Caught my boyfriend watching porn while I was asleep

[Tinydance]

14 hours ago, Mimikyu said:

Hello @smackie9 , thank you so much for responding to my post and I respect your opinion! What you say truly does make me feel better in the aspect of the purpose of him watching and the exact nature of it. When it comes to having private time and being in an intimate relationship with your partner though, at least for me, I feel like it’s healthy for each other to be open with what we do in our private times. I don’t hide anything I do from him.. we are both in our 20s and maybe this is something I’m going to have to get over? It makes accepting this behavior really hard for me though because I feel like open honesty and transparency is extremely important to me in a relationship , I could be asking for too much though from a human. I know I don’t own them, but I guess maybe that’s just a fantasy of mine that I would want from a partner because I enjoy to give transparency myself . 😖

I agree with you that it's important to be honest and I know your boyfriend wasn't honest. However I don't think that your partner shouldn't be allowed to watch porn or masturbate because they should have automonomy over their body. I think by expecting this you actually do want to "own" them. I understand some women are really against porn and that's OK if you don't like it. Someone mentioned about WHY he's watching porn. I don't think it's to hurt you and very likely there's nothing deep to it at all. He's just horny so he masturbates and watches porn. I understand you were asleep but obviously he wasn't going to have sex with someone who's not conscious and he probably didn't want to wake you up. So he just jerked off in the bathroom. Again if you don't like it please end the relationship. But I don't think it's OK to keep going through his phone checking when he watched porn. He's not a child.

[Tinydance]

13 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Hi @Mimikyuthis was a tough read.  

From my perspective there is so much wrong here - from him promising you no porn (which he should have never done) to him going back on his word, essentially lying to you, secretly jerking off in the bathroom while you're in the next room to you snooping his phone monitoring him like he was child. 

Now all trust is gone, sadly. 

I think there is no coming back from this and agree with you that it's best to end it.

To me from what you've described it does sound like an addiction - him hiding it and jerking off while you're in the next room? Ignoring and being irritable with you before heading off into the barhroom?

That would be extremely off-putting to me as well!  And I'm pretty open-minded about porn.  But I would find that utterly disrespectful.

Lastly don't allow anyone to tell you how you should feel. 

If you don't want a man who's jerks off to porn that is certainly your perogative. 

Believe it or not more and more men are recognizing how unhealthy it can be, how much better they feel after they've stopped and how much better their relationships are as well as a result.  

I'm sorry your boyfriend disappointed and hurt you and wasn't the man he initially portrayed himself to be. 

All the best moving forward.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why is watching porn unhealthy? People are allowed to have a sexuality? I understand if the porn was disturbing like torture, bestiality, child porn and so on. But if it's consenting adults having sex why is it bad or wrong? I'm just getting a bit over people being shamed for it.

[Tinydance]

13 hours ago, yogacat said:

There's something off-putting about a partner getting off when you're asleep right next to them—awkward, at best, and potentially uncomfortable or even scary or violating, at worst. I think that’s a really important point—there is a lot of gray area in terms of what’s okay and what’s not.

It sounds like the consensus in r/sex will be that your boyfriend was not trying to hurt you on purpose, as well as pointing out that masturbation does not reflect one's feelings about one's partner with the exception of when it becomes a full blown addiction and/or replaces the intimacy between two people.

You know this is a tough one, but in your heart of hearts only you can decide if this is a relationship you want to put the work of rebuilding, or one you want to let go of. 

That aside, you're clearly not comfortable with men watching pornography. So much so that you're violating HIS TRUST by going through his phone history. 

Absolutely not. You're taking away his sense of autonomy with this statement, and that's something that a lot of people hold very, very dear. 

You can ask your boyfriend not to watch porn. You have the right to express your concerns and boundaries. You cannot demand it though. Keep in mind that your boyfriend also has the right to make his own choices. He has the right to set his own boundaries.

If watching porn is a hard, non-negotiable for you, you can choose to walk away.

100% this!

[redswim30]

I mean this in the least offensive way possible, you both have a lot of growing up to do. 

You are both wrong here.  I'm sorry to say your relationship is incredibly toxic. 

He was honest with you and you tried to change him and now are feeling offended about something you ALREADY KNEW about him.  He was wrong to "promise you" he could and would change this about himself.  He was lying to himself and you.  Also, you should never change who you are for someone, nor should you expect someone to change FOR you.  This is a losing battle if you are this strongly incompatible if this is a deal-breaker for you. 

