catfeeder Posted July 27 Share Posted July 27 On 7/19/2024 at 11:25 AM, Dandelionspring said: Anyway, yes I should just be my boring self. And that’s ok. Do YOU find yourself boring? Where did that idea come from? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted July 27 Share Posted July 27 On 7/19/2024 at 8:25 AM, Dandelionspring said: Anyway, yes I should just be my boring self. And that’s ok. Curious what you are interested in. I bet if you told us, at least one of us would find it interesting and anything but boring. What is boring to one, is fascinating to another. As long as you don't find it boring, then it's not boring. And as long as you are having fun, you are anything but boring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 27 Share Posted July 27 My sense is the OP thinks if she is not acting charming and charismatic in a group or animated she is "boring". Which IMO is so not true. I am very good in social situations but I remember meeting a friend for lunch who was in town for her daughter's dance competition. She invited another Dance Mom to lunch who I didn't know. I could not contribute to their constant conversation about being Dance Moms and perhaps I came across boring. Who cares? I found it somewhat rude to stay on the topic to that extent when I traveled downtown to meet my friend for lunch. I don't behave that way in those situations -I minimize topics like that and spend time on topics everyone can contribute to if they wish. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted July 27 Share Posted July 27 On 7/19/2024 at 8:25 AM, Dandelionspring said: Yes. I guess I have had bad interactions with people that led me to believe that I am supposed to be charming and charismatic or else I’m useless. I guess that’s not true. As to everyone else, yes 1:1 might suit me well. And yes I do find interest in people usually. Anyway, yes I should just be my boring self. And that’s ok. Yes! You do not need to be charming or charismatic. What you need to do is find things that interest you and if people don't agree then to hell with them! Maybe I could just remind myself that it's okay to be myself and if people don't like me, that's their problem. Boring. What does that even mean? Just different. Everyone is different and that's what makes them unique and interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted July 27 Share Posted July 27 Boring, like so much else, is subjective. I find baseball boring. Yet so many people love it that it's "the national past time." I find parties draining and the endless small talk boring. Yet lots of people get energy from it and won't stop talking. It's just different personalities. We are who we are. We like what we like. That's the beautiful part of life, so many differing kinds of people being able to coexist and work together. Each of us is important and beautiful just as we, valued for our unique self. No one is boring, you are simply you. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 4 hours ago, ShySoul said: Boring, like so much else, is subjective. I find baseball boring. Yet so many people love it that it's "the national past time." I find parties draining and the endless small talk boring. Yet lots of people get energy from it and won't stop talking. It's just different personalities. We are who we are. We like what we like. That's the beautiful part of life, so many differing kinds of people being able to coexist and work together. Each of us is important and beautiful just as we, valued for our unique self. No one is boring, you are simply you. Amen to that sister! ❤️ @ShySoul You're spot on! I don't like parties either. I despise idle chit chat to the core. I'm drained by chatterboxes and those who monopolize conversations. I can't breathe. I cannot wait to leave. There are a million other things I prefer to do. Be surrounded by people is way overrated. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 Thank you @yogacat! ❤️ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 28 minutes ago, Cherylyn said: Amen to that sister! ❤️ @ShySoul You're spot on! I don't like parties either. I despise idle chit chat to the core. I'm drained by chatterboxes and those who monopolize conversations. I can't breathe. I cannot wait to leave. There are a million other things I prefer to do. Be surrounded by people is way overrated. LOL. Sister? I can tell we are alike in a lot of ways, but our gender isn't one of them. I'm a male. Oddly that's happened to me before on this board. At least that time my avatar was of a female, so I guess I understood it. No worries pal. Roommate and I were considering going to a free concert in the park tonight. Then we both realized we didn't feel like being around people. So we stayed home. Neither of us regretted it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 I once was a social little butterfly but these days I sometimes wish I could forget how to talk so I could stay as silent as I feel sometimes. It's not the desire to isolate but like you guys said, it's more just wanting to keep out of the crowds. My best female friend from 11 years old is celebrating her birthday in the beautiful mountains alongside a beach and I was invited but part of me feels like skipping and just extending an invitation to treat her and her family to a nice quiet dinner instead just so I can weedle out of the socializing that will go on. I don't know, I go in spurts... Sometimes I like to be out and about beautifully chirping and laughing and smiling, smiling, smiling and the watching the world watching me as I'm this unseen hero as I do my little private dance and shake trees and fix all the wrongs around me but, most of the time I just like to bury under my giant fluffy blankets that fit so superbly snug over my head. So you see OP, we ain't all pretty n pink, some of us like the more neutral blend. Ha, most of us adoring the earth can easily see why it's so appealing. The world is chaotic, colorful, loud and 24/7. It's exhausting and overrated if you ask me. You can be anything you choose to be. Just remember, the best advice anyone in their right mind could ever give you is, just do you, boo. