Need Love Life Advice..Feeling Lost

[John337]

Recently I decided to try dating apps again and I met this guy (m21) and I'm (m24) he seemed pretty cool and we hit it off on the first meet up the night ended off at his place and we hooked up and I slept over afterwards. From the beginning he let me know that he just got out of relationship three months ago with a girl and that he was only looking for a FWB which I was cool with. He identifies as Bi and told me that with girls it's easier for him to have sex with them and it not mean anything but with guys he prefers a friendship first, so because of this I thought I'd keep things friendly with him. A couple of days go by since we hooked up and our convo was sorta sporadic until he told me that he met up with a girl from tinder and that he they hit it off very well and had a 10/10 date. Of course naturally my heart dropped reading this message I still decided to keep talking to him afterwards and I really appreciated the transparency, I asked him to meet again if he'd be down cause he said he'll probably have to stop talking to me soon if they get serious but I told him I didn't want to get in the way of them as I thought that what they might have is special and also I didn't want to be treated as the second option. When I sent him a message about this saying that I really had fun with him but do not want to be in the middle he read it and didn't reply which sort of hurt. Now I'm somewhat regretting telling him how I felt and I am second guessing myself on if I called it quits too early. What do you think? did I do the right thing? Should I double text him since he left my "goodbye" message on read? I think I just expected some sort of closure / departing messaging from him so now I am confused . Also I hate feeling this way since we literally only met once. Any advice would be appreciated as I'm feeling pretty sad about the situation since I really liked him and had my hopes up. 

[shouldhavelearned]

You both got a brief thrill.

He wanted FWB and met someone who excites him more.

 

Move on

[Kwothe28]

4 hours ago, John337 said:

What do you think? did I do the right thing? Should I double text him since he left my "goodbye" message on read?

Never double text. If he hasnt responded, chances are he wont respond next time too and double texting is desperate. Find a way to give closure to yourself without contacting him. Because as you can see, you wont find closure by talking to him.

Sounds like he is having "experimental phase" with men. Its dubious if he even got out of relationship or just wanted to experiment outside of it. In any case, he was very opened with you about just being sex and nothing more. So, take it as it is and try to move on. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Never double text. If he hasnt responded, chances are he wont respond next time too and double texting is desperate. Find a way to give closure to yourself without contacting him. Because as you can see, you wont find closure by talking to him.

Sounds like he is having "experimental phase" with men. Its dubious if he even got out of relationship or just wanted to experiment outside of it. In any case, he was very opened with you about just being sex and nothing more. So, take it as it is and try to move on. 

I think it's fine not to respond after just one meet with a stranger.  He was honest he didn't see you as dating material whether it's because of his so-called rules with men as opposed to women or otherwise.  You have no idea so assume he met you, realized he didn't see potential but was sexually attracted and you were all into that -you even slept over. Then he met someone he liked better and he was nice enough to tell you that.  A person who wants to see  you again even as a sexual arrangement likely wouldn't sabotage it by telling you what an awesome date he just had with someone else.

He probably didn't respond because he met you only once, he was honest he didn't see potential, and maybe this woman might see that he's been interacting with another person and get upset.  He may circle back to hook up again and since you said you were fine with hook ups you'll see then.  Seems to me you're not fine because what he said hurt your feelings.  So I'd be transparent -with myself -and not focus much on how a person you just met for a hookup identifies as far as sexual orientation -see how he identifies as a human being- basically is he kind, reliable, well mannered etc.

I'm sorry you're disappointed.  I always took silence as lack of interest with a brand new person when I dated for over 20 years including through online sites.

[TeeDee]

You knew he wanted FWB but you let him into your heart anyway.  There wasn't much friendship in this ONS but that seems to be all he wanted.  

Sorry. 

Don't double text.  Be done.  He's not in a place for a relationship now.  

[smackie9]

never put your heart into anything when they say they just got out of a relationship, prefer girls, lets be friends first blah blah blah. They are all excuses not to have a relationship with you. As soon as he told you that stuff, that's when you should have said, "this is not for me.."

[Andrina]

On 7/15/2024 at 12:29 AM, John337 said:

I thought that what they might have is special and also I didn't want to be treated as the second option.

Have you ever actually been in a FWB situation? Even though this one didn't go anywhere, it seems like you're assuming things about FWBs that don't exist. Isn't the reason for a FWB that anything goes, and that it's for sexual release but there are no emotions involved? And that they can end at any moment because it's expected to be temporary? Of course, rules can be established between two people, such as if one needs to inform another if the person will also be boinking a new partner. To me, it's a lot more complicated than the clearcut rules of an average, serious relationship.

Decide if maybe FWB is not for you, no matter how attractive or interesting a person is.