Am I wrong for being angry and betrayed

[Sadboy99]

My gf of 5 years and I have been having problems for past 8 or so months. The beginnings of our problem was because she was having cold feet over the future of our relationship. The reason for this is because I was going to be attending medical  school. During undergrad, I was studying and working starting a career right after graduating and we would progress our relationship once she completed her master's program. However, while we were still in school, I went through a series of mental health issues and this motivated me to pursue a career in healthcare. I told her about my initial interest and my plans to explore the possibility for 1 year and will decide my senior year if I will apply. I believe she reluctantly supported me because she did not think I would go through with it and that this exploration was helping me take my mind off things. For the next year, the struggle to recover from my personal issues, stress, and extremely low libido made me hard to be with. More specifically, she felt disliked and neglected.

I ended up applying to medical school and even got accepted to the school my gf is attending early on in the process. I was planning on going to school with her but she started worrying that I would be a bad partner because I was busy so she began having cold feet. During that time we were still together but she started having conversations with guys on instagram who wanted her attention. She was upfront about it with me showing how annoying and persistent they were. I did not think any of it at first but the continual messages between them began to make me feel uncomfortable. Ultimately, by the beginning of the year, we agreed to take a break and had no limitations during this time. She ended up having sex with two of the guys that she was talking to while we were still together. Actually, she described it that she was taking advantage of and felt humiliated and that broke me. I felt like she was sexually assaulted, and in some ways, it was my fault. 

After some time, she realized that she really wanted me and we tried to see if we could work it out before the deadline for choosing a school. However, I ultimately decided to attend a different school then her for a variety of reasons such as cost, opportunity, and the fact that I did not feel solid at the time. The reason why I did not feel like we got any better was because I knew she was still contacting like with one of the guys she hooked up with. I went through her phone a few times and saw that she was still somewhat affectionate towards him and saw messages that violated my trust. I was hoping she could see that I did not like it and that she would block him on her accord but it never happened. Recently we met up a few times and it was really good. We were both considering long distance and taking it a step at a time. However, I saw on her phone a few messages by him and I started getting so mad. I exploded at dinner once she called it a date because the feelings of betrayel came full force. We had an argument and I ended up saying terrible things such as how disgusted I was by her. 

When we got back to the apartment, I broke down uncontrollably and began divulges some really vulnerable things. Firstly, I brought up how she violated my trust which belittled me.  Secondly, in someways I feel guilty for pushing her on a path that led to sexual assault (thats she describe it at). I cried about this without her knowing for months and I felt humiliated and emasculated that she still contacts him and is even nice to him. She told me that something is wrong with her in that she is extremely curious about their lives. She tried to assure me that she loves me truly. I had a complete breakdown and left her in the morning. She called me since then and I told her I cannot talk to her while she has not blocked all the guys  that I felt threatened by. I had her admit to me that she betrayed me by even entertaining those guys while we were still together, and told her that I will be choosing myself. She brought about how distraught she was and that she would quit her program. I told her until she agrees to my boundaries I will not worry about her life  and that I do not care. I now feel awful and childish for feeling the way I feel.

[Batya33]

You feel what you feel.  Separately you two are clearly not compatible or a good match any longer and you risk doing less well at medical school if you stay in this drama queen type relationship.  IMHO.

I'd stop testing her/giving her ultimatums/etc and just realize that it's not a good match any longer.  I'm sorry.

[catfeeder]

I think it was back in the 80's or 90's when somebody wrote some poetry about 'unconditional love.' That phrase became so popular, some people actually took it literally. So I guess they hold no standards for loyalty and respect. Don't be one of those people.

Stand your ground, and keep walking forward.

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, Sadboy99 said:

She ended up having sex with two of the guys that she was talking to while we were still together. Actually, she described it that she was taking advantage of and felt humiliated and that broke me. I felt like she was sexually assaulted, and in some ways, it was my fault. 

Some people have no accountability. So after she got what she wants from those men, she came back to you with "I was taken advantage" story. Its a classic for people who like to cheat as somebody else always have to be at fault in order for them not to be responsible for their actions. And a real shame for real victims of sexual assault because they get lumped with people who are having consensual sex but just lie later to cover for cheating. If she was truly sexually assaulted she wouldnt contact the guy after to ask for more.

You are not wrong for feeling angry and betrayed. You are wrong for entertaining an idea of being with somebody like that and feeling responsible for her own mess. Send her to the streets where she belongs and go finish medical school. Your mental health would feel better when you get rid of that mess.

