r123ok Posted July 12 Author Share Posted July 12 6 minutes ago, MissCanuck said: My strong hunch is that this is not about you knocking loudly. At all. Either you're leaving a lot out, or he is not being honest about the real reason he wants space. I am guessing it's the latter, and he picked a stupid fight to stage his exit from the relationshp. So, he eventually let you in, you went to bed, and he went...where? I think he slept on the sofa. It's hard getting no answers at all and not knowing, I have a constant knot in my stomach checking for new messages etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 I think it's quite safe to say that something else is going on with him and he manufactured this fight as a way to blame you for potential break-up. Had you two been having other problems leading up to now? Either way, the way he is ignoring you is not cool but there is nothing you can do to make him respond. I would urge you to take this time to consider whether this is really the sort of partner you want. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 20 hours ago, r123ok said: After an argument with my partner (been together 2 years) - he said he needs space and hasn't spoken to me for a few days now. Read your own words in bold.^^ He told you he needed space so why are you confused why he hasn't spoken to you in a few days? Without more context like a few of us have asked for, I'm gonna take a guess and say he feels suffocated by the relationship and by you, I'm sorry. You knocking at his door uninvited when you knew he needed some space was the last straw. Now he's so annoyed and probably turned off, he's not speaking to you at all. Why can't you leave him alone for a few days or as long as he needs and give him the space he needs and asked for? If you don't, you're gonna lose him for good if you haven't already. I realize you're lonely without him and have difficulty functioning (which may be part of the problem) but you are not the only one with needs. He has needs too and one of those needs right now is to be left alone. He's told you this! Again I'm sorry, keep yourself busy with other things like friends and family and be patient and kind enough to wait for him to reach out to you when he's ready. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r123ok Posted July 12 Author Share Posted July 12 12 minutes ago, MissCanuck said: I think it's quite safe to say that something else is going on with him and he manufactured this fight as a way to blame you for potential break-up. Had you two been having other problems leading up to now? Either way, the way he is ignoring you is not cool but there is nothing you can do to make him respond. I would urge you to take this time to consider whether this is really the sort of partner you want. As far as I know, we were getting on well seeing each other regularly always laughing - suddenly one thing happens and now I'm not sure what's going through his mind, whether he would ever want to make up or not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 11 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: You knocking at his door uninvited when you knew he needed some space was the last straw. Maybe I misunderstood, but I think they had already planned for her to stay at his house that night so she wasn't showing up uninvited. And it was after that when he suddenly wanted space. OP, can you clarify? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r123ok Posted July 12 Author Share Posted July 12 12 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: Read your own words in bold.^^ He told you he needed space so why are you confused why he hasn't spoken to you in a few days? Without more context like a few of us have asked for, I'm gonna take a guess and say he feels suffocated by the relationship and by you, I'm sorry. You knocking at his door uninvited when you knew he needed some space was the last straw. Now he's so annoyed and probably turned off, he's not speaking to you at all. Why can't you leave him alone for a few days or as long as he needs and give him the space he needs and asked for? If you don't, you're gonna lose him for good if you haven't already. I realize you're lonely without him and have difficulty functioning (which may be part of the problem) but you are not the only one with needs. He has needs too and one of those needs right now is to be left alone. He's told you this! Again I'm sorry, keep yourself busy with other things like friends and family and be patient and kind enough to wait for him to reach out to you when he's ready. It's been since Sunday so I'm not sure how much space he would need and how long to leave it before it changes from wanting space to not wanting to speak to me anymore.. Thanks for your kind words though, it does make me feel very lonely and I am struggling. I will try to leave him alone for now but how long do you think it could last? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 9 minutes ago, MissCanuck said: Maybe I misunderstood, but I think they had already planned for her to stay at his house that night so she wasn't showing up uninvited. And it was after that when he suddenly wanted space. OP, can you clarify? I didn't read any of that nor was that my interpretation of what she wrote. There is SO much missing here it's literally impossible to know but the fact remains, he told her he needs space, she should give it to him. At least he told her and didn't leave her guessing about it. The vibe I'm getting here is that he feels suffocated which is why they argued, why she was locked out and why he told her he needs space. Again just my take without more context. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 50 minutes ago, r123ok said: Yes I was staying over that night @rainbowsandroses This is where I surmised that she hadn't shown up univited. @r123ok Is it correct that he knew you were coming that night, but accidentally had locked you out? The story is confusing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 1 minute ago, MissCanuck said: @rainbowsandroses This is where I surmised that she hadn't shown up univited. Doesn't necessarily mean he invited her though, does it? I mean why would he invite her over to spend the night but then lock her out and not let her in? Nothing makes sense here but I gave my thoughts, right or wrong. Good luck OP hope it all works out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 2 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: then lock her out and not let her in? He did let her in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r123ok Posted July 12 Author Share Posted July 12 4 minutes ago, MissCanuck said: @rainbowsandroses This is where I surmised that she hadn't shown up univited. @r123ok Is it correct that he knew you were coming that night, but accidentally had locked you out? The story is confusing. @MissCanuck @rainbowsandroses yes I was invited to stay, I usually would at the weekend - sorry if that wasn't clear but I did not show up uninvited, just got shut out. I realise a lot of context is missing as to why I am being ignored, that's partly why I want him to respond to me, so I can find out and start to make any amends - it's hard though at the moment receiving nothing at all 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 Just now, r123ok said: yes I was invited to stay, I usually would at the weekend - sorry if that wasn't clear but I did not show up uninvited, just got shut out. That's what I figured, yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 5 minutes ago, r123ok said: @MissCanuck @rainbowsandroses yes I was invited to stay, I usually would at the weekend - sorry if that wasn't clear but I did not show up uninvited, just got shut out. I realise a lot of context is missing as to why I am being ignored, that's partly why I want him to respond to me, so I can find out and start to make any amends - it's hard though at the moment receiving nothing at all Something I've learned from my relationships is that sometimes you gotta be able to hang back and not know. At least for awhile. The anxiety and uncertainty can be a bytch but learning to manage those emotions is an important tool in my experience. It can be a make it or break it in many cases. Can you find other things to do that occupy your mind and energy in the meantime? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 9 minutes ago, r123ok said: yes I was invited to stay, I usually would at the weekend - sorry if that wasn't clear but I did not show up uninvited, just got shut out. Fair enough. Something still sounds a bit off but I'll leave it alone. Hope he reaches out soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r123ok Posted July 12 Author Share Posted July 12 8 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: Something I've learned from my relationships is that sometimes you gotta be able to hang back and not know. At least for awhile. The anxiety and uncertainty can be a bytch but learning to manage those emotions is an important tool in my experience. It can be a make it or break it in many cases. Can you find other things to do that occupy your mind and energy in the meantime? Thanks, I'm finding it extremely difficult to manage and to know how long to wait. I do have my birthday coming up which should be a distraction, but also will be very sad him not being a part of that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 I still don't get what made him so angry. Loud knocking, or what? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 37 minutes ago, r123ok said: As far as I know, we were getting on well seeing each other regularly always laughing... As far as you know? My very wise late mom gave me some valuable advice before she passed that I've never forgotten. She said two people can be in the same relationship but having two entirely different experiences. I agree with @MissCanuckthere's been something brewing inside him that he wasn't sharing with you and still isn't unfortunately. Not sure there is much you can do except hope for the best and prepare yourself for the worst. 😞 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 5 minutes ago, MissCanuck said: I still don't get what made him so angry. Loud knocking, or what? This is what sounds off to.me. He invites her over, she's locked out, naturally she knocks to be let in, which annoys him, they argue about it after which he goes and sleeps on the couch? Or was he sleeping on the couch when you knocked? Still very confusing but in any event, I do hope he reaches out soon and Happy Birthday upcoming! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r123ok Posted July 12 Author Share Posted July 12 8 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: This is what sounds off to.me. He invites her over, she's locked out, naturally she knocks to be let in, which annoys him, they argue about it after which he goes and sleeps on the couch? Or was he sleeping on the couch when you knocked? Still very confusing but in any event, I do hope he reaches out soon and Happy Birthday upcoming! @MissCanuck @rainbowsandroses Yes he said it was loud knocking and that he needed space - I'm not sure where he was before the knocking. Thanks for the birthday wishes - hopefully I can get through it and not be too depressed through it all. I don't understand though, how do I know if it's over or if he is simply just needing more space? is it a question of after a certain number of days/weeks, I can assume it's over, or what? Again thanks both for talking to me about this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 5 minutes ago, r123ok said: I don't understand though, how do I know if it's over or if he is simply just needing more space? is it a question of after a certain number of days/weeks, I can assume it's over, or what? We can't answer that for you, unfortunately. Whatever is going on, something doesn't add up with him. Loud knocking to needing space doesn't make any sense. You either just have to wait to hear from him - or you can decide for yourself that this isn't what you want and move on. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 4 minutes ago, r123ok said: Yes he said it was loud knocking and that he needed space... So, apologies for the questions but did he need the space before you came over and knocked or did he ask for space after you knocked? If it was before then why would he invite you over? If it was after, why would you knocking to be let in annoy him to such an extent he suddenly needed space? I mean he invited you over right? And you were locked out, what did he expect you to do? Anyway as I said sometimes you just gotta hang back and not know. If me I might assume it's over now and not put your life on hold waiting. If/when he returns, have a honest talk and get to the bottom of what the heck is going on with him! That's what I would do, good luck @r123ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r123ok Posted July 12 Author Share Posted July 12 9 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: So, apologies for the questions but did he need the space before you came over and knocked or did he ask for space after you knocked? If it was before then why would he invite you over? If it was after, why would you knocking to be let in annoy him to such an extent he suddenly needed space? I mean he invited you over right? And you were locked out, what did he expect you to do? Anyway as I said sometimes you just gotta hang back and not know. If me I might assume it's over now and not put your life on hold waiting. If/when he returns, have a honest talk and get to the bottom of what the heck is going on with him! That's what I would do, good luck @r123ok. It was after. I'm not sure exactly why he needs space because any message gets read with no reply. I've tried to respect that and give space, only sending a message asking if we could talk this morning (it was read & not replied to) I really don't want it to be over, he has become a very big and important part of my life and I'm holding on out of hope if nothing else - I don't know what I'd do if it were to end 😞 am really struggling with managing this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowsandroses Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 @r123okwhen someone asks for space, I know it's hard but it's best to give it, meaning not sending him any messages. Even just one or two asking if you can talk is too much and can push them even further away. Which may be what's happening here. It's actually disrespectful to him to continue messaging after he specifically told you he needs space.. Please stop messaging him and give him the space he asked for. I think that's best. Something is going on with him and it's not because you knocked too loudly when you were locked out.. If you lean back and leave him alone, the chances are greater he will reach out and you can talk to him then 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r123ok Posted July 12 Author Share Posted July 12 19 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: @r123okwhen someone asks for space, I know it's hard but it's best to give it, meaning not sending him any messages. Even just one or two asking if you can talk is too much and can push them even further away. Which may be what's happening here. It's actually disrespectful to him to continue messaging after he specifically told you he needs space.. Please stop messaging him and give him the space he asked for. I think that's best. Something is going on with him and it's not because you knocked too loudly when you were locked out.. If you lean back and leave him alone, the chances are greater he will reach out and you can talk to him then Thank you, it is very hard but I won't send any more. I'll wait in hope that he does come back to me some day - I will struggle in the meantime, but I suppose there's nothing that can be done about that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 Have you met any of his neighbours, OP? I'll explain in a moment why I am asking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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