Emotional Cheating

[TootsieInTheRoom]

I was on probation in 2019 for a stalking charge for sending someone from my past some non-threatening emails calling them names because they were cyber stalking me and wouldn’t leave me alone (just background info). Me and my probation officer, A, fell in love with each other but it was never discussed. We could communicate just by the eyes. I think it was obvious to her that I was into her. After I got off probation, she started obsessively cyber stalking me. I found out from psychics last April that she was in love with me and had a huge crush on me. One of them told me that she was on Reddit writing love letters to me and about me. I got on Reddit and we started communicating but she was always pretending to be fake people, never her true identity. It was hard to figure out what she told me was true. I know very little about her. She refused to be vulnerable. 
 

A guy, M, on Reddit befriended me and I soon figured out that they were communicating on Reddit and that she was also hacking and cyber stalking him. Him and I slowly figured out it was A he was chatting with and not his estranged wife, R, like A was trying to get him to believe. Me and I figured out that he sexted with A. I started figuring out that A had a thing for him. We’ve been in fights since Oct 2023 over him. He finally ghosted her when he realized she wasn’t R. But A started chatting him up pretending to be a guy named Adam and a guy named Ben. M isn’t the brightest. I told him he wasn’t chatting with Adam or Ben and it was A. So he ghosted her again. She lied to M too and pretended to be different people all the time too. 
 

She would accuse me of spreading lies about her to M bc she’s hacking both me and M, she was listening to all our phone calls and reading all our texts so she heard me tell M he was chatting with her and not R or these other people and A was checking him. M is the one who told me that she’s a narcissist and I should stay far away from her. A lied to me for months about having a thing for M and she broke promises multiple times to stop talking to him. She lied to me about SO many things. In about Jan 2024, A admitted to me that she’s in love with M and that I was just her back up plan. M ghosted A for the last time in April 2024. She entered depression and she blamed me for him ghosting her. A few times she got on Reddit and pretended to be in love with me just to snub me and tell me that she’s in love with M and I’m not her person. A is very tech savvy and a moderator on a lot of subs on Reddit. She blocked all my accounts on Reddit. But she would continue to send me anonymous love letters on there but we are no longer talking on there. We went no contact. But she would read notes I would type for her on the notepad of my phone since she’s been hacking me.
 

The rule on probation in A’s county is that you cannot see or talk to a former probationer for 5 years after they get off probation. I got off in March 2020. We had talked about moving to Denver together and me going into corrections at the prison. I got a job with Colorado corrections in a small town. A started hitting me up with fake accounts using AI on video and voice changers. She didn’t want to talk to me really but she kept wanting to see me and see my body and asking for nude photos and boob shots. I refused. I figured out this was a game. I had a psychic confirm it. My psychic also told me they A has been ghosting me and breadcrumbing me bc she’s been waiting for M to come back to her on Reddit. 
 

I’ve gone through a lot of stuff the last 2 months. A hasn’t been there for me. I was suicidal in early June 2024 because I have someone else hacking me and cyber stalking me and creating a lot of problems. I told A that I was suicidal and she said, I’m busy. Then ghosted me. She’s been basically ghosting me. Sometimes she creates fake social media accounts to try to troll me. She made no move towards me after I got hired by corrections. My dog passed away 2 weeks ago and A didn’t reach out. I accidentally took too much of a prescription medication in May 2024 and was deathly ill and went into the ER and A never reached out or showed any level of concern or regard for me. 
 

I don’t have a question. I just got really hurt and burned in this connection. I’m pretty sure A is a textbook narcissist. She also siphoned money out of M and I’s bank accounts into PayPal and Bitcoin. I feel like I got played and led on and used. It hurts that she was hitting me up for nude shots and I feel like she didn’t have pure intentions. It hurts that someone didn’t see my worth. M is a recovering drug and alcoholic, he violently assaulted his wife and they got their kids taken away by DFS, he lives off his inheritance, he’s not very bright and can’t figure anything out, not motivated for much, is a cry baby, is suicidal 20x a day, threatens self harm to manipulate people if you don’t give him his way (he did this to me several times), cuts himself, is SUPER high maintenance and needy. I think A was only into him because he had money from his inheritance and he’s gullible and stupid so he’s easy to manipulate and lie to and deceive. M and I are no longer friends. He tried manipulating me several times by threatening self harm and he has no loyalty. I told him that A was my person and he kept talking to her and sexting with her. That’s not a good friend.

 

This is the second most toxic, twisted connection I’ve ever been in. I feel like A is one of my worst enemies. I don’t have any trust left. I feel like there’s nothing she can say or do at this point to make up any of the terrible twisted, toxic, abusive things she did to me or the lies and games. I deserve SO much better!
 

I cut contact and I’m completely off Reddit. I’m ghosting her. I’m moving on with my life. I see my value and I’m practicing self-love. 
 

I’m looking for supportive words and empathy. I don’t want to hear anything about her being my probation officer etc. NOTHING was ever said or done between her and I that was inappropriate on probation. The fact she was my probation officer is just background information for my post and it’s not something that needs hashed out. 

[ShySoul]

Far from being an issue, her being your probation officer may have been the only decent thing she ever did. Everything else was lies and maniplation. I mean, the twisted irony of stalking someone who was in your care for a stalking charge? That there should have been a warning to stay away from her.

Sorry you've endured this. You do deserve better. None of these people are healthy for you and you are better off without them, starting fresh. Don't allow yourself to get dragged back into this nightmare. And be careful of who you associate with in the future. There are so many better people out there who would lie, cheat, or use you. You deserve to have those kinds of friends.

Practically, have you set up new account where needed? Ones that these people don't know about and won't be able to access? 

Do you have other friends nearby? Maybe from work? Ones that aren't trying to get anything from you and just enjoy your company? Is there some hobby you have that you pass the time with so you're focused on things that make you feel happy? 

In the future realize that a person is who they've been in the entire relationship. If they continually behave in a way that hurts you, then it's alright to not have anything to do with them. There is also a line that shouldn't be crossed. If they do, cut off contact immediately. It will save you so much heartache. There are plenty of people out there, people who will respect you and treat you right. Surround yourself with them and cut out the toxic people as soon as possible.

Again, sorry you went through this. You can and will have better days. Keep the faith.

[smackie9]

Hey sounds like you were able to solve your own problem. Best to just ignore this and keep moving forward. put it behind you. If you are struggling to cope or figure this out....get some counseling.