Would you date someone who gets paid to chat with people online?

[bluecastle]

What is it, honestly, that you were hoping to hear on this topic from a swath of internet strangers? That we'd have no issues with this? Or that we would run for the hills? Odds are you're already leaning one way—and my advice to keep on leaning into whatever is most true for you.

From what you've just added—scanning these chats after knowing her only a few weeks, taking the content personally—I'd say you owe it both to yourself and her to bow out of this before it gets too serious. Just as there are plenty of women who do not do this for extra cash, there are men who won't be so irked by this. 

[TeeDee]

I find the business model kind of pathetic but I'm sure it's profitable for the site / app owners.  There's a sucker born every minute.   Your GF might be legit but I suspect many of the employees look nothing like their pictures. 

I don't have as much of an issue with her monetizing her time to make ends meet.  But what I think doesn't matter.  If this bothers you, then should shouldn't date her.  If you expect her to quit then you also better be able to replace the income she will lose.  

[ShySoul]

19 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

If she is not selling something that is not true, then again, why are those women not allowed to disclose they are in relationships?

Are any of us this woman? No. So we have no idea why she is doing it or what she is actually saying. We don't know if what she is selling is true or not. We don't know if she is encouraging a fantasy or if she is simply being friendly and talking to fans. Actually, lets go to the only person here who does know her and see what he sees her selling.

On 7/9/2024 at 4:34 PM, ajackx said:

she doesn't do anything nude, just selfies, fit check videos, and similar content. She told me that if the conversation starts to get sexual, she steers it away and keeps things light. They can also subscribe to her page to get access to her modeling photos.  She describes her content as very "PG-13."

7 hours ago, ajackx said:

All the photos seem to be just modeling photos and everyday stuff, like what she's doing. She even sends out photos of family members sometimes, like her grandma

Sounds like she keeps things as distant as possible from someone forming an attachement and shuts a person down if they start crossing a line. She's not lying to anyone, she isn't trying to persuade them they mean more to her. Odds are the guys who sign up have to sign something with terms and a code of contact. It's really another job. 

She is trying to be a model. A major part of being a model is having pictures taken of you and people looking at them. This is another way to sell those pictures. Feels kind of wrong to tell someone they can't pursue an avenue that is basically another form of their job, especially if it's so tame.

Also wonder how many people who would judge her for the content have ever viewed porn, been to a strip club, or even just looked at the SI Swimsuit edition. For that matter, just looked at a random person and thought "they are hot," maybe approaching them. I recently got comments on a post about how their is nothing wrong with appreciating a person for their appearance. So why is it wrong for a person to capitalize off of people doing that to them?

[ShySoul]

7 hours ago, ajackx said:

That's pretty weird to me too. Like, why send strangers photos of your family? We don't even know who these people are.

How many people post random photos of everywhere they go, who they are with, and what they are doing to Instagram, Facebook, or whatever other site people are using? Isn't that the point of social media - to be social and share your life with the world? Depending on the site I can view picture of random people I will never know. For that matter, I can just enter a name in Google and see what images pop up. It really shouldn't be surprising in this day that people share all kinds of things and make it accessible to anyone who wants it.

In the end, a job doesn't define a person. What counts is the person they are inside. What kind of person does she seem like to you? Do you get along well? Do you have things in common? Do you treat each other well, with kindness and respect. Do you have fun together? Those are the things that make a relationship. So ask yourself what matters more to you - the connection you are building with this person or the (seemingly innocent) conversations she is having with other people?

[rainbowsandroses]

43 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

How many people post random photos of everywhere they go, who they are with, and what they are doing to Instagram, Facebook, or whatever other site people are using? Isn't that the point of social media - to be social and share your life with the world? Depending on the site I can view picture of random people I will never know. For that matter, I can just enter a name in Google and see what images pop up. It really shouldn't be surprising in this day that people share all kinds of things and make it accessible to anyone who wants it.

In the end, a job doesn't define a person. What counts is the person they are inside. What kind of person does she seem like to you? Do you get along well? Do you have things in common? Do you treat each other well, with kindness and respect. Do you have fun together? Those are the things that make a relationship. So ask yourself what matters more to you - the connection you are building with this person or the (seemingly innocent) conversations she is having with other people?

SS, if you're unable to see the difference between posting pics on SM and what OP's chick or other women on Only Fans or a similar app are doing, I don't know what to tell ya man. 

Become more socially aware?  

I don't know, perhaps you simply like to see the good in everyone and be positive which I can actually respect.

In any event, you good peeps with a heart of gold, don't ever lose that. 😀

 

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

SS, if you're unable to see the difference between posting pics on SM and what OP's chick or other women on Only Fans or a similar app are doing, I don't know what to tell ya man. 

Just think it depends on what they are doing and who they are. I'm fully aware that some of these people are greedy scammers who sell a fantasy to gullible and weak willed people. And there are some consumers who actually enjoy that aspect of it. Everything is a kink to someone out there.

On the other hand, there are some people who do genuinely care about the content they put out and aren't trying to delude or rip anyone off. They really do see it as a business transaction and there are customers who fully understand what it is.

I have watched one girl playing a game I like on Twitch. She had a Patreon were she would do cosplay photoshoots for people. But nothing in her stream or videos indicated anything sexual and she made a point to stress she would not accept rude behavior. She wasn't creating a fantasy or lying to anyone. She simply wanted to have fun playing video games and chatting with people and if she could make some money to support her gaming, why not? All I saw was someone who came across as rather fun and sweet. Based on how tame everything the girlfriend here was doing, I'm guessing she is similar.

I think people should be careful and not be involved with anything they aren't comfortable with. I just see that there are any number of reasons people might be doing Only Fans or something of that kind and I'm not going to judge a person or assume there reasons if I don't know them. 

