Dating a guy with a kid

[DarkCh0c0]

3 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

He doesn’t really want marriage. So we either live together or just date. 

Okay, but you said:

3 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

I would ideally like to have a normal relationship with a guy that sees me and where we can live together and even get married someday.

So he's already got a deal breaker. No point in staying with him.

Honestly, he sounds emotionally unavailable and he just wants a relationship at his own time/when he sees fit.

Your needs are worth meeting and you deserve to be a priority too. He doesn't want to do that though, no matter how many I LoOve yous words he claims, so believe his actions and walk away. Best stop wasting time at a bad match. And maybe consider if someone having a kid is a deal breaker for you.

[MissCanuck]

Wait, have you ever been to his house at all? 

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, Dandelionspring said:

daughter is 12.  She’s not a baby. Also I’m more than willing to accommodate him by going to his place (which he won’t let me) or bringing her with us. (Which he won’t let me meet her). We’ve been talking and seeing each other for a few years. 

Wait.... You've spent years with him in such situation?

Honey, this is a HUGE waste of your time, and you are selling yourself short. You're settling really.

You need to walk away asap. You two are not compatible and he'll never give you what you need. You need to find someone who's committed to you the same way you are to him, and you need to raise your dating standards cause they sound low___

[catfeeder]

21 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

This is why date...to find out if they are suitable partner for us. If it's not working out, then it's not working out...that's all folks!

That's how I view dating, too. We're learning whether someone makes a good partner, or not. It makes no sense to latch onto anyone who won't give you what you want and then bemoan the imbalance and try to change them. It won't work. It's round peg, square hole. Nobody's a villain, it's just not a match.

The guy texts but isn't available to date. So, why date him? With millions of people on the planet, why treat this guy like he's your only option in the world? Extend yourself beyond your current comfort zone, research groups, clubs, causes that interest you, and reach out to learn how to participate. Make some friends. Meet a new lover. Something, anything, to move beyond this stalemate.

[Andrina]

6 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

But I guess since there’s no one else around I still put up with him. 

I have a lot of issues and so I really need to work on myself before I find a decent guy. So I guess that’s why I give him the time of day. 

Two wrongs can never be right. He should only be dating if the woman is happy with very minimal time and contact and his terms. With what I've quoted of yours, would you ever want a guy around even one more second of your life if he was the one saying those things?

It doesn't make any sense for you to throw up your hands and say, "Oh, well. We're two messed up people who probably nobody else except other toxic people will put up with, so he's better than nothing."

How about being alone and directing all your focus on doing that work on yourself you say is crucial? Isn't it better to spend the present on that, which will ultimately get you more quickly to a good place of meeting your ultimate goal? To meet a decent guy who wants everything you want in life?

You're wasting time you can't get back.

[Cherylyn]

4 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

Irritated by the accusations of wanting him to prioritize me when I have been more than understanding with him. I don’t ask for much. He doesn’t even give me the bare minimum.  It’s annoying. 

Grow accustomed to what little he has to offer you which isn't much.  Take it or leave it.  Either put up or shut up because this is as good as it gets for you.  ☹️

His daughter is #1 top priority and you don't even get crumbs after that.  I'm sorry.  It's just the way it is. 

[TeeDee]

On 7/19/2024 at 1:30 PM, Dandelionspring said:

His daughter is 12.  She’s not a baby. Also I’m more than willing to accommodate him by going to his place (which he won’t let me) or bringing her with us. (Which he won’t let me meet her). We’ve been talking and seeing each other for a few years. 

A few years?  If you still haven't met the daughter, this relationship is going no where.  

[mylolita]

On 7/19/2024 at 6:18 PM, TeeDee said:

How long have you & this guy been together? 

Children don't always understand when their parents are dating.  Most parents are cautious about new people in their children's lives.  If the adult dating relationship doesn't work out, kids don't need the heartache of a breakup because the partner they got used to isn't there anymore.  Going slow is advisable. 

Can I second this TeeDee and wisely put! 
 

As a mother of three young children, if I became single there would be no way I would introduce and integrate a new man or father figure into their lives unless I had known them for a year or two. I understand that sounds extreme but this person would have to be exceptionally special, as well. Remember how hard these new situations are on children, it’s very tough.

 

As a single parent I actually wouldn’t date, but I understand people do.

 

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