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 3 hours ago, ShySoul said: LOL. Sister? I can tell we are alike in a lot of ways, but our gender isn't one of them. I'm a male. Oddly that's happened to me before on this board. At least that time my avatar was of a female, so I guess I understood it. No worries pal. Roommate and I were considering going to a free concert in the park tonight. Then we both realized we didn't feel like being around people. So we stayed home. Neither of us regretted it. Oops, I'm sorry. 😏 I made a mistake. Amen to that brother @ShySoul! ❤️ I've been in that situation, too where it was easier to stay home. No muss no fuss. 👍 😊 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 Last month my husband and I met his former classmates at a restaurant which required a long drive from the suburbs to the big city. While a night on the town was enjoyable for about 2 seconds, once there with a bunch of people, we started to grow weary rather quickly. We ate our meal which didn't taste as good as home cooked meals, caught up with some friends whom we hadn't seen in a while and we couldn't wait to go home for some calm serenity. It was mentally exhausting. 🤨 Nowadays after a long workweek, we're homebodies and don't want to be out and about again. We prefer a quiet house with absolutely no blaring background racket, no TV, no radio, none of that. Just sweet silence. Wear earbuds if you want to hear anything. A quiet house is sublime. Back in the day, we were social butterflies but not nowadays. Life in the slow lane feels so much better. It's more relaxing and tranquil. However, just because we don't enjoy socializing, we're definitely not boring. To each his own. 😊 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 8 hours ago, yogacat said: My best female friend from 11 years old is celebrating her birthday in the beautiful mountains alongside a beach and I was invited but part of me feels like skipping and just extending an invitation to treat her and her family to a nice quiet dinner instead just so I can weedle out of the socializing that will go on. I think this is so normal to sometimes like that and sometimes not -but I always love my huge fluffy blankets -layered with soft sheets of course. One of my friends believes my son isn't very "social" because he does not like loud big parties. I did at his age and I had 100 friends and some family at my sweet 16 -it was awesome. But I disagree with her -he is very social, engaging, charming -AND he doesn't like big parties. Both are true and I hate the notion that social means liking big parties. OP you are not boring just because you don't feel like talking or engaging in certain types of social situations. At a big party if you have to go for some reason you can take a breather outside or in the women's restroom lol - and I wouldn't go to a smaller dinner group if you not talking or looking negative will sour others' enjoyment of the evening -that's not fair -it's not boring -but it's not fair IMO. Yoga -totally fine to be true to yourself and not spend the time/$/hassle of traveling for a party. Let her be her -this is how she wants to celebrate. I'll add this anecdote -about two years ago my friend's husband emailed all of her friends -his wife was turning 40 and he wanted us each to make a video wishing her happy birthday. I did NOT want to do this. I am social, I am articulate -I hate how I look on camera, I feel awkward, it would not convey my wishes the way I wanted to. Her husband is in the entertainment industry and younger than me so I get why he thought it was no biggie. As the deadline drew closer I told him - it's not my thing, I will send a written note and I will call her. I explained to him why it was not my thing. He seemed to understand but I don't actually think he did -there's this assumption among some that we all want to be on camera in some way because of SM. I called her before the surprise video montage was presented to her and of course I didn't ruin the surprise. I wished her happy birthday (she lives across the country now) and we had a brief chat and all was well. Except -she never called me again or returned my calls. I speculate she was upset I didn't do the video. We'd been friends at that point for over a dozen years. My point OP is that there are people who have circumscribed notions of how you have to express being social, celebrating an event, etc - and those are not your people if they cannot accept how you are. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogacat Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 16 minutes ago, Batya33 said: I think this is so normal to sometimes like that and sometimes not -but I always love my huge fluffy blankets -layered with soft sheets of course. One of my friends believes my son isn't very "social" because he does not like loud big parties. I did at his age and I had 100 friends and some family at my sweet 16 -it was awesome. But I disagree with her -he is very social, engaging, charming -AND he doesn't like big parties. Both are true and I hate the notion that social means liking big parties. OP you are not boring just because you don't feel like talking or engaging in certain types of social situations. At a big party if you have to go for some reason you can take a breather outside or in the women's restroom lol - and I wouldn't go to a smaller dinner group if you not talking or looking negative will sour others' enjoyment of the evening -that's not fair -it's