenging but they will eventually pass.

Remaining flexible and open to all the changing nuances especially early in is key. 

 

[Andrina]

2 hours ago, toothless5 said:

But, I think my struggle is......my version of flirting is often ribbing, teasing, dry humor. But, that kind of stuff is so difficult to convey on dating apps or via text message or whatever. Even a previous boyfriend of mine, who knew my sense of humor in person, struggled with it. He would get upset and call me critical, when I was just trying to be playful, but he just didn't take it that way. 

So here I am (in my mind) being playful, and he's interpreting it as brash and harsh. 

And herein lies my problem. In the initial stages, I am a normal person having normal conversations. But, then the more and more I like a guy, the more and more flirty and playful I get, which could come off as abrasive. Which means, the more I like a person, the more likely I am to drive them away. 

That's good knowledge you now have, that you've learned from feedback. So it's one thing you can improve on. I, myself, learned from feedback in the past that I was often sarcastic, so I stopped that behavior. 

You'll have to learn to "read the room" over time. People aren't usually offended by self-deprecating humor, but you have to know a person well enough to know if she/he will find you poking fun at them to be something they appreciate or not. You can't paint with a broad brush and assume every acquaintance will welcome the sort of humor you prefer.

And when it came to your bf whom you grew to know well, it sounds like you didn't curb a behavior he found abrasive. If only one person was critical about your behavior, it could be someone overly sensitive, but when many are saying the same thing, it's time to pay attention.

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Secondly and I dislike going against @Shy but even when two people are vibing well and right for each, things don't always "just flow."

I used to believe that and dump any man when things did not always just flow, but learned that is idealistic thinking at least imo; you could be totally right for each orher and still experience times when you feel uncertain, ambivalent and when things may feel awkward.

Don't dump, those moments are challenging but they will eventually pass.

If you didn't go against me sometimes @rainbowsandroses, things would be a lot less fun. And you challenge me to sharpen my comments. So disgree all your want. 😉

Think we're on the same page, just tend to say things slightly differently.

"Flow" doesn't mean things will always be perfect or there wouldn't be down times. It doesn't mean you don't have moments of doubts or can't question things. That's a part of life and interacting with people in general. It's actually good to have problems because it enables you to work through them and be stronger as a result. And it lets you see the whole picture of who a person is, so you can know just who you are opening yourself to. 

Flow to me means to not stress over the small stuff. It's a feeling of connection that you can't help. It's in riding the inevitable waves of a relationship and working through things together, because that connection compels you to not give up. Even when you place an obstacle in the path of a flowing stream, the water finds a way to flow around it. So to in a relationship, there will be obstacles. But when things are good, you find a way around them.

Oh, and as someone who has been misread many times, emojis are you're friend. 😁 I also tend to find better luck making fun of myself rather then teasing others. Puts a smile on their face, shows I don't take myself too seriously, and avoids accidently saying something they might be offend them.

[AuthenticSelf]

From what I can see, you guy had too much time texting. It might lead to something very platonic. 

Agree or not, when first meeting someone, most of us is going to do small talk. As most people saying things like "getting to know each other", I feel like the best way to build trust and relationship is spending time with each other. 

In your case, it is more like you are busy and you just have some little spare time like you have to be on the bus waiting to get home. In that case, you text the person. It might be the same for him. So, it seems like your communication is not spending time with each other. It is more like getting out of boredom by talking to each other. 

I agree with his point about being too long of the time you guy talk. It should be around a week when you first to the first time to meet. Otherwise, attraction is gone. 

One thing I believe is the quality time spending together. 

For the next person, focus on quality time instead of texting. 

Ask yourself this question, what do you need to know or feel before going out with someone in person?

Focus on that and it should be good to go.