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I don't know, perhaps you simply like to see the good in everyone and be positive which I can actually respect.

Been the one where people saw bad in me even when I did nothing wrong, did nothing to them, and they never tried to hear my side. Didn't feel good. So I try not to do that to others. 

Respect your opinions as well. You're a good person too, so don't change. 

[ajackx]

So there has been quite a bit of development to this story for those interested. Me and her are kind of broken up now. She found out that I was still having ongoing casual conversations with my ex over text, and my ex was still sending me memes on Instagram. She said this was cheating and broke up with me for talking to another girl while we were dating. Lol, the irony.

Obviously, the convos were very casual. Yes, it was my fault for responding, and now I will be better and let my next partner know beforehand. But yeah, that's basically what happened. She found out I was still sorta friends with my ex and dumped me. I think I could have saved it if I tried, but... I don't know. I will miss her. She was very sweet and full of life, always made me feel loved. But yeah, there were all these other things too. I guess I'll get over it.

Going through that post-breakup thing right now. Food is helping, lol, but I gotta stop before I gain 20 lbs. Hitting the gym today.

[yogacat]

15 minutes ago, ajackx said:

So there has been quite a bit of development to this story for those interested. Me and her are kind of broken up now. She found out that I was still having ongoing casual conversations with my ex over text, and my ex was still sending me memes on Instagram. She said this was cheating and broke up with me for talking to another girl while we were dating. Lol, the irony.

Obviously, the convos were very casual. Yes, it was my fault for responding, and now I will be better and let my next partner know beforehand. But yeah, that's basically what happened. She found out I was still sorta friends with my ex and dumped me. I think I could have saved it if I tried, but... I don't know. I will miss her. She was very sweet and full of life, always made me feel loved. But yeah, there were all these other things too. I guess I'll get over it.

Going through that post-breakup thing right now. Food is helping, lol, but I gotta stop before I gain 20 lbs. Hitting the gym today.

How bizarre. She gets paid to talk to lonely men but has a problem with your exes.

Sheesh.

[ShySoul]

9 hours ago, yogacat said:

How bizarre. She gets paid to talk to lonely men but has a problem with your exes.

Situations are a bit different. She is talking to strangers who she has no personal connection with and who she makes sure to set a line that doesn't get crossed. He is talking to an ex with whom he has a very personal connection to and a close history with. There is a greater chance of feelings coming back and something happening in his situation.

9 hours ago, ajackx said:

She found out I was still sorta friends with my ex and dumped me. I think I could have saved it if I tried, but... I don't know. I will miss her. She was very sweet and full of life, always made me feel loved. But yeah, there were all these other things too. I guess I'll get over it.

Don't think it was right to cut things off just because you were friends with an ex. No one has the right to tell us who we can or can't be friends with. Are you sure it was just that? Nothing else?

You could have saved it - so why didn't you? What are all these other things? The only thing that has been mentioned is that she has a job talking to people in a casual (not sexual) manner. If there were really other issues and you aren't comfortable with her, then you shouldn't be together. But it seems like you were fine with her otherwise. So why give up on something without trying to fix it? 

Finding someone who always makes you feel loved is not easy. Just my take, but when you do I think you should fight like hell to hold onto it.

[yogacat]

59 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

Situations are a bit different. She is talking to strangers who she has no personal connection with and who she makes sure to set a line that doesn't get crossed. He is talking to an ex with whom he has a very personal connection to and a close history with. There is a greater chance of feelings coming back and something happening in his situation.

Right.

But she does have a personal connection with these men.

Like you don't just give people money for nothing... If she was sewing socks, sure. But she is talking with sometimes horny men locally and long distance. Has way more chances of things happening with either polish or desperation or result of her not being careful enough-and her careless toward topics are the signal he's reading.

Either way, she HAS a financial and personal communication bond with these men. That may not translate into her having deep feelings for them, but it does heavily involve something serious enough that she passes off free time in order to prioritize fulfillment toward her fans, coupled with possible feelings of validation as there does indeed need to be some form as attraction in her personality to that job style.

On 7/9/2024 at 4:34 PM, ajackx said:

It's not like OnlyFans, but a lot of people on the site are very sexual OnlyFans-like creators. She describes her content as very "PG-13."

It's essentially an interactive onlyfans.

She's also using her appearance to get money out of men. Even if it is just PG-13, she's still engaging with men who are attracted to her, getting validation, and wheeling in some residual income based on her looks.

She can sugarcoat it all day with semantics, but no one is paying her for her personality or business smarts.

[ajackx]

10 hours ago, ShySoul said:

You could have saved it - so why didn't you? What are all these other things?

I mean, I shouldn't say I didn't try. I really did try to save it. The day it happened, we were on our way back from a date when she noticed the text message on my phone. We had an argument, and she ended up Ubering home. I went to her place the next day to try to resolve things, but it didn't work out. Then she came over to my house for the last time, and that's where we ended up breaking up.

She isn't answering the phone any longer and is just arguing with me over text. I told her, 'Let's meet up in person and try to resolve it,' but she just ignores it. I don't want to show up at her place unannounced. Maybe that's what she wants, but I don't know. It doesn't feel right. The only communication I've been getting is over text, but the conversation is just running in circles, so I'm just going to go no-contact.

Plus, she is now traveling to see family for a month, so I think this situation is pretty much done for.

[itsallgrand]

I'm sorry.

I think you are handling it well. 

[catfeeder]

There's no right answer because you get to decide your own level of morality about this and whether or not it's a dealbreaker for you. I, personally, don't care about this stuff. That doesn't mean it's not validly a big deal for some people. But your own private feelings about it are what matters, and nobody else is living your love life for you. So, nobody else gets a vote.