onoates04 Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 Hey guys, Wanted some takes on a friend of mine at work. This guy's always flirting with this new girl and she does seem to be into him, doing a lot of them telltale signs of an interested person. Now that he's on the way out and going part time, he asked her out but did it by text which i think is cowardly lol, he claims its cause he doesnt do that stuff on work time and doesn't see her otherwise though. She's totally blanked him and i'm thinking he's messed up and's gonna have serious trouble if he comes back at all. But then i'm thinking maybe i'm just the cowardly for not having the guts to ask girls from work out lol. any thoughts would be appreciated. I'm quite a bit younger than these two and fairly inexperienced in the dating world beyond high school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeDee Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 I applaud you for recognizing that asking for a date over text rather than in person (or even using the voice feature of the phone) is a cop out. As long as your work friend is not management & pressuring the female co-worker for a date, it's not a problem. Workplace harassment generally involves pressure from above. It can be peer to peer if somebody doesn't take rejection well & continues to pester the other person for a date. One ask, resulting in a rejection, never to be spoken of again, is not problematic. To be actionable the conduct has to be severe (meaning outrageous or involving significant touching) or the conduct has to be pervasive which requires more than one ask. When your buddy returns to work, he should be professional & civil. If he manages that all will be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 He didn't mess anything up...he simply got rejected. Tip: don't use work as your personal dating pool. It can cause all kinds of bs like workplace harassment, hostile work environment....even can lose your job over it. Keep your personal life private, and your work life professional. Try dating apps, or match making through friends and family or through a hobby. As for this friend...he's just gonna carry on like normal. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 When you said "might have messed up" I thought he might embezzled money or something so he may be fired. This is literally nothing. People are afraid of rejection. They think something bad is going to happen if they get rejected. While the act of rejection isnt something positive, its not really that big of a deal. You wont get fired(even if they have "no dating" policy, dont think they would fire you for asking somebody out unless you harass them or something), and she wont point out at you with her besties, laugh at you and say "See, this loser thought he might has a chance with me" or something like that. Its quite normal to get rejected. I know people who had dozen of girlfriends and are quite "players" and they still got rejected sometimes. Its really not a big deal. Your friend will survive a woman saying "no" to him and will continue to try his moves on another woman(possibly not at the same office) and move on. Looking at it as not a big deal would help you as well, as you could free a bit to at least ask somebody out. Again, perhaps not from work(as you would need to look at that person even if she says no or even says yes but leads to nowhere) but in general. You need to get rid of that fear if you want to be able to ask somebody out more freely. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 What does it matter how he or anyone else approaches it? Ever person is an individual and has their own style. Ever potential relationship will be different and have it's own unique quarks and twists. Some people will constantly be flirting, others will just be direct and say what they feel. Others won't even think about it and just develop a natural friendship until feelings mutually grow. Some will ask in person, some by text. Some even make an old fashioned phone call! Some will ask people they work with, some will find it inappropriate. And there will people who like and respond to each of these methods while others will dislike certain of these methods. What others do isn't important. What matters is doing what is right for you. Figure out what you are comfortable with and what your own style is. If someone doesn't like that sytle, then they aren't the right one for you. The goal is to find someone who gets you and appreciates you just as you are. Just be you - no need to overthing and no experience is necessary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 If you really want a take on your friend, it simply didn't work out. There's no way anyone can tell what happened other then the two people involved. Perhaps she was never really that interested. Perhaps if he isn't going to be around as much she didn't want to get more involved. Perhaps something came up and she is occupied with other matters. Perhaps she doesn't feel like she wants anything more then flirting at this time. Sometimes it doesn't have to be anyone messing up. It doesn't have to be anyone rejecting someone or someone being rejected. Why can't it just be a situation that didn't work out, two people not on the same page at the same time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 It's so common nowadays to ask people out by text because it's easy and feels low-pressure. However, if it was me, I would have built more rapport so that you could work towards asking her out. Just shooting off a text to someone asking them out with no buildup can be kind of random. I think your issue isn't really how you asked, it's the timing and the content of your message. That said, you need to find what works for you. If you want to do the bold move, then by all means. It's not about whether you're "cowardly" or not. It's about finding what works for you and how you can confidently and smoothly express your interest in someone. Also, flirting at work doesn't necessarily translate into instant romance, as you're finding out. If she were remotely interested, she would have replied with SOMETHING. Coworker relationships can get complicated, and it can ruin the workplace dynamics. As for you, trying to come up with a solution, the only thing you can do is take it on the chin, don’t make things complicated by unleashing any of your emotions, and let it go. In the future, try to rule out workplace relationships, or just sit back and enjoy the show with NO expectations. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 Personally, I would always do in person. Shows more confidence and interest in the person. It leaves less room for confusion and second guessing (what if they don't immediately respond!). And you'll probably stand out more. If everyone is doing things on their phones, the person who takes the time to court someone the old fashioned way and makes a point to do things in person is going to be more memorable. Also, I don't text. It would take me so long to figure it all out and get a message written (darn, hit the wrong letter again), it's just easier and quicker to talk to a person. 😉 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onoates04 Posted July 12 Author Share Posted July 12 10 hours ago, ShySoul said: If you really want a take on your friend, it simply didn't work out. There's no way anyone can tell what happened other then the two people involved. Perhaps she was never really that interested. Perhaps if he isn't going to be around as much she didn't want to get more involved. Perhaps something came up and she is occupied with other matters. Perhaps she doesn't feel like she wants anything more then flirting at this time. Sometimes it doesn't have to be anyone messing up. It doesn't have to be anyone rejecting someone or someone being rejected. Why can't it just be a situation that didn't work out, two people not on the same page at the same time? Yeah I get what you mean, it's the fact he got completely blanked that I find weird more than him been rejected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 48 minutes ago, onoates04 said: Yeah I get what you mean, it's the fact he got completely blanked that I find weird more than him been rejected. She didn’t reject him. She simply didn’t respond to his asking her out on a date. No answer means no. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeDee Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 He didn't mess up. He took a shot. It didn't work. It only becomes a problem if he makes a pest out of himself going forward. If can behave in a civil professional manner at work, all will be well. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 A lot of companies these days allow for one ask. If that gets rejected, then asking again becomes harassment. But one shot? Not a big deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onoates04 Posted July 12 Author Share Posted July 12 6 hours ago, Batya33 said: She didn’t reject him. She simply didn’t respond to his asking her out on a date. No answer means no. True, no joke I think I'd find no answer more hurtful than just no lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 3 minutes ago, onoates04 said: True, no joke I think I'd find no answer more hurtful than just no lol. Agreed. Hearing no gives you a definitive answer. You can deal with it. Not hearing anything just gets the imagination running and causes you to second quess everything. Any word is better then no word. Just give us a tiny breadcrumb, thats all we want. lol So ask in person. A lot harder to avoid a response when the person is right in front of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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