[ShySoul]

It is understandable that you might feel jealous or betrayed that she would be talking to someone else. You shouldn't be too hard on yourself for having these feelings. Your feelings are your feelings and you are okay to have them. But rather then focus on the negative, let's look at the whole picture:

1. You admit that you had personal issues that made you hard to deal with. You helped to make her feel disliked and neglected (your own words). She stood by you and supported you through that.

2. You changed up your education (which is fine), which delayed your plans as a couple. She supported you.

3. When she started talking to other guys she was honest with you about it. It also sounds like she wasn't planning on doing anything with them if they were "annoying."

4. You mutually agreed to take a break. What she did during that time was not about you. It was not a way to get back at you. What happened wasn't your fault. Her sleeping with someone else was between her and the guy, and if he forced himself on her, then it is his fault, not yours.

5. You got upset for her violating your trust talking to a guy. You responded by going through her phone and violating her trust. Rather then talk it out and express yourself, said nothing and allowed your anger and hurt to grow. You then "exploded" and said you were "disgusted" by her. That wasn't a healthy way to deal with your emotions.

6. When you did break down and tell her, she didn't make excuses. She admitted something was wrong with her. She was honest and seemed like she wanted to work on things. You responded by walking out. When she called, you refused to talk and demanded things from her. She made offers of peace, and you still made more demands. 

I understand you feel betrayed. I have the utmost sympathy for what you must be going through. But at the same time, are you allowing the fact that you feel "threatened" by these guys to overide everything else you have experienced in this relationship? Is the thought that she might do something more powerful then all the things she has done for you?

[ShySoul]

4 hours ago, Sadboy99 said:

we agreed to take a break and had no limitations during this time. She ended up having sex with two of the guys that she was talking to while we were still together. Actually, she described it that she was taking advantage of and felt humiliated and that broke me.

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

Some people have no accountability. So after she got what she wants from those men, she came back to you with "I was taken advantage" story. Its a classic for people who like to cheat as somebody else always have to be at fault in order for them not to be responsible for their actions

If they had both agreed to the break, and agreed there were no limitions on what they could do, how is she someone who likes to cheat? It's not cheating if officially they both knew they were not together and both had given the other person permission to do whatever they wanted.

Also, none of us were there. How can any of us say what really happened to her? It is possible that she really was taken advantage of. It's unfair to victims of sexual assualt to automatically assume they are being dishonest when we have no idea what really happened. The only ones who knows for sure are her and the guy involved.

And she was talking to multiple guys. We don't know if the guy she kept in contact with is the same guy that assaulted her. I seriously doubt (and really hope) it was.

[Kwothe28]

8 hours ago, ShySoul said:

If they had both agreed to the break, and agreed there were no limitions on what they could do, how is she someone who likes to cheat? It's not cheating if officially they both knew they were not together and both had given the other person permission to do whatever they wanted.

 

She wanted to have sex with other men and then quickly came back to OP. And afterward kept in contact with people she claimed assaulted her. That is cheaters MO, through and through, you just give her way more leniency because she is a woman. Case in point.

8 hours ago, ShySoul said:

We don't know if the guy she kept in contact with is the same guy that assaulted her. I seriously doubt (and really hope) it was.

She claimed to OP she was taken advantage by both men and that she didnt like it. And still kept contact. But I do get your California politics prevents you in being objective over stuff like this. You cant really believe that somebody who actively talked to, had sex and still talks to other men is somebody loyal and this is just OPs fault unless you are just extreme California liberal with "women are never wrong" attitude, sorry. I dont like to and talk to extremists of both sides so would be thankful to you if you would never talk to me again. Thanks. 

[Tinydance]

Well first of all, I definitely don't think that you should blame yourself for her sleeping with other guys. I'm not sure which guy she's referring to with this alleged sexual assault. But even hypothetically if she did get sexually assaulted,  you had nothing to do with that.

I'm sorry to say but the fact that she's still continuing to contact one of those guys means he didn't sexually assault her and she's actually interested in him on some level. It's very unusual to continue contacting your rapist with "affectionate" messages.

Also even if she didn't cheat on you because you were broken up, you are back together so she needs to cut that guy off. I think you're right that you said it's over and you choose yourself. She knows you feel really upset that she continues to talk to that guy but yet she doesn't seem to care. If she's serious about getting back together then why does she care more about him than her boyfriend of five years?

