itsallgrand Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 17 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: I agree. The act of her paying for herself won't turn him off but the way she conveys that to him when he reaches for the tab might! For example if she's abrasive, heavy-handed and indignant about it, that could possibly be a turn off for him. I've actually known women like this and they wonder why no second date! If she's gracious about it, then agree he should have no issue with it. JMO For sure, if you are rude with 'tude not many will appreciate that ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCh0c0 Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 47 minutes ago, itsallgrand said: My mother's father, my grandfather, always paid for my grandmother from the time they got married. She never worked, they had 9 children, he provided EVERYTHING. She died when I was 1 years old, and I'm one of the eldest grandchildren. They still had small children at home when gramps became a widower. Years later, when I was a teenager and all my aunts and uncles were married, gramps started seeing someone. Eventually she moved in. She had a similar situation to my grandmother - never worked, many many children, and husband covered everything. He had died years ago, but her story was different in a vital way. Her husband had been an abusive alcoholic. She was stuck in a run down farm house for years scrapping together what she could to feed and clothe those kids. They lived horrifically poorly. When they lived together and I'd visit, all kinds of things were actually physically labeled with his and her name. Her can of coffee. His cigarette tin. You get the idea. My gramps was an incredibly proud man. He was that stereotype of old fashioned masculinity! He didn't label because he was stingy or wanted her to pay for her stuff. She wanted it. It made her feel seen and safe, after having nothing in her control her whole life. And they lived together until gramps died. She was very good to him. You could see there was a lot of love there both ways. Moral of my story is even a proud man won't run at a woman paying for herself if he really is into her. P.s. found out years later there was quite a few ladies in town who were after my gramps, so it's not like he didn't have his pick! Lol. Awww so sweet. I know a lot of men who are happy to pay 100% for everything and they don't even mention it. A lot of men love to provide, and a lot of them appreciate when the woman is thankful and happy with what they share. They get upset of course if they realize the woman is a taker only or is complaining all the time, but otherwise, it's a normal habit. Happy wife, happy life! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCh0c0 Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 1 hour ago, mylolita said: How are you gonna proceed with your gent? Will you be offering to split next time or wait and see what he says at the end of the meal? 🚬😎 Out of curiosity, are you really smoking when you post that? 🙈😄 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 4 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said: Out of curiosity, are you really smoking when you post that? 🙈😄 LMAO 🤣 Dark, that’s hilarious! No… never smoked one cigarette in my life, never taken one drug, nada. But, mentally; I take a drag on my slimline cigar, Y’know? 😆😆😆😆😆 Love ya x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted July 24 Author Share Posted July 24 12 hours ago, Tinydance said: You went out with someone who was a Calvin Klein model AND doctor??!! *jealous* lol Hahahoho...Silly! Let's just say I felt like he was holding a mirror at himself the whole time through dinner. 😉 *wink wink* Don't want to bash him, he was quite nice initially, but a bit too full of himself for me. Plus, I like a bit of silliness and imperfection in my dates. 😀 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 1 hour ago, yogacat said: 😆Touché'!!😇... Oh, my gentile of a man. lol🏋️♂️ We met at a small outdoor concert, and afterwards he suggested going to a pub. We've done a couple low-key things since. Next time we'll have to both do the reaching for the check thing... Maybe one of us will try to let the other person grab it first; then there will be a bunch of awkward tension that I'll lightly jab his hand with a fork and say, "come on surrogate scazmo, I'm the man in this relationship." But, we're not really at that step yet. 