not boring -but it's not fair IMO. Yoga -totally fine to be true to yourself and not spend the time/$/hassle of traveling for a party. Let her be her -this is how she wants to celebrate. I'll add this anecdote -about two years ago my friend's husband emailed all of her friends -his wife was turning 40 and he wanted us each to make a video wishing her happy birthday. I did NOT want to do this. I am social, I am articulate -I hate how I look on camera, I feel awkward, it would not convey my wishes the way I wanted to. Her husband is in the entertainment industry and younger than me so I get why he thought it was no biggie. As the deadline drew closer I told him - it's not my thing, I will send a written note and I will call her. I explained to him why it was not my thing. He seemed to understand but I don't actually think he did -there's this assumption among some that we all want to be on camera in some way because of SM. I called her before the surprise video montage was presented to her and of course I didn't ruin the surprise. I wished her happy birthday (she lives across the country now) and we had a brief chat and all was well. Except -she never called me again or returned my calls. I speculate she was upset I didn't do the video. We'd been friends at that point for over a dozen years. My point OP is that there are people who have circumscribed notions of how you have to express being social, celebrating an event, etc - and those are not your people if they cannot accept how you are. This is so true, and I know if I declined going because of the panic difficulties I've experienced as of late, my best friend would totally understand. Plus, I don't want the possibility of me getting nervous affect her milestone birthday celebration. I much rather see her enjoy her birthday with her friends and loved ones, and not have to worry about having a friend who's panicking in the corner. @Dandelionspring, what is the worse possible outcome if you feel that you are boring and quiet in other people's eyes? Are you still going to be okay? Do you absolutely need their validation to feel like you are enough and not someone who is shy and quiet? I guess I am lucky that even if I didn't go to my friends birthdays (which I try very hard to go out to), they wouldn't get upset at me. They know I have a life and can't always attend everything. They love me for who I am and not for how often I see them. In fact they are the type of friends that if I didn't see them for a year the next time I saw them it would be like not a day had gone by. You are not there to entertain your friends or people. You are not there for their amusement. That is not your job as a friend. For 1, if a person has enough self love within themselves the last thing they truly need is validation from anyone. Number 2, if these friends really care about you, their moments of disappointment are usually not worth mentioning (easily forgotten).. though I am sure everyone is different. Dispel your negative and preconceived notions of "driving conversation", of establishing and maintaining a connection, and focus more on the moments you are enjoying with those people when you are just being yourself, without putting the pressure on yourself to behave in a manner that you feel is expected of you. Hope this helps you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 3 hours ago, yogacat said: They love me for who I am and not for how often I see them. True friends do that. True friends don't expect you to be or act a certain way. They don't hold you to some standard of socialization. It doesn't matter if they see you everyday or once a year. When you are together it's like no time passed and you pick up right where you left off. You get along because you just mesh well together, liking and appreciating each other for who you are. The similarities put you at ease. The differences compliment each other. Surround yourself with people who see and care about you - the person you are at your very core. True friends will love you for you. Anyone else's opinions aren't worth your time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 Being in a 'cattle call mentality' doesn't sound enjoyable when I prefer to do something else and be somewhere else such as in the comfort of my own house. 🏡 It's not exactly being merely shy, quiet or boring. It's personal preference. Whenever you're in group settings you don't have time for anybody because no one receives concentrated attention as you would with 1:1 socializing whether in public or at someone's house. I decline a lot of gathering invitations because it gives me a headache. ☹️ If it's at someone's house, usually I'm helping a lot with kitchen duty, serving food and making sure the party is done right. It's a lot of work especially with relatives and in-laws. If socializing is in public such as a restaurant, the food usually tastes too salty or too sweet, it's noisy and everyone is competing for air time. Being out and about is draining. 😣 Once home, I want to take a nap! 😴 💤 Another thing, many times, it ends up becoming an expensive, time consuming inconvenience. Neither of which I'm fond of. 😒 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaunty Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 13 hours ago, ShySoul said: Oddly that's happened to me before on this board. At least that time my avatar was of a female, so I guess I understood it. That might be a lady squirrel though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 1 hour ago, Jaunty said: That might be a lady squirrel though. Actually, if I think about the site I sto... uh, borrowed it from, I think it is a female squirrel. Darn, I guess I'm not even safe if I use a different species. 😄 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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