Would you date someone who gets paid to chat with people online?

[ajackx]

Hey everyone,

I've (28M) been seeing this girl (26F) for a few weeks now, and everything has been going great. We have amazing chemistry, and we really like each other. However, there's something about her job situation that's been bothering me, and I could use some advice.

She's extremely pretty and does modeling here and there for various companies. She also has a small business where she picks up gigs, though she doesn't seem to get a lot of work, but she's trying. On top of that, she walks dogs for extra income. But the thing that really stood out to me is that she's on this app where people (mostly guys) have to pay to talk to her.

Basically, she gets paid per character for responding to messages. I don't know how much she makes from this, but it doesn't seem like a lot. These guys can also request photos from her in the chat, and she usually sends them pictures from her modeling gigs. She doesn't do anything nude, just selfies, fit check videos, and similar content. She told me that if the conversation starts to get sexual, she steers it away and keeps things light. They can also subscribe to her page to get access to her modeling photos. It's not like OnlyFans, but a lot of people on the site are very sexual OnlyFans-like creators. She describes her content as very "PG-13." She also mentioned that she doesn't plan on doing this forever and that it pays the bills for now.

I'm a bit uncomfortable with her spending so much energy talking to these guys. She says it's very transactional and that she sees it as just another part of her job. She has a decent online following, in the tens of thousands, and a lot of these people are fans of her modeling content who come to this app to talk to her.

I'm not sure how to feel about this. Would you date someone who gets paid to talk to people online? How would you handle this situation?

Thanks in advance for your advice.

[Seraphim]

Nope. That is a total no go for me. There is more going on there than talking . 

[yogacat]

Meh. It sounds like a paid "girlfriend experience," but a pg-rated version.

Nope, not for me.

[Capricorn3]

2 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Nope. That is a total no go for me. There is more going on there than talking . 

Ditto.

[rainbowsandroses]

The app sounds like Only Fans.  May not be the wisest choice for a girlfriend no matter what her reasons.

Your call.

[Cherylyn]

I would say no.

[Batya33]

No because I wouldn't respect the person's work and respecting what my partner does for a living, for his career is and always was important to me.  I would be friends with the person as long as I wasn't involved in her work -like I wouldn't want to be involved in how she was choosing to interact.

 

[BeaTlesFan77]

Kills me how jobs like this actually exist!  Especially with the loneliness epidemic. 

[HeartGoesOn]

No, I'm sure there's more to this other than what she tells you.  Watch your back...

[ShySoul]

3 hours ago, BeaTlesFan77 said:

Kills me how jobs like this actually exist!  Especially with the loneliness epidemic.

Perhaps it's because so many are lonely that these jobs exist?

It really depends on the specifics of what she is doing. If it's being kept tame and nothing inapproprate is going on, then I don't have a problem with it. Would you have a problem with people who play video games on Twitch? Some guys will follow those girls just for their looks and support a patreon to get exclusive photo shoots. How about people who profit off of Youtube videos? I'm sure there are cases of guys watching a girls video, no matter how tame, out of lonliness.

Really, the problem here lies with the men who will pay money just to get close to these women. For the women, it's a job. If she is a model, then her very profession means that people will be looking at her to some degree (depends on the type of model I guess). This is a natural extension as people these days want to actually interact with a person and get that personal touch. It doesn't mean anything is going to happen or that she is doing anything inappropraite. Even for strippers, where they are obviously being more intimate, it becomes transactional. They find ways to disassociate and see it as a job where the goal is to give the customer a feeling of connecting.

Figure out what is acceptable to you and what are lines you don't want crossed. Talk with her and be honest with your feelings. Fully learn about what she is doing. Then see if that is something you are okay with. Work together with her to reach a conclusion you are both comfortable with.

[MissCanuck]

I wouldn't be comfortable with this, no. 

Only you can decide if it conflcts with your own values. It wouldn't align with mine, personally. 

[Kwothe28]

6 hours ago, ajackx said:

It's not like OnlyFans

You literally described OnlyFans, only with different name.

