Need neutral opinion

[SC2005]

19 hours ago, ShySoul said:

People are individuals. Some people will say things to be polite even when they don't mean it. Most people, in my experience, mean what they say. 

The question isn't what other people would do. It's what this girl would do. You are the one who knows her. Do you sense that her comments were genuine? Is she the type to say something just to say it? Or is she the type to go out of her way to say something she really felt? We can only speculate on this, you are the one in the best position to know.

I don’t think she’s the type to say something just to be nice, especially when she literally chooses to text it to me without any prompt from me. 

[SC2005]

19 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Why not? Sure feels better then not helping someone.

In this case, I've been in your shoes. I know what it is like to not have anyone there to help. And I know all the things I heard that didn't help versus the things that did. If I can make things a little easier for someone else, it's all worth it.

Sorry I couldn't respond earlier. But I'll try to catch up and weigh in with my thoughts. Take or leave it as you will.

I've found most people mean what they say. Trying to read into it only causes confusion and headache. It turns a simple question and answer into a six page thread. The more you think about it and try to parse out every nuance, the more you start to imagine things that may or may not be there. That in turn makes it so complicated that you are more likely to just give up out of exhaustion, as it sounds like you are willing to do.

Also, a good number of people are likely to take the philosophy of just giving up on something if it doesn't go precisely the way they want or think it should go. Just because it's not a huge yes and a plan to meet the next day doesn't mean she has zero interest or that something can't happen down the road. It's always an individual thing and it's wise to keep the door open just in case. No means no. But anything more than that could mean anything is possible.

What you said was fine. If that is what you were okay with saying, then it was what you should have said. Don't think there is any one way to do this. Whatever works for you and gets the message across is good enough.

Her response means just what it says. She probably has plans so doesn't know if she has the time. Life is busy and we all have other commitments and responsibilities. She may be overbooked and not have spare time right now. But she is leaving the option there to spend time with you. We'll talk means she wants to talk with you at some point. 

People will say that if someone is interested they will make time. But it's not always possible right away. Just because they don't make the time in the next week, doesn't mean they won't want to make time later on. Do you know what she was doing during the break? Maybe she went home for family obligations so literally couldn't see you much of the time. Maybe she was working a job so was occupied. There could be reasons that have nothing to do with you.

The not goodbye means what it says. She doesn't want this to be goodbye, the end of knowing you. It could be as friends, it could be more. But she still wants to be in touch. That's a good thing. Again, it's leaving the door open. Maybe you won't speak again, maybe you will. But she's shown a willingness to talk.

Take things as they come rather then drive yourself crazy worrying about it. Don't be a yo-yo, swinging back and forth between "she likes me" and "it's all over." Just go with the flow. She's currently busy. But if you have a chance to speak after the break, what's the harm in speaking to her? Maybe you can still hang out one on one, even if it's delayed a bit. Don't wrap yourself in a fantasy of her falling for you. But also don't think you should abandon all hope either. Get to know her better if and when you can and see what happens from there.

 

Thank you for such a detailed reply. We’re not gonna see each other anymore so I’ll only get to know her better if she decides to stay in touch digitally. 
 

Don’t know what she was doing but she wasn’t abroad or working. Fair to assume she had the time to meet if she wanted to. But I don’t think she did. 
 

The break was only a week. Ends tomorrow.

 

How long do you think I should wait before I assume she didn’t actually mean it when she said “we’ll talk”? Two weeks without her messaging me? A month? 

Bear in mind we’re very busy and have an intense schedule. 

[rainbowsandroses]

41 minutes ago, SC2005 said:

How long do you think I should wait before I assume she didn’t actually mean it when she said “we’ll talk”? Two weeks without her messaging me? A month? 

What do you mean by "wait"?  Put your life on hold until you're absolutely certain she won't reach out? 

If so, that's faulting thinking for two reasons. 

1. Never 'wait' around putting your life on hold for anyone. Just go live your life, same as always before you even met her.

2. Detach yourself from any outcome including if/when she ever reaches out. 

IF/when she ever does, next week, next month, next year whenever, IF ever, see how you feel then.

She may, she may not.  It's best to not focus on it at all..

Finally, let this go and go live your life. 

[SC2005]

10 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

What do you mean by "wait"?  Put your life on hold until you're absolutely certain she won't reach out? 

If so, that's faulting thinking for two reasons. 

1. Never 'wait' around putting your life on hold for anyone. Just go live your life, same as always before you even met her.

2. Detach yourself from any outcome including if/when she ever reaches out. 

IF/when she ever does, next week, next month, next year whenever, IF ever, see how you feel then.

She may, she may not.  It's best to not focus on it at all..

Finally, let this go and go live your life. 

By “wait” I mean not take the total L. 
 

Are you saying I should get into my head that I’ve been totally rejected and completely move on? 

[rainbowsandroses]

39 minutes ago, SC2005 said:

By “wait” I mean not take the total L. 
 

Are you saying I should get into my head that I’ve been totally rejected and completely move on? 

I don't know what else to say man.  I tried but whatever I say obviously isn't resonating. 

So I will leave to others to further respond, all the best.

[lostandhurt]

21 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

I hope people didn't take it that way.

No problem on my end and you are right.  I have said it myself but it takes experiencing it for most guys to see it isn't as scary as we make it out in our minds.

 The thing is, the more you like the girl the scary it is.  It is like there is more to loose but far to often guys chicken out and loose without even trying. 

  Funny thing is that my son is way braver than I ever was.  I have given him advice and he does listen but putting it into action is the hard part, especially for him since he is disabled.  His bravery all his life still amazes me.

Lost

[SC2005]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I don't know what else to say man.  I tried but whatever I say obviously isn't resonating. 

So I will leave to others to further respond, all the best.

Thank you

[lostandhurt]

20 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Did you read my previous post about my dad

No I didn't but that is wonderful that they found each other once again.

I heard through the grapevine a couple of years ago the prettiest, smartest and most wonderful girl at my high school had gotten a divorce.  I went to our reunion promising myself if she was there I was going to ask her out.  Sadly she didn't show...

 Condolences on your father.

Lost

[SC2005]

So, she ended up staying in touch, messaging me about what she’s doing and some funny things. Guess I misinterpreted the whole thing and her intentions were entirely platonic. In any case, time has done its trick and I’m pretty much over the whole thing having not seen her for a few weeks.