Feeling the need to spy on each other shows a lack of trust.   EVERYONE deserves some autonomy and privacy.  Not secrecy, but PRIVACY.  Think about this- do you really want and expect to report every single interaction you have?  Every single purchase you make?  Every private conversation you have?  It's normal and healthy to have SOME boundaries in a relationship.  You aren't the same person.  And it's also important to each have things that are just for YOU.  You have to trust each other, not "check up" on each other.   I am allowed to look at my husband's phone, but I never feel the NEED to, because I trust him and he is my partner- not my CHILD. 

Sorry to tell you, OP- but the vast majority of men watch porn.  I've yet to meet one that doesn't.  That's not to say there's not unicorns out there, but for the vast majority, it's simply a release- it's not real life. 

You need to think about what is really bothering you here.  He's not really "keeping a secret" from you, because he told you honestly how he felt about it.  You just thought you could change a lifelong behavior in one conversation, which was naive of you.  Most healthy men in their 20's are charged and are going to look at it.  Is it that you worry he's attracted to other women?  Let me save you some time- YES.  He IS attracted to other women and if he's healthy, likely always will be.  And be honest with yourself- is HE the only man on the planet you find attractive?  I'm guessing not.  But there's a difference between being attracted and acting on it. 

It really comes down to if this is a deal breaker for you.  But honestly, you don't really have a cause to be mad at him.  You are punishing him for his honesty and being upset over an unrealistic promise he made to you.  All while you are both not really respecting each other.  Honestly, I don't think this relationship has legs if you cannot trust each other, allow each other SOME sense of privacy and space and expect to change or be changed by the other. None of this is healthy.  You need to decide if you can let go of this and work through it or if you simply can't handle an adult relationship. 

[rainbowsandroses]

9 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Why is watching porn unhealthy? People are allowed to have a sexuality? I understand if the porn was disturbing like torture, bestiality, child porn and so on. But if it's consenting adults having sex why is it bad or wrong? I'm just getting a bit over people being shamed for it.

Bolded - It's not generally and as I said in my post I have no issue with porn. Heck my boyfriend(s) and I have sometimes watched together!  I'm quite open-minded about it and about sex in general. 

I am assuming you're referring to what I posted about more and more more men recognizing it's unhealthy, for those men anyway?  

Well you'd have to ask them but from what some men have told me and reading men's forums it became an unhealthy addiction that negatively impacted their relationships with women.  It also negatively impacted their mental health.

I'm only repeating what I had read and what some men have posted and told me.

Perhaps one could liken it to SM and how for some people (certainly not all) it can become an addiction and obsession and negatively impact their relationships. 

I mean, even on this forum, how many threads have been created discussing this?  And how SM was essentially destroying their relationships?

Everything in moderation. 

But sadly that's not how it is for some people.

My personal opinion about OP's boyfriend is that the fact he's hiding it, lying about it, sneaking off to bathroom to jerk off while spending time with her with her right in the next room, among other things she posted, to me suggests an addiction or the beginnings of one.

Perhaps HE recognizes that as well which could be why he was open to stopping when the OP requested he stop.  It's not out of the realm of possibility.

JMO.  

 

 

[redswim30]

4 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

 

My personal opinion about OP's boyfriend is that the fact he's hiding it and sneaking off to bathroom to jerk off while spending time with her, with her right in the next room, among other things she posted, to me suggests an addiction or the beginnings of one.

 

 

 

I respectfully disagree.   He was clear from the start that he was into it.   He's doing it "behind her back" because she shamed him about it.   I don't think ANYONE needing an occasional release after stressful times indicates an addiction.  (perhaps is he was never having sex with her, I'd agree).  But honestly, lots of men do this when their wives/GF's/partners are asleep (if they are being honest) Would you WANT him to wake you up if you have to work the next day or try and force you when you are half asleep?  I sure wouldn't. 

IMO, It's normal if your partner isn't avail and you need a release.   If I was tired, I'd be GLAD for my husband to have a video and I would be happy he'd be letting me sleep.  LOL.  But everyone is different, the point is if this is a deal breaker for her or not.  Shaming him or spying on him regularly isn't going to stop it.  It will only make him better at hiding it at best and resenting her at worst. 

IMVHO, I don't think catching him once or twice indicates any kind of addiction.    If it was all the time and he was avoiding relations with her- maybe.  But I don't think that's the case.  I think this is more of a classic- he doesn't want to feel shamed, so does it when she is asleep- pretty standard, if you ask me. 