Its a "gray zone" since technically its not nude content. But I would even consider Twitch Thots as a "red flag". Because its basically bordering with the scam. For example, she creates a fantasy where she makes herself available to lonely men who send her money. Talks to them, sends them her photos for a price etc. Those men live in a mental state where they created parasocial connection with her. Where they think she would maybe see them or even be with them. Meanwhile she cant even disclose she has a boyfriend. Because disclosing that would make more than half of those men to leave and not send her money anymore. That is how much that men are invested into her.

There are some boyfriends that are OK with that. One Twitch Thot took 10000 dollars to meet the fan. And then took her boyfriend to trip around the world. But would you be OK with her using people in that way? It tells a lot about her that she is OK with doing that in a first place.

[ShySoul]

19 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

But would you be OK with her using people in that way? It tells a lot about her that she is OK with doing that in a first place.

Is she using them though? Or are they allowing themselves to be used? And if she is up front and honest with the customers, and they know from the start that this doesn't mean they are going to be best friends, lovers, or anything of the kind, wouldn't it be a mutual contract between parties? 

Isn't this sort of an evolution of fan clubs that have existed since celebrity became a thing? I don't blame or think less of my favorite singer for having a group where people pay to get exclusive merchandise, early access to tickets, meet and greets, maybe even a personalized message. I see it as means for people to show her support. It doesn't mean they are trying to take advantage of people or using them.

Of course there will always be people who can't separate fantasy from reality or who get too attached. There will always be people who are using others for money. But it can also be completely innoncent, harmless fun. There are content creators who really do care about their fans and want to connect with them. It really all depends on the person.

And for the record I've never supported any of these things myself. I just don't begrudge anyone the right to have or support them if they choose.

[BeaTlesFan77]

1 hour ago, ShySoul said:

Perhaps it's because so many are lonely that these jobs exist?

It really depends on the specifics of what she is doing. If it's being kept tame and nothing inapproprate is going on, then I don't have a problem with it. Would you have a problem with people who play video games on Twitch? Some guys will follow those girls just for their looks and support a patreon to get exclusive photo shoots. How about people who profit off of Youtube videos? I'm sure there are cases of guys watching a girls video, no matter how tame, out of lonliness.

Really, the problem here lies with the men who will pay money just to get close to these women. For the women, it's a job. If she is a model, then her very profession means that people will be looking at her to some degree (depends on the type of model I guess). This is a natural extension as people these days want to actually interact with a person and get that personal touch. It doesn't mean anything is going to happen or that she is doing anything inappropraite. Even for strippers, where they are obviously being more intimate, it becomes transactional. They find ways to disassociate and see it as a job where the goal is to give the customer a feeling of connecting.

Figure out what is acceptable to you and what are lines you don't want crossed. Talk with her and be honest with your feelings. Fully learn about what she is doing. Then see if that is something you are okay with. Work together with her to reach a conclusion you are both comfortable with.

Yes, this is true. I didn’t think about it that way.  Especially your point about video games on Twitch. 

[Kwothe28]

12 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

Is she using them though? Or are they allowing themselves to be used?

If I promise you that you would be rich if you buy my book and you buy it and dont become rich, did I scammed you or did you allowed yourself to be scammed?

If she is not selling something that is not true, then again, why are those women not allowed to disclose they are in relationships? Is it because those men wont support them anymore? If your income is based on lying(Oh I am sorry, you would probably say its just "not disclosing") to people, then you are pretty much a scam. Legal one, but still a scam.

[Batya33]

I wouldn't be involved with someone intimately who was involved in a business where either it was a scam or the excuse was "these people allow themselves to be used" (yes I know that's a broad definition - do I allow myself to be used when I part with $5 extra because I want to try the french ice cream that's marketed as the best when perhaps the grocery store brand is even better? - um no).  I declined to date a man who was high up in a popular MLM company and also related to a celebrity -he was wealthy and I couldn't stomach what he did and was concerned he'd try his sales pitch on me or have someone else do so.

I wouldn't try to "learn more" in this situation -it''s clear what it is and clear that the OP has no place in even suggesting she stop this type of work -that would be rude on his part.

[itsallgrand]

It comes down to if you would be ok being with someone who views transactional exchanges with men for money as fine. She says she doesn't want to do it forever but it's to pay the bills, so I think it's fair to say even if she stopped she'd see it as an option to pick up again whenever she feels she needs money. 

I personally wouldn't get involved with someone comfortable with this as it doesn't mesh with my values. 