If you started dating when you were young, unfortunately you may have outgrown this relationship. People change a lot when they're young. Also if you're going to be living away for medical school it might be best to take a break. I mean can you really be with her long distance when it's likely she's seeing other guys?

[ShySoul]

12 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

She claimed to OP she was taken advantage by both men and that she didnt like it. And still kept contact.

From what I see, she is still talking to a guy, but we have no clue which guy this is. She also admitted she didn't like that about herself.

This has nothing to do with politics or where I am from. I fully understand that some women can lie, manipulate, and take advantage of men. But we have no proof that is what is happening. None of us were actually there, so none of us can state one way or the other. To state that we do is making assumptions that could be even more harmful to the situation.

I have known women that have been assualted, women I very much care for. I have known women who were not believed and instead turned into the villian themselves. I have seen what that can do to them. Given the seriousness of such a topic, I would rather err on the side of caution and hear the women out instead of making the conclusion that she is lying. Just like doctors, I believe we should seek to "do no harm." And throwing shade at a woman who there is even the slightest chance she may have been harmed, would be doing her more harm.

There are also men who are assualted. And I would say the exact same thing about their situation.

This has nothing to do with you personally. No ill will is ever intended towards you. I simply wanted to clarify the situation based upon the actual facts I was reading from the post so that anyone commenting would be persuaded based upon an assumption that may or may not bear out.

[ShySoul]

Sadboy, I'm curious. What were these other personal issues you were dealing with before? Do you feel you worked through them all?

I'm just wondering if there may be some other reason this situation has you feeling so threatened. From everything you wrote, this woman seems to have stood by your side and been an otherwise good friend and partner to you. Even the mistakes she has made, she has admitted to and shown a willingness to change. While your feelings are understandable, your explosive reaction to them seems to be counterproductive. 

I'm also curious how you would feel if roles were reversed. If she told you that you couldn't talk to another woman because she felt threatened by her, would you instantly drop the woman, and all women she felt that way about? Or would you feel like she was trying to tell you who you can and can't associate with? 

If your concern is for her and her safety, maybe try framing it that way? Instead it sounds like you've put focus on you - how you are threatened, how you were betrayed. Relationships are partnerships. A situation needs to be about what is best for BOTH sides.

[TeeDee]

I have some vocabulary issues in here. 

1st, there are no such things as "breaks" in a relationship.  You don't get time off.  You are either together or you are broken up. 

2nd unless she was raped, what happened between her & these 2 other guys was consensual.  She might feel bad about it now but I am having trouble seeing sexual assault.  The fact that she talks to at least one of them tells me there was no crime committed.  So you have to stop feeling like you enabled her to get hurt.  That was all her. 

 She might have been a fun GF in college but your relationship has run it's course.  Go to med school.  Focus on your studies.  Don't be distracted by her.   There will be lots of other med students, probably a few law students, some MBA candidates & of course nurses & techs.  If you want to date, you will have plenty of opportunities.  

Yes it sucks when a relationship ends but that is no reason to keep it going.  She had one foot out the door when you two were on that "break" which was really a break up leaving her free to do whatever & whomever she wanted, a status she happily took advantage of.  

You get to have boundaries & you are right to walk away from somebody who violates those boundaries.  If you think she's suicidal call 911, her parents, her friends or her RA but don't think it's your problem that she drops out of her program. 

 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, TeeDee said:

1st, there are no such things as "breaks" in a relationship.  You don't get time off.  You are either together or you are broken up. 

To me a break works only if they're not sure they want to be together so they take space for a month or longer with no contact AND no dating or trying to date others.  It's not to comparison shop or sexually experiment but to take space, see if they miss each other and how much and hopefully gain perspective.  Since there is no dating/hooking up no risk of jealousy or motives other than taking space.  I agree they broke up.  A person who has cold feet and needs space shouldn't need to test out those feelings by having intercourse with multiple people and to me it's ridiculous that he would blame himself for her choices to have sex.  To me anyway I would not feel that this person was a good partner for me in a serious relationship or was standing by my side given the choices she made while on a break. 

[ShySoul]

5 hours ago, TeeDee said:

1st, there are no such things as "breaks" in a relationship.  You don't get time off.  You are either together or you are broken up.