🤫😆🤪 They’ll just be an empty chair and a plastic tray with an invoice waiting for him 🤣 Only the scent of your perfume will remain… 👨🏻🦼 x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said: But they dont get sex. Its not a transactional thing. There is a culture of women that is thought how its OK to go with somebody for dinner, have a very expensive food and drink, and then ghost that person next day. Because they are thought that only their time is worth that much. And how men should always wine and dine them without them doing anything in return. Because "that is what they are worth it". At least with escort you get sex. With women who we are talking about, you get nothing but ghosting the very next day. Its not "cost- effective" and that is why many men just abandoned traditional "wine and dine" approach. Spending 350 dollars for 3 women and getting nothing but ghosting for it, doesnt really make you eager to do it again. Anyway, my point is, you dont need to get sex for it. But in old times, women appreciated that kind of thing. Now they just dont. Your grandmothers knew they had a gentleman over there. Now, its just expected from you to take them somewhere expensive and pay. But to have no obligations toward that somebody to the point you can just forget he existed. If you are going to do that, than dont expect men to be too eager to do such stuff as well. And another thing to remember - our grandmothers were dating to seriously marry. This was likely their potential husband. It was going somewhere! That lays unspoken in the air between a serious minded couple who are into each other! I only dated, or would date, someone who I honestly thought was going to be my husband or very long term partner. I only did it once and we ended up married, so first time for me was a way lucky charm! I personally, wouldn’t serial date. If I were single, I would be ultra serious minded. So if I was sat in front of a man on a dinner date, I’d only be there because inside my heart I suspected he could, genuinely, really be - The One. And that is extreme for a lot of people. I’d never say it to the guy out loud. But that’s the reason why I never dated. I had crushes and little infatuations when I was a teenager and got asked out, even had a marriage proposal before my husband when I was 16 but, I knew deep down! I would talk to guys all the time and make my mind up from there. I can talk to someone out and about or in passing for an hour, I don’t need to sit with wine and a meal to find anything further out! In my Grandmothers and even Mums time really, they didn’t date like they do now. Especially in my Grandma’s era, it would ruin a girls reputation to be dating all the time. My Grandma had two men interested and she dated both, married my Grandad. My Mum also married her first boyfriend who was my Dad, she had never been on a date before him. I am not setting unrealistic expectations on getting everything right first time - that’s not possible - but things have shifted now. Dating, accepting a date, used to be serious, there was an unspoken expectation that you were feeling each other out for very potential marriage, or you wouldn’t accept the date. Now this is definitely not the case unless you come from a strict, religious background. It’s great because it means it doesn’t matter how much a man or woman has dated, doesn’t matter how many sexual partners they’ve had - no one cares or should care - but it does make dating now very casual. It’s a “let’s see” attitude. That was very far from my attitude and not the attitude of the women who came before me in my family. Times are shifting, people dating are learning how to navigate these new modern ways. I even remember my mother in law, who married her husband in the 70s, saying to my father in law after a year of dating “It’s time we get married now it’s been too long” and there was this expectation even only 50 years ago that you wouldn’t see a woman without tying the knot longer than a year or two. They actually have a not so great marriage. She pressured him into getting married and it hasn’t worked out for them, but I use them as an example of changing times. All their friends, who were 19, 20 - were all married by that age. Nowadays that would be considered very very young. It was, I suppose, more of a courtship generally back then, so the man was wooing the lady. That included gifts and meals traditionally. Nowadays, courtship isn’t really even… I mean, is courtship even alive and well? Part of courtship was meeting the girls parents very soon, usually after date 3. My Dad met my Mums parents only two weeks after meeting her and they discussed future plan. This is unheard of now! Outside of religious sects and practices. For better or for worse, it’s like people are ships lost at sea. Where are the rules? There are none! You have to make it up as you go along and decide between the couple it seems, there is no real telling. Or @Kwothe28, stick to a coffee for the first few dates if acceptable! And save potentially feeling used and resentful? I understand. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 25 minutes ago, mylolita said: LMAO 🤣 Dark, that’s hilarious! No… never smoked one cigarette in my life, never taken one drug, nada. But, mentally; I take a drag on my slimline cigar, Y’know? 😆😆😆😆😆 Love ya x 🚬🌝 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 “Don’t torture yourself, Gomez… that’s my job.” 🚬 🥴 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCh0c0 Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 1 hour ago, mylolita said: LMAO 🤣 Dark, that’s hilarious! No… never smoked one cigarette in my life, never taken one drug, nada. But, mentally; I take a drag on my slimline cigar, Y’know? 😆😆😆😆😆 Love ya x Haha I wish I would take a a smoke too! It's mentally a je ne sais-quoi! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted July 24 Author Share Posted July 24 1 hour ago, mylolita said: Only the scent of your perfume will remain… Umhmm....