[rainbowsandroses]

30 minutes ago, redswim30 said:

I respectfully disagree.   He was clear from the start that he was into it.   He's doing it "behind her back" because she shamed him about it.   I don't think ANYONE needing an occasional release after stressful times indicates an addiction.  (perhaps is he was never having sex with her, I'd agree).  But honestly, lots of men do this when their wives/GF's/partners are asleep (if they are being honest) Would you WANT him to wake you up if you have to work the next day or try and force you when you are half asleep?  I sure wouldn't. 

IMO, It's normal if your partner isn't avail and you need a release.   If I was tired, I'd be GLAD for my husband to have a video and I would be happy he'd be letting me sleep.  LOL.  But everyone is different, the point is if this is a deal breaker for her or not.  Shaming him or spying on him regularly isn't going to stop it.  It will only make him better at hiding it at best and resenting her at worst. 

IMVHO, I don't think catching him once or twice indicates any kind of addiction.    If it was all the time and he was avoiding relations with her- maybe.  But I don't think that's the case.  I think this is more of a classic- he doesn't want to feel shamed, so does it when she is asleep- pretty standard, if you ask me. 

That's fine,  I respect your opinion and you could be right.  It's just the sense I got from what she posted.

Bottom line, the only person who truly knows is HIM and he's not here to explain.

So all we can do is speculate and hope they are able to work it out. 

[redswim30]

Just now, rainbowsandroses said:

 

So all we can do is speculate and hope they are able to work it out. 

Agreed!  The real bottom line is if the OP can deal with this being a point of disagreement between them or not.  Or if it's a dealbreaker for her. 

But she kinda clearly knows he has no intention of really stopping- or she wouldn't be checking his phone for it and even expecting him to clear the history and being mad if he forgets.  She's kinda in denial that he will stop.  So, it's can she let this issue go or is it time to let the relationship go?  Really up to her.  But I don't think how they are each handling this right now is healthy for either of them. 

[rainbowsandroses]

31 minutes ago, redswim30 said:

IMO, It's normal if your partner isn't avail and you need a release. 

Of course!  But in the bathroom with your girl in the next room?

OK, I've never experienced that, but then again I'm pretty open minded.  If I didn't want intercourse for whatever reason, I'd give him oral or watched while HE mastutbated.

In most cases, I found it a complete turn-on!! 

I have never had a boyfriend head off to bathroom to jerk off when I'm right there, in bed with him. 

But okay. 

[redswim30]

Just now, rainbowsandroses said:

 

I have never had a boyfriend head off to bathroom to jerk off when I'm right there, in bed with him. 

But okay. 

That you KNOW of. 

This has happened to me with every man I've ever been with in my life- but I AM a light sleeper.  And I'm also just realistic and it doesn't bother me at ALL.   I have also never shamed any man I have ever been with about it, cause again-  I think most do.   I'll also happily get involved if I walk in on it and feel awake enough!  This has happened, too. 

And IMVHO, even though most men would pick the real thing if it's available (his partner being asleep, sick or away is not avail), I personally believe nearly EVERY man has done this at LEAST once while his partner was home with him (sick or asleep or preoccupied).  Not knowing about it doesn't mean it hasn't happened.  (Guys on here may correct me if you think I'm WAY off on this) 

[dias]

Just now, redswim30 said:

 I'll also happily get involved if I walk in on it and feel awake enough!  This has happened, too. 

Now we are talking haha 🙂

[rainbowsandroses]

47 minutes ago, redswim30 said:

That you KNOW of. 

True but since I've always been open to getting him off either with oral or watching HIM jerk off which can be a turn-on in and of itself, I am assuming not.

In truth, I'd have no way of knowing because I'm not one to interrupt my boyfriend’s private time in bathroom, which is another separate issue altogether imo.

Also I posted this earlier but boyfriend should take responsibility too.

He should NEVER have agreed to her request.   And then go behind her back and do anyway, in secret?  Come on.

He should have told her the truth.  That he enjoys porn and masturbating occasionally and assured her it has no impact on his attraction and feelings for her.  

Give her ALL information and after that let her decide.  If she walks, so be, they're incompatible.

But he chose not to be honest because he was afraid of losing her most likely or he feels ashamed. 

This is not a man a woman should want to get involved with imo.  Again, how can she trust him?  Trust his word?

Wherein he will promise her things when he has NO intention of keeping that promise? 

