Fix my behavior

[guldasta]

I smothering my partner in a relationship, hyper-flexible and overly demanding.

 

[Capricorn3]

Get professional help. Therapy for control issues.

[ShySoul]

Do you know why you do this? Have you experienced something that would lead you to be so needy for her attention?

None of us can fix your behavior, only you can. We can only help you figure out the cause of your actions and suggest ways to adjust your mindset.

[Cherylyn]

I commend you for recognizing what you're doing and wanting to change your behavior.  How this world would be a better place if more people were held accountable and took responsibility to improve!  Alas,  it isn't so and few and far between. 

Treat people the way you would want to be treated.  If you don't want to be smothered and feel suffocated than don't do it.  Back off.  Exercise discretion.  Possess emotional intelligence which means placing yourself in other people's shoes and practice empathy. 

If you don't want anyone to be overly demanding and commanding over you,  then don't be this way. 

It requires less work and effort to do less.  Don't expend energy only for it to backfire.  Don't be manipulative and controlling because this type of behavior alienates others.  Be considerate and respectful otherwise the relationship is dead.

[smackie9]

So usually behaviours like this stem from childhood...were you emotionally neglected as a child? Lost a parent, whether it be through divorce, absent parent or a death of a parent?

[ShySoul]

How do you feel outside the relationship? Do you have hobbies or things that you enjoy and make you happy on your own? Have you felt like there is an absence of love or friendship, like something has been missing inside you? 

You don't need to see anyone and you don't need anyone else's help. The answer is all in you, you just need to take a deep examination into what you are doing and why you are doing it.

If we don't feel complete as an individual, then we gravitate to something that fills that hole inside of us. That can be good - people who dedicate themselves to a cause and volunteer for instance. It can be neutral - people who get really into a sport or craft. Or it can be bad - people who turn to drugs or alcohol.

For some they turn to a person. That can also be good if the person encourages them and helps them to be their best. But there is the danger of relying on that person to give you everything. You come to depend on them rather then on yourself. This is when such issues develop. 

Find a way to be happy with yourself. Give each other space and be your own individuals outside of the relationship. When two people who are whole on their own unite, the total is far greater then the sum of its parts.