 

[tattoobunnie]

I honestly would have zero issues with my partner being a phone sex worker, or this new field of texting/talking to lonely people. There are a few companies who offer this service, and it's very lucrative.

Being in business for over two decades, you master laughing or talking people off the ledge.  You learn how to deescalate and move to a new topic.  It's business.  These people chat with her because they are lonely, and unable to find friends and a partner they can just say whatever to. And, your girl does not want to date these people.

I would honestly treat it like that's her job.  You don't need all the details, same with any job.  It's okay to not want to be with her. While I have friends and respect our armed services, I have no attraction to people in this field.  I remember going out and meeting people. Once this guy told me he was a cop, I couldn't bail fast enough.

[Jaunty]

I want that job.

[Coily]

The problem with these sorts of jobs is they form para-social relationships, most people (on either side) aren't equipped to deal with this in a good healthy long term way. Also, some of these people will keep upping the amount of money they will dangle in front of someone to get what they want; which sad to say many people have a price.

Far too often I think these sorts of jobs, specifically where there is pay to play with visuals, it does become predatory; either for the content provider, or the possessive/obsessive consumer. Also, there is something to be said against these services as they often aren't a stop gap for loneliness, but create a false sense of being connected to idealized someone.

Now, personally I would be very very cautious of dating someone like this. Especially when they will drop out of a conversation with who they are dating, in favor of a client.

[itsallgrand]

2 hours ago, Jaunty said:

I want that job.

Lol you probably could if you can snatch a good stock of photos.

 

[ajackx]

18 hours ago, Seraphim said:

Nope. That is a total no go for me. There is more going on there than talking . 

So I managed to get a look at some of the chats. I told her I was a bit uncomfortable not knowing what was going on in there, so she let me go through the chats. Most of the time, it's just about what she's doing throughout her day. Sometimes, she's sending out things like 'Hey, look at my outfit,' and when she sends a photo like that, it's usually blurred, and they can choose to pay to unblur the photo to see it.

She does get those people that are very flirty, so she would just say something like 'You are so silly' and change the topic. I did notice one chat, and this happened when I took her on a date that day. She told them that she's going out with a friend. That kind of upset me.

[Seraphim]

Dude sounds like only fans. 

[ajackx]

11 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Dude sounds like only fans. 

Yeah, it is kinda like OnlyFans but more focused on messaging. A lot of the people on the app are x-rated creators. She might be one of the rare ones on the app that is only doing PG-13 content, I mean there are others too I just haven't spent enough time going through the app. Lol, I would never pay for anything like this either, but I guess there are super desperate guys out there who would pay to talk to someone as attractive as her.

All the photos seem to be just modeling photos and everyday stuff, like what she's doing. She even sends out photos of family members sometimes, like her grandma. There was a time she was at her grandma's birthday party and sent out a photo of her to some guy. That's pretty weird to me too. Like, why send strangers photos of your family? We don't even know who these people are.

[Batya33]

13 minutes ago, ajackx said:

So I managed to get a look at some of the chats. I told her I was a bit uncomfortable not knowing what was going on in there, so she let me go through the chats. Most of the time, it's just about what she's doing throughout her day. Sometimes, she's sending out things like 'Hey, look at my outfit,' and when she sends a photo like that, it's usually blurred, and they can choose to pay to unblur the photo to see it.

She does get those people that are very flirty, so she would just say something like 'You are so silly' and change the topic. I did notice one chat, and this happened when I took her on a date that day. She told them that she's going out with a friend. That kind of upset me.

It’s up to you. How often do you want to monitor her work?  Sounds kind of - tiring or worse. They’re paying to flirt and push boundaries. And in her work of corise she’ll chat while she’s with you if she wants to make $. She’s doing this for the $. Not because she feels proud of what she does. Not to reach a professional goal. She’s showing off her body to make money. Teasing men to make money. At some point she’ll be harassed. Then she’ll have to spend non work time making sure to take care of that and enduring the stress that comes with it. In a normal job that happens but often HR takes care of it. In this line of work I’m sure that type of stuff is tolerated given the purpose of the interaction. 
I’m all for people having “just a job “ to put food on the table. But then there’s the matter of ethics and what’s appropriate. Sounds like her choice of job doesn’t sit right with you.