It's weak.  But heck maybe OP likes weak men she can control, who knows? 

This is one messed up sitch from all sides, but good luck OP.

 

[smackie9]

On 7/14/2024 at 7:38 AM, Mimikyu said:

Hello @smackie9 , thank you so much for responding to my post and I respect your opinion! What you say truly does make me feel better in the aspect of the purpose of him watching and the exact nature of it. When it comes to having private time and being in an intimate relationship with your partner though, at least for me, I feel like it’s healthy for each other to be open with what we do in our private times. I don’t hide anything I do from him.. we are both in our 20s and maybe this is something I’m going to have to get over? It makes accepting this behavior really hard for me though because I feel like open honesty and transparency is extremely important to me in a relationship , I could be asking for too much though from a human. I know I don’t own them, but I guess maybe that’s just a fantasy of mine that I would want from a partner because I enjoy to give transparency myself . 😖

I have been with my husband for over 34 years. I have no need to know how, when or why my husband pleasures himself. Just like I don't go through his phone. There are certain things that people deserve privacy on. 

[bluecastle]

1 hour ago, redswim30 said:

I mean this in the least offensive way possible, you both have a lot of growing up to do. 

This, in a sentence, is where my mind landed after reading the original and followup posts. 

For OP: If porn is a deal breaker to the extent that it's been outlined, then there is only one response to learning the a prospective partner has looked at, and enjoyed, porn. You thank someone for being honest and respectfully dissolve the connection then and there. 

For OP's bf: You do not make promises you can't keep, or agree to conditions that are fundamentally at odds with your own humanity/value system. And if you do make such a promise, as most of us do, in one way or another? You find a way to address it: "Hey, I know I said X three months ago, but I've been reflecting and I've realized..."

Easy to write that down, often much harder to live it, and it absolutely sucks when lessons like this only become clear through a painful experience, through what seems here to be the likely end of a relationship. Alas, it's often how it goes, and I sincerely wish you and your bf the best in growing out of this moment.

[itsallgrand]

I find this to be a weirdly controlling dynamic. Going through each other's phones. You policing his masturbation. It's just a recipe for disaster all over it. 

And I agree he never should have promised you he wouldn't. Both of you in that situation could have stepped up to say "ok, we aren't  compatible this way, it's not going to work". Neither did though. 

 

[TeeDee]

@Mimikyu

People watch porn & it's everywhere.   I think it's foolish & naive to think it won't impact you or that any guy will be telling you the truth when he lies to you & promises not to watch it.  Unless he's picking porn over actual sex with you, it's nothing to get bothered about IMO. 

If you really can't deal with it & you feel betrayed because you caught him then this is the hill you have to die on.  Break up with him.   That is all there is to this.  

You have 3 choices here:

1.  Dump him

2.  Accept that he will always watch porn & release him from this ill-advised promise that he won't.  Then never speak about this again 

3.  Stay.  Get him to make you another empty promise.  Get all annoyed when you catch him again.  Be stuck in this miserable cycle forever. 

Choose wisely. 

 

[yogacat]

They also live together. So, if he is in the mood for indulging in some self-pleasure, which there is NOTHING wrong with, where else is he supposed to go? 

[rainbowsandroses]

20 minutes ago, yogacat said:

They also live together. So, if he is in the mood for indulging in some self-pleasure, which there is NOTHING wrong with, where else is he supposed to go? 

Fair enough but it still doesn't justify him agreeing he wouldn't, but going back on his word and doing it anyway.

That's my issue with it mostly. 

I know why he agreed, he was afraid he'd lose her if he didn't. 

That is not a justifiable reason imo, it reflects weakness and fear, and I'd have a difficult time trusting anything he said after that. 

P.S.  Just a vent but I'm shaking my head at how many posts I've read lately that reflect just how many relationships are more a "parent/child" relationship versus a relationship between mature adults. 

In this case "mommy" says no porn, "child" agrees, OK mommy I promise. 

But then behind mommy's back jerks off to it anyway in bathroom or wherever.

After mommy catches him by invading his private space and snooping his phone and scolds him, he cries and begs for another chance promising he will be better, he will fix it. 

OP's own words. 

I dunno I find this trend disturbing, disheartening and sad.

[Kwothe28]

35 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

I find this to be a weirdly controlling dynamic. Going through each other's phones. You policing his masturbation. It's just a recipe for disaster all over it. 