Friends (the show) would disagree with that statement. 😉 

Whatever they want to call it, they mutually agreed to it. They both were okay with no limitations. She had every right to do whatever she wanted, as did he. She wasn't testing anything or doing anything against him. She saw someone else while not currently with him. He could have done the same. Then they mutually agreed to get back together. Whatever happened in between wasn't anyone's fault and, by the terms of their own agreement, shouldn't be held against anyone.

5 hours ago, TeeDee said:

2nd unless she was raped, what happened between her & these 2 other guys was consensual.  She might feel bad about it now but I am having trouble seeing sexual assault.  The fact that she talks to at least one of them tells me there was no crime committed.  So you have to stop feeling like you enabled her to get hurt.  That was all her. 

Sexual assault is a complex issues. Its not a black or white she talks to them so no crime was committed and she was fine with everything. Some women don't realize just what happened. Some make excuses that it wasn't really that bad. Some don't feel they will be believed so stay quiet. And some may even feel drawn to the person who did it, may feel like they deserved it. The only ones who know what happened is her and the guys. If she says she was taken advantage of and humiliated, there is no reason to doubt her.

Sadboy, I do agree that part isn't your fault. If something happened to her, it was the guy who did it who is to blame - not you or her. And that you feel so guilty about not being there actually tells me that you care for her and her safety. It shows you have strong feelings for her. Do you really want to toss those feelings aside? Especially when she admits she has a problem and is willing to work on it with you?

 

[shouldhavelearned]

Separate and move on.

You're young and will be so busy with school.

[LootieTootie]

You two need to go your own separate ways - too toxic.

Happy you feel like you found your calling in healthcare. There's a great need in this field and with someone who went thru some mental health issues, your experience is going to be invaluable to those you serve.

[tattoobunnie]

So she tries to sabotage your career, breaks up with you to bang two strangers she met on the internet, and comes crawling back only while still cheating on you, and you aren't sure if you are the bad guy?

She is the definition of a JERK.

In a few months, you will be jumping for joy as you've dropped this deadweight.

[Coily]

On 7/14/2024 at 3:02 PM, Sadboy99 said:

During that time we were still together but she started having conversations with guys on instagram who wanted her attention.

 

On 7/14/2024 at 3:02 PM, Sadboy99 said:

She ended up having sex with two of the guys that she was talking to while we were still together. Actually, she described it that she was taking advantage of and felt humiliated and that broke me. I felt like she was sexually assaulted, and in some ways, it was my fault. 

I would be done with a woman who will entertain the lustful attention of other men while in an exclusive relationship; even one on break. The fact she painted it as sexual assault when getting back together would be a red flag. We can have debates on it ad nauseam, but it seems to boil down to the fact she was using it as a tool to guilt you. It would have been a clear button to get at your ego.

Furthermore the fact she's still in contact with either one, shows that she is waiting for the next rough patch to go get boned at clown town.

Sorry this is crass, but no one should have time for such manipulative people in their lives. Help yourself by moving on.

[rainbowsandroses]

On 7/17/2024 at 11:30 AM, tattoobunnie said:

So she tries to sabotage your career, breaks up with you to bang two strangers she met on the internet, and comes crawling back only while still cheating on you, and you aren't sure if you are the bad guy?

She is the definition of a JERK.

In a few months, you will be jumping for joy as you've dropped this deadweight.

^^This!

2 hours ago, Coily said:

I would be done with a woman who will entertain the lustful attention of other men while in an exclusive relationship; even one on break. The fact she painted it as sexual assault when getting back together would be a red flag. We can have debates on it ad nauseam, but it seems to boil down to the fact she was using it as a tool to guilt you. It would have been a clear button to get at your ego.

Furthermore the fact she's still in contact with either one, shows that she is waiting for the next rough patch to go get boned at clown town.

Sorry this is crass, but no one should have time for such manipulative people in their lives. Help yourself by moving on.

And this!!!

To me after reading all posts from OP, it's quite clear what's going on here.

And even if there is some ambiguity and one wishes to give the benefit of doubt, sometimes ya just gotta utilize good ole common sense when assessing a situation.  

Other times there IS no doubt to give the benefit of, which is how I see it in this particular case.

Clear as day.  NEXT.

 

[lostandhurt]

Cheaters almost never take responsibility for their own actions and do and say anything to deflect and blame others even their victim or in this case you.  Notice how she turned herself from cheater to a victim so it wasn't her fault she banged the guys she was talking to while you were still together because they "took advantage of her" so much so that she still talks to them.

  Cheaters also defend such behavior in others by trying to lesson what it really is since most cheaters simply cannot or will not admit what they are to themselves or anyone else. 