😉 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said: Haha I wish I would take a a smoke too! It's mentally a je ne sais-quoi! We may emoji light up together Dark and sit over a strong pot of coffee for the late morning 🤣 x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCh0c0 Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 21 minutes ago, mylolita said: We may emoji light up together Dark and sit over a strong pot of coffee for the late morning 🤣 x Hahaha Morning e-smokes! 🚬 🚬 If anything, smoking to me has always been played so well by Carrie in SATC. So tempting! I think @Batya33 recognizes this too! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinydance Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 I think the reason why times have changed is because online dating is very much the norm these days. I think the amount of people you go on dates with because of online dating can actually be fairly large. Back in the day I don't think people would go on as many dates. Or if they did, it would have been because they already knew they liked that person to some extent because they met them in real life. People only met in real life when our parents were young for example (I'm 39). So if a man asked the woman out, he liked her in *some* way. Like, he found her attractive and/or liked her as a person and that was why he asked her out. These days people go on dates with complete strangers from online dating. They actually have no idea if they'll like them or the person will like them. I personally understand if a man doesn't want to pay for dinner for every random woman he meets from online and then never sees again. So usually most first or second dates I found to be low key. Just going for a coffee or a drink at a bar. I mean the man isn't stingy if he doesn't want to spend like $50 - $100 on someone he literally only just met. If it's his actual girlfriend or wife, that's different. Also back in the day women didn't work but now most women work. Men probably paid 60 years ago because the woman didn't have a job or had a low paid job. If a man insists to pay for me then sure I'm happy for him to do it. But I don't think he HAS to. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 38 minutes ago, Tinydance said: If a man insists to pay for me then sure I'm happy for him to do it. But I don't think he HAS to. Totally agree. In fact I will go so far as to say no one "has" to do anything, they should do whatever they have the desire to do including paying. No man should feel obligated to pay and if/when a woman "expects" it or worse "insists" on it, then that speaks volumes about her and he can then decide if he wishes to pursue her further. The men I meet and date in real life including my current are happy to pay. As my dad always said "it's his pleasure to pay." It makes him feel good to pay, and he loves how I appreciate and respond as explained in my previous. Win-win! And I reciprocate in other ways. I will make him dinner, pick up tickets to the ball game, or other gestures. I have offered to pay but he usually declines, just not how he was raised. It's also not how my brothers were raised or previous boyfriends/ex-hubs were raised, so it's never been an issue and I mean that sincerely. My current makes 3x what I make but that is not even the point. Again, yin/yang, masculine/feminine, a natural polarity that attracts men and women to each other. I do realize this is somewhat old school traditional thinking and there are women and men who believe yin/yang, masculine/feminine and gender polarity is a bunch of nonsense and that is fine for them. And as such the woman will pay for herself and/or him, and would not have it any other way. I have heard women say this. The man paying and providing has NO bearing on how she feels or her attraction/interest level whatsoever. She could care less if he "provided" for her. It's a nothingburger (for her) and again that is totally OK. Whatever works! Different strokes and all that jazz... 😂 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 Different strokes, everyone do as they please, each to their own, and in the end, she woke up and it was all a dream 🤣 ENA 🥳 x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted July 25 Author Share Posted July 25 8 hours ago, mylolita said: But, mentally; I take a drag on my slimline cigar, Y’know? 😆😆😆😆😆 I knew it! See, you have a little man/masculine in you!! Mentally smoking on a bit fat juicy stogie!... Umm Delicious!! 🤣🤸♀️🚭 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 9 hours ago, yogacat said: I knew it! See, you have a little man/masculine in you!! Mentally smoking on a bit fat juicy stogie!... Umm Delicious!! 