 

I found weirdly disturbing how many people on the Forum are OK with policing phones. And growing number of threads where we see people reading private stuff from their partners like its nothing. I do agree that in some cases like parents/kids you maybe should. But with partner its very disturbing line to cross. Your partner is not a kid. Its a fully grown individual who already knows whats right or wrong. So policing their activities just shows you dont trust them. And if you dont trust them they will behave in the right way, why even be with them in a first place?

[Batya33]

20 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I found weirdly disturbing how many people on the Forum are OK with policing phones. And growing number of threads where we see people reading private stuff from their partners like its nothing. I do agree that in some cases like parents/kids you maybe should. But with partner its very disturbing line to cross. Your partner is not a kid. Its a fully grown individual who already knows whats right or wrong. So policing their activities just shows you dont trust them. And if you dont trust them they will behave in the right way, why even be with them in a first place?

I agree.  We never have and no interest.  Our son got his first phone 1.5 years ago -he is 15.  We pay for it. We insist on access - honestly I don't think we've ever actually policed it but we insist he give us the password just in case, etc.  He is a minor.  That is why.  Otherwise I don't see why in the world that should ever be ok.

I also think we're entitled to our privacy as far as who were are texting with/on the phone with or who texted or called us with rare exception.  Like if the person seems really upset, "is everything ok?" - I make a point of not asking to show my husband he should feel free to have his conversations.  Even if I am curious LOL.

If the OP's bf promised not to look at porn there's no "ok I believe him but I'll monitor".  I agree.

OP you wrote you don't hide anything you do - but your version of hiding I agree with the others- is really just a partner having his right to privacy.  It's sort of like couples who have their own accounts and a joint account so they can buy stuff without their partner knowing all the purchases - nothing to 'hide" but also maybe he or she doesn't feel like sharing that she bought another purse or couldn't help but buy a fancy coffee brand or maybe he really wanted the full DVD set of some archaic TV show and didn't want spouse to see it in his Amazon cart on their shared account so he bought it another way. For sure those couples should have a $ amount above which they need to check in with each other because it could affect family budget etc. but it's really important to give breathing room.  

I wouldn't hide - that I met up with an ex - because I'd check in with my partner before planning or doing that - but I might hide that I spoke to an old friend because I wasn't sure yet if I was going to keep speaking to her and didn't want to have to relive the old friendship until I knew.  But if my partner checked my phone and saw I'd called her - then I'm hiding it? This is why also phones should be private IMO.

[yogacat]

6 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

P.S.  Just a vent but I'm shaking my head at how many posts I've read lately that reflect just how many relationships are more a "parent/child" relationship versus a relationship between mature adults. 

Oh I agree.

She sadly set up that dynamic and did seem a bit controlling. But he caved to her wishes. Should he have been more honest...most def.

But I think part of this issue comes down to her finding a way to understand and empathize more on how men's sexuality works and coping with the negative feelings that come with - "oh damn he's thinking that I'm not enough and I'm upset."

That takes a lot of maturity on your end, OP. And he definitely needs more honesty.

I really do believe you have misdirected thoughts and ideas of managing sexuality and that both of you need to figure this out or end the relationship. 

He should have never acquiesced to your demands. He should have been more honest and has contributed to some wrong doing here.

What I find interesting is that you haven't mentioned what your BF's sex drive is and whether any of this has affected it.

I mean, he must feel like he has to walk on eggshells in this relationship around this issue and it must be at the forefront of his mind. Meanwhile, he's got a work-related high stress environment. I can't imagine you're having sex as much as you did in the beginning.

Your whole stance on not watching porn and making promises to you and then breaking them just adds to his overall stressors. That in itself is going to kill a guy's drive.

[redswim30]

1 hour ago, TeeDee said:

@Mimikyu

 

If you really can't deal with it & you feel betrayed because you caught him then this is the hill you have to die on.  Break up with him.   That is all there is to this.  

You have 3 choices here:

1.  Dump him

2.  Accept that he will always watch porn & release him from this ill-advised promise that he won't.  Then never speak about this again 

3.  Stay.  Get him to make you another empty promise.  Get all annoyed when you catch him again.  Be stuck in this miserable cycle forever. 

Choose wisely. 

 

^ THIS!!!!!   A MILLION TIMES - THIS!!!!!!

[rainbowsandroses]

@Mimikyu if you're still reading, is there an update?  Have you resolved the issue and decided to remain together? 

If so, wish you both the best. 