 Simply put she is not the one for you.  Let these other guys have her for keeps while you go off and continue your studies.

 In the future when you meet someone new if you find yourself having to tell them they shouldn't be cheating on you or talking to others that want her to cheat on you they are not the person you are looking for.  Boundaries are very important but if you have to teach your partner good character and honesty it is time to end it right away.

 Cut her loose permanently and don't look back.

Best wishes in school

Lost

[yogacat]

Your title "Am I wrong for being angry and betrayed" tells me that you don't want to appear the 'bad guy' or even hurt your ex gf. You have so much more compassion and grace than she deserves. I bet part of the reason you're questioning if you're wrong for feeling angry and betrayed is because part of you is still excusing her behavior.

I know it's overly simplistic but if she was unhappy while in your relationship, she could have communicated with you instead of turning to other guys.

She's a selfish, conniving person who deserves to be let go. If she wanted to be with other guys she could have ended things but instead, she played games and hid things from you while being physically active with other guys.

Her post-breakup issues are irrelevant.

She had the audacity to come back and say she would quit her program because she was distraught and that is FURTHER proof she is a manipulative liar. She would be willing to give up her entire future because she can't have a guy she betrayed in every way possible and expect you to feel sorry for her and take her back.

Don't be that guy. Don't be duped and manipulated.

You need to cut off all contact and move on. She needs to see that her actions have consequences and she can not continue to hurt others and expect them to just take her back because she says she loves them. No.

Love is not this messy and toxic and manipulative. Don't you ever forget that.

[rainbowsandroses]

On 7/15/2024 at 8:44 PM, ShySoul said:

Sexual assault is a complex issues. Its not a black or white she talks to them so no crime was committed and she was fine with everything. Some women don't realize just what happened. Some make excuses that it wasn't really that bad. Some don't feel they will be believed so stay quiet. And some may even feel drawn to the person who did it, may feel like they deserved it. The only ones who know what happened is her and the guys. If she says she was taken advantage of and humiliated, there is no reason to doubt her.

SS, I am trying to understand your mindset here^^.  I understand there is something called "Stockholm Syndrome" when a person develops a psychological bond with their abuser.  

Reading OP's posts I do NOT believe that is what is going on here.  Nor am I fully convinced she was sexually assaulted at all.  I think the fact she still intimately communicates with at least one of the men on a regular basis which the OP only discovered by searching her phone and found messages that in his words "violated his trust" would strongly suggest she was not sexually assaulted by this man. 

I don't agree with searching your partner's phone but that is a separate issue.  In any event, it rendered the information he needed to make the best decision for him which was to confirm his boundaries and not allow her back into his life until she meets them.  And not feel guilty about it.  I think that is fair.

I am open to hearing your thoughts on that. 

Also, just as you listed many scenarios where women are helpless victims and confused by their emotions after being sexually assaulted (which does happen but is very very rare) there are just as many women, sadly, who are not actually assaulted but will cry assault when attempting to get back with their ex's OR if they have cheated on a current boyfriend.  Not just lie to their boyfriends about it but to the authorities as well.  I used to work in the legal field and I saw this happening A LOT.  

And as @Kwothe28 posted, those types of situations make it very difficult for real victims of sexual assault because they get lumped with people who are having consensual sex but just lie later to cover for cheating. 

I think it's REAL important to be aware of ALL possibilities not just the ones that paint a woman (or man if roles were reversed) as helpless victims in these types of situations.  Keep an open mind, which I have done, and utilize sound judgment for the sake of the OP so HE doesn't get hurt.

His feelings are important too, don't you think?  None of us want to see HIM get hurt, which I (and most of us) believe he will if he continues on with this woman.

 

 

 

 

 

[Batya33]

35 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

His feelings are important too, don't you think?  None of us want to see HIM get hurt, which I (and most of us) believe he will if he continues on with this woman.

 

I see SS's thinking as summed up here:  "She wasn't testing anything or doing anything against him. She saw someone else while not currently with him. He could have done the same. Then they mutually agreed to get back together. Whatever happened in between wasn't anyone's fault and, by the terms of their own agreement, shouldn't be held against anyone."