🤣🤸♀️🚭 LMAO! I definitely would bet I am ironically, for the young mama housewife, by far the most Tom boyish woman here on this forum. I think Bolt and Seraphim probably beat me but, always had a side of my brain that is very masculine! Even my husband says it! That’s why we get on so well, why I get on with men on a purely friendship level, and seem abrupt and straight to the point. Throw in a fact here - I’ve actually slept with three women but only my husband - he is the only man - I have ever been with. Love make up, wear heels, but I’ll wear a shirt, lean towards cigarette trousers, waistcoats, take on the dominant role in friendships for example by paying often or liking to treat them, love cars, used to do martial arts (ju-jitsu!) and have double the women come onto me whilst out and about than men! My husband says “They can just tell you’re so bi!” And teases me about it. So mental slim line cigar it is 🚬 🥴 I’m actually really independent, assertive in my own way and don’t take any sh*t, and am a complete equal of minds in our marriage and have actually pushed for major financial risks when my husband has been on the fence. This is the thing I find funny about being perceived as this sweet shy little obedient housewife. Housewife I certainly am, sweet and shy - no 🌚☝️🤣🤣🤣🗡️ Get on very well with other gay women as long as they are not obsessed with Pride political agenda and labelling. My closest friend here is bi and has been married to her husband for 21 years. I never knew and she never knew our sexual orientations but it came out about a year in. And my other close friend is a lesbian and ex pole/lap dancer like myself. I used to work with her. Funny 🤣 It’s like the L World. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 Even on my wedding day - always with the boys. Two of my good male friends at the time. Bridesmaids? Only three. And they irritated me no end complaining about some lace gloves I’d asked them to wear. I said forget it and threw them in the pool. Apologies to de-rail. I am coming at any problem with the tom boy brain 🤤 But I still expect the man to pay. Unless he wants me to be the man in the relationship, and I would only do that if I were with another woman. LOL 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCh0c0 Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 1 hour ago, mylolita said: Even on my wedding day - always with the boys. Two of my good male friends at the time. Bridesmaids? Only three. And they irritated me no end complaining about some lace gloves I’d asked them to wear. I said forget it and threw them in the pool. Apologies to de-rail. I am coming at any problem with the tom boy brain 🤤 But I still expect the man to pay. Unless he wants me to be the man in the relationship, and I would only do that if I were with another woman. LOL I love that pic! And your wedding dress. You look radiant! 🥰💛 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 33 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said: I love that pic! And your wedding dress. You look radiant! 🥰💛 Ohhh thank you Dark! I was on top of the world! And 24, that helps 🤣 This is the last de-rail I apologise to Yoga, but, I have an unhealthy, gone bad, obsession with Jude Law smoking. Sorry hubs 🤣 Anyway; apologies, let’s all pay, just throw it in a pot and rock paper scissors for the bill 💵 x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCh0c0 Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 2 hours ago, mylolita said: Ohhh thank you Dark! I was on top of the world! And 24, that helps 🤣 This is the last de-rail I apologise to Yoga, but, I have an unhealthy, gone bad, obsession with Jude Law smoking. Sorry hubs 🤣 Anyway; apologies, let’s all pay, just throw it in a pot and rock paper scissors for the bill 💵 x Oh he can smoke anytime with that white shirt 😆 Marriage at 24. Ughh what a lovely time! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted July 25 Author Share Posted July 25 Jude Law. A bit too femy for me. 😃😂 Throw me a bone with Ryan Guzman or Jason Stratham. Oh and Collin...😍 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylolita Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 7 hours ago, yogacat said: Jude Law. A bit too femy for me. 😃😂 Throw me a bone with Ryan Guzman or Jason Stratham. Oh and Collin...😍 Do any of them smoke though? 🚬 🤣 My husband is bald with stubble like the British Jason! My beef cake! All fine by me 😍 Always had a thing for Jude Law….I seem to like blonde men! He’s my only celeb obsession. And I am susceptible to anyone who gives off a cheeky mischievous nature and, I feel he has that. He has like, 6 kids from all different women 🤣 Never been turned much by tall dark and handsome. but I totally get the appeal. Hunks galore here 🤣 Oh wait! No! Love Sean Connery as Janes Bond and even in his older years so the brunette has snuck in 😍 My redhead male crush is the actor Toby Stephens but, I can’t because it’s like to close to home!? What the hell! They can all buy me dinner 🤣 Would we split the bill with Jason? x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted July 26 Author Share Posted July 26 21 hours ago, mylolita said: Do any of them smoke though? 🚬 I don't think so. 😂 21 hours ago, mylolita said: He has like, 6 kids from all different women 🤣 Oh. So, he's been busy, huh? Maybe that's why he smokes so much!! 😆😁😆 21 hours ago, mylolita said: My redhead male crush is the actor Toby Stephens but, I can’t because it’s like to close to home!? Awe, he's got like little angel wings hair: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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