If not, I'm sorry and as @catfeederoften says head high. 

[rainbowsandroses]

16 hours ago, Tinydance said:

I don't think that he needs to prove himself. I think he needs to be honest that he does want to watch porn...

@Tinydancewith respect to what's posted above, you don't know that, no one does.  No one can say with any certainty that he does want to watch porn, he may very well want to stop but is unable to because he is addicted.  

No one can answer that but him and he's not here.  He did tell her he wanted to stop and may feel that it IS destructive to him.  

Again it's possible.  My ex-husband found himself somewhat addicted to porn and masturbation before he met me, it was becoming destructive to his life and mental health.  It negatively impacted his relationship with his previous girlfriend.  It's a form a sexual addiction, it's very real.

He's not the first man to whom this has happened.  Again, from the men's forum I used to read there were many threads discussing "no fap/no porn" and how destructive it was to some men's relationships and lives.  And how much better their lives, relationships and mental health improved when they stopped or took a long break from it.

NOT all men, some men.  Some men (even most I would say) were able to control it and it was no issue.  A nothingburger basically that had no impact on them, their relationships, mental health or lives.

Can we not deny this please and assume that porn is a healthy release for every man in each and every situation?

My issue with their situation is that he made a promise to stop and he broke that promise.   He broke trust.  You and others can shuffle that under the rug but I think it's a mistake to.

Again, he may have had every intention of stopping but when something becomes an addiction, which again we don't know, it's very difficult to stop.

Or like you said, maybe he does enjoy it, and lied to her when he promised to stop.  Which makes him an a**hole in my world.  For lying NOT for watching porn. 

Again no one knows but him. 

4 hours ago, yogacat said:

But I think part of this issue comes down to her finding a way to understand and empathize more on how men's sexuality works and coping with the negative feelings that come with - "oh damn he's thinking that I'm not enough and I'm upset."

That takes a lot of maturity on your end, OP. And he definitely needs more honesty.

I really do believe you have misdirected thoughts and ideas of managing sexuality and that both of you need to figure this out or end the relationship. 

All that said, I very much agree with this^^.  They BOTH have issues.  Their RL (imo) sounds like a codependent, parent/child type relationship which needless to say is not a good or healthy RL by any stretch.

JMO

 

 

 

[yogacat]

17 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

It's a form a sexual addiction, it's very real.

No where in this thread though does it sound like her boyfriend has an addiction.

He said he would stop because his girlfriend said it was a turn off for her, but that doesn’t mean he is addicted. I agree with you that porn can be addictive, but I don’t think that’s the case here. At least, not based on the limited information that has been presented.

He also stated that he didn’t even think about porn until she brought it up, so no, he was not addicted to it before. He probably didn’t even think about it or have any urges to watch it before she mentioned it.

It's almost counterintuitive when you tell someone not to do something, they want to do it more.

DENYING that someone who may have next to no urges suddenly has them, has been shamed for it and then may turn to porn to relieve stress, is beyond silly.

But he did make the promise to stop and explicitly said he wouldn’t do it again then he should have kept his word. If he isn’t addicted to it then it’s a break in trust and honesty on his part.

There are a lot of assumptions being made here.  

It's perfectly possible to enjoy watching porn and NOT be addicted to it. In fact, I don't think watching porn once in a while qualifies you as an addict. A closer parallel is if he watched it compulsively multiple times a day, for hours then and ignored his girlfriend constantly because of his habit.

HE WAS ALONE, stressed and took a break in his bathroom - that's actually not so odd if you are really enthusiastic about your girlfriend and had a moment when she was not around (asleep). It seems rather normal. 

Fortunately porn has never been an issue in any relationship I have been in. Heck. I have no knowledge even if they did. I don't care enough to look or worry about it.

If they want to see someone else's body, let em'.  

If they are addicted to anything, get them the help they need.

And if neither of those is the case, try not to worry about one lucky jerk off session and instead focus on what you have.

All these "I made someone swear they would never...." is really suffocating and self absorbed. Let the man have his way once in awhile instead of trying to micromanage every thing he does forever in order to relieve his "stress" but feel superior about yourself while you do it. 

But what a waste of time to SHAME HIM WHEN HE WAS TAKING care of himself (and possibly diffusing some tension in home by himself).

Frankly, I hope women like the OP gets a healthy hobby and worry less about what they can control (little) and relax and enjoy their partner's company more. Leave them alone once in awhile. It's actually good for the psyche.