 But it's not about rights or "held against" - he's not married to her and they have no kids together that might factor into a decision. They were bf/gf -even if she interpreted the situation as she could go and sleep around and be welcomed back with his open arms - that's her interpretation and if he decides on reflection -um nope - I'm done -she had the "right" to sleep around and I can as a regular person -not her bf -not judge her for having sex with other men -but -nope -this went beyond what I am comfortable with in a continued serious relationship even if I'm ok with the concept of people having consensual sex with multiple partners in a short period of time.  And the messages with this man/men after. 

It's not about "rights" or about being with someone because or else -gasp -you're judging their behavior.  Especially when it comes to as RR said whether he is hurt to the core because of her decisions to sleep around - it's totally fine to judge someone as no longer suitable to be your partner -even if in another context you'd be fine with hearing a buddy talk about his or her sexual adventures. He has no moral obligation to continue being her boyfriend.

[rainbowsandroses]

Okay, even if one doesn't want to judge her having sex with other men while taking a "break" from her boyfriend, it's important to remember something else OP posted.

On 7/14/2024 at 12:02 PM, Sadboy99 said:

During that time we were still together but she started having conversations with guys on instagram who wanted her attention.

This speaks VOLUMES.  I am not sure how anyone can defend this as being OKAY and acceptable, they were still together!  It goes to INTENT. 

Leading up to everything else that went down including taking this "break," having sex with other men, returning to OP alleging she was sexually assaulted but YET still intimately communicating with one of her alleged "rapists," and hiding it from OP.

There is soooo much wrong here, OP please let us know you are okay and that you won't be getting back together with her.

Focus on med school and being the best doctor you can be.  Eventually you will find a good women whom you can trust and she won't punish you by seeking the attentions of other men because you are "busy."

 

 

 

 

 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Okay, even if one doesn't want to judge her having sex with other men while taking a "break" from her boyfriend, it's important to remember something else OP posted.

This speaks VOLUMES.  I am not sure how anyone can defend this as being OKAY and acceptable, they were still together!  It goes to INTENT. 

Leading up to everything else that went down including taking this "break," having sex with other men, returning to OP alleging she was sexually assaulted but YET still intimately communicating with one of her alleged "rapists," and hiding it from OP.

There is soooo much wrong here, OP please let us know you are okay and that you won't be getting back together with her.

Focus on med school and being the best doctor you can be.  Eventually you will find a good women whom you can trust and she won't punish you by seeking the attentions of other men because you are "busy."

 

 

 

 

 

I’m saying he can choose not to be with her and judge that their values don’t align. But if he knew her as a friend he might find it totally fine for her to have mitiple sex partners including while in a break from her boyfriend. We all judge whether someone is right for us romantically in a serious relationship. I mean even if not all most. I strongly preferred not to date men who’d had casual sex partners after college. But I was good friends with men who had. 

[ShySoul]

On 7/18/2024 at 2:55 PM, rainbowsandroses said:

I think it's REAL important to be aware of ALL possibilities not just the ones that paint a woman (or man if roles were reversed) as helpless victims in these types of situations.  Keep an open mind, which I have done, and utilize sound judgment for the sake of the OP so HE doesn't get hurt.

On 7/14/2024 at 3:33 PM, Kwothe28 said:

You are wrong for entertaining an idea of being with somebody like that and feeling responsible for her own mess. Send her to the streets where she belongs and go finish medical school. Your mental health would feel better when you get rid of that mess.

On 7/18/2024 at 1:48 PM, lostandhurt said:

Cheaters almost never take responsibility for their own actions and do and say anything to deflect and blame others even their victim or in this case you.  Notice how she turned herself from cheater to a victim so it wasn't her fault she banged the guys she was talking to while you were still together because they "took advantage of her" so much so that she still talks to them.

 

On 7/17/2024 at 11:30 AM, tattoobunnie said:

She is the definition of a JERK.

I agree, keeping an open mind is good. We should be open to all possibilities. So why is she repeatedly being labled a jerk and a cheater? Isn't it just as possible something did happen? Isn't it possible it was Stockholm syndrome? If none of us were there, none of us know for sure. So anything could have happened, none of us can say for certain.

Also on the timeline, she was talking to other guys while with him, not having sex with them. And she told him she was doing it. I don't define telling your boyfriend you are conversing with other guys and him going along with it as cheating. She did not sleep with anyone until they were on a mutual break with "no limitiations. Again, I don't define that as cheating.

On 7/14/2024 at 12:02 PM, Sadboy99 said:

During that time we were still together but she started having conversations with guys on instagram who wanted her attention. She was upfront about it with me showing how annoying and persistent they were