Why am I so upset? Should I say anything or just ghost?

[rainbowsandroses]

I find it interesting how different women will respond to this type of thing.

The OP ignored it.

@catfeeder wrote:

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

I'd have a talk--up front. Something like, "I agree to being casual, but to me that doesn't mean putting my health at risk. If we decide to get sexual, would you be willing to keep sex just between us unless we let the other know that we've decided otherwise before we have sex again?"

Which is very logical and rational.

Me?  In that moment?  Try as I might, I am not always so logical and rational when it comes to my feelings for a man and my emotions.

Discovering women's panties in his bed or lying around?  I wouldn't get angry however I would be very straight up, pick up the panties and ask "what the hell"?  Sort of with a perplexed look and a chuckle.  And wait for his response.

I certainly would NOT ignore it.

I actually had that happen with a long term ex, the six year guy.  Lord, I have been through some sh** in my life but whatever....😆

Anyway, I went over one night and discovered a pair of women's earrings on his nightstand.  I asked him about it immediately (not in an accusatory way but more a confused way) and he gave me some song and dance about how he had people from his complex over and some random women must have left them there while calling out from his landline.

Another time I found a used condom in his bed while turning the sheets!!  Now this man has a BA and MBA from an Ivy League University, he had been somewhat of a "player" before we met, so it was NO "mistake."  He left it there intentionally knowing I would find it.

Once again I immediately asked him about it, he didn't say anything but sort of smirked looking quite sheepish, which DID piss me off, so I got my things and WALKED OUT!!

He came running after me, we had an argument and he ended up admitting that he had felt insecure about me and wanted to see my reaction!

Well he got one, I walked out on him.  We had not discussed exclusivity yet, but hell I had BIG feelings for him so I walk out.

It took awhile for us to patch things up but after that, we disclosed our feelings, agreed to be exclusive and we were together six years total.

That said, I do not think OP's guy was testing her for a reaction, I think his guilt about sleeping with other women was getting to him and he wanted her to know.

So he kept leaving the panties around waiting for her to ask. I am still shocked she never did and continued having sex with him.  Like @TeeDeeand @yogacatsaid, ICK and YUCK.  Just how I felt when discovering the condom and I DID ask and walked out.

Just for the future, it's not a man's job to take of you emotionally and sexually.  That is your job.  If you want to know something (including if a guy is having sex with others), you gotta ask!  In whatever way is comfortable for you. 

It does not matter whether you are exclusive or not.  If he's sticking his d*** into your v*****, then you have a right to know for health reasons.  Among others imo but your health is the most important one.  Do not mess around with that ****.  

Some may differ on that but that is how I feel.  Your mistake was broaching the topic of STD's but NOT asking him if he was having sex with others.  And when you found the panties, you ignored it.

But then, when he ended up telling you, you got pissed off!

I think that was unfair, JMO.

 

 

[yogacat]

Yes. This guy is icky, NEXT! 

Either way you're walking into a FWB zone not a relationship. You didn't want serious, you don't have serious. He's just living his life and you're mad at him for it.  Abort the mission.